Retrospecticus: The Black Keys

It’s an exciting time to be a Black Keys fan as this Akron, Ohio duo is as hot as ever. Coming off their most successful and arguably best album The Black Keys have hit the mainstream, but it didn’t happen overnight. Dan Auerbach (guitar/vocals) and Patrick Carney (drums) have together made seven albums under the Keys moniker and it has been a long way to the top. The group’s new album El Camino produced by Danger Mouse looks to be another album much in the vein of the catchy blues-rock explosion Brothers but we’ll just have to wait and see. Until then I figured I’d revisit all the Key’s past albums. Now I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a little boring listening to so much bare bones blues/rock but it was an experience nonetheless.

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Retrospecticus: Resident Evil

This doesn’t really have much to with anything, but it’s horror related so I’m calling it a very special Shocktober retrospective. I know there’s a lot spinoff games and Resident Evil on-rails shooters, but I’m going to try to stick to the main series. Hopefully I can recall most of my life and experiences correctly, so enjoy!

My progression from 16 bit games to 64 or whatever Playstation may of been was a slow progression. It wasn’t until 1998 when I even saw an actual playstation. One of my sister’s friends had let us borrow it for who knows what reason and left two games, Final Fantasy VII and Resident Evil 2. I had a blast playing FFVII but the other one I just couldn’t. Going from years of playing Sega Genesis to playing RE2? Not only was it a leap in virtually every aspect of gaming I could think of, but it was also the most terrifying game I’d ever seen. A few years later my family actually bought a Playstation, so I got to revisit RE2 but could never play it for more than about fifteen minutes. The game was such an attack on the senses with it’s grisly images and atmospheric soundtrack, those games didn’t lie when that opening text would come up, “This game contains scenes of explicit violence and gore.” Yes those are the things that nightmares are made of and I’ve been a fan ever since.

Resident Evil (1996)

I suppose I did play the second game first but as I previously stated I never could build up the nerves to get very far in my younger years. So I may of got this game later but probably beat it before RE2. So this is where it all started, but instead of simply telling you what it’s all about how about I show you with this “awesome” uncut video that opened the original game?

I swear that video just gets more and more awesome as time goes by. So once the STARS team enters the mansion you take control of either Jill or Chris investigating a mystery that continually gets more and more ridiculous. If you choose Jill you’ll get a gun, ammo and occasional help from Barry Burton who kind of looks like Cliff from Cheers, but if you play as Chris all you’ll start with is a knife because men are tough! Throughout the game you encounter both injured and brutally murdered members of the previous stars team, solve puzzles, and fight everything from zombies to giant sharks, spiders, mutants, and of course dogs. It’s chilling, it’s atmospheric, and a pitch perfect start to one of the gaming industries most enduring horror franchises.

Resident Evil 2 (1998)

Here we go, this is the shit. I have so many memories of trying to build up the courage to play through this and then eventually beating the shit out of it (by which I mean completing the game.) This game basically does what any good sequel does, it improves on previous downfalls and kicks up the excitement, suspense, and overall gameplay. The game is no longer set in a creepy mansion but the dark underbelly of Raccoon City. This time around you control Leon S. Kennedy (clearly modeled after the then very popular Leonardo DiCaprio) and Claire Redfield, looking for her brother Chris (from the first game) for some reason.

Most of the game is set inside the Raccoon City Police department where you then head into the sewers to some underground research facility, trying to escape from all the darn zombie madness. The main antagonist of the game is William Birkin a scientist for the Umbrella company (the guys that created the zombie virus) who has now created the G-virus which he has injected into himself in an attempt to protect his life’s work from special agents. This means Birkin is the majority of your boss battles as you fight him in all of his grotesque and increasingly complex stages throughout the game.

This may be one of the only games where I almost enjoy the cutscenes more than the actual game. Sure it’s cheesy as hell but the gore is great and the scares are inventive and effective. This may not be the best in the franchise in terms of fluid gameplay but many RE fans consider it the best just for it’s atmosphere. This is easily one of the best playstation games ever made and of course one of the best zombie games.

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis (1999)

Just when I thought the series couldn’t get any creepier Capcom hit back hard with Resident Evil 3: Nemesis. For the most part it’s fairly similar to RE2 with one big, nasty, exception and his name is Nemesis. Who is Nemesis? In my opinion he’s the most terrifying boss in any game ever. What makes him so scary? Well not only is he huge, hideous, and practically invincible but you’re practically running from him for the entire game. He can easily kill you in one hit at almost any given time and yet he also gets a rocket launcher, why not?

The game takes place simultaneously during the events of RE2 but this time you play as fan favorite Jill Valentine. Where the second games takes place under Raccoon City this one pits you right in the shit and I gotta tell ya, there’s nothing more satisfying then killing zombies in the big city. So why is RE2 better? Because as much I like the idea of Nemesis you just can’t play this game comfortably. There’s something a little disappointing about constantly running from such a difficult enemy and it kind of gives the game a disjointed rhythm.

Another new feature of RE3 is “Live Selection Mode” where the player must select between two possible actions that flash on the screen. Whatever you choose will affect what happens in the game and how it will all end, and of course it usually appears in high pressure moments, I like this feature. So it’s a little harder and Nemesis may annoy me a little but it’s still a great zombie game and a must play for survival horror fans.

Just to give you an idea of what Nemesis is like here’s a clip of a guy playing and actually beating Nemesis in his first encounter. Whatever, that’s not how you really play the game, it’s all about the chase!

Resident Evil Code: Veronica (2000)

Ah, one of the first games I owned for the Dreamcast, so many memories. The graphics were stylin’, the gameplay a little smoother, and the scares as good as ever. Though with the exception of 3D backgrounds apposed to pre-rendered ones this was essentially the same game we’d seen in the last two installments. I feel like it had more weapons (including dual wield pistols) but really it was just typical Resident Evil. For whatever reason I’ve never beat this one, probably do to the amount of new and stronger enemies (not mention it’s hella long) but I’ve gotten a lot farther in recent years so it’s only a matter of time.

In REC:V you take control of Claire Redfield (from RE2) who is looking for her brother Chris AGAIN (Why is he always missing?) and is arrested in her search at an Umbrella research facility. So she’s taken to and imprisoned on Rockfort Island a contaminated island controlled by an arrogant commander named Alfred Ashford. I’d go on but I feel like since I’ve never gotten far enough to know what it’s all about then what’s the point?

So I can take the difficulty, I mean the last one was kind of hard but I do have one big beef with Code: Veronica it ruined the story! Not that the story to Resident Evil was ever that good but the cutscenes to this game are just over the top. The characters are more cartoonish then ever and the fact that they brought back the seemingly normal Wesker (a S.T.A.R.S member who double crossed you in the first game) and made him some kind of inhuman karate master? What the hell is going on here? This is basically the game that marked the series’ departure from just cops killing zombies to stupid conspiracies and ridiculous characters obsessed with world domination. But hey, even with all that it’s enjoyable and really showed off the capabilities of the Dreamcast.

Resident Evil (2002)

It had only been about six years since the firs game when Capcom decided to join the remake bandwagon in a move that no one really cared about. I don’t mind when games get remade so whatever, of course I’d give it a whirl and there are some nice features in the remake but also some annoying new details. So the story is the same, characters, enemies the same (mostly), blah, blah, probably the first big difference is the look of the game. These graphics blow my mind even to this day, I even remember thinking back then that graphics couldn’t possibly ever get better than this. It had a very creepy photorealistic feel to it and is probably still one of the best looking games that was ever made for the Gamecube.

