So, Battleship. Who knew that for all these years what we were actually play was a Michael Bay-esque battle for the planet between brave sailors and devious robot aliens? Nobody, because that’s not how the game works. And yet, here we are. This week, we tackle the issue of dumb adaptations with a bunch of projects that are theoretically in the pipeline, but really, never should be made.

You can turn the card over and look at the answers after the break.

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10. Monopoly
9. Asteroids
8. Hot Wheels
7. Missile Command
6. Ouija
5. Candyland
4. The Magic Kingdom
3. Rubik’s Cube
2. Viewmaster
1. Stretch Armstrong

Syndicate

Syndicate is the latest in a long line of quality first person shooters that will be forgotten for not being a big enough deal like Rage and Bulletstorm before. Which is a shame, because Syndicate has quit the pedigree: it is both the revival of a classic, somewhat forgotten franchise and one of the best coop FPS games in a while.

If you haven’t been keeping score, the first Syndicate was an isometric RTS that came out for the PC in 1993. So the leap to this new game is a big one. What remains of the original series is its setting: a gritty cyberpunk future where the world is run by corporations. Miles Kilo is an agent of Eurocorp who has been given the company’s sweetest new digital implants, designed by scientist Lily Drawl (Rosario Dawson). Eurocorp’s CEO, played by Brian Cox, sends Kilo on some corporate espionage missions, which all quickly turn into bloodbaths.

The cinematics in Syndicate are generally pretty cool, the game does a great job of making Rosario Dawson and Brian Cox look like they do in real life, which is surprisingly uncommon in games. But the game basically comes down to heavily scripted corridor shooting, something that has to be done absolutely amazingly to be exciting in this day and age. This game doesn’t get there, and the campaign isn’t particularly long either. To borrow the title of this blog, it was mildly pleasing.

What did seem great was the online multiplayer. You get to level up, choose gear, upgrade things and all the other stuff that seems necessary to the online shooting experience nowadays. Players can even start their own corporations and hire people, a neat way to bring clans into the game. It all boils down to objective-based cooperative missions, which deliver on the promise of games like Resistance 2 and Brink. Teamwork is paramount, as players can follow the roles typically associated with MMOs in combat. I was all about healing and hacking my team, it helped me get into it faster than many multiplayer FPS games.

Oh yeah, hacking. So implants aren’t just glorified Google Goggles, providing a neat HUD. They actually let you hack into computers in the environment, and even in other people’s brains. So you can, for example, reprogram somebody to make him turn on his allies, then commit suicide when they’re all dead. It’s pretty brutal. Perhaps what’s most brutal is when Kilo finds someone with a useful chip in their brain, when he will proceed to use a special tool to yank it out of their head. Indeed, this game earns its M rating.

So I had a good time with Syndicate. The singleplayer wasn’t much, but it certainly wasn’t bad. The multiplayer is real cool, I wish more people were into it. It’s so integral to the experience, EA doesn’t even require an online pass to play. But Syndicate’s already been out for a few months and it seems that everyone has already forgotten about it. I wouldn’t be surprised if in a few more months, the servers are quiet. Such a shame.

Dark Shadows

At this point I’ve seen every Tim Burton movie. Since Mar’s Attacks in 1996 I’ve also seen them all in theaters. So more than anything I went to Dark Shadows to keep the streak alive. I enjoyed Burton’s gothic, fairy tale-like, movie for many years, but I’ll admit he’s not as cutting edge as he once was. I’m disappointed that Burton’s latest film is yet another adaptation. I’ve also never had any interest in the Dark Shadows Soap opera series. Still, as a guy who loves monsters and the macabre I was somewhat curious. So what I got was an occasionally entertaining if not messy monster mash of vampire jokes, pokes at 70s culture, and muddled direction.

Dark Shadows begins with the story of Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) in the 1760s. Moving from Liverpool to a Maine fishing port as a boy, we learn about the Collins families rise to power, but more importantly their demise. As a popular young bachelor, Barnabas breaks the heart of a witch named Angelique (Eva Green) who in turn kills his parents and turns Barnabas into a vampire. Additionally, she puts a curse on Barnabas’ true love Josette (Bella Heathcote) leading her to commit suicide. Flash forward to 1972 and we are introduced the modern Collins family. Once a respected family with a successful fishing business, the Collins family is now but a mere shadow of it’s former self. So a young woman calling herself Victoria Winters (also Bella Heathcote) is hired by the family to teach the spooky, 10-year old Collin’s boy David, blah, blah, blah, Barnabas is conveniently unearthed from his coffin by construction workers, yadda, yadda, the evil witch is still around and still mad at the Collins family. Oh my god, so much boring plot! That’s the problem when you try to cram a whole TV show into one movie .

Dark Shadows has interesting characters, even some good good jokes, but it doesn’t know where to go from there. The Fact that we are first introduced to Barnabas as the protagonist, then Victoria as the protagonist, and then back to Barnabas shows that they really didn’t know where the heart of the story was. There are so many different plots and subplots to focus on; Barnabas’ love affairs between Angelique and Victoria, the attempt to revive the family business, the personal woes of each member of the Collins family, it’s a mess. Stick to one plot point and make sure it’s something that is genuinely interesting and compelling.

I went in hoping this would be something around the lines of Barry Sonnenfeld’s Addams Family movies. Say what you will, I think those movies did a fantastic job of blending the macabre with modern america. Did you know Caroline Thompson who wrote The Addams Family movie also wrote Edward Scissorhands? Dark Shadows has a few good gags, but the humor is more or less gone by the third act. Johnny Depp provides the most laughs in a very committed performance. I’d of much rather preferred a flat out comedy about Barnabas readjusting to modern life than whatever this is supposed to be. I liked the humor, but whenever it tried to be serious or insert action I was bored to tears.

Tim Burton’s always been a style over substance kind of guy, so I’m not surprised he’s been so hit or miss most of his career. I’m not even sure if Tim Burton ever knew what a good story looked like, so really it’s all just dumb luck. Burton’s next film will be a stop-motion remake of his original 1984 short film Frankenweenie. Hmm, possibly intriguing but definitely unnecessary. I also recall hearing that he had some interest in making a stop-motion Addams Family movie… Nooo! The horror! The horror!

This week, we go mean. Real mean. We go right for the jugular. If you’re on this list, we’re worried about you. Real worried. We think your talent’s run out. Maybe it never existed. Maybe you just keep picking terrible projects. The point is, we think your best career move is putting an end to it. I know it sounds harsh, but, hey, you’re an actor. You’re used to rejection and disappointment. And if you’re not, maybe you needed a little more in your life.

Check out the really mean list after the jump. And, you know, no hard feelings.

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10. Jason Statham
9. John Heder
8. Mel Gibson
7. Kate Hudson
6. Katherine Hiegl
5. Ashton Kutcher
4. Jennifer Aniston
3. Shia LaBeouf
2. Adam Sandler
1. Eddie Murphy

The Avengers

This is what we’ve all been waiting for. The bulk of super hero movies from the past four years, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger, all lead to this. One movie, six super heroes. It’s exciting to think about, and even more exciting to watch. It took a lot to get here, but The Avengers was certainly worth it.

Earth’s mightiest heroes are all where we left them; Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.) is living large, The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo now) on the lam, Captain America (Chris Evans) is alone in a strange new world, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and Black Widow (Scarlet Johansson) are off being badass agents, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is off in a magical kingdom. One person isn’t where we left them: Loki (Tom Hiddleston), Thor’s scheming brother who fell off the rainbow bridge in that movie. He’s not taken exile well, and he’s got an army to help him get revenge. And so a plan is set in motion to begin an interplanetary war, a plan that can be stopped by no lone super hero. Fortunately, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) has been putting a team together.

A lot of the credit for The Avengers has to go to Joss Whedon, who co-wrote and directed the film. As someone who not only loves comics, but has written his own, he is able to deftly handle these larger-than-life characters, delivering satisfying closure for all the Marvel movies leading to this one. Iron Man learns to be less selfish. Captain America finds a place for himself and becomes the leader he never quite was in his own movie. Hulk finally makes progress on controlling himself, his main concern from when he was Edward Norton. Whedon pays due diligence to all of these beloved characters, and it really pays off.

The ending of The Avengers is Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Straight up: a once-divided team fights a seemingly endless army of invading aliens pouring out of the sky while trying to get to the one skyscraper that isn’t being knocked down. Only, it’s a million times better because the action’s easier to follow, it’s not 400 minutes long, and I actually care about the characters. Even Black Widow, who I know basically nothing about, is fleshed out as a great character, with some of the best scenes in the whole movie.

Of course, this is in part due to the cast as well. I particularly want to point to Mark Ruffalo, since he’s the best Hulk yet and please Mr. Ruffalo, if they want to do another Hulk thing, you should be the one to do it. Robert Downey, Jr. continues to dominate every scene he’s in, but the rest of the cast tries their damnedest to rise to his level, and pretty much succeed. I hope Tom Hiddleston had as much fun playing Loki as he seems to be having on screen, because he made for an absolutely great villain and also I hope he’s not in another of these movies for a while. Too many super hero movie sequels have been ruined by villain repetition.

If you haven’t seen the movies leading to this one, if you don’t care about this stuff at least a little bit, this might not be the movie for you. I think The Avengers does well enough introducing each character, but it would be a whole lot of information to process very quickly just to keep up as a newcomer. And certain things just would never make sense. But for those of us that have been keeping up, in all just a huge payoff. I can think of a handful of scenes that fanboys will be chatting about with each other for years to come. It’s hard not to believe that this is the peak of super hero cinema.

The Avengers is almost certainly my favorite of the Marvel super hero movies. I’d like to say it’s my favorite super hero movie full stop, but Chris Nolan’s Batman movies exist. It’s almost not fair that the last trailer they showed before The Avengers was for The Dark Knight Rises, as if to remind me that super hero movies can achieve a level of greatness beyond a gigantic nerdgasm. The Avengers exists in a different world from Nolan’s series, a much, much more fun world, where there’s snappy jokes and the thing closest to a theme is ass-kicking. I like being in this world almost as much.

Hark! Up in the sky, it’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Top Ten Thursdays! In honor of the imminent release of The Avengers, we narrowed down our favorite super heroes for your enjoyment. It’s pretty selfless, kind of like Superman. It’s kind of crazy, kind of like Batman. It’s a great responsibility, like Spider-Man. Up, up and away!

Check out our rogues gallery after the jump.

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10. Captain America
9. Daredevil
8. Iron Man
7. Rorschach
6. Hulk
5. Green Lantern
4. Wolverine
3. Superman
2. Spider-Man
1. Batman

I know we don’t do RIP’s as frequently as we used to, just because well, a lot of celebrities die all the time.  But I figure it’d be a shame for me to not at least pay some kind of tribute to a guy who was at the heart of a band that I like so much that I’ve listened to all their albums.  Adam Yauch, or better known as MCA, died earlier today at the age of 47 as the result of a long battle with cancer that started back in 2009.  I had been aware that this was something he’d been dealing with, but it’s still a surprise when anyone so young and full of tenacity succumbs to such a thing.

Yauch started the Beastie Boys in 1979 with Michael “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad-Rock Horowitz as part of New York’s underground punk scene.  They eventually made the leap to another then-burgeoning form of underground music, hip-hop, and the rest as they say is history.  The Beasties burst on to the scene with the multi-platinum License To Ill in 1986, and never missed a beat from there.  Each album was a new adventure into some new sound, as these guys always seemed primed to re-invent themselves.  And that’s basically why these guys always have been, and probably always will be my favorite hip-hop artists of all time, because they never confined themselves to the passing trends of a genre that sees so few artist that last 5 years, let alone 25 years.  MCA always struck me as the wise elder statesman of the Beastie Boys, and I can’t imagine Mike D and Ad-Rock carrying on with the Beasties name with out him, so I really have no idea what’ll happen with them.  What I do know is I’ll probably be listening to Paul’s Boutique more than a few times over the next day or so.

Michael Kiwanuka – Home Again

I’ve noticed a handful of artists these days brandishing some very nostalgic R&B sounds. Raphael Saadiq and Fitz and the Tantrums come to mind as two acts that not not only play old school soul, but sound like old school soul. British singer-songwriter Michael Kiwanuka is the latest artist to go for that nostalgic feel, and listening to his debut album Home Again was just like listening to oldies radio.

First off, Kiwanuka has a great voice. You shouldn’t mess with soul if you don’t have the vocal chops, but chops Kiwanuka has. On Home Again Kwanuka already sounds like a matured artist, which is amazing considering he’s twenty-four years old. Often equipped with an acoustic guitar, Kiwanuka’s fusion of heartfelt soul and acoustic guitar has drawn comparisons to Bill Withers. The big difference being Bill Withers was an amazing songwriter and Kiwanuka is just an okay songwriter. Where Kiwanuka pens some tracks highly reminiscent of the good old days, there’s not a lot that really jumps out at you.

The impressive “Tell Me a Tale” leads off the album with a jazzy soul exploration (flute included). The song eventually builds to a Temptations like chorus that’s hard not to like. After that, my attention wanders as Kiwanuka breezes through slow acoustic numbers that never seem to go anywhere. “Bones” a possible homage to 60s doo-wop is my second favorite track on the album. If only Kiwanuka focused his energy more on the style of those two tracks I’d be sold. The acoustic stuff is nice enough, but it gets real old real quick.

I feel bad that wasn’t as taken with Home Again as I was hoping to be. I love whole retro feel of everything but it all comes down to the quality of the songs. Kiwanuka should learn to shift his focus more towards catchy R&B/Pop songs as opposed to slow, bittersweet, ballads. He has a better chance of excelling as 60s-esque soulman than a brooding singer-songwriter. Either way, I look forward to where his career could possibly go down the road.

Favorite Tracks: “Bones”, “I’ll Get Along”, “Tell Me a Tale”

Screaming Females – Ugly

With recording technology and the internet making it so easy for bands to get their music out there, it seems weird that I don’t hear about more bands refining their sound in this way before gaining more attention.  Anyways, Screaming Females have more or less been doing this for a while with a D.I.Y. aesthetic that saw them releasing their own albums independently and thriving in New Jersey’s underground scene.  Now it seems that this trio is just starting to really hit it’s stride with a growing knack for songcraft in addition to their unabashedly hard-rocking sound.

It seems pretty apparent that I’m always going to be drawn to that scruffy post-punk sound that continues to occasionally reverberate throughout indie rock, and that’s certainly at the backbone of Screaming Females’ sound.  However, there’s also this affinity for the kind of guitar pyrotechnics that you find in the classic rock of Zeppelin or Sabbath as well.  Really, the star of the album has undeniably got to be Marissa Paternoster, who’s guitar work here establishes her as a first rate shredder of the highest order, yet there’s still an ear for melody that aptly compliments her wailing guitar solos.  And in addition to that, Paternoster’s a real howler of a vocalist, which I suppose could be a bit polarizing for some people, but I really dig the way her unhinged vocals play off of her equally unhinged guitar work.

The only knock I have against Ugly is that it’s a little on the long side at 53 minutes, considering that the band never really strays too far from it’s distinctly sludgy sound.  The one real exception to this is the album’s closing track “It’s Nice”, a more introverted acoustic number that slowly builds itself into a full-on power ballad.  The song shows that this band can do beauty just as well as abrasiveness, and thus leaves me with hope that this band could give us even greater things in the future.

Favorite Tracks: “Rotten Apple”, “Help Me”, “It’s Nice”

History provides a deep well of leaders and followers working together, like… Caesar and Brutus. That’s true in the world of cinema as well, with great teams of actors and directors. What’s that? Filmmaking is a collaboration? Don’t tell that to John Ratzenberger, that poor guy’s been the indentured slave of Pixar for years. Let’s instead focus on the actor-director teams that brought out the best in each other, whether that be true love or murderous rage.

Lookout below!

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10. Bill Murray / Wes Anderson
9. John Goodman / The Coen Brothers
8. Diane Keaton / Woody Allen
7. Gene Wilder / Mel Brooks
6. John Wayne / John Ford
5. Humphry Bogart / John Huston
4. Jack Lemmon / Billy Wilder
3. Jimmy Stewart / Alfred Hitchcock
2. Toshiro Mifune / Akira Kurosawa
1. Robert De Niro / Martin Scorsese

Jack White – Blunderbuss

Being a Jack White Fan is exhausting. If he’s not recording with The Raconteurs or The Dead Weather, he’s off collaborating with artists as diverse as Danger Mouse and even The Insane Clown Posse. I’ve grown weary of following all his side projects, but this is a solo album. Blunderbuss is pure unadulterated Jack White, but it’s nothing we haven’t already heard. Jack has shown hints of his appreciation for eclectic roots music on past albums, Blunderbuss just happens to be a bigger dose of that. The results are enjoyable enough, but I’m not sure I understand all the hubbub surrounding Blunderbuss.

Blunderbuss is a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll, and a whole lot of Jack White. I’ll give it to Jack, he has quite a presence on these recordings. His howling vocal delivery is unmatched and the same could be said for his guitar work. He self produces and commands the studio like a musical Swiss Army Knife. So Blunderbuss maybe his best work as a producer, but certainly not as a songwriter. Strip away all the production and these songs are fairly standard and even predictable.

