in Top Ten

I once read a survey that said on average, most people stop looking for new music at the age of 30.5. I’m older than that so the fact that I find any new bands is a good feeling, but if I ever reach an age where I do stop looking, I’m okay with that.

2023 was the first year I didn’t stress about “discovering” new music. I am no longer concerned with trying to “out-cool” anyone by slotting “hip” new artists into my top ten. I check Pitchfork sometimes. I listen to KEXP when I can. Occasionally, I find cool new stuff on my Spotify “Discover Weekly” and occasionally, I don’t.

I’ve been spending a lot more time digging into artists from the past I’ve never given much time to. Just today, I finished listening to Cat Stevens’ last album he did before leaving music for 28 years. Did I really need to listen to 11 Cat Stevens’ albums instead of seeking out more 2023 albums? Probably not, but it made me happy, and at the end of the day, that’s why we do it, don’t we? So here is my stress-free list of 2023 albums I somehow listened to.

10. Vulfmon – Vulfnik

Vulfpeck has been one of my favorite discoveries of the last five years. Not just because I appreciate their old school funk sound but their success in spite of the music industry. Vulfpeck releases all their albums on their own label, they sold out Madison Square Garden in 2019 without any representation. Vulfpeck even defied Spotify in 2014 by exploiting a loophole in Spotify’s royalty distribution, releasing an album of silence and encouraging their fans to play it while sleeping at night. The band then used the proceeds from this hack to fund an admission-free tour.

But wait… Vulfpeck? Didn’t you say this album was by “Vulfmon”? So as I understand it (and I don’t), Vulf Records is the label, Vulfpeck is the band, and “Vulfmon ” is one of band founder Jack Stratton’s personas. “Vulfnik” is the album and it’s a chill mix of funky instrumentals, guest features, and a lead single, “I Can’t Party”, that sounds like the second coming of Cake (the band, not the dessert). Is it essential listening? Nah. Is it funsential listening? Hell yeah.

9. Meet Me @ the Altar – Past // Present // Future

I first heard Meet Me @ the Altar in the same way I imagine most people hear new music: A Taco Bell commercial. Which is actually appropriate considering what this band sounds like. Formed over the interweb, Meet Me @ the Altar is a pop/punk trio that recaptures all the best sounds of the late 90s and early 2000s in a shiny new package.

Want to know how throwback this band is? They are on the Fueled By Ramen label. I didn’t even know that label still existed! This album coinciding with my rewatch of the American Pie movies provided for quite the flashback. Now if only Taco Bell would bring back Mexi-nuggets.

8. The Hives – The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons

I once worked with a guy who LOVED the band 311. Not only would he pre order their latest albums (on vinyl), he went on a 311 cruise. He was a super nice guy but man, can you imagine clinging to a band for that long past their prime? “I’m never gonna be like that guy.” Yet here I am with a Hives album on my list in the year 2023 or 24’, or whatever year it is now.

Is this album worth your time if you don’t still love this band? I doubt it. I won’t deny The Hives are likely past their prime but in my defense, they’ve been around for over twenty-six years and this is only their sixth album. So it’s not like we’ve been oversaturated with Hives music for the past two decades.

Has the Hives sound evolved or changed? No. It still sounds the same but hey man, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right? Oh no, I’m turning into that 311 guy. I’m all mixed up!

P.S. If you watch one music I have on this list, watch this one. It’s fuckin’ sick!

7. Janelle Monáe – The Age of Pleasure

Everything about this album is horny. The title, the cover, the lead single, “Lipstick Lover”, even the way Janelle Monae spells and says, “Haute”. This was the perfect album to kick-off summertime. It’s like I’m on vacation… A sexy vacation. Or at a BBQ… A sexy BBQ. The Age of Pleasure may lack the accessibility and ambition of Monáe’s past albums but I appreciated the island-y sound and good vibes. Some real champagne shit.

6. Frog – Grog

I don’t know where these guys came from or how to describe their music, but I sure do like their grog. Frog is a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll, a little bit lo fi, a little bit hi fi, there’s never a dull moment.

You can definitely tell which of these blurbs I wrote when I realized I forgot I had to do this today.

5. Epilogio – Cromo Rx

Ever wondered what Tame Impala would sound like if they were from Puerto Rico? Like this. It’s funky, it’s trippy, it’s catchy. It’s the kind of music you listen to chilling out on a party boat with a tropical drink melting in your hand.

4. Kali Uchis – Red Moon in Venus

“I just wanna get high with my lover.” What a sexy refrain in Kalu Uchis’ hit single/one of my most played songs of the year, “Moonlight”. Sensual vocals with synths dipping their toes into deep pools of funk. The American-born Uchis pays tribute to her Colombian heritage weaving-in both English and Spanish language vocals. Red Moon in Venus is a romantic collection of pop ballads and Neo Soul bops. A welcome addition to my ongoing Spotify playlist, “John’s Late Night Dance Party”.

3. Olivia Rodrigo – Guts

Parents suck!

2. Sufjan Stevens – Javelin

Times have been beyond tough for Sufjan Stevens. He lost his partner Evans Richardson in 2023 and has been battling Guillain–Barré syndrome. But he’s still making intimate, beautiful music. The album has occasional flourishes but for the most part is stripped down and raw in a way that only Sufjan can deliver. We love you Sufjan!

1. 100 gecs – 10,000 gecs

Remember on iTunes how you could listen to the first 30 seconds of a song and then decide whether or not you wanted to buy it? For me, that was like ten seconds. I’m brutal. I have a short attention span, so music really has to hook me in fast. I ain’t got time to be bored. Luckily, 100 gecs might be the least boring band ever.

100 gecs doesn’t feel like the kind of band that would normally appeal to me. Is that emo I hear? And electronic music? Not for me! Except this time, cuz this album is so much fun. This is the kind of band who shoots a music video that looks like it costs $5 but still casts Ryan Phillipe.

St Louis duo Dylan Brady and Laura Les toss in rock with techno with rap with novelty songs about frogs all into one 26-minute chaos salad and I can’t stop chowing down. On top of the tuneage, this album has some of the best lyrics ever penned to paper. “Eating Fritos with Danny DeVito” is a rhyme for the ages. I’m also quite partial to the lyrics, “…Queen of California, hot like the heat is… Like Anthony Kiedis sucking on my penis.” And those are the immortal words I will leave you with until next year.