I also enjoy that the remake toned down some of the cheese factor in the cutscenes, it’s just too bad that corniness would return in later games. So it’s basically the look of the newer RE games with most of the feel of the old ones. One problem I have it that the zombies in this game are too hard too kill! Think about the recent RE games and how you just mow down enemies and then imagine if each and every zombie in itself was a big struggle. All the zombies in this game not only take way too many shots to take down but then you have to find gas and fire to burn the body so that they won’t come back as a super zombies. Sometimes I’d just try and avoid the zombies altogether seeing as how little ammo you get. I suppose in a way this is the epitome of survival horror, but it was a little too hard for my comfort zone back then and I haven’t played it since.
My brother tells me that you get used to it after awhile and that in the end it’s a respectable re-imagining. I suppose it needed to be different in some ways I just wish they weren’t aspects that drew attention to the fact that I suck.

Resident Evil Zero (2002)

Though released in the same year as the RE remake RE0 is completely different game. It wasn’t just a quick cash out game either, it was in development for a longtime. Why I remember reading about in 2000 when it was being developed for the N64, there were screenshots and everything. Though you know how complicated things can get in the gaming world so it was saved for the Gamecube which was a smart move. Go and look up some pictures of this game for the N64 and then some compare it to the Gamecube and I think you’ll find there’s really no contest. REO looked amazing on Gamecube and in addition it was a lot of fun.

If you don’t already know or haven’t already guessed, RE0 is a prequel to the first game. Remember how in the first game your team was only sent in to the zombie mansion because the first team disappeared? Now you get to play as Rebecca Chambers, one of the members of the first team. You encounter Rebecca a handful of times in RE1 but this game is set a few hours before until it eventually intertwines. Along with Rebecca you’re partnered with Billy a hot tempered escaped convict that you get to switch off with. This leads to one of the new features of RE0 “Partner Zapping” where you can switch off between the two characters even if they are not together, it’s a unique feature but naturally I longed for it to just be two player. So that has it’s ups and downs but what really annoys me is the fact that they got rid of item boxes in this game. I guess they figured two characters worth of inventory space was enough but constantly I find myself dropping things only to go back and pick them up later.

Eventually this partner zapping stuff just got to me and I couldn’t keep playing it. It was just too annoying to go back and forth, back and forth and I never finished the game. It’s definitely more accessible than the remake but it’s still a little too unusual to be considered anything more than just average.

Resident Evil 4 (2005)

Though the series continued to keep fans mildly content with a new game every few years the franchise hadn’t been doing much to attract any new fans and was even in danger of growing stale with it’s predictable gameplay. So RE4 was the game that wasn’t just a breath of fresh air for RE fans but for all fans of horror themed games. It had good controls, great graphics, solid gameplay, and great scares with the series new threat “Las Plagas”.

Leon from RE2 returns as a special agent for the U.S. government on a mission to rescue the president’s daughter. Leon’s search eventually leads him a European village that appears to be somewhere in Spain and is infected with a some kind of virus called “Plagas”. This makes the enemies faster, smarter, and sometimes when you shoot them in the head big squiggly wigglies pop out. It turns out this all some scheme concocted by Osmund Saddler leader of the cult Los Illuminados. I guess they’re going to infect the president’s daughter and like send her back and infect people? Actually it’s probably one of the more basic RE storylines, but that doesn’t stop it from being cheesy. I’ve learned to deal with the fact that this series has now moved on from zombies and gotten pretty silly with ridiculous characters and plot-lines, this is probably because the gameplay is just so good it’s like who cares?

RE4 only vaguely resembles the same kind of gameplay featured in the original games opting for more action but it still has the same eerie atmosphere and for that it’s may be the most entertaining game in the franchise yet.

Resident Evil 5 (2009)

I’ve been kind of in and out of video games these days, though a sure fire way to draw me in will always be nostalgia. This game had that nostalgic effect on me in two ways; 1. It seemed like it had been an eternity since I’d played a new RE and 2. It had been awhile since I’d played a good multiplayer game. Growing up with a younger brother I very rarely played one player games “back in the day”, we were always looking for solid two player games cause ya know, sharing is caring. So it was a rare treat for me and Paul to join forces once again and play through a whole game together, a Resident Evil game at that. In an age where online gameplay reigns supreme it’s a nice change of pace to actually play with someone who is in the same room as you.

I reviewed this awhile back on the blog so I’ll be brief. So you play as Chris Redfield and his partner Sheva Alomar and they gotta go to Africa cause everyone is infected with a virus yadda, yadda Wesker shows up and is stupider than ever with his plot to destroy mankind and show off his Matrix powers. Aside from that this game has some exhilarating two player gameplay (the only way to play it as far as I’m concerned), slick graphics, good blah, blah, it’s awesome!

Seeing as I’m crapping out at the end here as I usually do on long posts, let me just say this has been one of my favorite game franchises and even though I am a very casual gamer these days I’ll probably always keep on eye on this scary little series.

Retrospecticus: Wilco

I wasn’t really sure whether it’d be worth it to do this retrospecticus or not, but the fact of the matter is I’ve heard all of Wilco’s albums, so I figured I’d give it shot. Much like the new Beastie Boys album, I’m not really that excited about Wilco’s new album since, let’s be honest, these guys hit their peak a while ago. Still, they managed to record one of my favorite albums of the last twenty years, so I figure they deserve it.

A.M. (1995)

I guess Wilco basically evolved out of the band Uncle Tupelo, whom I really know nothing about. Anyway, most of the members of Wilco had been a part of Uncle Tupelo, and A.M. was kind of seen as sort of a continuation of the alt-country sound of this former band.

A.M. kind of tends to get a bad wrap, since it really doesn’t show much of the potential for artistic growth that you see on all of the subsequent Wilco releases. Still, I think you see plenty of promise in Jeff Tweedy’s songwriting, which has always been at the backbone of Wilco, despite all the different band members that have come and gone throughout the years. A.M. is pleasant enough, but none of the songs really stand out as being anything more than decent country-infused Stones-esque rock.

Favorite Tracks: “I Must Be High”, “Box Full Of Letters”, “I Thought I Held You”

Being There (1996)

Now here’s where this band really started to get interesting. Like any double album, it’s certainly not perfect, but the sprawling quality of Being There shows the band really starting to hit their stride. Much of it I think had to do with Tweedy’s growing confidence as a songwriter, but another part of the equation would have to do with multi-instrumentalist Jay Bennett, who joined the band on this album.

There really is a disparate nature of the songwriting here, as the upbeat numbers on the album are pretty damn upbeat, as songs like “I Got You (At the End of The Century)” and “Outta Sight (Outta Mind)” have an almost sing-a-long quality to them. But on the other hand, the slower songs are increasingly dark and introspective. All the while, you also see the band looking towards new kinds of sonic textures to go along with their signature Americana-infused aesthetic.

Favorite Tracks: “Outta Sight (Outta Mind)”, “Red-Eyed And Blue”, “Was I In Your Dreams”

Summerteeth (1999)

Pretty much from that first riff you can tell that Wilco aren’t really doing that same old alt-country stuff that they were doing on their first two album. This is an album that uses that classic rock mentality, but infuses it with an interest in sonic noodling as well as a pallette for bigger and bolder sounds. On top of that, you’ve got the tuneful Tweedy and the more experimental Bennett really coming together as a true songwriting team to be reckoned with.

It’s a shame that Summerteeth kind of has to live in the shadow of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, since it really shares some of the best qualities of that album, all while featuring some of Wilco’s most affecting songs. Though it’s not a terribly long album, it still has that sprawling quality that was seen on Being There, as the songs vary from sweepingly orchestral (“A Shot In The Arm”) to infectiously rockin’ (“I’m Always In Love”). Also, you get some of Tweedy’s darkest lyrical moments, such as “Via Chicago”, which begins with the memorable line “I dreamed of killing you again last night/And it felt alright to me”. But most of all you see a small-time band knocking on ambition’s door, with no intent of holding back.

Favorite Tracks: “I Can’t Stand It”, “A Shot In The Arm”, “ELT”

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (2002)

There aren’t many albums from the last decade that I would give five stars to, but I really have no problem admitting that Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is pretty much a masterpiece. From start to finish there really isn’t a bad track, and some of this stems from Tweedy and Bennett’s masterful songwriting, while some of it also stems from their ability to infuse the songs with a playful unconventionality. Either way, I think the clashing of Tweedy and Bennett’s talent as well as personalities is what drives the album, and you can see that by this time the two weren’t very fond of each other in the documentary I Am Trying To Break Your Heart.