“Sixteen Saltines” is easily the best track on the album. It’s a track that calls back to both the heaviness and simplicity of The White Stripes and frankly, really makes me miss that band. That group built up the heaviest songs with so little, and that’s really when Jack’s at his best. It’s a shame that Blunderbuss doesn’t have more riff heavy hard rockers. Jack has a unique approach to country, but it’s not nearly as captivating as his approach to hard rock.

There’s not a whole lot that differentiates Blunderbuss from Jack’s work on Consolers of the Lonely with The Raconteurs. That was also a very southern-flavored rock record. So Blunderbuss isn’t anything considerably new. That aside, Blunderbuss is still enjoyable for Jack White fans. He’s clearly made an effort to make these songs as polished and complete as possible. I enjoy the feel of this album and I commend the production. All I wanted to do here was present my case as to why I feel this album isn’t the masterpiece everyone seems to be saying it is. This is a solid entry from White, but I hopes he gives me a little more time to breathe before releasing any more recordings.

Favorite Tracks: “Freedom at 21″, “Missing Piece”, “Sixteen Saltines”

I almost did this album for a Classic Album Tuesday a few weeks ago, so it was quite a shock when drummer/vocalist Levon Helm’s ailing health came up in the news not long after. Rock has lost a powerful figure with Levon’s passing, but at least I can come back to this album for comfort. The Band’s eponymous second album has always been my favorite from the group. It’s hard to believe any band could follow up a debut like Music from Big Pink with an album that in many ways is just as good. For one, this album has four of my favorite Band songs in a row; “Rag Mama Rag”, “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”, “When You Awake”, and “Up On Cripple Creek”. All together it’s like a rootsy history lesson, rich with stories about the American landscape.

I’ve always found it surprising that The Band (with the exception of Arkansas native Levon Helm) were from Canada. Maybe it’s because guitarist Robbie Robertson’s songs captured the beauty of American culture better than most American musicians could. “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down” is a fine example of Robertson’s fascination with old time America. The song is such a hauntingly beautiful story of the hardships of the Civil War, and one of the most affecting songs I’ve ever heard. Of course it helps when you have an extraordinary voice like Levon Helm belting out the lyrics with such sincerity. Though you can’t overlook the other voices in The Band. Bassist Rick Danko and pianist Richard Manuel both brought a great deal of heart and soul into their performances.

The musicianship harkens back to turn of the century folk with hints of modern rock and blues. This is convincing due to the fact that every member is so versatile. Take into account a song like “Rag Mama Rag”. Here we have Robbie Robertson on guitar, Garth Hudson on piano, Richard Manuel on drums, Rick Danko on fiddle, Levon Helm on vocals/mandolin, and producer John Simon playing the bass line on sousaphone. How many bands can so seamlessly switch around the lineup and still be so cohesive? Everyone here brings so much, it’s no wonder they were known simply as “The Band.”

There’s so much to say about this album that I can’t even express with the words. So I’m going to take the easy way out and wrap this up. I’ll always love both Band albums, but this one was my introduction to the group, so it will always have a place in my heart. This album is simply one of the best of it’s era and one of my all-time favorites.

Favorite Tracks: “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”, “Rag Mama Rag”, “Up on Cripple Creek”

The Shins – Port of Morrow

It took listening to the a new Shins albums a few times to remind myself that I actually really like this band. I was even a fan of the Broken Bells, even though it seems most people consider that a waste of James Mercer’s time. After reading about how Mercer fired members of the band a few times, I got it into my head that he was a big jerk. Then I finally realized it’s not really my problem how he runs his band, really all I’ve got to do is listen to the music and see if I like it. So I downloaded Port of Morrow and…

I think it’s pretty good. Port of Morrow isn’t my favorite Shins album, the identity of which I will keep a secret, but it’s another great release from a band that has yet to disappoint. That the band here has nothing in common with the original Shins lineup save for Mercer is obvious from the very first song, “The Rifle’s Spiral,” which sounds like it could be off a new Broken Bells LP. But the very next track, “Simple Song” picks up where Wincing the Night Away left off, a joyous pop party.

The rest of the album holds up as well as the first couple tracks. I particularly like the first half of this 10-track collection, but the back half has a few gems as well, including the nostalgic “Fall of ’82.” The Shins are a neat project by a guy who makes music I like. I’m glad I was able to remember that.

Favorite Tracks: “The Rifle’s Spiral,” “Simple Song,” “Fall of ’82″

Dr. John – Locked Down

Why would I have any interest in the latest album from an artist I was never that big a fan of in the first place? I like some of Dr. John’s hits, I have the In the Right Place album and I was content with that. Then somehow I heard a cut off of Locked Down and was impressed by how retro it sounded. In my experience whenever you get the latest from an artist who’s been around for awhile it does whatever it can to sound contemporary. Locked Down on the other hand uses tons of retro sounds and vintage instruments. It’s almost like Dr. John is trying to travel back in time on this one. I was curious as to why this sounded so different yet familiar and then it all made sense. Locked Down was produced/co-written by Black Keys frontman Dan Auerbach who also plays extensively on the album.

Listening to Locked Down now, it almost sounds too much like The Black Keys. Auerbach’s influence is awfully strong, so much so that I wonder if Dr. John even knew what was going on. I get the feeling at times that Auerbach may be carrying too much of load due to the fact that Dr. John just isn’t as sharp as he used to be. Then again that’s all just speculation, so I should probably just focus on the songs.

The songs on Locked Down are fairly standard bluesy, funk numbers. Dr. John’s Cajun drawl is still as stylish as ever and there some delightfully old school sounds surrounding him. I only wish there was more new to offer in the songwriting department. Most of the songs on Locked Down are likable enough, but too derivative of not only past artists, but of past Dr. John material.

All in all it was an interesting experiment. I never thought I’d check out anything by a post-seventies Dr. John, so that’s saying something. I know some critics have really enjoyed this new album, and I’m happy for them. I’m also glad to see that Dr. John can still be critically relevant in 2012. Still I am no more than mildly pleased with Locked Down.

Favorite Tracks: ”Eleggua”, “Locked Down”, “Revolution”

M. Ward – A Wasteland Companion

I don’t know why it took me as long as it did to check out an album by singer-songwriter M.Ward. I enjoy both his work with Zooey Deschanel in the band She & Him and his work in the supergroup Monsters of Folk. A Wasteland Companion is M. Ward’s seventh album and it does bear a lot of resemblance to his songs with those other groups, maybe even too much. Wasteland sounds like half of the songs here could of been done with Monsters of Folk and the other half with She & Him and I was really hoping for something different.

M. Ward’s songs shift between folky and 60s style pop. I can hear that Ward is trying to diversify, but I would much rather have either a folk album or a pop rock album. I don’t feel like there’s any real direction here other than “I’m just going to throw together all the songs I haven’t used yet for my other projects.” Don’t get me wrong, there are some nice songs but some fairly forgettable ones as well.

I like M. Ward’s breathy vocals and laid-back disposition, apparently the only disposition he’s capable of. I just wish Ward would stop relying so heavily on Zooey Deschanel. Of course Zooey Deschanel sings on a couple songs that sound exactly like She & Him songs. If I wanted to listen to She & Him, I’d be listening to She & Him. It’s crazy that even on an M. Ward solo album I still feel like I’m listening to some kind of group or collaboration.

A Wasteland Companion is fine, but in the grand scheme of indie pop forgettable. Next time I’d like to see M. Ward focus most heavily on his 60s style songs, at least that’s what I like hearing him do the most. At least I now have a general idea of what he’s all about, so there’s one mystery solved.

Favorite Tracks: ”I Get Ideas”, “Me and My Shadow”, “Primitive Girl”

What’s that pitter-patter on the roof? Is it… Could it be… Top Ten Thursdays? It is! Like a proverbial downpour the discussion this week turned to a topic that is a big part of any Seattle native’s lifestyle: the rain. Specifically, songs about the rain. So warm up some moon waffles, cuddle up in bed like a big toasty cinnamon bun and listen to the storm of discussion.

Or not. I mean, the list is right after the break. I’m not going to stop you.

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10. Guns N’ Roses – “November Rain”
9. The Ronettes – “Walking in the Rain”
8. Prince – “Purple Rain”
7. BJ Thomas – “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head”
6. The Beatles – “Rain”
5. Randy Newman – “Louisiana 1927″
4. The Doors – “Riders on the Storm”
3. Gene Kelly – “Singin’ in the Rain”
2. Bob Dylan – “Shelter from the Storm”
1. Creedence Clearwater Revival – “Have You Ever Seen the Rain” / “Who’ll Stop the Rain”

- Harold and Kumar (Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle) – I’ve seen the first H&K movie and I’ll admit it’s kind of funny, but I’ve never found the two characters that unique or interesting.

- Leo (That 70s Show) Very funny, but derivative of another more iconic role on this list played by the same actor.

10. Doug Wilson (Weeds)
Portrayed by: Kevin Nealon
Doug Wilson is self-absorbed, irresponsible, immature, and my favorite character on the Showtime series Weeds. A show about the misadventures of drug dealing suburban mom Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker), Kevin Nealon plays accountant/city councilman Doug Wilson a frequent customer of Nancy. Early on Doug is a character that appears to have few concerns but to satisfy his own drug fueled desires. Though as Doug’s life falls apart later in the series he soon finds himself searching for any kind of high to numb the pain of a midlife crisis.

What makes Doug an entertaining stoner character? I think hilarity can simply be drawn from the fact that he’s a middle aged guy who still acts like a college frat boy. Doug is a funny stoner character because like so many of these characters he has no shame. I mean who else would smoke a bong in a tent at children’s rock concert? Maybe some of the other guys on this list.

9. Saul Silver (Pineapple Express)
Portrayed by: James Franco
Looking back it’s surprising that it took James Franco as long as it did to do a stoner comedy. Franco has always had that laid back quality, so playing a laid back stoner was a perfect fit for him. Saul is mellow, easily amused, and has a strange appreciation for civil engineers. Pineapple Express is an intriguing comedy as it combines stoners with action which is surprisingly effective entertainment. Saul may not be one of the most original movie stoners but he had some hilarious dialogue and was played to a tee by Franco.

8. Norvile “Shaggy” Rogers (Scooby Doo)
Portrayed by: Casey Kasem
Shaggy may be the most iconic character on this list but his status as a stoner is a little bit of a gray area. I mean he’s a character in a kid’s show for god’s sake! But let’s look at the facts. Here we have a giddy hippie who always had the munchies and talked to a Dog while riding around the in the back of a van solving mysteries. Additionally, this show began in the late 60s which was arguably the height of drug culture. Sure, this is all just speculation but I’d still put Shaggy on the list either way. Shaggy simply embodies all the characteristics associated with funny stoner characters.

I’ve heard rumors that there is an episode or episodes where you can see smoke coming out of the Mystery Machine. I can find no evidence of this so-called smoke, but if someone does please let me know, that would be hilarious.

7. Towelie (South Park)
Portrayed by: Vernon Chatman
Originally created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone in repsponse to the over commercialism of South Park, Towelie is just that… A stupid, catch phrase spouting Towel who for some reason always wants to get high. There isn’t any real reason for Towelie to be a stoner, it’s just funny because of how stupid it is. Towelie simply fills a void of randomness well suited for a stoner character and that’s funny, at least sometimes it is. Towelie really hasn’t been as funny as he was in his debut episode, but I blame that more on the decline of show. If anything he reminds us the importance of keeping dry and getting high.

6. Jesse Pinkman (Breaking Bad)
Portrayed by: Aaron Paul
Looking at the other stoner characters I’ve selected for this list I think Jesse is easily the most realistic. I could definitely imagine a meth-dealing black sheep like Jesse existing in reality. With his slacker persona and tendency to put “Yo” in almost all of his sentences, Jesse provides humor in an otherwise dark and brooding show. Of course Jesse has his own demons and addictions that provide some powerful drama as well.

Do to the fact that he’s a character on a well written drama series, Jesse is probably the most rounded and complex character on this list. Though as much as I like Aaron Paul’s performance on Breaking Bad, I decided to lean more towards comedic characters for this list. I mean that’s usually the main appeal of stoner characters right? They make us laugh, yo.

5. David Wooderson (Dazed and Confused)
Portrayed by: Matthew McConaughey
Just about everyone in the movie Dazed and Confused is a stoner, but none of them are quite as memorable as Wooderson. Played by real-life cannabis enthusiast Matthew McConaughey, Wooderson is that creepy kind of guy that graduates from high school but never leaves. What makes Wooderson such a memorable stoner character is probably more than anything his line delivery. With his slow Texas drawl Wooderson delivers some of the dumbest and therefore best lines of the movie.

4. Jay and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith’s Askewniverse)
Portrayed by: Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith
“Schmokin weed, schmokin wiz, doin’ coke, drunken beers, drunken beers, beers, beers…” That song alone from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back nab Jay and Silent Bob a spot on this list. Known for selling drugs outside a convenient store in Jersey, Jay and his “hetero-life mate” Bob have certainly seen their share of stoner comedy misadventures. Jay and Silent Bob even have their own comic book counterpart characters aptly named “Bluntman and Chronic” featured in the movies Chasing Amy and heavily in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Even though they were clean and found god by the time of Clerks II, they will always live on as some of the most famous loiterers ever captured on film.

3. Jeff Spicoli (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
Portrayed by: Sean Penn
On a list of character’s with poor motor functions, Spicoli may be the most fried. This California surfer type is a character that you would imagine being a moron if he wasn’t stoned, drugs simply enhance his stupidity. Whether he’s crashing the car of the high school football star or ordering pizza in class, Spicoli always seems to occupy the same laid back state of mind. He’s not only one of my favorite stoner characters but one of my favorite comedy movie characters in general. I mean he saved a drowning Brook Shields and hired Van Halen to play at his birthday, how cool is that?

2. Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski (The Big Lebowski)
Portrayed by: Jeff Bridges
The poster child for movie slackers, The Dude is another iconic stoner character. What I love about The Dude is that he never loses his cool despite that fact that he lives a pretty pathetic life. The Dude loves the simple things; bowling, white russians, his rug, driving around, and of course having the occasional acid flashback. The Dude shows what a longterm stoner lifestyle can do for someone, and even though it has it’s definite downsides, The Dude abides.

1. Cheech and Chong (Up in Smoke)
Portrayed by: Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong
Of course these guys had to be number one, they basically created the whole stoner comedy genre. So much of their comedy is fueled by and focused around sweet Mary Jane that they’ve become the thing of stoner legends. Beginning in the early 70s with a string of comedy albums, Cheech and Chong reached their apex in 1978 with the comedy Up in Smoke. In the film, each actor takes on personas that are both stupid and genius at the same time. Cheech Marin plays Pedro De Pacas an over-the-top Mexican American stereotype and Tommy Chong plays the practically brain-dead character known as “Man”. The film was panned, which is not surprising as it doesn’t have much of a plot, but it’s become a cult classic and some of the bits are hilarious.

One of my favorite scenes goes like this;
Man: Hey, hey don’t take those, man.
Pedro: …Wha?
Man: I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.
Pedro: Hey, man, I already took ‘em, man.
Man: (laughs) Hoo hoo hoo…
Pedro: Hey, whaddaya mean “ho ho ho”?
Man Oh… HU-WOW, MAN!
Pedro: Hey, what was in that shit, man?
Man: You just did the most acid I’ve ever seen anybody eat in my life!
Pedro: Hey, man, I never had no acid before, man.
Man: Jeez, I hope you’re not busy for about a month…

Not all of Cheech and Chong’s jokes may be that funny or even make that much sense, but that’s also why they are the ultimate stoner characters. Stoner comedy should be kind of mess because that’s what it’s like being stoned, alright, alright.

Wakeboarding Unleashed Featuring Shaun Murray (2003)

Welcome to another edition of the vault, a segment devoted to nostalgia. This week I’ll be reviewing a PS2 game that I’d pined to play for years until I finally buckled down and bought it on Amazon. The game is Wakeboarding Unleashed Featuring Shaun Murray by Activision, the same studio that brought us the beloved Tony Hawk Pro Skater franchise. I’ve always been a big fan of the THPS series and just earlier this year became a fan of another past Activision title Mat Hoffman’s Pro BMX for the PS1. It all goes back years ago when I played a demo of this on a copy of THPS 4. In the demo you could only play one level accompanied by a loop of Molly Hatchet’s “Flirtin’ with Disaster” but man was it fun. Though time went by and somehow I just forgot about it. So now that I’ve finally played through the game does it live it up to my expectations? Totally.

What’s a wakeboarding game even like? I think it’s closest relative would probably be snowboarding games, yet there’s something about crashing against waves that I find so much more satisfying than snow. So you follow behind a boat, go off ramps, do tricks, but all with that delightful Activision touch. The controls are incredibly fluid and you can fall into it immediately. One of my favorite features is the ability to let go of the rope, giving you the opportunity to explore other parts of the levels momentarily or elaborate on tricks, but it all has be timed just right. The level design is another feature to Wakeboarding Unleashed that really keeps it interesting. You have the more standard levels like wide canyons and Venice then you get some crazier stuff like a flooded city or the jungles of Belize. The graphics hold up really well and the level design is intricately complex with plenty of secrets.

