The Mouse buys out Lucas

As the official MildlyPleased.com Star Wars Correspondent, I’m here to give you my take on the madness.

Now that I’ve had a few hours to try to process this, I can safely say this is the biggest development in the entertainment world in my lifetime. It still feels fake.

It came out of nowhere. All of a sudden I wake up, and someone posts it on Facebook. I click the link, it’s a press release. It looks legit, but it doesn’t sound legit. I tune in to the entire 45 minute conference call, listening to the technical financial jargon and all the big wigs at Disney talking about how this is their latest move to become the ultimate authority on literally all intellectual property that anyone cares about.

My first reaction was a cringe. For some reason, Disney has a negative connotation with me. I don’t know why. Maybe I just think, “That shit’s for babies. Babies suck.” But then I remember Disney owns Marvel. Marvel doesn’t feel like Disney. Disney owns Pixar. I’ve loved like 90 percent of what Pixar’s accomplished in the last 20 years.

But Star Wars? Star Wars is literally my favorite thing ever. I love it so much I was blinded for years, trying to convince myself that the prequels had any redeeming qualities. And now Disney? The Mouse has control of my favorite franchise? To quote Double Rainbow guy…What does it mean?

I guess for me it boils down to the projects are now out of the hands of Lucas. I like the fact that he’s still a “creative director”. There’s nothing wrong with that. The universe was built in his mind. The only reason the prequels sucked were because while he has a talented imagination, his laziness in the execution of those films was so transparent and his power was so great that no one could question him. He’s now out of the directors chair and more importantly out of the screen writers chair.

While I’m excited in the possibilities by looking at what Disney has seemed to do with Marvel in a hands-off approach, for some reason the biggest thing I fear is some kind of demented, incestual Boned Wars themed episodes that are continuously made until I drown in my own vomit.

I would rather watch Episode I a thousand times than subject myself to just the opening credits of Boned Wars one more time in my entire life. That piece of shit is so wretched, it’s literally unforgivable. That’s what I think people fear. They hear the word “Disney” and they think babies. Remember, babies suck! They like stupid shit.

As long as I can convince myself that Disney is a gigantic corporation full of smart people that want to save the franchise from the last 20 years of depressing tales, I think I can stay cautiously optimistic. Until more details surface, we’ll just have to wait and see.