At the time of the album’s release, much was made of the fact that Wilco’s record label refused to release Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, and the band was forced to release it independently on the internet. But as time has gone by, the album’s quality really speaks for itself despite how much of an impact it had on the way albums would be released in the coming years. Yet the weird thing about YHF for me is how muted of a musical impact it’s had since being released. I like to think that most “five star” albums were ones that really changed the direction of music and influenced a lot of other artists, but Yankee Hotel Foxtrot isn’t really like that. It really just stands as the work of a band reaching for something bold and ambitious, and pulling it off brilliantly. Nothing more, nothing less.

Favorite Tracks: “Jesus, Etc.”, “Heavy Metal Drummer”, “Pot Kettle Black”

A Ghost Is Born (2005)

As you can probably tell, I’m a big fan of what Jay Bennett brought to Wilco, so I’m not nearly as huge of a fan of the albums Wilco released without the late Mr. Bennett. A Ghost Is Born was the first album without Bennett, and I think it’s pretty uneven in comparison to an album as bizarely cohesive as Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.

In place of Jay Bennett’s lush atmospheric noodling, you had the addition of guitarist Nels Cline, whose guitar work often leads the band towards more jam-like territory. It’s a little surprising how well this works on a song like the ten-minute “Spiders (Kidsmoke)”, but at other times the guitar interludes seem just kind of tiring. There are also still some nice piano ballads featured throughout the album, like “Hell Is Chrome” or “Hummingbird” while there are certainly some experimental moments like “Less Than You Think” that are just frustrating, as the song last 15 minutes, 12 of which are basically just white noise. So you get the idea that Wilco wasn’t really sure where exactly to take the sound they had laid down in their last few albums, and making a slightly difficult album was the path they chose.

Favorite Tracks: “Spiders (Kidsmake)”, “Hummingbird”, “Handshake Drugs”

Sky Blue Sky (2007)

Here’s where Wilco started to get a bit more mellow, not that they haven’t always maintained a pretty unassuming quality to their music. But on Sky Blue Sky, you really don’t get the sense that the band is trying to use the studio in a really innovative way anymore. And that’s OK, since Sky Blue Sky relies more on a “live band” mentality, with the songs focusing more on the dynamic that exists between the band as they bash out these songs.

Again, you’ve got Tweedy’s strong songwriting at the backbone of the band, while Nels Cline seems to find a way of making his guitar a little more suited to the band’s softer side, as he displays on the sprawling guitar solo of “Impossible Germany”. I’m sure there are some people that detest the acrobatic nature of Cline’s guitar playing since it is more showy than your average indie rock guitar playing. But I think for the most part it adds a nice texture when some of these songs could come off as “just another laid back Wilco song”.

Favorite Tracks: “Either Way”, “Impossible Germany”, “Shake It Off”

Wilco (The Album) (2009)

Though I have no problem admitting that there isn’t really anything groundbreaking about Wilco (The Album), I still have kind of a soft spot for it. Maybe it’s because it was the first Wilco album I got into after hearing Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, but at the same time I think it is in a way “a return to form”, as much as I detest that phrase.

I guess the aspect I like about this album is that for the first time in a while it sounds like these guys are genuinely having fun. Songs like the album’s title(ish) track or “You Never Know” return the band to the Being There or Summerteeth days, when the band would rip into some country-infused rock boogie. Then of course you’ve got some nice ballads that show Jeff Tweedy’s always reliable introspective side, including the Feist duet “You And I”. Most of all, Wilco (The Album) sounds like a veteran band getting comfortable with themselves and their place in the world of rock music. I guess we’ll see if they keep doing this same kind of thing on The Whole Love.

Favorite Tracks: “Wilco (The Song)”, “You And I”, “I’ll Fight”

Retrospecticus: Marvel Movies

In honor of the latest Marvel release Thor, I present to you with my own retrospective of previously released Marvel films. Now before you go asking yourself “Where’s such classics as Howard the Duck and the 80s Punisher?” So let me first establish that I will only be discussing films produced and co-produced by Marvel Studios from the late 90s to present. That’s basically when all this superhero hype began anyways, so let’s get to it.

Blade (1998)

Interesting film to start off the retrospective as in the comics Blade was as some nerds might say “second tier.” He was never a breakout character and was for the most part just featured in obscure 70s horror titles like The Tomb of Dracula and Vampire Tales. Though somehow he started to get attention in the 90s which I suppose built up a big enough fan base to justify this movie.

But who is Blade? Well, he’s a half-human/half vampire who protects humans from bad vampires (which basically means all vampires). He works alongside a crusty old man named Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) who acts as Blade’s mentor and weapons technician, though he mostly complains, “God Damn it Blade!” So Blade fights this evil vampire syndicate headed by Stephen Dorff and lots of stuff blows up.

The action is satisfying as you can actually tell what’s going on, but the story lacks emotion and all the characters are one dimensional. Yeah I get it, Blade is like all cool and stuff, but he really doesn’t have much of a personality. It’s forgettable light entertainment that could’ve really benefitted from some more humor and stronger characters.

X-Men (2000)

Though Blade was technically the first Marvel Studios film I think most identify THIS as the first REAL Marvel film and as the film that more or less started the whole superhero craze. With so many different characters and stories throughout its run, an X-Men movie could have been a complete mess if not handled properly. Luckily, Brian Singer (Usual Suspects) was behind the camera and took what have been a ridiculous movie turning it into a great character driven story.

Most of the film revolves around Wolverine which is fine considering Hugh Jackman shines in the role. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are also standouts as both Professor X and Magneto respectively. A handful of characters are miscast (Storm, Cyclops, Sabretooth) but solid action makes up for that. I also praise X-Men’s attempts to stay grounded in reality, who knew you could hit on deeper themes like civil rights in a superhero movie? Anyhow this film will always have a place in my heart as the first superhero movie that felt genuine.

Blade II (2002)

With little interest in the first installment, I didn’t have high hopes for another hack and slash vampire movie. Though one thing I overlooked until many years later was that this wasn’t just any stupid vampire movie, it was a vampire movie directed by Guillermo Del Toro. Yes, the same visionary filmmaker behind Pan’s Labyrinth and The Devil’s Backbone actually directed a Blade film and guess what? It’s actually kind of awesome.

Director Guillermo Del Toro and screenwriter David Goyer (Who wrote all three Blades) hit us this time with an all out visceral gore fest of a flick with interesting twists and well-crafted suspense. The characters are still dry (with the exception of Ron Perlman hamming it up in the best way) but at least the story is engaging.

In Blade II, a new race of vampire has come about that not only feed on humans but other vampires. Not to mention these new vampires are like crack addicts and have to feed constantly. So Blade has to team up with the vampires to fight the super vampires. I know that’s probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard, but in the context of Blade, it’s all kinds of awesome. I suppose it goes to show what a talented filmmaker can do with the right tools to a so-so franchise.

Spider-Man (2002)

With the exception of Episode I this was probably the most excited I’ve ever been for a movie. Finally, a chance to see my favorite web-slinger on the big screen! I was definitely nervous as this could have easily been a disaster (early stills of the Green Goblin weren’t encouraging) though somehow Sam Raimi pulled it off. The cast was great, the effects were eye-popping and it even had a cameo from Bruce Campbell! There were definitely changes made that soured my cider such as the absence of the web shooters and no Gwen Stacy, which basically screwed up the continuity of the comics right off the bat, those these were small complaints. All in all it was great fun and cinched the future of Marvel movies.

Daredevil (2003)

By Day he’s Matt Murdock; a blind lawyer living in New York City’s Hell Kitchen but when night falls he becomes “Daredevil!” A man in a red devil costume who fights New York City gangsters with a billy club! I guess it’s not surprising this was a critical failure, but if you ask me this film is kind of fun.