Putting all of what’s been said aside, there’s still some features here that bring my piss to a boil. Some of the challenges get pretty repetitive and there’s a great deal of difficulty to go along with that. One challenge I always hate is boat racing. Where the wakeboarding controls are smooth the boat challenges are incredibly clunky and unbelievably boring. Other difficult aspects stem from the level designs getting more and more complicated. Where collecting numbers in one combo may be easy in the first level it’s pretty tricky later on. I find myself replaying missions over and over again and for what? To get another level that can only offer me the same challenges but slightly harder.

This is a game that’s fun to free-play for a couple of hours but can be frustrating if you care to unlock everything. Though I suppose if I had slightly better reflexes I’d probably enjoy this more. But why was this game so quickly forgotten? Because it’s about wakeboarding. Who really cares or knows anything about it? Is Shaun Murray a household name? The answer to these questions is; no one, nothing, and nope. It’s a bit of shame because this game is unique and worth a play. I’d recommend you check out this game if it was still 2003.

The Cabin in the Woods

Leave it to Joss Whedon to completely turn a genre on it’s head in the already acclaimed The Cabin in the Woods. Not since Scream has the horror genre been this deeply analyzed or even criticized in such a clever way, but The Cabin in the Woods takes that model and pushes it to new heights. Directed by Cloverfield writer Drew Goddard and written by Goddard and Whedon (both former collaborators on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel), The Cabin in the Woods is an all-out, over-the-top, sendup of the horror genre.

Surprisingly, the first characters we are introduced to are two seemingly white-collar technicians played by Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins. These two work for a company that stages slasher-like killings or “rituals” for mysterious reasons. The victims of this particular ritual are five friends that all represent horror cliches, you have; the virgin (Kristen Connolly), the jock (Chris Hemsworth), the slut (Anna Hutchinson), the scholar (Jesse Williams), and the outcast stoner (Fran Kranz), all heading out to spend the weekend at a cabin in the woods.

Once at the cabin the technicians or “puppeteers” start to manipulate the group’s environment. Pheromones are released through vents to make them horny, bridges out of the woods are destroyed, even random items are placed in a basement to decide what kind of creature will come after the group, Bradley Whitford is disappointed it’s never a Merman. The reasoning behind all of this is explained slowly throughout the movie, but you have to see it to appreciate it.

What I enjoyed so very much about The Cabin in the Woods was the humor. The whole thing is so self-aware and cynical, it’s refreshing to get a horror movie that just makes fun of how serious so many other horror movies try to be. Whitford and Jenkins are easily the most entertaining characters, but I actually liked everyone. Fran Kranz delivers some big laughs as the group’s philosophical stoner and I liked seeing Chris Hemsworth slowly dissolve into a horror movie stereotype spouting out lines like, “I think we should split up to cover more ground.”

The last half hour is where this film really goes all out and I couldn’t have been happier. The final act is more or less a horror fan’s wet dream and yet it’s still so tongue and cheek that I believe anyone could enjoy it. I would recommend this film to anyone, not just horror fans because of the fact that it blurs the line between genres. The Cabin in the Woods is kind of in a league of it’s own and most definitely lived up to the hype created by nerds on the internet.

The holy weekend’s over, it’s Thursday and the gang’s all here! Our big cast of heroes got together to shoot the poop and let it all hang out. The topic of discussion? Ensemble movies. Those films that don’t rely on just one star, instead focusing on a whole group of characters. It sounded like a really easy idea, but it quickly became clear that this is the most challenging top 10 so far.

If you don’t have the time for this super-sized show, you can check our list after the break.

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10. Hannah and Her Sisters
9. The Right Stuff
8. The Seven Samurai
7. American Graffiti
6. The Royal Tenenbaums
5. Best in Show
4. Network
3. Airplane!
2. Pulp Fiction
1. 12 Angry Men

The Men – Open Your Heart

It’s hard to find a lot about a band that doesn’t have a wikipedia, but from what I know, The Men are a Brooklyn band who released their debut album in late 2011 and are already back with an album that finds them expanding on their punk-influenced aesthetic in a more inviting and eclectic manner.  That kind of makes it sound like these guys have gone commercial, but on the contrary Open Your Heart is filled with the kind of sweaty candor that I usually find pretty irresistible.

Basically this was an album that I thought I was ready to fall in love with from the first listen, and though I have come around to more or less falling in love with this album, it was a little more difficult than I anticipated.  You see, Open Your Heart begins with “Turn It Around”, a balls-out rocker full of impassioned vocals and unhinged guitars, two things that tend to make me weak in the knees.  But from there the album more or less takes a left turn with each song, as it sees The Men applying their rough-and-tumble punk sound to a whole slew of different approaches, which needless to say left me struggling to cling on to one overarching sound that defines this band.

Now I see that it’s that kind of ready-for-anything dynamic that makes this such an incredibly fun album.  You see The Men taking on hardcore punk (“Animal”), echoey alt-country (“Country Song”), amped-up shoegaze (“Please Don’t Go Away”), while also taking a bunch of other twists and turns stylistically.  I suppose in this day and age it’s a bit jarring to hear an indie band that doesn’t stick to one distinct sound on each song, as well as being so defiantly raucous, but they inhibit all these different styles pretty darn well.  Really my only complaint is that Open Your Heart contains one or two too many lengthy instrumental interludes, but for the most part this is the kind of album that gets me excited about new music in general.

Favorite Tracks: “Turn It Around”, “Oscillation”, “Candy”

Lambchop – Mr. M

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted on the blog, and that can basically be attributed to the heavy load of school and work that I’ve been burdened with the last few weeks.  But alas, this week marks my spring break, so I’ll try and unload a couple album reviews I’ve been meaning to get out of the way.  The first comes from a Nashville band who apparently have been around since the ’90s though I’d never heard of them before hearing good things about their most recent album, Mr. M.  It’s a slightly bizarre blend of a few different genres that don’t tend to be described as bizarre, and though it hasn’t left me feeling the need to delve into Lambchop’s back catalogue, it has provided me with some nice chill-out music.

From the opening moments of this album, you get a pretty good idea of what you’re in for, as “If Not I’ll Just Die” starts with this lush orchestral interlude before lead singer Kurt Wagner mutters “Don’t know what the fuck they’re talkin’ ’bout” in his distinctly garbled tone.  And from there on you get an interesting mix of these sweeping string arrangements that compliment a sound that’s very much indebted to country, folk, jazz and to the kind of lounge-y pop that defined guys like Burt Bacharach and Tony Bennett.  So it’s kind of an unorthodox mix, but one that I think works if you like your indie rock to be a bit old-fashioned, as I usually do.

I guess my big complaint is that I have a hard time listening to music that’s so unrelentingly mellow for long stretches of time, so I can’t deny that I tend to find myself tuning out a bit towards the last few songs on Mr. M.  Still, it’s an album that blends a nice collection of genres that I kind of wish I spent more time listening to, and it’s always nice when an artist reminds you that there are other worthwhile sounds out there worth exploring.

Favorite Tracks: “2B2″, “Gone Tomorrow”, “Mr. Met”

We couldn’t pass up an opportunity to record an episode in a real radio station, and thusly, we focused on a real radio topic: sports. As a band of Mariner fans, how could we resist talking about of favorite Seattle Mariners, especially after they were honored by opening the season in Japan? So, sure, the Mariners may lose a lot, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get excited. Baseball’s back everybody! Please don’t sue us MLB!

List after the break.

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10. Chone Figgins
9. Mike Carp
8. Franklin Gutierrez
7. The Big Three: Walker, Paxton, Hultzen
6. It couldn’t get any worse…
5. Ichiro!
4. King Felix
3. Dustin Ackley
2. Justin Smoak
1. Jesus Montero

Magic City

Magic City is the latest Period Drama series from the Starz Network. Premiering last Friday, Starz has made the first three episodes available on their site, unedited and for free. I’ve now watched all three episodes and here are some of my initial thoughts. Set in Miami, Florida in the late 1950s, Magic City is about the operations of the fictional Miramar Playa Hotel, an upscale hotel located right on the sandy beaches of Miami. Isaac “Ike” Evans (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is the central star of the series and the owner of the hotel, though his life may not be as glamourous as one would expect. Protesters are swarming the hotel in an effort to convince Ike to unionize and in response Ike turns to some shady people, specifically notorious gangster Ben Diamond (Danny Huston).

I like the setup, the location, the concept, but something about this seems all too familiar. If you haven’t already guessed it, I’m thinking about this show’s strikingly similarities to both Boardwalk Empire and Mad Men. Like Boardwalk Empire you have a man in power with ties to some questionable people and then just take out prohibition and replace it with labor reform, gambling, and other issues relevant to the time and setting. Next you just need to add a splash of nostalgia a la Mad Men with guys in suits sipping on cocktails and you have Magic City. Already I’ve noticed some harsh reactions by some viewers to this show’s obvious similarities to those more popular shows, but I think if you can just go into Magic City objectively and judge it on it’s writing and performances, you might enjoy it.

Personally, I love the time period and I’m glad to see that Starz has gone all out to make this show look authentic. The settings, locations, and costumes are all marvelous and beautifully photographed, but what about the rest of the show? I like that as well. It’s basically all the reasons I like Mad Men except darker. The only spot where I think it may be lacking at this point in time is the characters. I like them all but there hasn’t really been enough time to explore them thoroughly. After the first episode I really had no idea what kind of character Ike Evans was supposed to be. Is he a tyrannical businessman? Is he driven by greed or power? But three episodes in I’m finally starting to get a feel for him. Surprisingly he’s a fairly normal, caring family man, who just happens to turn to dark places to avoid failure. I think this is one of the cases where you really have to give the show time to let the characters grow and thus far it looks promising.

Other characters of note on Magic City are Olga Kurylenko as Ike’s exotic young wife Vera, Steven Strait as Ike’s playboy twentysomething son Stevie, Danny Huston as intimidating gangster Ben Diamond, and my personal favorite Alec Rocco as Ike’s light hearted father. With all that being said why should you watch Magic City? Well if you’re the type that enjoys a good period drama or crime drama then you might get a kick out of this, or maybe if you’re into Mad Men. Plus you can watch the first three episodes for FREE, there ain’t no better deal than that. I know I’m going to try and follow this series best as I can. After all I gotta support Kirkland, WA native Jeffrey Dean Morgan, we K-Towners stick together.

John Carter

The problem with adapting the John Carter of Mars series of books is that everyone’s already stolen all of the best scenes. As prolific as the original works were, their influence so obviously and completely permeates the history of sci fi cinema that seeing it in its original context feels weird. The sith aren’t weird insects, their followers of the dark side of the force. Don’t try to Jedi mind trick me, I know my sith. But, if you’re able to overcome your biases and appreciate the film John Carter on its own merits, I think you’ll see it’s not just the best movie this year, it’s one of the best ever.

Like all great adventures, John Carter begins with our hero; solitary, damaged by past atrocities. A veteran of the Civil War, John Carter roams the land aimless, with little will to live. That’s when Bryan Cranston happens upon him, in that infamous scene when he tries to recruit Carter to him team. He’s unsuccessful, but he does at least corner John Carter in a bar. It is at that moment that Carter, misreading the sign that says “Barsoom” as “barroom,” accidentally runs through a portal to Mars.

Upon arriving at the red planet, John Carter immediately discovers that the difference in gravity has given him super jumping ability, sort of like Superman before Superman just started flying everywhere. This power is so appealing to him that he starts bounding across the barren wasteland that is the planet, leaping like the king of kangaroos. He continues picking up speed and height, and soon enough is circumnavigating the globe in mere seconds. Eventually, he reverses Mars’ rotation, throwing the planet, and himself back in time.

John Carter decides to land and survey the damage he has done. He finds Mars populated by a green, four-armed people. Realizing he has to be careful, John Carter tries his best to blend in and not alter the future. This is when he runs into Willem Dafoe, a Martian scientist who has been developing a time traveling machine. John Carter considers himself lucky, until Willem Dafoe tells him that to go back to the future, he’d have to enroll in Mars High School and convince young Bryan Cranston to fall in love with his mom. That’s when John Carter realizes that Bryan Cranston was his dad and he was trying to help him all along!

John Carter meets young Bryan Cranston and convinces him to date his mom, only to find out that she’s been kidnapped on a diplomatic mission. So John Carter, Bryan Cranston and Willem Dafoe head off to rescue her from British space nazis. Along the way, a Martian beast monster attacks them while at the same time their ship’s AI betrays them. In a lucky turn of events, the AI accidentally blows the monster out of the airlock, giving John Carter the chance he needed to rip out its motherboards and shit.

The trio get to the bad guy space base and rescue John Carter’s mom. She’s spunky, making fun of John Carter’s height, much to his chagrin. As they make their daring escape, Willem Dafoe ends up fighting with and getting killed by Mark Strong. John Carter is very upset about this until Mark Strong reveals the big twist: he’s John Carter’s real father, and the evil space base is actually a time machine he built so his son could go home. But the only way to activate it is to shoot a pinpoint weakness in its outside.

John Carter gets in his alphabet-themed starfighter and flies around the base. He gets caught in a dangerous dogfight with Dominic West, until Bryan Cranston arrives and saves the day. This is when he yells him infamous catchphrase, “Never give up, never surrender. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.” So John Carter uses his magic to fire a shot that someone curves downward into the hole, activating the time machine and sending him home…

Or so he thinks! John Carter wakes up in a mysterious pod, unplugging weird cables that were plugged into him. He looks around and sees that there are millions of similar pods all around him, as if all of mankind has been turned into living batteries. John Carter is dumped out of the pod into some weird pool, and prepares to die. Suddenly, a spaceship appears and lifts him out of the water. There, he meets Samuel L. Jackson, wearing an eyepatch, who tells him he’s putting a team together.

Needless to say, John Carter is an amazing movie and I can’t wait for the sequel.

Mass Effect 3

Commander Shepard certainly was aptly named. Over the course of the Mass Effect series, the Commander has continually grown her flock, enlisting the support of politicians, soldiers and organizations. Mass Effect 3 poses her biggest challenge, a threat so big she can no longer win with a small team. Instead, she must rally the entire galaxy to her cause. Yes, the Reapers are coming and the fate of sentient life hangs in the balance.

Bioware always said that Mass Effect would be a trilogy, and this third game exists mainly to pay off all the big tensions of the series. That means just about every character you care about (who’s still alive) will show up in some capacity to help Shepard, which, if you care about this story, is pretty awesome. Sure, it does feel way too coincidental, but the alternative – them not showing up – would be significantly more disappointing. There is a pervasive sense of desperation and finality to Mass Effect 3, and getting to see everyone again, to take my romance to its conclusion, to cement alliances and friendships, was pretty great.

Really, where the story steers wrong is the new stuff. The new party members are all right, but not as interesting as the amazing collection of heroes we got is Mass Effect 2. There’s been a shockingly vocal and negative response to Mass Effect 3‘s ending, which I can sympathize with, but think is going way too far. There’s a new character that ends up being the crux of the game’s final moments who was never handled well at all. Maybe I’m used to living with disappointing finales after shows like Lost, Battlestar Galactica and Seinfeld, but the end of this game didn’t bother me that much. Nothing could live up to the expectations set by Mass Effect 2, but I was pretty content with this being the end of this saga. I certainly didn’t want to file a complaint with the FTC.

Playing Mass Effect continues to swing further toward the shooter side than the RPG side, with the introduction of turret sequences and the return of the ability for every class to use all the weapons. I hear a lot of people complain about the gameplay in this series and I think they all must play as soldiers, because yeah, if you just shoot people, play like Gears of War, it’s not going to fare well. But I played as a vanguard and was constantly flying around levels, blowing enemies up and hardly ever shooting, and I had a great time. Then I played the game again as an adept, freezing and throwing my enemies around with mind powers and had even more fun. The use of powers and squad tactics elevates this game into its own category of gameplay, and I love it.

While armor management is the same as the last game, weapons are once again individually upgradable and compatibile with a variety of mods. There’s a ton of weapon variety, perhaps too much, but it pretty much guarantees everyone will find at least one gun they like. Side quests have been changed into mostly fetch quests for people who Shepard hears complaining about needing something. Scanning was dumbed down to just one item per planet. It’s weird that side quests are even in here at all, since everything is so desperate and it just feels weird for Shepard to waste her time on these mundane concerns.

Also somewhat controversially, Mass Effect 3 introduces multiplayer into the series. To motivate players to hop online, Bioware rewards people who play online with a boost to single player preparedness, meaning how easy it is to get what I imagine is the best ending. If you play enough, you could probably get to the ending without completing a single side quest. If you don’t play any, you’ll have to do damn near all of them.

