Mildly Pleased

I wanted to end on something light for “Blax History Month”, though I’m still not sure if “light” was Dolemite’s intention. I selected the film because of it’s eccentric star Rudy Ray Moore, one of the strangest yet mostly oddly compelling blaxploitation figures. Moore has this bizarre way of acting where he yells all his lines like a robot practicing to be a human. It’s difficult to tell at times if the former comedian is serious or playing some kind of Any Kaufman-esque joke on everyone. Dolemite is bad but due to the fact that it was made by a former comedian, you have to wonder if that’s part of the joke. On the other hand this could be a comedian trying to make a transition into action and then failing miserably. Either way Dolemite is worth some laughs and has some classic strings of nonsensical dialogue.

Rudy Ray Moore plays Dolemite, an imprisoned pimp who can’t go two minutes without saying, “Muthufucka’”. Dolemite catches a break when the warden and a whorehouse manager Queen Bee (Lady Reed) setup a deal with Dolemite. Framed for drugs, Dolemite is given the opportunity to secure his freedom by busting drug dealer Willie Greean (D’Urville Martin, also the film’s director). The plot makes no sense, it’s like something a kid would come up with at recess if he wanted to play blaxploitation. If Dolemite had any information the police would probably work off of that, not free Dolemite and let him run amok. Once he is released, Dolemite teams up with an army of his hoes and goes around beating the shit out of people. He even makes a guy dance by firing a machine gun at his feet, yeah he definitely shouldn’t be in prison.

I can accept the ridiculousness of the plot considering how low budget the film is. None of the acting is good with Rudy Ray Moore leading the way. The film quality is so-so but if you like boom mics you’ll be happy. And who could forget the fights? Every fight between Dolemite and gang members is so obviously choreographed. They all move so slowly, as if they’re trying as hard as they can to not forget their moves but not actually getting hurt. It’s hilarious, I can’t believe they kept it all in.

A few years back, Michael Jai White made Black Dynamite, a hilarious homage/parody to blaxploitation. Dolemite is the closest I’ve seen to a blaxploitation movie that feels like Black Dynamite. You got the hokey acting, confusing plot, technical errors, I wasn’t aware how on-the-nose Black Dynamite was. Though all in all I did enjoy Dolemite, not because it was good but because it was fun. I ain’t no cynical muthafucka’.

Finally, something I can sink my fangs into. As a horror fan I was intrigued to see Dracula re-imagined as a seventies soul brutha. Did Blacula deliver? Actually, it did. Blacula doesn’t aspire to be anything more than funky b-movie fun, and it works. Of course it launched a whole sub-genre of Horror/Blaxploitation films that includes; Scream Blacula Scream, Blackenstein, and Homer Simpson’s favorite, The Blunchblack of Blotre Blame.

The film stars William H. Marshal, known by later generations for his portrayal of the King of Cartoons on Pee Wee’s Playhouse. Here Marshall plays Prince Mamuwalde, the ruler of the Abani African nation in the year 1780. During this time Mamuwalde and his wife Luva (Vonetta McGee) seek help from who else but Count Dracula (Charles Macaulay) to supress the slave trade, it’s like a history lesson come to life! But because Dracula is a dick, he instead kills Luva and turns Mamuwalde into a vampire, imprisoning him in a coffin for 192 years.

“Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song”, that’s possibly the best title for a movie ever conceived. Melvin Van Peebles’ bizarrely titled urban art-film is not your typical blaxploitation film. Whereas I criticized Shaft for still feeling like a reflection of white Hollywood, Sweetback is anything but. The film’s opening text sums it up perfectly: “This film is dedicated to all the brothers and sisters who had enough of the man.” I admire Sweetback’s balls. As for the actual craft behind the film, Sweetback leaves a lot to be desired.

The film begins in a dream-like past where a starving young boy (Mario Van Peebles) has just been taken in by a group of prostitutes. While working at the the brothel the boy loses his virginity. Afterwards the boy is appropriately nicknamed “Sweetback” for his superior boning abilities. As an adult (Melvin Van Peebles), Sweetback performs sex shows at the brothel in front of a rowdy audience. Though the show is just him taking off all of his clothes and then boning a woman.

Shaft may not have been the first Blaxploitation film, but it was the first blaxploitation film to become a cultural phenomenon. Black audiences finally had their own action hero and he didn’t take jive from nobody. He was the black private dick that was a sex machine to all the chicks. But if it wasn’t the first blaxploitation film then why did it resonate? Was it just the right cat at the right place at the right time? Interest in blaxploitation projects had been building after MGM found success with Cotton Comes to Harlem (1970). So MGM followed with the pursuit of the next badass brother… And they found him.

In honor of Black History Month, this month’s edition of The Vault will be dedicated to Blaxploitation Cinema. It’s a genre I’ve never delved into so I’m going to start off with the basics. Later in the month I’ll cover a few of the more over-the-top entries (perhaps something in the vein of Blackenstein?). With such a wide catalogue of funky flicks it’s a shame that I’m only going to cover four. Still, I’ll do my best to give you my honest thoughts and opinions, cause I ain’t no Jive Turkey.

Man, what a piece of shit. Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection aka Delta Force 2: Operation Stranglehold is bottom of the barrel when it comes to action movies. Bad acting, no plot, and ultimately forgettable. I’m shocked DF2 didn’t go straight to VHS. If you’re curious, I have not seen Delta Force 1. Though had this not had “2″ in the title I’d never have known it was a sequel anyway. I chose DF2 believing it would be one of those “So bad it’s good” movies. Though I’ll admit there are some memorable moments of mind numbing stupidity, overall this was a huge waste of time. Everyone knows about Chuck Norris jokes, but after seeing this it’s clear that the biggest joke of all his acting career.

Kickboxer was my first experience watching “The Muscles from Brussels.” If you don’t remember the 90s, Jean-Claude Vane Damme was a second-tier action star famously known for his ability to do extreme splits and speak almost unintelligible dialogue. He was No Schwarzenegger or Stallone, but I’m sure he’d of had no problem kicking Steven Seagal in his many chins without even breaking a sweat. Van Damme’s strength as an action star was that he actually had a background in professional martial arts and kickboxing. Meaning Kickboxer must have come from a very personal place. Van Damme even co-developed the story. The only problem is that the story is basically Karate Kid in Thailand.