Released at the height of Ben Affleck hate-dom (mainly because of his marriage to JLO but also for a string of underwhelming flicks like Pearl Harbor and Gigli) Daredevil was sort of doomed from the start. He’s an unusual character and it had to be a hard sell for audiences. Imagine if someone went up to you and said, “Wanna see this movie about a blind crime-fighting lawyer who has super senses?” I mean it’s ridiculous, but being that I was a Daredevil fan going in I went in with an open mind and enjoyed this movie.

I only wish Daredevil could have been taken more seriously. I enjoyed the humor and action but it’s too lightweight. The cast was decent enough featuring; Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Michael Clarke Duncan (although miscast), Colin Farrell, Jon Favreau, and Joe Pantoliano; but it’s flawed by its own awkwardness. Seems to me that this movie so desperately wanted to be Spider-Man that it took a subtle character way too over the top.

In retrospect, Daredevil probably should have received a better movie. He’s always been a fascinating character with great comics. He’s a solemn and low-key figure that would have shined in a darker and more dramatic film. All the great images in the comics of Daredevil perched next to gargoyles overlooking churches, but instead, we got a movie starring Good Will Hunting’s friend and Colin Farrell with a tattoo on his head, oh well it could have been worse.

X2 (2003)

With all the setup out of the way, X2 was free to take the franchise to next level with more characters and surprisingly, more drama. Non-mutant William Stryker (Brian Cox) takes the reigns as the lead villain this time with a plan to kill all the mutants and it’s up to the X-Men, with the addition of fan-favorite Nightcrawler (Alan Cummings) to whoop his ass.

It’s all the greatness of the original kicked up a notch, though I have a few complaints. I’m disappointed to see Halle Berry pushed to the front of every scene after becoming a breakout star. Also, what happened to Cyclops? His role is nonexistent in X2 which is a real insult to the comics. Granted James Marsden isn’t that strong in the role, they probably should have re-casted the role. In the comics, Cyclops was second in command, so stop screwing him over. That all aside this is still a mighty fine action flick.

Hulk (2003)

The Hulk is one of my favorite Marvel characters because he’s a big monster that fights evil! He’s like something out of a Universal monster movie with his Jekyll and Hyde like persona and frightening appearance. Yeah he’s strong and he smashes stuff, but there’s also a lot under the surface in Bruce Banner’s pain, so I respect that Ang Lee attempted to touch on that… It’s just too bad he had to delve into that aspect for 138 minutes.

Hulk may be a monster but he’s still a superhero and you never feel that in Ang Lee’s Hulk. The action scenes are far too few and in-between and after awhile you get restless. It doesn’t help that Eric Bana is as exciting as a wet noodle with Jennifer Connelly being equally forgettable. Nick Nolte is bizarre as Bruce’s absent-minded father (something that as far as I know was never in the comics) and I’m not sure how I felt about him turning him into the Marvel character “Absorbing Man” in the last twenty minutes. The only cast member that shines is Sam Elliott who was perfectly cast as LT. Colonel “Thunderbolt” Ross.

Another thing that bugs me is the Hulk’s height, he’s like 15 feet tall! He can barely fit on the screen with the other characters. The CGI is good enough but it didn’t work for me and the movie although ambitious couldn’t capture the “incredible” side of the Hulk.

The Punisher (2003)

This is actually the second Punisher film after the 80s Dolph Lundgren version which I’ve actually seen (it’s torture). This installment takes a more Hollywood approach in a desperate attempt to be as cool as all the more popular Marvel franchises. If you don’t really know anything about the Punisher consider yourself lucky as he’s never been that interesting. Basically, he was created as a villain for an issue of Spider-Man and somehow got his own series.

The Punisher is about Frank Castle; a recently retired FBI agent who’s been targeted by powerful Tampa crime boss Howard Saint (John Travolta) after Frank killed his son or something, I don’t remember. Frank’s chillin’ at his retirement party with his wife, son, and dad (Roy Scheider) and then Howard’s boys come by and kill a bunch of people. Frank’s wife and son try to escape but they get run over by a truck and Roy Scheider dies too, but probably says something inspiring before he dies. So Frank becomes “The Punisher” and delivers vengeance in the only way he knows how… Bang, bang, boom!

The Punisher is fairly tongue and cheek for a movie about a guy who straight up murders people. Tom Jane stars and seems to have fun in the role. Jane hasn’t had the greatest track record, but I’ve always liked him, he’s just trying to get his kids back. I actually liked a handful of the silly characters and for the most part, it’s dumb fun. So even in if The Punisher lacks originality, has lazy plotting, and no real point, it’s still remotely watchable.

Spider-Man 2 (2004)

Now that we were all familiar with Spidey’s origin, Spider-Man 2 upped the ante with bigger effects and even more at stake for Peter Parker. Pete’s relationship with Mary Jane is in the gutter, he’s living in the equivalent of a gutter and now he’s got Dock Ock (my favorite Spidey villain played marvelously by Alfred Molina) up in his shit. It’s basically the same movie again with a different villain but minus the weight of an origin story. SP2 is free to have fun but still has a heart and that’s why it’s my favorite superhero next to DC’s The Dark Knight.

Blade: Trinity (2004)

Because the world apparently needed another Blade we got Blade: Trinity and yes, it’s as bad as it sounds. This time around we have vampires led by Parker Posey (strangely enough) that have decided to resurrect who else but Count Dracula, who’s apparently been lying dormant in an Iraqi cave for thousands of years because it’s convenient for the plot. Meanwhile, Blade is apprehended by the FBI while Whistler kills himself in an explosion to avoid being taken in. Not like it really matters as Whistler really didn’t have much to do aside from shouting “God damn it Blade!” So Blade is interrogated by a psychologist played by another Christopher Guest favorite in John Michael Higgins but uh oh, he’s a human working for vampire Parker Posey and he’s turning Blade over to the vamps! Why Blade is not killed in this scene is beyond me, I guess they had to wait for Dracula to kill him because it would be cool. Then in a completely implausible scene, Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel break into the FBI headquarters to rescue Blade.

Back at the good guy hideout (where are all these, hideouts?), we find out that Jessica Biel is Whistler’s daughter, how cliche is that? I mean what’s with third installments always being family affairs? Oh yeah, these people are vampire hunters and one of them is Patton Oswalt as the geeky gadgets guy, awesome?

The rest of the movie is a bunch of high adrenaline fights and chases to shitty techno music, but it’s nothing we haven’t already seen. What makes this movie so bad is a lack of originality and awful characters. Dominic Purcell is probably the worst as Dracula, but Ryan Reynolds is almost as annoying playing Dane Cook if he hunted vampires. Also, Triple H co-stars as a vampire that delivers such gems like “They pretty much fuckin’ ass raped us!”

One thing that puzzles me is why people that hunt vampires are always so attractive? Can you imagine if there really were vampire hunters? They’d probably be morbidly obese guys in mobility scooters. There’s a nod to Mr. Oswalt. I love ya man.

Elektra (2005)

Out of all the great Marvel characters yet to be adapted for the screen; Doctor Strange, The Sub-Mariner, even the Silver Surfer, (though he would later get thrown in the “interesting” Fantastic Four sequel) Elektra was probably the last character that should have received her own movie. As if it wasn’t enough that she appeared in Daredevil, I seem to clearly remember her getting killed. Though thanks to magic and other stuff that doesn’t make sense she’s back and ready to do whatever it is she does.

The film opens with these two criminals in a moody mansion talking about who else but Mrs. Bennifer herself. This one guy seems really paranoid that she’s coming for them but I don’t understand, doesn’t everyone think she’s dead? For whatever reason, this guy thinks she isn’t and that she’s coming for them tonight. Why he thinks this I have no idea, I don’t even know why Elektra does come after him, she just hates smug guys in suits who sit around with guns in moody mansions.