But that wasn’t an issue for me, since I enjoy playing these games and relished to opportunity to compare my skills against others. There’s only one mode to play in, a team wave-based affair akin to Gears of War‘s Horde Mode. Really, the only thing I don’t like about multiplayer is that it doesn’t feel deep enough. You play as all the classes and a variety of races, but you can never customize their appearance beyond coloring them. More importantly, you can’t choose what you want to unlock. Instead, you spend your in-game (or real-life) money on booster packs, like a card game, randomly getting unlocks you probably don’t want. I’ve played a ton of multiplayer and still haven’t gotten the Asari Adept card, meaning I can’t play the one class I really want to. And forget about getting the weapon you want, unless you play a ton or throw down some serious paper.

Mass Effect 3 is a lot of things to a lot of different people. For me, it was a solid conclusion to one of the best franchises this generation, maybe ever. I’m more certain than ever that Mass Effect 2 is one of my favorite games of all time. And this whole experience, this five-year journey were every choice I made, every shot I fired counted and stayed with me from game-to-game, is one I’m am infinitely happy that I got to experience. The Mass Effect trilogy is one-of-a-kind, not just among games, among all media.

In honor of the beloved Mad Men, this week is all about 1967. Because that’s when the current season of the show is set. Probably. That show’s not really that explicit about anything. But what is explicit is this podcast, because the groovy conversation is all about the most awesome albums of 1967. It’s a little bit trippy, a little bit psychedelic, a lot a bit fun.

Spoilers after the break!

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10. The Moody Blues – Days of Future Passed
9. The Kinks – Something Else By The Kinks
8. The Who – The Who Sell Out
7. Moby Grape – Moby Grape
6. Cream – Disraeli Gears
5. The Doors – The Doors
4. The Jimi Hendrix Experience – Are You Experienced
3. Love – Forever Changes
2. The Velvet Underground – The Velvet Underground and Nico
1. The Beatles – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

The Hunger Games

Human sacrifice was a big part of a lot of cultures for a long time. Sure, now it sounds rather gaouche, but that’s because we live in slightly more sophisticated times. The Hunger Games is set in the future and it sounds like we can at least look forward to human sacrifice coming back in vogue. Here, 24 kids, aged 12-18, are taken to battle to the death in a futuristic arena to remind the population and, of course, make the best damn reality show ever. Because nothing says entertainment like an 18-year-old man fighting a 12-year-old girl.

It turns out there was some big war in North America, which left the world we know behind. Now the continent is run by the ruling class in the capitol city, with the rest of it (the losers in the war) divided into 12 districts and subjugated by capitol city peacekeepers. Every year, the city takes one boy and one girl from each district to compete in The Hunger Games battle royale, to remind the people who’s in charge and that revolution is a bad idea. Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) comes from District 12, the poor coal mining district, and her getting sent to the games is basically a death sentence.

But she’s tough and spunky and makes a go of it. The Hunger Games is not a short movie, dedicating plenty of time to showing just how sick and bizarre this tradition is before giving us what everyone really wants, the bloodbath. There’s not much subtlety to the social commentary here, and the reality show set-up makes it difficult to read the characters. There’s a romance in the film that, at inception, is just an act to get audience sympathy. By the end of the film, it is not in anyway clear if that relationship transcended that or not. I never knew how anyone really felt or thought about what was going on.

I do give props to Jennifer Lawrence, who continues to prove herself one of the most talented young actors around. Katniss is tough and not very talkative, but Lawrence brings a lot more to her performance, giving us a window into her mind that I’m sure fans of the book didn’t need but someone like me appreciated. The rest of the cast is fine. Elizabeth Banks, Woody Harrelson and Stanley Tucci all play weird city-dwellers and look like they’re having fun with their ridiculous wigs and outfits. Donald Southerland’s in here too, although he felt more like a sequel setup character than anything else.

A few scenes from The Hunger Games stuck with me. There’s a great scene when a particularly sad death provokes a riot that I thought was well done and I hope is a sign of things to come in the sequel. All I was really looking for was some fun action, and I got it, eventually. Hell, the movie has enough pathos, I even want to read the book now. But if you haven’t read the book, don’t want to read the book, or won’t be dragged to the theater by people who read the book, you’d probably be safe letting The Hunger Games pass you by.

Bruce Springsteen – Wrecking Ball

The Boss has been in charge for almost forty years but he’s still got just as much piss and vinegar as ever. Springsteen has shown that he’s just as rough around the edges as ever on his latest album Wrecking Ball. Gone is the more optimistic vision of hope for our country on Working on Dream as it has been replaced by a more grim outlook. Wrecking Ball tells us that now we got to fight for the American dream and it’s not gonna be pretty. Singing on behalf of the 99 percent and the downtrodden individuals of today’s economy, Wrecking Ball may be Springsteen’s angriest and most political record yet. Of course I’m always willing to rally behind the rock anthems of Springsteen, but I find that on Wrecking Ball the music has taken a backseat to the message.

I’m willing to listen to anyone who has the balls to speak out against corruption in business or government or “Corporate Fuck” as I like to so eloquently call it, I just wish Springsteen’s melodies were as inspired as the message. There are some epic musical moments here that really do hit like a wrecking ball, but even on a third listen it still blurs together. The lead single “We Take Care of Our Own” is my favorite with it’s catchy guitar hook and inspiring lyrics and the title track is another folksy pleasure, if not somewhat formulaic by Springsteen standards. Really I like everything here I just didn’t fall in love with it like I did with Working on a Dream.

I appreciate Springsteen fighting for the working man, but when that’s every track I’ll admit it gets a little tired. The album is certainly a more painful and powerful record but sometimes I prefer the Springsteen that sings about things like dancing in the dark and having a hungry heart. Of course I have to mention how The E-Street Band hasn’t been the same without saxophonist Clarence Clemons, he’s present on a few tracks here but it’s just not the same. Many critics have hailed Wrecking Ball as one of Springsteen’s best in years but I disagree. I liked both Magic and Working on a Dream more than Wrecking Ball, but that aside this is still a strong followup and worth checking out for fans of Springsteen or maybe even the American dream in general.

Favorite Tracks: “Land of Hope and Dreams”, “Wrecking Ball” “We Take Care of Our Own”

SSX

When it was announced, the new SSX game was called Deadly Descents. It looked to be a departure from what the extreme sports series was known for, and I was worried about the direction it was going in. In the many months between that first trailer and the game’s release, the retitled SSX reshaped itself as both a modern interpretation of the franchise and a return to what made it fun in the first place.

It begins with the formation of a team called SSX, for Snow, Surf, Motocross. Despite the name, SSX is all about snowboarding and doesn’t actually partake in the other events. So I guess chock that up on the big board of terrible backronyms. Anyway, one of the guys on the team betrays the others, who decide they have to conquer the world’s most dangerous mountains to win some contest that I think they just made up. Along the way, they add new members to the team. The characters run the gamut from French model who loves adventure to Hawaiian guy who loves adventure. The story unfolds in comic-style cinematics that aren’t particularly good and frankly, if your into this game for the story, your weird.

Events are broken up into three modes: Race It, Trick It and Survive It. The first two are obvious, you win races by getting to the bottom of the mountain fastest, you win trick contests by scoring the most points. But when you get to the legendary deadly descents, the final level in each mountain range, your only objective is survival. Each mountain has a gimmick that you’ll have to deal with; a particularly rocky mountain, for example, will require the use of body armor. This gets especially crazy with the introduction of active gear, like wing suits used to extend jumps and survive big gaps. It’s a neat addition that makes the game just that little bit fresher.

But what really helps is that there simply hasn’t been anything filling the SSX void since the last game came out. The tricks are as reality-defying as ever, the jumps as ridiculous, the sense of momentum as exhilarating. Most of the time I spent playing this game reminded me of my glory days playing Tricky and SSX3 – and that’s not a bad thing at all. The original games’ quirky control scheme even remains an option for those veteran players who are still comfortable playing like that, but I found the new controls perfectly functional.

SSX lacks any real multiplayer, instead it chooses to follow the model established by Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit and put all the focus on leaderboards. Whenever you complete an event, you immediately get to compare your performance to your friends’ and the rest of the world. What’s more, there are events that you can participate in for worldwide glory and in-game rewards. That’s right, if competing with your friends wasn’t enough, the game has its own currency, which you use to buy new gear for your characters, earning both cosmetic and gameplay bonuses. It’s all pretty slick and makes the game pretty addictive.

It wouldn’t be an SSX game without a great soundtrack and this new title does not disappoint. A mix of rap, electronic and rock will accompany you down the slopes that is just eclectic enough that I bet anyone will have at least one song that they love. As always, the music responds to how you’re playing, making the experience that much more cinematic. My favorite touch is the dubstep remix of Run DMC’s “It’s Tricky” that plays when you fill the tricky meter. That’s really this game in a nutshell. That familiar old song, remixed just enough to fit in 2012.

Top Ten Fridays Saturdays? That simply will not do. But tardiness is better than absence, so delayed but not deterred, T3 is here for you. This week the topic of choice is original movies scores, inspired by… uh… The Muppets DVD release? Now, surely you were looking for some sort of Hunger Games-related murder adventure this week and you’re disappointed to hear everyone lives through the entire podcast (or do they?) but don’t worry, the stakes couldn’t be higher. After all, when was the last time you heard people talking about the best movie scores? I thought so. Give it a listen.

Or you could just look at the list after the break.

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10. Batman (Danny Elfman)
9. Gone with the Wind (Max Steiner)
8. Jaws (John Williams)
7. The Godfather (Nino Rota)
6. Lawrence of Arabia (Maurice Jarre)
5. Jurassic Park (John Williams)
4. Vertigo (Bernard Herrmann)
3. Raiders of the Lost Ark (John Williams)
2. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (Ennio Morricone)
1. Star Wars (John Williams)

21 Jump Street

The first big comedy of the year has hit and despite sounding like a lazy rehash of an old TV show it’s anything but. 21Jump Street, adapted from the 80s cop drama of the same name is now a raunchy comedy film starring Channing Tatum and a not-quite-fat but not-quite-thin Jonah Hill. Also co-written by Jonah Hill, 21 Jump Street runs away with a premise full of limitless comedic possibilities and delivers on both the laughs and action that we as moviegoers all crave.

Schmidt (Hill) and Jenko (Tatum) are two youthful cops that despite their inabilities as successful officers are best friends. Growing up on different sides of the high school spectrum, Schmidt being a nerd and Jenko being cool, the two eventually accept each other’s differences when they both find themselves together in the police academy. After they complete their training, and after a comic misadventure as bike cops, the two immature officers find themselves in a secret program led by at the angry Capt. Dickson (Ice Cube) where young-looking officers go undercover at high schools, the location of this program’s facility? “21 Jump Street”. Thus Schmidt and Jenko find themselves undercover as students in attempt to bring down a burgeoning teenage drug circuit, hilarity ensues.

First off, I commend the filmmakers for avoiding the easy character route for Schmidt and Jenko. It would of been so easy to make them rivals, but I find it much more compelling for them to be best friends and for the drama to come from peer pressure straining their relationship. The characters are very likable and surprisingly have good chemistry together. I can honestly say this is the first time I’ve ever liked Channing Tatum, perhaps because his character is as dumb as a post and that a lot of humor can come from the fact that he looks much older than everyone else. Hill of course delivers as always, excelling as the insecure yet lovable Schmidt.

But perhaps the most appealing aspect in this films is that it’s not afraid to make fun of itself. There is even a scene where a police chief played by Nick Offerman says in regards to the program, “We’re reviving an old undercover-in-high-school program from the 1980s, because the only idea anyone can come up with now is to recycle shit from the past.” It really is refreshing to hear that kind of honesty in today’s landscape of remakes and reboots. Another great jab at the genre comes from a high speed chase where the characters keep expecting things to explode but then they don’t, you gotta see it to believe it.

Really there isn’t anything new about 21 Jump Street, the makers would be the first ones to tell you that, but it’s inspiring to see someone take something tired and old and put some life into it. I think there will always be a certain appeal to raunchy high school movies and it’s always a treat to see a buddy cop film where you actually care about the friendship. Sounds like Sony Pictures has already given the green light for a 21 Jump Street sequel, so it’ll only be a matter of time before were going back to school.

The clocks have sprung forward, and that means school’s out for listing. As the gang gets excited for the highly anticipated 21 Jump Street, they look back at all the great high school movies they’ve seen, as well as a few they haven’t. They have a lot of fun, and if you’re not careful, you might learn something too. But probably not. Unless you always wanted to learn about how good the song from Mr. Holland’s Opus is – which you didn’t.

Take a look at the list after the break, or just listen to the podcast and have a better time. I swear to blog.

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10. Back to the Future
9. Napoleon Dynamite
8. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
7. The Breakfast Club
6. Juno
5. Election
4. Rushmore
3. Dazed and Confused
2. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
1. Superbad

After dedicating so much brainpower to reliving the Nineties, it would seem like a waste to move forward in time without at least talking about another cultural icon: the Super Nintendo. Sure, it might not have the infamy or name recognition of the original Nintendo Entertainment System, but it’s hard not to respect the amazing library of games for Nintendo’s second home console. It’s our first and maybe only video game-centric podcast, enjoy it!

Or take the jump to not enjoy it!

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10. Earthbound
9. Aladdin
8. Super Mario Kart
7. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island
6. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
4. Super Metroid
3. Mega Man X
2. Donkey Kong County
1. Super Mario World

Sorry for the delay, some technical difficulties arose, had to export it overnight. Enjoy!

There are two kinds of people: those that hate 1990s music and those that love it. Everyone at T3 falls in the latter. As younglings, the music of Weird Al and The La’s seemed wonderful and exciting to the guys. Now that they’re all older and vastly more cynical, they return to wring what little nostalgia is left out of the tunes that they still remember. By discovering together their favorite Nineties One-Hit Wonders, they find what they had really been looking for all along: each other.

If all that sounds like a bit much to you, you could always just look at the list after the break.

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10. House of Pain – “Jump Around”
9. Blind Melon – “No Rain”
8. Spacehog – “In the Meantime”
7. Chumbawumba – “Tubthumping”
6. OMC – “How Bizarre”
5. Harvey Danger – “Flagpole Sitta”
4. The Proclaimers – “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”
3. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones – “The Impression That I Get”
2. Semisonic – “Closing Time”
1. The Verve – “Bittersweet Symphony”

Dr. Dog – Be the Void

Here’s an album I didn’t think I’d be the one reviewing. Dr. Dog is a band I’ve always liked, but more on an individual song basis than entire albums. For example, “My Old Ways” is a tune I love to listen to, but right now I probably couldn’t tell you what any other song off We All Belong sounds like. Nonetheless, the latest release from these titans of lofi has been out for a few weeks now and if I didn’t write about it, I fear time might forget about it.

The big question about a new album from Dr. Dog is how they’ve improved production values. I can’t say they’ve improved over Shame, Shame. Rather, they’ve gone it bit backwards. While Dr. Dog’s last album was beautiful, this time they went for the fuzzy, classic rock feel of their early, self-recorded material. Everything’s fairly anthemic, energetic and exciting to listen to – I’d say this album has as many catchy tracks as any other of their albums.

After 2011 saw many of my favorite bands release disappointing new albums, it’s really pleasing to hear Dr. Dog, after five albums, is as good as ever. And if you can listen to “How Long Must I Wait” and not find it stuck in your head later, you’re not human.

Favorite Tracks: “Lonesome,” “How Long Must I Wait,” “Get Away”

Seems like I usually write some kind of afterthought about Oscar night, so here we go again. Oscar vet Billy Crystal was back at the helm and even though he was a little cheesy with no shortage on movie puns, it was still a nice change of pace from last year. Anne Hathaway and James Franco? What were they thinking? Billy wasn’t really funny but at least he seems to be comfortable doing something he clearly enjoys. So hopefully the Academy will stop experimenting with strange non-comedian hosts and just let the funny people do what they do best.

The ceremony opened with movie montage (as it often does) featuring Crystal which was probably his best moment, but I still the rest of his old school approach to the classiest night in showbiz. As for who brought home the gold? I was very satisfied. Most of my personal favorites won in their respective categories, the exception being Viola Davis losing to Meryl Streep. I didn’t see The Iron Lady so I don’t know if Streep was truly deserving or if it was just the Academy throwing her bone after, but it doesn’t bother me, I’m sure she’s usually pretty darn good. But The Artist was the big winner of the night and I couldn’t be happier. When Natalie Portman or “NaPo” as Sean calls her called Jean Dujardin’s name in the best actor category? I was ecstatic, it was easily my favorite performance of the year. Really this is one of the first years in awhile where I really have no complaints. The Artist won, Bret Mckenzie won for his song in The Muppets, and now Dean Pelton from Community has an oscar fro screenwriting, let the good times roll.