Later, Elektra is hired to wait out at this lake house for further instructions regarding her next hit. While awaiting these instructions she spends most of her time training and having painful flashbacks of her childhood because that’s supposed to make her deep or something. Afterward, Elektra meets two other residents of the lake; a young girl named Abby and her father Mark with an ever-changing European accent. Later they all get attacked by assassins and it’s at this point that Elektra discovers this girl is a gifted warrior that she must protect. So at this point the film isn’t even that focused on her, where are they taking this?

My main problem with Elektra is I have no idea why anybody is doing anything. They all just seem to play good guys and bad guys because it’s a movie about good guys that fight bad guys. There really is no compelling story or interesting characters, though I always enjoy seeing Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (Shao Tsung from Mortal Kombat) that guys cool. I could keep going but I’m too sad.

Fantastic Four (2005)

At this point, you might be able to tell I have a soft spot for Marvel’s most beloved franchises. I was so ecstatic for this film that I think it probably blinded me from the fact that this movie is really stupid. I like some of the decisions they made, but this movie is so silly that it’s more a dumb comedy than anything else.

Good casting is key in a good super-team movie, so right off the bat, you can see there’s a weak link in this unfantastic flick… Jessica Alba. Sure, she’s attractive, but has she ever been good in anything ever? The rest of the F.F. casting makes sense, though I’m not sure why they decided to put Michael Chiklis in such a stupid costume instead of simply going CG.

What really eats away at me is this film ruined the greatest Marvel villain of all time, Dr. Doom. Julian McMahon couldn’t have been more forgettable as what could have been the next Darth Vader. Couldn’t they have at least cast someone people had heard of? Someone like Jeremy Irons, sure he’s twenty years too old for the part but Doom needed to be played by a master thespian. That all aside this movie is at least watchable, just a missed opportunity.

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

This movie was basically all about the Benjamins. With Brian Singer parting ways and Brett Ratner taking over I don’t think anyone had high expectations but hey, it’s still the X-Men. So let’s see they fought Magneto, then Magneto/Stryker and now they’re fighting? Oh, it’s Magneto again, so why should I care? That’s more or less the whole feeling of this installment “Why should I care?”

You can cram in more characters, but why did this movie need to be made? Because people like me are stupid and people like me, sigh… enjoy stupid stuff like this. What can I say? I love the X-Men. I also liked the addition of Ellen Page as fan fav Kitty Pryde (excellent casting even if the role was small) and who doesn’t love Frasier as Beast? It’s got hella problems, but so does America and that’s why this movie was a hit.

Ghost Rider (2007)

If all the Marvel films were students this would be the one that rides the short bus. I apologize for that remark but this is one of the dumbest big budget movies I’ve ever seen. Rarely have I ever been so desperate to flee a theater than the day I witnessed the abomination that is Ghost Rider. I’ll try and be brief as the mere thought of Ghost Rider makes me want to vomit with rage.

This “film” is about a stunt motorcyclist named Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage with CGI abs) who sells his soul to the devil to fight crime. Becoming the spirit like “Ghost Rider” Blaze wages a battle through plot holes and bad acting to try and defeat the evil Blackheart (Wes Bentley). You know a movie is bad when you’ve blocked out most of it from your memory. I’ll leave it there.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

I’ve already established I’m a softie for Stan Lee’s greatest creations. Just the fact that these movies keep getting made makes me overjoyed, so maybe that’s blinding whatever common sense I may have but I’m not gonna lie… I like Spider-Man 3. Is it cheesy? Yeah. Is the script a mess? Yup. Is it sometimes funny for the wrong reasons? A little bit. Is it entertaining? Hell yeah! At this point in the series, I’d grown so attached to the characters that I suppose I was willing to see them go through anything, even if it was silly.

Sandman, Venom, Harry Osborn on a glider, and a moody Peter Parker with an identity crisis all duking it out at the same time? Yeah, it was a little much and in the grand scheme of things this overpacked plot was probably the film’s downfall, but I still like a lot of the little things.

Sandman is underdeveloped but at the same time, it’s Sandman. I am watching a movie with Sandman! Is this real life? Sam Raimi may have gotten carried away, but I think his heart was in the right place. I mean he’s another fan like the rest of us and after two films I guess he wanted to mix it up a little, though as a wise group once said “Rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby, rock the boat, don’t tip the boat over.” For too many, Raimi tipped the boat over.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

It was already a shame that Marvel blew it on the F.F franchise, but they just had to bring down Silver Surfer too. Though Silver Surfer certainly popped up a lot in the F.F comic series he was just as a respectable hero in his own solo comic. The real downer here is that because this movie was stupid, people will never get to really know how cool Silver Surfer is. Any mention of Silver Surfer will ultimately lead to this movie which has forever tainted his legacy.

FFRotSS isn’t an abomination like Ghost Rider or Elektra but it’s not a good representation of the quality characters being featured. The action is good, the effects are nice, but the dramatic execution is terrible and ultimately this was the final nail in the coffin for Tim Story’s F.F. films. I only hope this film gets a legitimate remake in the years to come.

Punisher: War Zone (2008)

Since we all needed another movie about a guy who kills people with guns, we got Punisher: War Zone. Maybe it’s a sequel, maybe it’s a reboot, but all we really know is that watching this movie is probably worse than actually being shot.

Frank Castle is back and more of a ripoff of Batman than ever in this gritty and completely unappealing action flick. This time around Frank faces off against a group of mobsters who have about as much depth as the Good Pidgeons from Animaniacs (deep 90s cut) and do bad guy stuff because… Because they’re bad guys.

Frank brutally murders these bad guys because he hates bad guys so much, but oops! He accidentally kills an undercover cop! So he’s all sad and starts stalking the cop’s wife (Julie Benz from Dexter) and decides he has to protect her because I don’t know, the bad guys wanna kill her or something.

Frank’s only real friend is Wayne Knight, who supplies him with guns in his laboratory underneath a subway system. Irishman Ray Stevenson (Who’s actually in the upcoming Thor) plays the emotionless and undeniably dull Frank “The Punisher” Castle, but every character is some kind of stereotype.

Something I find distracting about all this is how similar it is to Batman, check this out:
– Both characters became vigilantes after family members were murdered.
– Both are equally feared by crooks and cops and considered a menace.
– They both only come out at night
– The Punisher fights a guy named Jigsaw (Dominic West) who looks a lot like Two-Face.
– Both have secret lairs, both wear black, etc.

The only difference is Batman has depth and principles, The Punisher just teaches us that violence solves everything and that it’s okay to kill hundreds of people if you’re pissed off. I mean, bad guys suck so much, am I right?

Iron Man (2008)

Here we go, a safe dependable character with a great cast and crew. Iron Man came just in time, revitalizing interest in Marvel films while simultaneously launching the proposal for an Avengers movie. I think we’ve all seen Iron Man so I won’t bore you with plot details. All I’ll say is that this an excellent performance from Downey and perfectly balances humor with action. Not to mention it introduced many of the uninformed to the awesomness of the character of Iron Man, instantly cementing him as one of Marvel’s top players.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

This is more like the Hulk! From the perfect casting of Mr. Duality himself (Edward Norton), the inclusion of another big baddie (Tim Roth) and several homages to the TV series, this was pitch perfect. Presented as both a sequel and a reboot, The Incredible Hulk gives us all the quality action that was lacking in Ang Lee’s snoozer. Perhaps the story is lightweight, but there’s plenty of humor and excitement to make up for it.

I have a few complaints but they’re minor. For one, why is the Hulk still so damned tall? He’s not 15ft but he’s still gotta be at least 10ft, I don’t get it. Hmm, that’s all that’s coming to me as of now, so I guess I don’t have as many complaints as I thought. It’s just too bad that Edward Norton won’t be returning to this role in the upcoming Avengers.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

I already reviewed this on the blog once and I didn’t like it. Who would have thought you could surround such a great character like Wolverine with so much shit? Jackman’s good, but this film feels more like a contest to cram in as many X-Men cameos as possible, while simultaneously ruining all of them. Because of this film, we’ll probably never get to see favorites like Gambit or Deadpool in a good movie and that’s a shame. This film took so many liberties with the property that it became something so fowl I cringe to look upon it. I only pray that the second installment will do everyone’s favorite Canadian superhero justice.

Iron Man 2 (2010)

With the upcoming Avengers flick, I’m not sure they needed another Iron Man, but it was fun to watch, even if it did kill a few brain cells. Iron Man 2 tries to up the ante as many sequels often do, but for some reason, it just felt too jumbled and busy. Too many characters and too many plotlines, it lacked the breezy looseness of the original. Downey is as good as ever as is Gwyneth Paltrow and Mickey Rourke, it was just sloppy. Let’s hope that The Avengers movie doesn’t get too out of hand.

Wow is that it? There’s probably something else that will come to me later, but I’m starting to lose it. Anyways I hope you all enjoy a Marvel infused summer as I know I will, excelsior!

Retrospecticus: Beastie Boys

Our week of retrospecticuses continues with a look back at the career of the Beastie Boys, who’s Hot Sauce Committee Part 2drops this week. It’s probably not even the album that comes out this week that I’m most excited about, but still, the last time the Beasties released a proper hip-hop album was during Bush’s first term. So it’s not like I’m gonna get another chance to do this again anytime soon.

Licensed To Ill (1986)

The Beastie Boys arrived on the scene with a bit of a bang, as their debut Licensed To Ill was the first hip-hop album to top the Billboard album charts, and would end up being the top selling hip-hop album of the decade. What made the Beasties so accessible to so many people including non-hip-hop fans was that they were willing to mix elements of hard rock with old school hip-hop beats, while infusing a style and attitude that was simply one of a kind. Also, a lot of the songs are just undeniably catchy, despite their undeniably simplistic and juvenile lyrical content.

Some people even tend to think that this was the high point of the Beastie Boys career, but honestly I’ve never been that huge of a fan of License To Ill, although I’ll admit the album does have a loutish frat-boy charm to it. And since John’s already done a CAT for this album, I don’t really feel the need to talk about it in further detail.

Favorite Tracks: “Girls”, “No Sleep Til Brooklyn”, “Brass Monkey”

Paul’s Boutique (1989)

It probably says quite a bit about my hip-hop credibility that my favorite hip-hop album of all time was created by a bunch of white jews, but Paul’s Boutique is just that. Trading in their mix of B-boy hip-hop and hard rock for a smorgasborg of samples ranging from Public Enemy to The Beatles to Bernard Herrmann, Paul’s Boutique was probably the first album that truly turned sampling in to an art form. Of course, sampling had been around since the inception of hip-hop, but with the help of producers the Dust Brothers, the Beastie Boys created something that was oddly familiar and yet it’s own bizarre entity.

In addition to this sample-fueled sound, the Beastie Boys stepped up their rap game, with rhymes that are considerably more intricate than those of their Licensed To Ill days, and are filled with a plethora of irreverent and often hilarious pop culture references. Of course, many saw Paul’s Boutique as a bit of a dissapointment in comparison to Licensed To Ill, as it was a complete turn in another direction and was a commercial flop on release. However, now it’s easy to see that Paul’s Boutique was years ahead of its time and is one of those hip-hop records that you just gotta check out at some point.

Favorite Tracks: “Shake Your Rump”, “Egg Man”, “Looking Down The Barrel Of A Gun”

Check Your Head (1992)

After the misunderstood triumph of Paul’s Boutique, the Beasties once again decide to take their sound in another radically different direction with Check Your Head. This release saw the band abandoning their previously sample-heavy sound for a more organic approach, as most of the album sees the band returning to their roots as a hardcore punk band, as they play their own instruments on most of the tracks.

Though there is an inkling of hardcore punk in the songs on Check Your Head, there’s also an undeniable influence of funk that fuses with a hard rock sound that makes songs like “Gratitude” and “Funky Boss” undeniably bad-ass. Also, songs like “Groove Holmes” and “Pow” exploring Meters-like instrumentals that show the Beasties displaying a surprising musical prowess in laying down some funky jams. Also, in addition to being another first rate effort from the Beastie Boys, Check Your Head returned the Beasties to more mainstream success with the stone-cold single “So What’cha Want”.

Favorite Tracks: “Jimmy James”, “Gratitude”, “So What’cha Want”

Ill Communication (1994)

Ill Communication is a bit of an oddity in the Beastie Boys’ discography in that for once the Beastie Boys didn’t really mix-up their sound, as the album has the same dusty funk infused sound that was seen on Check Your Head. But really, I don’t have any problem with that, and it’s pretty hard to complain when the album features a few of their finest songs.

The most notable song of course would have to be the Beastie Boys’ noisy opus “Sabotage”, a song that probably remains the finest culmination of rap and hard rock that’s ever been produced. Really the only complaint I have about Ill Communication is that it probably features a few too many instrumental funk jams and not enough of the Beasties’ irreverent rhymes that are seen on songs like “Sure Shot” and “Get It Together”.

Favorite Tracks:“Sure Shot”, “Root Down”, “Sabotage”

Hello Nasty (1998)

This album in many ways saw the Beasties embracing the good time vibes of the late nineties, and it’s just a really fun little album. Actually little probably isn’t the best word to describe it considering Hello Nasty‘s 73 minute running time, so there’s definitely a fairly sprawling sound to it.

They really throw a little bit of everything in to the album, as there are strains of all the different sounds that the Beastie Boys have inhabited, while they also manage to mix in electronic and lounge music to the Beastie’s already diverse range of influences. The album also features a surprising amount of singing instead of rapping on songs like “Song For The Man”, “I Don’t Know”, which have a sort of contemporary rock sound to them. And I think it’s because of this diverse sound that the album really works, as Hello Nasty is almost always entertaining despite it’s lenghty running time.

Favorite Tracks: “Super Disco Breakin'”, “Remote Control”, “Intergalactic”

To The 5 Boroughs (2004)

After 1998’s Hello Nasty, the Beasties went a long time without releasing new music, and in that time a lot had changed in their beloved NYC. So it’s not surprising that the Beasties paid tribute to New York in the album’s title and throughout the album, especially on the track “An Open Letter To NYC”.

And because To The 5 Boroughs shows the Beastie Boys six years removed from their last album and almost two decades from their debut, the Beasties seem pretty content with embracing their elder statesman of hip-hop persona, rather than trying to be on the cutting edge. But I think it’s this interest in dancing to the beat of their own funky drummer that has kept the Beastie Boys relevant, when most hip-hop artists stick around for only a few years before fading due to the ever changing trends of the genre. To The 5 Boroughs might not see the Beastie Boys sounding quite as vital or innovative as in the early days, but it still sees them thriving in the kind of old-school hip-hop that has always been at the heart of their sound, and that’s alright with me.

Favorite Tracks: “Ch-Ch-Check It Out”, “Right Right Now Now”, “Triple Trouble”

The Mix-Up (2007)

I wasn’t really sure whether to include this album since I’ve hardly spent any time listening to it, and I don’t really have much to say about it. But anyways, on Check Your Head and Ill Communication there were a number of instrumental tracks that sounded heavily inspired by The Meters’ organ-fueled brand of funk, and I guess they decided to pursue nothing but that sound over the course of The Mix-Up. So if you’re looking for some of the Beasties’ tasty rhymes, this obviously isn’t the album for you since it’s an entirely instrumental album. I mean it’s fine for what it is, but it’s not really to the type of thing I want to listen to when I’m in the mood for The Beastie Boys. But with Hot Sauce Committee Part Two coming out today, we finally get to see the Beastie Boys once again laying down some funky fresh rhymes.

Favorite Tracks: “B For My Name”, “Electric Worm”, “Off The Grid”

Retrospecticus: The Fast and the Furious

It’s the eternal question: how can there really be five The Fast and the Furious movies? I thought that first movie was just a big long ad for NOS (it was). How can a franchise based on car fetishism and bro love become one of the longest-running in recent cinema history? Honestly, I don’t know. But I have seen them all now, so I can at least tell you how I feel about them.