Band of Skulls – Sweet Sour

I’m not sure when or where I first heard about Band of Skulls but it’s hard to forget a name like “Band of Skulls.” With a name that sounds perfectly suited for a Norwegian death metal band, you might be surprised to find that Band of SKulls is actually a hard rock trio from Southampton. Sweet Sour is the group’s second release and though I’ll say it definitely has it’s moments that’s really all it is, moments. So if you’re looking for the latest and greatest in hard rock you probably wont find it here, but that doesn’t mean you wont enjoy parts of Sweet Sour

The leadoff track, which also happens to be the title track, should be able to give any rock junkie a fix with it’s droning beat and buzzing hammer-ons. Vocal duties on the track and most tracks are split between guitarist Matt Hayward and bassist Emma Richardson. Utizling the male/female hard rock dynamic, it’s hard not to think of Alison Mosshart and Jack White from The Dead Weather, but I think Richardson and Hayward’s vocals tend to blend better and in a very beautiful way. Drummer Russell Marsden provides some perfectly John Bonham-esque beats and ultimately the trio creates a very full sound. I was actually really digging this album on about the first three tracks, but after that my mind started to wander.

Somewhere in the middle of this album I found myself zoning out, and not because I was getting lost in the groove of a song. Constantly I found myself checking how much of the song was left in iTunes and that certainly can’t be good. Like I said earlier in my review there are a lot of great “moments” on Sweet Sour but as a whole it can be boring. I think what did it for me was being worn out by the track runtimes. This is a band that should learn to utilize tracks around the 2:50-3:00 range, as they’re really not doing enough to warrant 5:00 plus minutes. If these songs had a lot of varied sections or some improvisation I’d be content, but these songs just seem to keep going and going. I almost contemplated giving this album a slightly lower rating but I just love some of the things they’re doing so much that I’ll let them settle in with the typical mildly pleased rating.

Favorite Tracks: “Bruises”, “Lay My Head Down”, “Sweet Sour”

Ah the Oscars, my favorite TV event of the whole year. So many have criticized this prestigious ceremony over the years for many different reasons. Some say it focuses more on the best marketed movies than the actual best movies, and there could be some truth to that. Though for the most part I believe the Academy makes the right decisions regarding who they nominate and who they award. I just love the Oscars because it celebrates the movies and hey, sometimes it’s even funny… Though certainly not last year. Luckily the host with most Billy Crystal is back at the helm and the field of nominees is pretty solid. Though you probably wont see much variance in my list from most critic’s lists as there always seems to be that strange point where everyone agrees on the same things. So who knows, maybe I’ll be way off with some of these, I like surprises.

Best Adapted Screenplay
My personal favorite of this year’s crowd would be Moneyball for it’s ability to bring a book I wouldn’t expect to as a movie to the big screen. Though I think there’s a good chance it will go to The Descendants. Alexander Payne has a knack for finding the humor of “Painful” real life situations and I think that will be recognized. Actors Jim Rash and Nat Faxon co-authored and the screenplay and to think of a world where Dean Pelton from Community and some guy from Beerfest could have oscars fills me with hope for this world, go team The Descendants!

Best Original Screenplay
Of course my favorite for every category is going to be The Artist but everyone says Woody Allen for Midnight in Paris, so I’ll go with the safe bet. I wouldn’t be surprised by an upset for the Woodman here (like he would care) as this usually seems to be an unpredictable category. Bridesmaids is the dark horse but even that has an outside chance. It also makes me interested to see A Separation nominated. When I see a foreign movie with that many nominations it always makes me wonder… Is the only thing holding that film back from winning the fact that it’s foreign? Is it one of the best films of the year? Unfortunately it’s foreign so I didn’t get to see it. Where was I? Oh yeah, Midnight in Paris but I don’t know, Woody is always a no show at the Academy Awards. How will that affect the film’s chances? This one could be interesting

Best Supporting Actress
I like to think Octavia Spencer is a lock but that’s also because she’s my favorite in this category. The strange case here is why Shailene Woodley wasn’t nominated for The Descendants. Granted I didn’t see Janet McTeer in Albert Nobbs I think Shailene Woodley easily gave the second best supporting actress performance of the year. Anyways, the fact that Octavia Spencer could now have an oscar is why I watch the Oscars. Here is an actress that I previously knew for roles like the prostitute in Bad Santa and as a bank employee in Drag Me to Hell and now she could have an oscar? Nothing better than seeing a talented actress get a break in the biggest awards ceremony of the year.

Best Supporting Actor
If there’s one nominee that’s been a lock since day one of award’s season it’s Christopher Plummer. I feel like I can say that with confidence because, 1. Plummer is completely deserving of the award and has consistently been winning in this category and 2. Once again the biggest competition in this category, in this case Albert Brooks, wasn’t even nominated. I didn’t see Kenneth Branagh in My Week with Marilyn but I did see all the other performances for this category and I can tell ya, no one is taking this night away from Christopher Plummer.

Best Actress
Meryl Streep keeps coming up again and again so this is a tough one. I didn’t really have any interest in seeing The Iron Lady and the bad reviews didn’t help. Streep of course took home the Golden Globe so I wonder how the film’s bad reviews will weigh into the situation. Of course it shouldn’t matter when were only talking about the performance, I feel like the Academy usually tries to focus on the better reviewed movies when it comes to bringing home the gold. So I’m just going to go ahead and go with my favorite performance in Viola Davis for The Help. Davis is completely deserving but she apparently has some stiff competition, this is one of the categories where I’m really not sure.

Best Actor
Now here is where I’m most unsure. The Artist has been this year’s darling on the award show circuit but Clooney’s name has consistently come up. It doesn’t help that most ceremonies split the best actor award into both a dramatic and comedic category. I like Clooney but I really don’t see the need to give him a second oscar for what’s essentially a very typical Clooney performance. Don’t get me wrong, he’s good but he’s not really stepping out of his boundaries for this one. Dujardin on the other hand gave a a delightfully expressive performance in The Artist, but the fact that it’s silent? That could be a tough obstacle to get around. Nonetheless I’m pulling for Dujardin and he’s ultimately my pick.

Best Director
One of the few categories where I think everyone is equally deserving of the award. Woody Allen, Alexander Payne, Terrence Malick, Martin Scorsese, what a lineup… And then you have Michel Hazanvicius. A name I’m sure no one had heard of before The Artist. Though I’m not sure he actually deserves it what it really it comes down to is “How much does the Academy love The Artist?” Being nominated for ten oscars sure is something, so will it be the big winner or not? Hard to say but I’m putting my money on Hazanavicius.

Best Picture
It’s got to be The Artist, if there’s even one category it deserves to win it’s this one and how cool would that be? The idea of a silent film winning best picture in this day and age? Oh how much joy that would fill me with. It’s pretty brave to make a film like The Artist in this day and age and not only that but the fact that it succeeded on such a triumphant level. I wouldn’t care if I was wrong in every category as long as this took home the gold.

Lilyhammer

Looks like we’ve entered a new age as movie delivery/streaming service Netflix has delivered it’s first original series in Lilyhammer. The series stars who else but renowned E-Street Band guitarist/Sopranos actor Steven Van Zandt as the endlessly entertaining wise guy Frankie “The Fixer” Tagliano. After the death of a former Mafia associate, Frankie Tagliano enters the witness relocation program and testifies against his organization so that he can start over with a clean slate… And what better place to start over then in the humble city of Lillehammer, Norway?

Infatuated with the city ever since he watched the 1994 Olympics, Frankie imagines a life with crisp snow, fresh mountain air, and beautiful Scandinavian broads, unfortunately this isn’t the case. Under the new name of Giovanni “Johnny” Henriksen, Frankie finds himself in a freezing and relatively uneventful community where he now must attend immigration classes, job meetings, and other mundane activities. So surely enough Frankie, or should I say Johnny (as that’s what everyone calls him) returns to his old habits of blackmail, extortion, and violence, to open his own bar and start his own crime underworld in the sleepy suburbs of Lillehammer.

Along the way Johnny meets plenty of colorful characters including Torgeir (Trond Fausas Aurvag) a a dimwitted local who quickly becomes Johnny’s right hand man, Jan (Fridtjov Saheim) an adulterous Labor office employee, and Sigrid (Marian Saastad Ottesen) a kindhearted single mother whom Johnny forms a relationship with. The results are a full on black comedy that pokes fun both at the pompous attitudes of Americans and the docile, folksy lives of small town Scandinavians. It’s certainly quirky and if you have been intrigued by anything I’ve said thus far then you will probably like this show.

I was a little hesitant about Steven Van Zandt starring in a series as his role in The Sopranos always seemed minimal, but he’s hilarious. Sure the character is essentially the typical wise guy character, but Van Zandt takes it so over-the-top it’s hard not to laugh. Even Van Zandt’s physical performance, hunched over with a constant scowl is a joy to watch, he clearly enjoys playing this character and I enjoy watching him. Though what really makes the character work is the fact that he’s set in such a unique surrounding. Here we have this tough as nails guy from the Big Apple now in a town with these almost annoyingly helpful Norwegians, it’s the classic fish out of water story.

Aside from Van Zant, the show is cleverly written and finds a good balance between humor and drama. I’d still say the show is a comedy but it definitely has it’s darker moments, you simply couldn’t have a crime show without violence. My only complaint is that this show may be too over-the-top. It is a little hard to believe any of this could happen and Johnny is more or less an Italian stereotype with little depth. That aside this show is very funny with some well executed twists and turns to keep you interested. If you have Netflix streaming than I recommend you check it out and hopefully when Van Zandt is done touring with “The Boss” he’ll get back to work on this.

Awake

Awake is NBC’s latest cop drama series from Kyle Killen. From the creator of the ill-fated but well received FOX drama Lonestar, Killen’s latest show premieres on March 1st but the pilot is currently available to watch for free on Hulu. I don’t normally watch basic cable dramas but something about the premise to Awake really intrigued me. Awake stars Jason Isaacs (AKA Lucius Malfoy) as American police detective Michael Britten suffering from the effects of a recent traumatic car accident. Traumatic in what way? After the accident Michael finds himself living two different lives. In one life Michael’s son is dead from the accident while in the other his wife is dead. Michael switches between the two different lives every time he goes to bed and wakes up the next day. Michael also has different therapists for each life, Cherry Jones plays one and BD Wong the other, as well as new partner (Wilmer Valderrama) in one life while in the other he works solo. To help separate the two lives Michael wears a red wrist band (for the world with his wife) and a green wrist band (for the one with his son). Michael has different cases in each life but as seen in the pilot there are occasional details that overlap, possibly reveling potential clues between what’s real and what’s a dream.

I think it’s a fantastic premise but I’m going to go right ahead and say this pilot didn’t do much for me. Something about the execution seems very procedural of any typical cop drama. Michael struggles with his case, blah, blah, shares some melodramatic scenes with his wife yadda, yadda. The setup maybe new but nothing else about this show is or really stands out. Though I will say that I saw the seedlings of ideas that could have the potential to grow into something very interesting. What I did enjoy here is when Michael discovered clues between his two different cases and how they connected between his lives. This whole concept of how these lives are related could equal great television if handled well, but I have the sneaking suspicion they wont be. Where most people will be watching this show to know what it all means, you know the show runners will want to prolong that for as long as possible. What that means is that this show will most likely drag on in the same way that How I Met Your Mother does in revealing who the mother is.

Honestly I think Awake would of been a much better idea for a movie. I would imagine it like Memento if it was about Cops. The problem here is they’ve given the audience a great question with no intention to answer it anytime soon. Though this is by no means a terrible show and could have the potential to become better as the mystery develops. One thing I almost forgot to mention was the excellent lead performance by Jason Isaacs, I had no idea he could so convincingly play a hardened American detective. Will I watch the next episode of Awake? Possibly, but it if it’s more of the same I’m out, out cold.

Finally leaving the domain of movies for a change, the guys take on perhaps their most heated topic yet: TV show title sequences. Yes, those memorable segments at the beginning of shows that you probably forgot about ever since you got your DVR. It’s a battle of visuals and music; the catchy versus the memorable, the time-tested classics versus modern marvels. A topic so deep and with some many options, there’s quite a high probability one of your favorites won’t even get an honorable mention. Strap in baby, it’s time to get your T3 on.

Or you could just skip the whole show and read our final list. I wouldn’t do it, but we’re all for free will here.

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10. The Mary Tyler Moore Show
9. Miami Vice
8. All in the Family
7. The Drew Carey Show
6. The Sopranos
5. The Simpsons
4. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
3. Mad Men
2. Batman: The Animated Series
1. Cheers

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

As the first title from Curt Schilling’s 38 Studios, Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning demands comparison. At first look, Reckoning seems very Fable-like, with its quasi-cartoony art style, whimsical score and ambition to combine quality combat with an RPG world. Knowing that Elder Scrolls veteran Ken Rolston designed the game makes all the elements borrowed from that series more apparent. But really, if there’s any single game to compare this to, it would be World of Warcraft. Played solo, forever.

The game begins with the player character dead and then quickly not dead, being revived by a thing called the Well of Souls right before it’s destroyed by evil invaders. This is a world were fate is a very real thing, which everyone accepts and follows. Except for our undead hero, who has become the Fateless One, able to not only determine his or her own destiny, but to change the fates of others. And what does one do with such vast potential? Become the world’s premier errand boy.

Reckoning plays very much like an MMORPG, as fetch quests quickly become the game’s MO. There is a staggering amount of quests to do in the world of Amalur, but most of them just aren’t that interesting to do. Like World of Warcraft, taken individually, the tasks you are given just aren’t that interesting, and I quickly found myself skipping through sidequest dialogue and only completing the jobs that were on my way to the next real mission. The game’s main story is actually really serious and pretty good, as are the faction quests (ala Elder Scrolls) so I recommend you take this approach as well and not let the glut of sidequests dilute your experience.

Where Reckoning really shines is its combat system, which really plays up the fateless aspect of the story. Since you can choose your own destiny, the game lets you spec your character between warrior, rogue and mage trees, or any combination of the three. I spent most of the game as a warrior mage, beating enemies around with a combination of a giant greatsword and magical Frisbess called chakrams, while also blasting foes with spells. The game has a simple combo system that lets you easily combine all your strengths into devastating chain attacks, and, while it’s not quite God of War or Devil May Cry, this is a huge step up from even Skyrim.

The sheer quantity of loot in this game is pretty impressive. There are chests everywhere full of reagents, gear and gear to be broken into reagents. Good stuff can be anywhere, I found legendary items in piles of rocks and hollow logs. So you’ll be spending a lot of Reckoning going through every shiny clump in the area, looking for the next great thing. It doesn’t help that the game’s inventory interface is somewhat lacking, at least on consoles. Not a lot of information is presented at once, and it takes a few too many clicks to get anywhere. But honestly, it’s not really that bad and the game’s junk feature, which lets you put everything you don’t want in one place and sell it all with one click, is pretty great.

I got over 40 hours out of Reckoning, and I still have a shocking number of quests left to complete. Knowing that this game is paving the way for an Amalur MMORPG makes me wish that this game was online in someway. I want to show people my cool spec and all the sweet gear I crafted for myself. I want my accomplishments to matter. Without a controllable party or a fun memorable cast of characters, I feel so alone. It’s not easy being fateless.

It can be difficult to find relevant albums week by week, so when I found out this album recently celebrated it’s 35th anniversary I jumped at the opportunity to review it. The Damned were a London based punk group most prominent in the punk boom of the late 70s. Led by the charismatic Dave Vanian (like Transylvanian), Damned Damned Damned was everything you could want in a lively and to-the-point punk debut. The songs here are energetic, enthusiastic, and even at times somewhat humorous. I mean what can you expect when a band has members with names like “Captain Sensible” and “Rat Scabies”. Produced by pop musician/frequent Elvis Costello producer Nick Lowe and released in that golden year of 1977, Damned Damned Damned is a must listen for any old school punk fan.

What separates The Damned from other punk groups of the time? That’s a good question and I’m not sure I know the answer. The closest thing they remind me of is The Stooges, if they were goofier and from England. They even cover The Stooges’ song “1970″ under it’s original name “I Feel Alright”. Of course Dave Vanian is no Iggy Pop but he certainly has his own appeal. Vanian was well known for donning gothic vampire-like garb on stage that somehow only enhanced his crooner-like singing style. Alongside Bassist (later guitarist) Captain Sensible, known for his trademark red beret, The Damned were quite a spectacle on stage and still are as they continue to play live.

If you really want to label The Damned I suppose you could call them one of the originators of “Gothic Punk” if you want to get that specific with genres. Personally I just enjoy the songs and the energy behind them. Guitarist Brian James wrote the bulk of the material on the album and brings an edge by incorporating more traditional rock riffs but played at quick punk tempos. “Neat Neat Neat” and “New Rose” are both punk classics in their own right and pretty much speak for themselves. There’s also a video on YouTube of The Damned playing on The Craig Ferguson Show of all places from 2008 and I’m glad to say they sound just as good if not better then they ever have. How do these guys still do it? I don’t know, maybe they sold their souls.

Favorite Tracks: “Fan Club”, “Neat Neat Neat”, “New Rose”

22 movies enter but only 10 leave in this epic battle of true romance! Our unusually epic Valentine’s week continues with a podcast that’s just simply full of love. Sean, John and Colin get together and talk about a genre of film that couldn’t be closer to their hearts: the romantic comedy. And while I’d like to say that a conversation this dear diffuses the usual arguing, that’s certainly not the case as they put together this hotly-contested list. In fact, the only real sure thing this time is that Sean still hasn’t seen enough movies.

If you’ve got to get back to your significant other, you can just look at the final list after the break.

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10. Harold and Maude
9. Bringing Up Baby
8. Breakfast at Tiffany’s
7. The 40-Year-Old Virigin
6. High Fidelity
5. Groundhog Day
4. The Apartment
3. City Lights
2. It Happened One Night
1. Annie Hall

For a while I’ve been wanting to revive Classic Album Tuesdays just because, well I haven’t posted anything in literally weeks.  I’m ready to give up on the year-by-year thing we were doing, and since it’s Valentine’s Day I figured I should pick something “romantic” (heh heh).  I really couldn’t think of anything better-suited than this buoyant collection of love songs with a ’70s punk-inspired edge from a Northwest band that seemed to be bursting with potential.

The Exploding Hearts more or less embodied what it should have sounded like when punk rock and pop melodies got in bed with each other, instead of the pop-punk that glutted the early-00′s.  It’s kind of amazing the way these guys walk such an endearing line between doughy-eyed power pop and the kind of rough-and-tumble scruffiness that marked the first wave of punk rock.  In fact, you could easily make comparisons between The Exploding Hearts and bands like The Ramones and The Buzzcocks, as they certainly owe a lot to those retro sounds.   However, I think this album holds up as more than just a piece of punk nostalgia, because I honestly think these songs are just as good as most of the music that came out of that first punk rock explosion of the late 70′s.

Of course the sad thing about The Exploding Hearts is that this is the only album the band would release, as a few months after it was released, the band was involved in a tragic car accident that claimed the lives of three of the band’s four members.  None of that sorrow seems to overshadow the music however, as Guitar Romantic stands as one of the more joyous rock albums I’ve ever heard.  Maybe it’s a bit soon to be heralding Guitar Romantic as a “classic” since it’s still undeservedly obscure, but if you’re looking for a great pick-me-up on this most pointless of holidays, I’d look no further.

Favorite Tracks: ”I’m A Pretender”, “Sleeping Aides & Razorblades”, “Rumours In Town”

Hospitality – Hospitality

The music industry has come a long way. Since Napster revolutionized the digital distribution of music, we’ve seen a paradigm shift not just in the way music is sold, but the way we listen to it. It seems were passed the days of wanton lawsuits against unwitting criminals, and it seems that now even the idea of the LP is beginning to wear away against the tide of singles, playlists and EPs. Take Hospitality as an example. With them, we have a group that put out an acclaimed EP in 2008 by themselves. Now, almost four years later, they’ve signed with a label and put new versions of those songs and a few new ones as their first LP. I never got to hear that EP, or even look at its tracklist, but if you had, wouldn’t you find it a little annoying that this band got caught up in the old ways and has made so little progress over all this time?

Honestly, this is neither here nor there, as the reality is this album is the first time I heard of Hospitality. And what I heard, I liked. This is that catchy, indie pop kind of music that I tend to gravitate toward, so I’m not going to have to much to say. The lead singer/songwriter Amber Papini has a voice that reminds me of Karen O or Tracyanne Campbell, but all the critics tell me she sounds weird, so I guess be aware of that? I don’t all the reviews I’ve read are pretty positive, that’s why I listened to this in the first place. I think that Tracyanne Campbell comparison is fair, because Hospitality does remind me Camera Obscura a little bit, kind like if those guys got mixed with Vampire Weekend.

Anyway, it’s still pretty early in the year and while there aren’t really that many exciting movies or video games out yet, there’s actually been a few pretty solid albums that have come out. That’s another cool thing about music, it seems the barrier for entry is lower than a lot of other media. Dozens of great albums come out every month and actually get covered by enthusiast press. You can’t really say that about movies and video games. While I really like this album, what I’m really excited about is the future of Internet distribution.

Favorite Tracks: “Friends of Friends,” “Betty Wang,” “All Day Today”

In honor of the 3D re-release of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, we take a look at what exactly made this movie such a disappointment. Can you remember a world before this came out? When the biggest problem with the Star Wars franchise was ewoks? We had no idea how good we had it. Plenty of nerd rage has built up in the past decade and we let it all out in this special episode. It’s worth noting that the Red Letter Media Episode I review is mentioned a few times and is certainly a worthwhile viewing if you’re interested in a funny, well-argued case against that movie.

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10. C3PO was built by Darth Vader
9. The Trade Federation
8. Nute Gunray
7. The Virgin Birth
6. Too Much Politics
5. Boring Humans
4. Midichlorians
3. Jar Jar Binks
2. All the dialogue
1. Anakin Skywalker being a whiny lil’ bitch

The Woman in Black

It is not often that a mainstream horror movie is released to even remotely positive reviews so when it does happen I’m all over it. Aside from that The Woman in Black appealed to me for two reasons: one, it’s a gothic period piece and two, it was produced by Hammer Films. To someone unfamiliar with Hammer Films let me provide a little backstory. Hammer Films is a UK production company that was established in the 1930s and rose to fame in the 50s and 60s for their traditional Gothic horror films. Hammer Films were atmospheric, classy, and often surprising violent all in one marvelous package. They recently returned to producing films a few years ago but this is the studio’s first stab at a Gothic horror film in over thirty years. How does it stack up those original productions? I’m glad to say this is one of the scariest and most atmospheric horror movies I’ve seen in awhile.

Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe) is a young widower father working as a lawyer in early 1900s London. Still haunted by visions of his dead wife, Arthur must also deal with continuing pressure from his employers. So Arthur is sent to the most depressing English village you’ve ever seen to handle the Eel Marsh estate. Previously owned by the now deceased Alice Drablow, Arthur quickly discovers there’s something askew about Eel Marsh. Since the death of Drablow the town has had an unusually high child suicide rate and it is believed to be connected to her death. Thus it us up to Arthur to uncover the ghastly secrets of the “Woman in Black.”

The role of Arthur Kipps doesn’t demand much aside from someone who can act frightened and give the occasional “Who’s there?” line, but Radcliffe does a fine job. Though find it odd to see the 22 year old Radcliffe playing the father of a four year old. Not that it would be that unusual for a man that age to have a child (especially during the time period) it’s just strange to see someone we still primarily see as a child actor playing a parent. Ciaran Hinds plays a wealthy landowner who befriends Arthur and does fine job in the only other other significant role in the film, I’ver never understood why he doesn’t receive more prominent roles. Though characters aside this is a movie about the effects and atmosphere.

This film is shot in some of the most eerie locations I’ve seen in a horror movie. All of the sets are dressed in a gloomy, gothic decor that could only exist in turn of the century England. Eel Marsh itself is like a living, breathing character. It rests on raised forested hill with a lone road that periodically gets swallowed by the tide every day. So whenever Arthur is taken up to Eel Marsh you know he’s in for a long stay. The Drablow house itself is the classic haunted house filled with cobwebs and many, many creepy dolls. Of course this is where Arthur sees “The Woman in Black” figure and though the scares are sometimes cheap they are a lot of fun.

I’ve noticed in the best horror films you always find yourself continually waiting for the next daylight scene, often because that’s where you get some relief. The Woman in Black like any effective horror movie truly delivers on that constant feeling of tension and dread and it’s very thrilling. Sure, The Woman in Black lacks originality in many aspects but it takes a traditional horror style and hits every right note. For what it is this is a great scary movie.

Chronicle 

The first thing I noticed about Chronicle was that great poster. People flying around the Seattle skyline? Sweet. Then I found out it was a shaky cam movie about superpowers and I was even more intrigued. I know a lot of people are getting tired of these “found footage” type movies but I still enjoy the technique even if it is a gimmick. Paranormal Activity, Cloverfield, The Last Exorcism, I enjoyed these movies because they took the surreal and attempted to portray it in a realistic way. Of course the question always arises “Why don’t they put down the camera?” And I’d like to say that problem was solved in Chronicle (It wasn’t) but where it lacks in conceptual plot holes it makes up for in sheer entertainment value.

Andrew (Dane DeHaan) is lonely high schooler who starts to videotape his life on a new camera. Why does he do it? I don’t know, but if he didn’t then I guess we wouldn’t have a movie. Andrew is a shy and reclusive teen with an alcoholic father, a dying mother, and no social life. His only friend is his popular cousin Matt (Alex Russell) who is constantly trying to get Andrew to open up. One night, Matt convinces Andrew to go to a rave at a converted barn. At the party they meet up with Matt’s friend Steve (MIchael B. Jordan). Together the three stumble upon a secret cave where they discover some kind of meteor and BOOM superpowers.

Though at times I wondered if this movie really needed to be a shaky cam movie I think in retrospect it was the right choice. Something about seeing digital effects on a typical camcorder just makes them that more impressive. The scenes where the characters “practice” their powers on unsuspecting bystanders are a real treat to watch and the battle scenes are impressive. A lot of people have criticized the last half of this film for being too action packed but I thought it found a good balance.

Something I like about Chronicle when compared to so many other films about teenagers is that it feels genuine. I could honestly believe these were real kids and this is how they would act and respond to this situation. As a matter of fact, I’ve noticed this about characters in a lot of shaky cam movies. Something about the “Home movie” style in these kinds of movies only brings out the best in their actors.

In my defense of shaky cameras it might seem like a bit of a contradiction to say this movie being shaky cam is both a gift and a curse. It is a gift because of what the technique does for the effects and performances but a curse in that it doesn’t make any sense. These characters all filming each other all the time? This is a hard obstacle to get past and often sucked me right out of the film entirely. I liked Chronicle it was just a bit of a stretch with the concept… And I can only pray it doesn’t turn into a franchise which I think it could.

This Thursday, the gang came up with a topic so partisan, so biased, that they decided to present their lists independently. That’s right, it’s their most anticipated movies of the year. How does one rank anticipation? Who knows. But one thing’s for sure, the guy’s definitely did talk about films they want to see. Well, except for Colin, he talks about the movies he doesn’t really want to see at all. And Matt, who finally joined in on the, is really just along for the ride. John definitely has a list, though. Sean does too, along with a bunch of failed segues. Damn it if this is not the most compelling podcast of the year!

Press that “Continue Reading” button to spoil the show for yourself and find out who we talk about more – The Rock or Channing Tatum.

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John:
10. The Avengers
9. Prometheus
8. World War Z
7. This is Forty 8
6. The Amazing Spider-Man
5. Men in Black III
4. Moonrise Kingdom
3. Django Unchained
2. The Dark Knight Rises
1. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Sean:
10. Dog Fight
9. Brave
8. Lincoln
7. Jeff Who Lives At Home
6. The Master
5. 21 Jump Street
4. Moonrise Kingdom
3. Django Unchained
2. The Dark Knight Rises
1. The Avengers

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Maybe this film isn’t as bad as my title suggests but I couldn’t resist making fun of it when there are so many possibilities. So why did someone like me who so closely monitors reviews see this film? Because I make it my mission every year to see every film nominated for best picture and I suppose every film deserves it’s day in court. Although now I can tell you that Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is probably the least interesting Oscar nominated movie I’ve seen since The Reader, also a Stephen Daldry film. I wouldn’t go as far saying Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is a bad movie, it’s just really average, and hardly Oscar quality. A lot of critics have gone as far to saying that this movie is offensive and I think I can see why, but I’ll get to that later.

Oscar Schell (Thomas Horn) is a bright but emotionally awkward young boy coping with the death of his father (Tom Hanks) who died in 9/11. From flashbacks we learn that Oscar’s father used to send him on scavenger hunts or “reconnaissance missions” to teach him life lessons. A year later in 2002 Oscar discovers a key in an envelope marked “Black” in his father’s closet and believes this to be a final mission. Oscar then sets out by tracking down everyone with the last name of “Black” in all of New York in an attempt to discover the key’s secret. It’s a ridiculous premise but still interesting to watch how it unfolds, at least it would be if it wasn’t bogged down by so much melodrama.

In-between all the searching we get a lot of flashbacks of Oscar and his mom (Sandra Bullock) dealing with their grief. I understand this is a story that uses 9/11 to setup the chain of events but I’d much rather see the story progress than watch scene after scene of Oscar and his mom yelling and crying at each other. Thomas Horn gives a strong performance as Oscar but his character is so unsympathetic and annoying that I just wish he’d shut the hell up. Oscar is rude, insensitive, and a real know-it-all, which makes it really hard for to get behind his little self-centered scavenger hunt. The other characters feel fairly stock although ably performed, most notably Max Von Sydow as a mute renter living with Oscar’s grandmother. A lot of people have criticized Von Sydow getting a Best Supporting Actor nomination but it is my opinion that it’s deserved, I just would of liked to see him say something.

So what makes Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close insensitive? A lot of critics have pointed out a recurring cutaway shot of a jumper falling from the sky. It’s an odd choice but it didn’t make me uncomfortable until referenced in a later scene. Later there’s a scene where Oscar is showing the mute renter pictures of a jumper on 9/11 that Oscar believes is his father. Not only is that morbid thought for a child to have but it seems insensitive to the people that actually did jump from the towers. Using such a tragic occurrence as an artistic statement or plot device feels like an insult. Even worse Oscar puts together a scrapbook that has a page where you pull out a tab and a man falls from a drawing of a man falls from a drawing of the towers. I’m sure they had some kind of message but the visual is so dark and depressing, it makes me very uncomfortable.

Aside from all the iffy handling of sensitive subject matter this film is fairly drawn out. Eric Roth, known for his lengthy and complexly detailed screenplays like Forrest Gump and Curious Case of Benjamin Button adapted the story but unlike those other two films this one is missing a key element “humor”. I’m aware this is serious subject matter but that doesn’t mean there can’t be some lighter moments as well. I suppose this film had some of those moments but they are so few and far between. The movie may have an intriguing mystery that’s somewhat entertaining but it’s too much of bummer. This isn’t the worse film but is it the worst film to ever be nominated for Best Picture? Maybe, I guess the Academy just loves the schmaltzy melodrama of Stephen Daldry.

Did you read John, Colin and Sean’s top 10 movie lists last week? If you liked those, you’re going to love this podcast. This week, those guys talk about their favorite movies of 2011, narrowing down all their personal preferences to a single list. What will make the cut? Who will feel the most betrayed? How much time will be spent on Fast Five? Find out for yourself by using your ears!

Total listage after the break! Only go that far if your time is too damn valuable to be listening to us.

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10. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
9. 50/50
8. The Guard
7. The Descendants
6. Midnight in Paris
5. Drive
4. Hugo
3. Moneyball
2. The Artist
1. The Tree of Life

Something changed me this afternoon. After feeling like I hadn’t seen “enough” movies from last year, like I wasn’t worthy of an opinion on the medium for 2011, I reread Colin’s top 10. And, having gotten past the weirdness that is Colin’s choice not to write about movies he likes, something stood out to me. He saw 32 movies last year. I saw 30. We had taken different paths, but we had gotten to basically the same destination. Now, sure, Colin saw a lot more critical darlings than I did, and I’m sure John blows both of us completely out of the water, but at least I got to have a little swim first.

There were a lot of great sequels in 2011, and it was hard to choose the one that made my list. I had a lot of fun with Fast Five and I think Ghost Protocol might be the best Mission: Impossible yet, but I’m going with the wizards. Sure, it is a bit weak that they stretched the last movie into two movies, but I didn’t feel cheated by either of the Deathly Hallows experiences. In fact, the second part is possibly the best entry in the series, as it is not really bogged down by exposition at all. Like I said in my review, there probably won’t be something as huge as this series for a long time.

I had a few really fun theater-going experiences in 2011, but I don’t think any of them top the zaniness of seeing Hanna in a totally empty theater with a few friends. That might color my impression of the movie, but it’s not like this list isn’t already entirely subjective. Saoirse Ronan turns in another great performance while Cate Blanchett plays an otherwise scary villain with a hilarious accent. A really cool action film with a neat Chemical Brothers score.

I think the last new samurai movie I saw was The Last Samurai, you know, the Tom Cruise movie. It just doesn’t seem like we get a lot of these kind of movies over here. I felt like Miike was definitely channeling Kurosawa in this brutal epic, I mean, even the title is obvious inspired by The Seven Samurai. I don’t know if you remember this about me, but I’m a pretty big Kurosawa fan. Plus, it was fun to annoy John when I disagreed with the subtitles.

Finally, not an action movie, am I right? As someone who’s seen family members deal with cancer and terminal disease, I found 50/50 an extremely relatable and affecting movie. Seriously, it’s the drama half of this dramedy that stuck with me. Not that it wasn’t funny, it really was one of 2011′s funniest. They named a greyhound Skeletor! That’s awesome! I wish I had come up with that.

Martin Scorsese makes his case for 3D movies. Except, not really. He more just makes a case for… movies. After seeing Hugo, I spent a little of time reflecting on what film means to me – wondering if I ever had as profound an experience in theaters as the characters in this movie had. I think seeing 2001 in Cinerama is as close as I’ve gotten. Anyway, never before have I found super creepy robot children so charming. Yes, not even in AI.