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

The first entry in the franchise had more in common with Point Break than the 1955 from which it stole its title. Its a hyper macho story of Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker), an undercover cop who infiltrates the Los Angeles street racing scene in the hopes of finding the crew responsible for a string of high-speed semi hijackings. Brian falls in with Dom (Vin Diesel) and his team, featuring Vince, who distrusts Brian, Dom’s girlfriend, Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) and Dom’s sister, Mia (Jordana Brewster). Everything seems great for Brian: the racing is fun, Mia seems to be into him and Dom quickly becomes a good friend. But after getting the wrong guys arrested, Brian has to face the reality: it’s Dom and his family that have been ripping off the truckers. It all comes to a head at “race war,” a big event for 10-second racers. Some people get killed, the heist goes bad, in the end Brian chases down Dom. Dom wrecks, but Brian lets him escape. Crazy, I know. Sure, the acting and writing might not be top notch, but the driving sequences are genuinely thrilling and the movie is just slick enough that it gets a pass in my book.

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

Vin Diesel and The Fast and The Furious director Rob Cohen decided that making xXx was a good idea, so the second film in the franchise had to follow Brian’s adventures after ruining the lives of Dom and his crew. It turns out Brian’s life hasn’t been so great since he let Dom go, in fact he’s turned to a life of crime, becoming a full-time street racer. His good friend Tej (Ludacris) holds a crazy race, which Brian wins, but results in him getting captured by the Feds. They offer him a deal: forgiveness for his crimes if he can help bring down a drug lord. Brian gets the same deal for his old buddy Roman (Tyrese Gibson) and the two go deep undercover with Monica (Eva Mendes) a customs agent. Brian and Roman are hired to run money for the drug lord and consider taking it all for themselves. However, motivated by a desire to save Monica, the duo come back and save the day, deciding only to skim a little off the top. This movie is by a significant margin the worst in the franchise. It’s like the whole cast is secretly in a bad acting competition, where everyone is trying to give the worst take that actually makes it into the final film. Devon Aoki would probably win that competition, but Tyrese Gibson gives her a run for her money. It does have a certain ridiculous charm to it, at 2 Fast 2 Furious is watchable, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see it again.

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)

After 2 Fast 2 Furious, it was time to clean house. That’s usually the case when Eva Mendes is the best actor at your disposal. So the next title in the franchise abandoned the cast, the setting and even the style of racing. Tokyo Drift opens with Sean (Lucas Black) getting in an accident after racing Brad from Home Improvement. As a punishment, Sean’s sent to live in Tokyo with his father. Yeah, that’s rough. Sean is not so happy about his situation, until he befriends Twinkie (Bow Wow) and gets introduced to Tokyo’s underground racing scene. After an embarrassing loss to DK, the nephew of a yakuza boss (Sonny Chiba), he’s taken under the wing of Han, who teaches Sean in the art of drifting. Long story short, Han ends up dead and Sean defeats DK in an epic final race. As the new king of the Tokyo racing scene, everything seems great for Sean until he meets a new challenger: Han’s old friend, Dom, in a cameo appearance. Tokyo Drift is dumb in all the right ways, and the performances are infinitely more tolerable than in 2 Fast 2 Furious, though still not great. The Japanese setting lends a magical element to the film, as does the preposterous style of racing. While this characterization of Japanese culture is a little frustrating, especially the insistence that “gaijin” is an insult when it’s not really, Tokyo Drift is a lot of stupid fun.

Fast & Furious (2009)

After mucking about with a bunch of people that were not Vin Diesel, the fourth entry in the series had to bring things back to basics. That meant basically giving it the same title as the first movie and getting the important members of the original cast to come back. Fast & Furious opens with an insane hijacking sequence in the Dominican Republic. It turns out Dom and Letty are rolling with a new crew featuring Tego, Rico and Han – oh my God, it’s a prequel to Tokyo Drift! The heat is pretty intense on Dom, so he decides to split the team up. This backfires when he finds out that Letty has died back in L.A. Meanwhile, Brian has worked his way into the F.B.I. and is tracking down another drug dealer, Braga. Dom comes back to the States to avenge Letty and it quickly becomes clear he and Brian are hunting the same person. Dom and Brian join Braga’s crew, where Dom catches the eye of Gisele, Braga’s liaison. Everyone gets pissed off, but eventually Dom and Brian apprehend Braga on their own. Dom decides to turn himself in, which backfires when he is sentenced to 25 years without parole. But, when all seems lost, Dom’s prison bus is surrounded by some vicious-looking racing cars driven by Brian and Mia. Fast & Furious is the least interesting entry in the series, it’s pretty bland. It’s just a really average summer action movie, lacking that special ridiculousness that makes this series so fun.

So, what happens next? How will Brian, Mia and the others get Dom out of that bus? I guess will have to find out together, in Fast Five.

Retrospecticus: The Coen Brothers

For over twenty years, Ethan and Joel Coen have defied modern conventions with some of the most unusual, bold, and inventive films around. They’ve tackled countless genres and reinvented themselves time and time again, making them some of the most innovative filmmakers of their era. In preparation of True Grit i have assembled this list of the duo’s complete filmography, which I will discuss in varying lengths. Just remember that these are like, my opinions man, so don’t take it too seriously.

Blood Simple (1984)

Where it all started, the eerie, neo noir, thriller, that is Blood Simple. It’s an impressive first film in many areas. The Cinematography (By future director Barry Sonnenfeld is increasingly ingenious), the score by Carter Burwell is excellent , the cast featuring; Frances McDormand, John Getz, Dan Hedaya and M. Emmet Walsh (easily the best) to name a few are thrilling, and the suspense is never ending. The perfect film to begin a career of masterful filmmaking.

Raising Arizona (1987)

After their brooding debut, the Coen’s took on what would be their first of many genre blurring films, the dark comedy Raising Arizona. In any other hands this film could of been a huge misfire, but instead it went on to be one of the Coen’s most enduring comedies.

It’s a great setup when ex-con Hi McDunnough (Nicolas Cage) and ex-cop “Ed” (Holly Hunter) decide to kidnap one of the five sons of a wealthy furniture salesman, Nathan Arizona (Trey Wilson). I mean in any other hands this project would sound like an instant failure, but the Coen’s were ahead of the curb with this one. From the dialogue, to the setting, to the supporting cast of nuts (John Goodman, William Forsythe, Randall Cobb) this film still stands out as a delightfully different comedy.

Miller’s Crossing (1990)

One of my rare departures from the general consensus, I find Miller’s Crossing to be a challenging film. Inspired by the hard boiled fiction of Dashiell Hammett, Miller’s Crossing is an intricately woven mystery thriller, but I find the dense plot hard to get into.

Though I’m definitely in the minority on this one, as the critics really fell for this gangster flick. One thing I think everyone can agree on is the performances. A shining moment for character actors like Gabriel Byrne, Albert Finney, and John Turturro as apposed to casting bigger names.

Barton Fink (1991)

I don’t know how the hell you’d classify this movie, but man what an experience. John Turturro is hilarious as the young and nervous title character, stressing over a script while inhabiting a dreary L.A. hotel that seems to have a life of it’s own. John Goodman is equally amusing as the mysterious insurance salesman Charlie and what follows is chaos of the best kind.

Masterfully layered, acted, and photographed. The ambiguity of all the visual symbolism leaves you with a lot of questions, but I like that. It gives you the opportunity to personally dissect all the details and make your own connections, very compelling.

The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)

I think when people heard the Coen’s were taking on the absurdities of the business world they were anticipating something a tad, well smarter. Possibly a razor sharp satire or something more insightful, not an over-the-top, screwball comedy that knows no bounds. It’s penchant for being silly is in my eyes both it’s gift and curse. Either you’ll laugh at quirks like Jennifer Jason Leigh’s fast talking delivery and Tim Robbin’s air headed demeanor, or you won’t.