I like the part when he says the racist thing so sincerely you can’t even tell wether he’s really smart or really dumb. I guess that’s most of the movie. There’s something funny of those people, with those accents, saying what they say. I think an f-bomb is funniest when dropped with an Irish accent is what I’m trying to say, I guess. And you know what, beyond all the humor is a pretty cool action movie too. How about that? No, state. Oregon, Idaho, Pacific Ocean.

I ended up seeing this in theaters twice within a 24-hour period. So I liked it? Yeah, I did. Everything from black Raul Ibanez to fat Jonah Hill. I think you could even make the case that this is the best of Brad Pitt’s performances last year. I wasn’t really worried about the writing of Moneyball, since I saw who did the screenplay, but I was concerned if the appeal would be limited to Oakland fans, or baseball nerds. No way that’s the case. You don’t have to understand all the technical details (I sure didn’t) to have a great time with this one (I sure did).

This movie is a real punch in the balls for blind people. As if they didn’t already have things hard enough! Yet, somehow it overcomes its disabilities to provide an enchanting story in the most classic filmic form. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m a little embarrassed to admit 2011 was the year I saw Singin’ in the Rain for the first time. Having that frame of reference really helped, but honestly The Artist is fun for anyone who likes John Goodman and/or light reading.

Can you think of a cooler first sequence than the one that opens Drive? While you’re thinking about that, think about this: Albert Brooks, the lovable fish from Finding Nemo, played the scary bad guy. Remember him? That was the fish! Oh, and here’s a doozy: remember that other movie that came out in 2011, you know the one, Crazy, Stupid, Love? Remember the guy who told Steve Carell that wearing New Balance shoes isn’t cool? That’s the same guy who wore the jacket in Drive! That’s right, I’m blowing this thing wide open, baby.

The Tree of Life is an amazing movie. Any idiot who walked out of it and had the gall to demand a refund will surely live the rest of their sad life drenched in melancholia and shame. While Hugo may have reminded people of the transportive power of cinema, this film embodies it. It’s a challenging, flabbergasting experience that I’m sure will stand the test of time. In many years, I’ll tell people about how fortunate I was to see The Tree of Life in theaters on it’s first run. They won’t be impressed or really care, but I’ll tell them anyway.

Honorable Mentions:
The Trip
Shame
Drive

Comedies tend to get overlooked on these kinds of lists, so I felt like I should give some love to 50/50.  I mean this after all is a “cancer comedy”, which should not even be a thing, but somehow 50/50 manages to be very funny while also capturing the tribulations of dealing with cancer in a way that for the most part feels completely believable.  Also, I cherish any opportunity to see Philip Baker Hall.  The fact that he’s always playing characters who are sick/dying worries me.

Honestly, Drive should be on this list, but I already have a few too many movies in common with John’s list, so I subbed Drive out for this movie about gay British dudes.  Weekend is a very simple but nonetheless engaging series of conversations in which we see these two strangers connecting romantically over these very small moments.  These moments run the gamut from explicit, to funny, to psychologically revealing, but I always felt fascinated by these characters and their conflicting lifestyles.

I think I’m starting to find that I enjoy films that are so intricately plotted that they practically demand that you pay attention to every detail.  Tinker Tailor certainly does not do the audience any favors by making John Le Carre’s source material easy to digest, and the film is made even more inscrutable with it’s detached but seductively cool nature.  Regardless, I was very surprised by how wrapped up I was with this film by the time it reached its conclusion, and I’m looking forward to seeing it again.

Ever since I saw Pedro Almodovar’s masterful Talk To Her, he’s basically become my favorite contemporary foreign director.  The Skin I Live In shows that Almodovar still has the ability to shock viewers with some very lurid subject matter that plays off of Almodovar’s signature themes of gender identity.  But more than anything, this is a captivatingly taut thriller that just seems to become more engaging as the story reveals itself to be pretty crazy and disturbing.

I was among the many people who thought that making a movie of a number-driven book like Moneyball would be quite difficult, though not impossible.  Of course when you hand the job to two veteran writers like Steve Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin, it’s not nearly as surprising that the film is as good as it is. Tonally, director Bennett Miller finds just the right mixture of stat-nerd savvy and underdog sports movie, and subsequently knocks it out of the park (stupid baseball pun!).

As many of my colleagues know, I’m a sucker for things that are old and classy.  The Artist therefore was just a movie that I couldn’t really help but fall for, and I’m still surprised that it’s still playing in about ten theaters nationwide despite being the Oscar favorite.  Just because it’s in black and white and has no sound doesn’t mean audiences are too dumb to enjoy it!  Then again that stupid Mark Wahlberg movie was #1 at the box office last week, so what do I know?

And then there was also that other movie about silent cinema which also managed to be pretty damn charming.  At this point, I did not think Martin Scorsese would be able to pull off a 3-D children’s film, but I think as long as Scorsese has some sort of personal connection to his subject matter, he can still do pretty great things.  Hugo not only has that personal element but finally gives the director to create a love letter to cinema’s past while using the visual techniques of the future.  Not an easy feat.

It’s a shame there was such a huge gap between Sideways and The Descendants, since Alexander Payne’s films just seem to be getting more and more fully realized.  The Descendants shows once again that he’s got a great feel for setting and communities, while imbuing them with characters that are always entertaining to watch.  Honestly, I don’t think I would even mind if he continued making more dramatic films like this as long as he continues to flourish with his distinctly un-Hollywood depictions of American life.

In the past year, I feel like I came to really realize how obsessed I am with Woody Allen and how much his films mean to me, and Midnight In Paris may have had a part in that.  With some of the other films on this list, I talked about directors’ abilities to surprise us with their versatility, but there isn’t really anything surprising about Midnight In Paris.  It’s just pure Woody, and that’s alright with me.  Still, he manages to really tap in to something kind of magical with this movie and I think I’m going to force myself to see every Woody Allen movie that comes out from here on out.  I think I owe it to the man.

I’m not sure that there’s ever been a film that has caused me to look at life as a whole differently, but if there ever was one, it’d probably be The Tree Of Life.  After seeing it, I just remember coming out of the theater in a daze, not really sure of why I was put on this planet, or what the hell I had just sat through, but I knew there was something monumentally profound about it nonetheless.  And on the surface it seems pretty silly, considering I spend so much time watching movies that you’d think I would be completely desensitized from having such a revelatory experience watching a film, but somehow The Tree Of Life did that for me, and I’ll never forget it.

A new year means changes, especially at the ever-changing Mildly Pleased. We’ve thrown our hats into the podcasting ring once again, this time with the goal of turning our former T3 feature into a weekly show. So, come back every week for Top 10 Thursdays, where we’ll try our best to formulate a top 10 list based on a topic of almost random choosing!

This week, Sean, John and Colin discuss their favorite TV shows of 2011 as they try their best to narrow their list down to just 10 shows? Will they do it? Or will this podcast be an absolute failure right from the get-go?

Take the jump to spoil the show and reveal the list.

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10. Curb Your Enthusiasm
9. Treme
8. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
7. Community
6. Friday Night Lights
5. Homeland
4. Game of Thrones
3. Parks and Recreation
2. Louie
1. Breaking Bad

Honorable Mention
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Source Code
TrollHunter

Drive is a film that really took me for a left turn. With it’s wide release I expected Drive to be Nicolas Winding Refn’s most accessible film yet and instead I felt the exact opposite. That may sound like criticism but quite the contrary, I’m glad that Drive is the existential thinking man’s action thriller that it is. Drive may seem subtle on the surface but it’s exceedingly stylish. The cinematography captures L.A.’s. landscape in a way I’ve never seen and the retro synth soundtrack compliments it perfectly. Like Refn’s brooding yet beautiful films  Bronson and Valhalla Rising, Drive is unconventional in almost every way and that’s a rare treat today.

If you had told me at the starting of 2011 that I would have a film about UFC fighting on my top ten movies list I would have been convinced you had brain damage. Warrior is this year’s answer to The Fighter, both are about competitive fighting and both are about a complex relationship between brothers. What makes Warrior stand out is that it’s what many sports movies aren’t “unpredictable”. Who will win? Brendan (Joel Edgerton) the likable high school teacher in financial dire? Or his brother Tommy (Tom Hardy) a former marine with a dark past and nothing left? This has the potential to become one of those films that can bring even the manliest of men to tears.

A movie so charming and witty it could only come from a legend like Woody Allen. Midnight in Paris is the perfect blending of fantasy and humor complete with a talented supporting as some of the greatest artistic legends of 1920s. Not only is Midnight in Paris a delightful romantic comedy but it’s a fun twist on the time travel genre as well. Woody may misfire from time to time but you’d still be hard pressed to find another writer/director who puts so much wit and heart into his films, this has all that and more.

The Tree of Life is no more a movie than a ballet of images and sounds. Terrence Malick is in a world of his own and even though I may not always understand what he’s trying to say, it’s an amazing journey nonetheless. Tree of Life could of potentially made this list for it’s creation of earth sequence alone by master effects veteran Douglas Trumbull (2001: A Space Odyssey, Blade Runner.) Visuals aside there’s also a strikingly real story about people in The Tree of Life that poses some powerful questions. I don’t think any two people are supposed to walk away with the exact same message and that’s part of the beauty of it.

I don’t know if there’s anyone else in the biz right now that can craft a better dramedy than Alexander Payne. He can entertain you one minute and then make you feel something the next and that’s not an easy task. In addition The Descendants may have one of the best ensemble casts of the year with George Clooney and Shailene Woodley being the most prominent standouts. Just as well captured as any of the cast is the film’s lavish Hawaiian setting that captures the state in a way I can’t recall ever seeing. The Descendants has it’s highs and lows but is ultimately a rewarding experience.

It feels strange to have a list featuring so many Oscar friendly selections only to throw in a film about invading aliens, but I found Attack the Block to be one of my most satisfying movie experiences of the year. Not only was Attack the Block my favorite sci-fi film of the year but also my favorite horror, comedy, and action film of 2011. The thrills are big and the laughs are even bigger in this B-movie style smorgasbord. With a debut like this writer/director Joe Cornish could be the next Edgar Wright. Then again Cornish may not be that far off, he and Wright were two of the co-writers of The Adventures of Tintin.

Here is one that really captured my imagination. Hugo is an inspirational and insightful effects laden look into who else but the man who invented special effects. The story may be fiction but Hugo truly captures the spirit of Georges Melies and celebrates his passion to create. Scorsese has delivered a labor of love with a simple story in a very pleasing package. What I love the most about Hugo is it celebrates the movies in a way that only a true movie lover like Scorsese could.

A funny, informative, and occasionally dramatic look behind the scenes of America’s pastime. Entertaining for sports fans and non-sports fans, Moneyball maybe the most honest film ever made about baseball. The script by heavy hitters Aaron Sorkin and Steve Zaillian is smart and punchy but still flows naturally. In some ways watching Moneyball is like watching a documentary, so much information but in a very accessible way.

In an age of over extravagant computer effects and bloated 3D it’s nice to see a film that hearkens back to a simpler time. The Artist reminds us why we love the movies. People won’t care about effects, color, or even dialogue as long as you can give them a compelling story with interesting characters. The Artist has to be the most surprising “Feel Good Movie of the Year” you could have but I have no problem with that. My fingers will be crossed for this one to win big at the next Oscars.

This was was a movie I knew a lot of people wouldn’t see so I made it my mission to annoy everyone to death until they checked it out. Not since In Bruges have I been so impressed with a dark comedy which makes it no surprise that writer/director John Michael McDonagh is none other than In Bruges’ writer/director Martin McDonagh’s brother. The Guard charms with it’s excellent cast (particularly Brendan Gleeson) portraying genuinely conflicted and relatable characters. Sergeant Gerry Boyle (Gleeson) is no saint, he has a penchant for prostitutes, he’s stubborn, unintentionally racist and yet you love him because of these flaws. Everyone has their quirks and oddball dilemmas and the result is something that is funny, thrilling, and even moving. The dialogue unravels like Quentin Tarantino (If he was from Ireland) with hints of the Coen brothers and that’s not something I can say about too many people. I don’t even know which McDonagh brother I like better now, as long as they keep making off-beat dramedies like this I will be a happy moviegoer.

Bastion

Let me tell you about a kid. Actually, no, let the narrator tell you about him. You see, what we’ve got here is a game that turned narration into a gameplay mechanic. It’s crazy and risky and it totally helps Bastion stand out as not only a great story, but one of last year’s best games.

There’s not much I can say about the story without ruining the fun of discovering it, so I’ll simply give you the simple premise: The kid wakes up after the Calamity, a terrible event that destroyed the world. Where you go from there is a sorrowful journey that is best made without knowing the destination, but needless to say, the kid isn’t the only one who survived. In fact, it seems like someone is watching him the entire time.

The game gives you a hub to play from, the titular Bastion, from which you can go out on missions. Beyond story levels, there are also arenas for you to try your mastery of weapons out and a few wave-based challenge areas where you can try to set a high score. Instead of having vague difficulty options, Bastion gives you a neat idols mechanic. Basically, you can enable certain idols, each correlating to one of the game’s gods, and they will increase certain aspects of the difficulty, while also increasing your rewards. Yeah, this game is really well thought out. Once you’re in it, it never lets you out.

The narration is most oppressive at the start of the game. It seems that this mysterious voice has something to say about everything you do – whether you take some time to unnecessarily destroy boxes or if you accidentally roll off a ledge. It’s a gimmick you probably wouldn’t see in a big budget game, the risk of it being annoying or off-putting would be too high. But it really pays off, because the narration connected me to the story and the character. In so many games, you end up watching the story play out as you run down the path the developers left for you. Here, you’re doing the same, but it feels like you’re the one calling the shots. It’s a novel and amazing experience.

Of course, all that wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t fun being the kid. Fortunately, it’s a blast. Bastion is, on its surface, easy to play. You’ve got two weapon slots, a shield and a special attack. In no time at all, however, you’ll have built up a massive armory of unique weapons that require completely different strategies to use. A bow, for example, requires you to spend a moment drawing it, but its arrow can pass through multiple targets. On the other hand, a repeater can fire a quick barrage of shots, but for less damage and only hitting one target at a time. The combat is very deep and rewards you for mastering it. It’s flawless execution and the most fun I’ve ever had with this style of combat.

And the art. Bastion is a gorgeous game, substituting a distinct and wonderful art style in for technical prowess. It looks like nothing else on the market. And the animation is stupendous as well, characters move fluidly and responsively and the way that the floor rises up below the kid’s feet is impressive. A lot of people really love the soundtrack as well, though having the taint of knowing what GarageBand loops sound like made some songs distracting to me. Not that there aren’t great, wholly original songs in there, there’s just also some songs with some loops I know pretty well.

Bastion is a phenomenal game. I didn’t realize it until I started this review, but I can’t really fault any part of it. It’s fun, enthralling, pretty – basically it does everything every aspect as well as I could ever expect. Maybe even a little better than that. And, it’s a cheap downloadable game, that doesn’t hurt. I’ve already said this game was one of my favorites from last year, now I’m starting to wonder if it’s one of my favorites for years to come.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Even though it came out well over a month ago I felt Mildly Pleased should have some kind acknowledgment of the US adaptation of Stigg Larsson’s bestseller The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Already adapted for Swedish audiences along with the other two installments of Larsson’s “The Millennium Trilogy” this version was helmed by the one and only David Finche, who has certainly left the touch of a true auter. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a bleak and atmospheric thriller surrounding a thought provoking mystery that’s well complimented by a sharp screenplay and a stunning performance by Rooney Mara.

Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) is a journalist for Millennium magazine just coming off of a well publicized libel case lost against a well known businessman. Despite the controversy Mikael is offered to help retired industrialist CEO Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) with his memoirs, but more importantly to help him solve a 40 year family mystery. Decades ago Vanger’s beloved niece Harriet vanished and it is Henrik’s belief that she was murdered by someone within the family. Meanwhile we are introduced to talented hacker and freelance researcher Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) who has recently been declared a ward of the state due to mental incompetency. After the passing of her legal guardian Lisbeth is put under the watch of lawyer Nils Bjurman, (Yorick van Wageningen) a closet sexual predator. Through a series of dark twists and turns these two characters path’s eventually cross and they decided to work together to unravel the dark secrets of the Vanger family.

There’s simply too much plot to cover in one review which would explain the film’s 158 minute run time. Having never read the book I can only assume this was done to cover as many details as possible and due to strength of the story and characters, the film is never boring. Girl with the Dragon Tattoo moves at a casual pace that gives the audience the chance to soak up all the details and let them stew around, as any good mystery should. Steve Zaillan who also co-wrote the screenplay to this year’s Moneyball has done an excellent job at taking such a dense amount of story and making it so accessible, and David Fincher has displayed it all in a style that I could only describe as truly “Fincher-esque.” What can you really say about him? He’s in a stylistic league of his own.

Fincher has really left his mark on this story but if I could only give one reason to see The Girl with Dragon Tattoo it would be to watch Rooney Mara. Lisbeth Salander is such a demanding character that it’s astonishing to watch an actress commit so much physically and mentally and still be so believable. Rooney Mara vanishes into the role and it’s hard to look away, hopefully the Oscars will put that into consideration. Daniel Craig plays Daniel Craig, it’s basically the same character he’s played in every movie he’s ever been in. He’s not bad, he’s fine, but he’s constantly overshadowed by the talent of Rooney Mara.