I can see why some dislike it’s silly nature, as it does tend to hamper the latter half of the film. Though I think it’s style and humor saves it, how could you not like Tim Robbins as a bumbling mail clerk who becomes the CEO of a big whig company? Anything with Paul Newman can’t be that half bad either, ooh or Coen Brother’s pal Bruce Campbell. The Coen’s probably didn’t win any new fans with this one, but they definitely furthered their reputation for being unconventional.

Fargo (1996)

If you could take one film to sum up the Coen’s entire career, it would probably be Fargo. For no other Coen film features the duo’s trademark humor, suspense, and atmosphere as well as this classic dark comedy. Frances McDormand stars in the role of her life as the likable, humble and humorous police chief Marge Gunderson and shines in almost every scene. The supporting cast is equally impressive with the likes of William H. Macy, Steve Buscemi and the very creepy Peter Stormare.

The laughs are big, the thrills are nonstop, the setting is beautiful, and the story is timeless. This film is more or less the definition of dark comedy and never fails at entertaining, while giving you something to think about, oh ya you bet cha.

The Big Lebowski (1998)

I don’t think many would argue that this is the Coen’s most popular film and why not? The characters are refreshingly unique and ridiculous and are constantly put into completely unpredictable situations. It’s the little details more than anything that fans remember; The Dude’s interests, Walter’s stories about faith and war, Donnie’s incessant questions and all the other quirks. It’s spawned an entire culture of swanky fandom and burrowed itself deep into pop culture with it’s quotes and overall style.

The Big Lebowski essentially plays out like a stoner mystery movie. It’s a dysfunctional, rambling, series of events that perfectly suits it’s dysfunctional characters. You never know what The Dude will encounter next and although that results in a bit of a sloppy storyline, it’s a whole bag of fun to watch. Jeff Bridges is arguably in the role of his life and yet he’s still almost upstaged by the immensely talented John Goodman. There’s so much to talk about with this film that I won’t even try. Just kickback with a White Russian, blast some Creedence, and then watch The Big Lebowski

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

Homer’s Odyssey meets the Great Depression in the deep south? Now that’s a recipe for a comedy of epic proportions. O Brother Where Art Thou may have been and still may be the most daring Coen production assembled. A period piece set against such a vast setting, would mainstream audiences be ready to see the Coens take on such a big Hollywood project? Thankfully they did and more! George Clooney leads a great cast of misfits, the visuals are jaw dropping, and the story has a timeless feel to it.

This is a film you can enjoy on many different levels. One, you could just enjoy it as a comedy about three bumbling convicts (George Clooney, John Turturro, Tim Blake Nelson) running into a series of misadventures, or two, as something rich with visual metaphors and parallels to classic literature, it’s surprisingly complex. Can’t forget that soundtrack arranged by T-Bone Burnett either, classic.

The Man Who Wasn’t There (2001)

The fact this film is constantly overlooked and perhaps the least known Coen film is almost too perfect. It’s a subtle film and title practically sums up the whole thing. A subdued Billy Bob Thornton plays barber Ed Crane, a simple man who inexplicably becomes involved in both blackmail and murder. Set against the back drop of 1940s Santa Rosa, California and filmed in stunning black and white, The Man Who Wasn’t There is a chilling tribute to film noir. The mood is quiet but unnerving and I have to say this may be my favorite Carter Burwell musical score for a Coen Brothers movie.

It’s pacing is slow and its payoff may not bewhat you’d expect, but the story is compelling and the acting is pitch perfect. Thornton doesn’t even have to say anything to bring you into the scene and seasoned pros like Frances McDormand, James Gandolfini, and my favorite Michael Badaluco as Ed’s overly talkative brother-in-law, keep it very interesting.

Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

Sometimes it seems like the Coens wont rest until they’ve tackled every genre. Intolerable Cruelty just happens to be the duo’s stab at the romantic comedy, often considered one of their weaker efforts, it’s fluff but it’s fun. George Clooney turns up the Clooney charm as divorce attorney Miles Massey, infamous as the inventor of the “Massey Prenup”. Though things get messy when he starts to fall for his clients wife Marilyn Rexroth (Catherine Zeta-Jone), which only further tailspins into deception.

The story that develops here is actually fairly original, for it’s not so original premise. The twists and turns are well devised and it’s two beautiful celebrities are entertaining to watch. The supporting cast is a mixed bag, I mean I love Edward Herrmann as Miles’ client and Geoffrey Rush is fine, though his role feels small, but Cedric the Entertainer wasn’t doing it for me and Billy Bob Thornton is okay, but his character is a little hard to swallow. Intoelrable Cruelty is easy on the eyes, but no more than a footnote when looking at the rest of the Coen filmography.

The Ladykillers (2004)

Even when the Coen’s misfire, they do it with style. The Ladykillers is easily the duo’s worst film; the characters are broad with one note personalities, the laughs are far too few, and there doesn’t seem to be much heart to it. Really it was hardly necessary as the original 1955 heist film is considered a classic. That all said this film still has the pleasure of being coated with that Coen shine. Roger Deakins cinematography is top notch, Carter Burwell and T-Bone Burnett’s score is befitting and it’s just approached with such a unique manner. Plus it’s got Tom Hanks, and even Hank’s in a bad movie is fun to some extent.

No Country For Old Men (2007)

Razor sharp thriller, faithful literary adaptation, Oscar winner, what else is there to say about No Country for Old Men? It’s a modern American classic that goes for the jugular while simultaneously operating on a philosophical level. It’s talented novelist Cormac McCarthy’s words brought to life in such a thrilling way, that it actually surpasses his original work. The Blue collared banter between Llewelyn (Josh Brolin) and his wife Carla Jean (Kelly McDonald ) is priceless and Tommy Lee Jones is strong in the role of the old school Sheriff Tom Bell. Although it’s Javier Bardem who steals the show, in his academy award winning role as villainous hitman Anton Chigurh, gives me the creeps just thinking about it.

This has quickly become the Coen brothers film dearest to my heart. It doesn’t quite have the humor of past Coen works, but it’s one of the best thrillers of it’s era and my favorite film of the 2000s, god I wanna watch it right now!

Burn After Reading (2008)

Following up their big Oscar Win, the Coens returned to form with the typical, quirky, dark comedy that is Burn After Reading. More or less a spoof on the espionage thriller genre, Burn After Reading features all your usual Coen collaborators, playing your typical oddball Coen characters. It’s hard to pick a favorite when you have so many talented stars acting so silly. You got George Clooney as the sickeningly smug former U.S. Marshall, Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt as a pair of bumbling gym employees, John Malkovich and Tilda Swinton as the icy cold couple, it’s all the stuff you love to see in a Coen Bros. flick.

A Serious Man (2009)

Perhaps the most personal work from Ethan and Joel yet, set in their homestate of Minnesota during the 1960s, A Serious Man is an offbeat comedy about life, death, sex, faith and everything else that can go sour when you’re simply trying to live a just life.

Michael Stuhlbarg gives an unforgettable performance as professor Larry Gopnik, who despite his efforts, always seems to get the short end of the stick. His wife (Sari Lennick) wants a traditional jewish divorce, his reckless brother Arthur (Richard Kind) wont leave the couch, one of his students maybe blackmailing him and Larry can’t seem to get any answers to his woes on life.

Upon first viewing I was actually disappointed by this film. I loved the humor and style, but the ending seemed so abrupt and dark, but as I’ve come to understand more of what’s under the surface, I’ve really come to love this film. It’s so unlike any other comedy about dysfunctional families, with it’s rich metaphors and meanings permeating through the tension of it’s characters. It just goes to show that even after 20 odd years, the Coen’s haven’t skipped a beat.

What Lies Ahead?
True Grit is the latest from the duo and I’m sure it will be another interesting entry in this diverse filmography. Look for a review from Colin coming soon.

I’m yet to see the Coen’s short for the the film Paris, je t’aime, but not for long, Otteni out.