What’s on everyone’s mind now is whether the US version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo will become a franchise like it’s Swedish counterpart. I’m always interested in David Fincher taking on new projects, I have see all of his movies, but I wouldn’t mind a US version of The Girl Who Played with Fire and I would be even more excited if FIncher returned. Whatever happens I still enjoyed this film and will definitely put it into consideration for my “Best of 2011″ list which is so close now that I can taste it.

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

After four films and four directors, I’m getting pretty optimistic about the Mission: Impossible franchise, although still not enough to go back to the original show. But, if you were to compare Ghost Protocol to other film fourths this year, like X-Men: First Class and Pirates of the Caribbean: on Stranger Tides, I think you’d agree with me that it’s pretty amazing this movie came out as fresh and fun as it did.

For the record, here’s how I stand on the preceding three films: The first Mission: Impossible is good, a more classical gadget-based spy movie with some pacing problems. The second one is a mess, but kind of fun in a pretty trainwreck sort of way. J.J. Abrams made the first really great entry in the series, which was a real surprise at the time. Perhaps even more surprising is that they turned the fourth entry over to Pixar-vet Brad Bird. But, proving that a good director is a good director, regardless if he’s directing people or cartoons, Bird does an amazing job with Ghost Protocol.

Series hero Ethan Hunt (the apparently ageless Tom Cruise) begins the movie imprisoned in Russia. He’s broken out by Simon Pegg, the only other returning cast member, and newcomer Paula Patton because, well, things are real bad on the outside. Before he even has a chance to take a shower without worrying about rape, Ethan and the rest of the IMF have been framed for some real bad shit and are on the run from just about everybody. The seeming everyman Jeremy Renner joins the team and together they four go off to save the world and clear their names.

Ghost Protocol has some truly jaw-dropping sequences. The lengthy section of the movie set in the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world, is absolutely riveting, in part because the stakes always seem so high. Everything goes wrong for these guys, whether its sabotage or just plain bad luck. The rope’s too short, the machine broke, a sandstorm’s coming, the message wouldn’t even self-destruct. The odds are stacked against them, and more often then not, they fail. It makes this movie stand out amongst all the CG perfection we’re used to seeing in modern action films.

But the movie’s not just action. A lot of time is spent on good old-fashioned M:I espionage. For every great fight and chase, there’s a bit of cloak and dagger fun leading up to it, or parallel to it. A scene where Cruise and Pegg try to sneak down a hallway will have all but the most morbidly obese audience members on the edge of their seats. Renner breaking into a computer in one scene is an exciting and fun homage to the most infamous scene from the first movie. Ghost Protocol is 133 minutes long, but it doesn’t feel like it.

However, this movie doesn’t live up to M:I:III in one aspect: it’s characters. That film did a great job fleshing out the returning cast as well as introducing some fun new characters and a terrific villain. Here, the character moments are a lot more flat, and our villain, while given one great scene to show how crazy he is, is otherwise left devoid of personality and charisma. Plus, him being a physical match for Tom Cruise is a little hard to buy.

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol is the best action movie to come out in 2011. I say that aware that most of my favorite movies from last year were action movies. It’s just a lot of fun, especially on a massive IMAX screen with a super hot teaser of The Dark Knight Rises in front of it. Who would have guessed it took an animation guy to bring the reality back to crazy action movies?

Saints Row: The Third

It’s hard to do stupid smart. I know that, because Saints Row 2 did stupid stupidly. Saints Row: The Third does stupid in a way that would make idiot savants jealous. Yes, this is not my strongest opening to a review, but don’t let that deter you from engaging in the bizarre, incredible fever dream that is this latest entry in an unlikely franchise.

The Third Street Saints are huge now. They’re media icons, the biggest celebrities in the world, with their own clothing line and everything. As the game opens, they decide to rob a bank – wearing masks of themselves – with an actor who is going to play them in a movie. The heist goes bad, then crazy. Without giving too much away, the Saints end up in the town of Stillwater, desperate to take over and take down the local gang who would dare stand up to them.

Doing so includes the most ridiculous list of activities I’ve seen in a GTAIII-style game like this. You’ll be flying hover bikes and shooting lazer guns in no time. Repeatable side missions include a murder gameshow and a “destroy everything with a tank” mode. One of the earliest story missions has you recruit a permanently auto-tuned pimp by rescuing him from a BDSM club and escaping on gimp-driven rickshaws. Yes, this is exactly the game you don’t want ending up in the hands of young children.

What’s crazy is that it all works. Every aspect of the gameplay is fun, even a weird wrestling match towards the end. Driving and gunplay are both totally acceptable, and become ridiculous as you upgrade your character. Volition address everything with the exact right amount of seriousness, and the story is definitely more of the short and sweet variety than the drawn out, GTAIV  style. Even your created character, who can be male or female and speak in seven different voices, somehow becomes identifiable and endearing. Sure, I just made my guy look like Samuel Jackson from Pulp Fiction, but when I changed him, it just felt wrong.

I really don’t want to write too much about Saints Row: The Third. If you thought something like GTA: San Andreas was fun, but too restrained, check this shit out. If you’re still on the fence, let me just tell you one more thing: Burt Reynolds is in here. After a certain point, you can call him up and he’ll come and hang out with you. Any time you want. Case closed.

How much do you like the number three? 2011 was a weird year for video games because, well, usually we’d have new consoles by now. The Xbox 360 turned six in November. The first Xbox was only four when it was replaced by the 360. This unnatural long life meant that a lot of franchises that started this generation are putting out the final parts of trilogies that just wouldn’t have happened in generations before. In fact, only one game on my list isn’t a sequel, and I think that speaks more to the state of the industry than my taste. Maybe not.

Look, the number ten spot is always the wild card. I could have put lots of things here. Maybe you were looking for a little L.A. Noire? Or how about some Renegade Ops, since it’s basically the Fast Five of last year’s games? Maybe some Dead Space 2? Too bad, because while lots of games are ostensibly better than the so-called reinvention of the Pokemon franchise, the fact of the matter is I spent a solid three weeks putting together the ultimate team. And while I may not have caught them all, I still had a pretty good time. I was also a senior in college at the time.

I’m a bit surprised how much I ended up enjoying the bro-tacious conclusion to the Gears of War trilogy. The story to this series has never really hooked me, especially since it always seemed like a good chunk of the plot existed outside of the actual game. Here, to borrow a phrase from the Bad Boys series, shit gets real. The Cole Train shows some depth, Dom’s depression plays out as over-the-top melodramatic as it could, and Marcus drives the story to an ending that actually ends most of the plotlines. Combine that with arguably the most complete multiplayer suite in gaming, and you’ve got quite the justification for $60.

One of my favorite video game journalists became a developer a few years ago, then broke out with a five other people and started a small studio, perhaps ironically called Supergiant Games. Their first game, Bastion, is a triumph. It’s a game that does everything it sets out to do, some of which had never been done before. I haven’t reviewed the game yet, so let me just say that if you want a unique approach to interactive storytelling combined with extra-tight RPG action, Bastion is worthy of your consideration.

A lot of criticism was aimed at Uncharted 3 after its release. Some complained about the floaty influence of auto-aim in the singleplayer mode. Some complained about a few of the shooting sections’ level layout. But mostly, people complained that the game didn’t blow them away like Uncharted 2 did. Yeah, but that’s because Among Thieves was a landmark game. Drake’s Deception does its best to meet that mark, and gets pretty close. There are some sequences in this game that are so cinematic and intense that I couldn’t compare any other game franchise to it. It’s hard to even think of a movie. No matter how you slice it, Uncharted 3 is absolutely fantastic.

In part, Arkham City is helped out by the fact that Batman is easily my favorite super hero, and that I will take any opportunity to step into his shoes and bring justice to Gotham. 2011 was the year I watched all of Justice League and even played a bunch of DC Universe Online, but nothing scratched my Batman itch as well as this game. And, yes, it probably isn’t as good as Arkham Asylum was, but that’s the Uncharted problem all over again. The fact of the matter is, swooping around the city is real fun and no game is better at letting you pummel groups of thugs. It’s all a power trip, but I’m happy to be along for the ride.

It seems that 2011 was the year I got into RPG franchises that I previously found impenetrable, but we’ll get more into that later. What I will say is that The Witcher 2 is a stunning game that tells a great story. In so many games, choice is so simplified; it’s really refreshing that the world of The Witcher is so messed up and the ramifications of your decisions so hard to predict. At one point, you choose to follow one of two people, both of whom are hard to sympathize with, and that determines the entirety of the second and third acts. It’s a whole other game! Awesome. Way to go, you Polish guys.

This is the crazy conclusion games like Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and Saints Row 2 where building to. The pretense and bullshit that weighs down all the other self-serious open world games is completely thrown out in favor of making a sandbox for players that is fun every second you’re in it. Lazer guns, VTOLs, permanently auto-tuned pimps, Burt Reynolds, zombies, wrestling, it’s all in Saints Row: The Third. Seriously, if you thought Grand Theft Auto IV was too serious and long, or if you, I don’t know, like having fun, you should probably play this.

If you had to make a sequel to Portal, how would you do it? If you had asked me a while ago, I would have replied, no, I wouldn’t do it; it’s impossible, there’s no way it could be good. And yet, here we are. Valve pulled it off, again. Portal 2 is longer, funnier and more rewarding than the original game. It’s pitch perfect, right up to it’s incredible final act. Comedy is so hard to do in games, but this one really nails it. Of course, it’s propelled by some amazing performances, but so was L.A. Noire and I don’t see that game on this list. They even managed to tack on multiplayer which totally worked and was surprisingly fun.

I never liked a Bethesda game. Not one. Couldn’t get into them. Skyrim changed that. It changed that by doing the same thing Bethesda has always done, just better. A lot better. Exploring the seemingly endless expanse of Skyrim is one of the joys only this medium can bring into a person’s life. It’s not even that any one thing specifically was improved. There’s an intangible quality to Skyrim that helps it transcend its status as a hardcore RPG into a mainstream hit. I mean, as I write this, I’m listening to Alex play the game with his friends. That’s crazy! This game is supposed to be as nerdy as it gets!

So, you could make the case that SW:TOR came out so late in the year it shouldn’t count. But then I think those same people would argue it’s a 2011 game when the best of 2012 lists came around. So I’m counting it this year, because, you know what? This is basically my dream game. Take the addictive, never-ending gameplay of World of Warcraft, set it in the Star Wars universe and give it a Bioware story. Sure, the combat and questing might not be groundbreaking for MMOs, but the story definitely is. This is an amazing, one-of-a-kind production that deserves to put an end to WoW‘s reign. By new year’s eve, I bet I had played this as much as any other game in 2011.

I wasn’t as engaged with music in 2011 as I have been the past few years. Without all the busywork of being a student, the time I spent listening to music declined. So I was a bit surprised to see that I had over 50 albums to choose from for my list. More surprising is that a number of my favorite bands released albums that didn’t even crack the list. No Radiohead! No My Morning Jacket! What a brave new world we’re living in.

Normally, this is where I’d list honorable mentions, but there are way too many for it to be worth a damn. It doesn’t help that I didn’t hear a few of the year’s greatest albums until they started popping up on other peoples’ best of lists, and as such haven’t given them the time they deserve.

With that depressing disclaimer out of the way, let’s get on with it.

Like I said when I reviewed Nine Types of Light last April, this album is kind of a departure and kind of exactly the same thing TV on the Radiohead has always done. Woah, that TV on the Radiohead typo sounds like a pretty good idea. Someone tell all those guys wasting all their time on dubstep remixes of the wrong music to start mashing up TV on the Radio and Radiohead. Hold on, let me search on YouTube. Yeah, I’m not seeing anything. Anyway… Nine Types of Light. Hmn. Kind of lost my train of thought. Did you know I bought this on iTunes and it came with a few bonus remixes of “Will Do”? It’s true. I wouldn’t lie about something like that. Nothing to gain, everything to lose.

You listen to this shit? No? C’mon, man. C’mon. Come on! Damn it, I thought that gimmick would last longer. I guess I should write something about Low, since as far as I can recall, this is the first time they’ve been mentioned on the blog. Well, they’ve been around since the 1990s and this is the first album by them I’ve actually listened to. It sounds like a lot of critics that actually know the band’s history have lukewarm feelings for C’mon, but for a newcomer like myself, it sounds pretty great. Not that exciting or upbeat, but plenty lush and absorbing, if you know what I mean.

Hey look, a local artist. Telekinesis is a power pop band with a slick-ass sound. 12 Desperate Straight Lines is 12 tracks that deserve to be celebrated the way Chinese people do when they hear Americans raised the United States’ national debt ceiling. Remember that whole debt ceiling debacle? Some people were really freaking out, they genuinely thought the economy, and by extension, the country, was on the brink of total destruction. Just imagine what horrible surprises 2012 could have in store for us! We’re going to have to fuck with the debt ceiling again, you know. Just like the Mayans predicted.

If there was one song I identified 2011 with, it would be would be “Party Rock Anthem” by hit uncle-nephew duo LMFAO. If there was another song, it would be the Homeland-endorsed “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People. But if there was a third song, it would be “Need You Know” off Zonoscope by Cut Copy. Why, even now, I can listen to it and think fondly to that time my friend ran into Subway while I went through the Carl’s Jr. drive thru in McMinnville. Good times. Also, I still don’t know what the deal with Mick Jagger moves is.

Let me tell you man, this album is casual. Casual as hell. Damn near soothing. It’s so cool. Out of all the albums on my list, this is probably the one I would most recommend everyone listen to, even though it wasn’t my favorite of the year. It’s just so unique, at least among the music I tend to listen to. Sort of disco-esque, I guess? Lots of horns and sax. Tight beats, funky guitars. Synthesizers. I don’t know, I’m not a musician. I know the name makes it seem like a Swedish death metal band, but it’s not!

When Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming came out, I listened to the first few tracks, liked them, then moved on. I saw that M83 had put out a really long album, and I simply wasn’t trying. But, a few days ago, when I decided I needed to listen to it all the way through, I realized I really, really liked this album. Yes, it is over an hour. Yes, it is way too self-serious, going as far as to include a little girl talking about how great it would be to become a frog (no little girl would actually say this). But this is basically what the kind of music I want to listen to sounds like. For some reason, there being a lot of it seemed like a bad thing in October. It seems pretty great right now.

Unlike M83, Wye Oak had completely flown under my radar. When I finally did listen to them in early-mid December, and I saw that Civilian had come out March, I was like, “What the hell everybody? Why didn’t anyone tell me about this.” Then I mentioned it to Colin and he was all, “I’m not that into it.” And I was like, “Fair enough.” But secretly, in my brain, I was thinking about how I wish I had been listening to Civilian instead of whatever Colin was talking about. Screw you Black Keys, Wye Oak is my two-person band of the year.

I remember listening to Within and Without after dropping my brother off at the airport. According to iTunes, that’s the last time I listened to the album. So, how fitting that I’m listening to it now, on a day when I had to go pick him up from the airport at an hour so early that now I’m struggling to spell airport and not make a run-on sentence. I know John is really good at hearing songs on the radio and turning them into albums he enjoys, but I’ve never had a knack for it. So I’m kind of proud that I heard Washed Out on KEXP one day this summer and managed to remember him long enough to look him up. And chillwave still is an awesome name for a genre.

I don’t know guys, I think the Antlers are pretty good. If you remember my review, the popularly titled Antlers in My Pantlers, I explained that Burst Apart bust apart my appreciation for the new Fleet Foxes album by being so good I basically forgot about them. That’s Antlers power, baby. This album was the only one I was listening to for a few weeks. That just doesn’t happen to me that often. Now, sure, it’s been a few months since I last listened to it, but I’m pretty sure I still like it. I mean, what do you want me to do, listen to it again? OK. You first.

What the hell happened at the end of that Antlers thing? Oh well, sleep deprivation. The last St. Vincent album, a.k.a. the only other one I listened to, opened strong but finished less so. Strange Mercy is a work of genius that makes me happy I have the power of hearing. Each of its 11 tracks has something going for it. Here, I’ll pick one randomly. I got the last song on the album, “Year of the Tiger.” Well, that’s an interesting one. She talks about a lot of things, but “Oh America, can I owe you one” is the recurring line that sticks with me. Oh St. Vincent, you don’t owe me a thing.

Honorable Mentions:
Kurt Vile – Smoke Ring For My Halo
The War On Drugs – Slave Ambient
Radiohead – The King Of Limbs

I’m just a sucker for music like this.  With their ’60s girl group sound, Cults doesn’t do a whole a lot to set themselves apart from a lot of similarly-minded indie pop bands, well except for the fact that their songs are just really damn catchy.  Sure, it’s entirely possible that I’ll have completely forgotten about this album a year from now, but it provided me with some first rate pick me up music throughout the year, and for that I’m grateful.

As far as I remember, this was the first album to come out this year that really grabbed me.  This took me a little bit by surprise since it’s not typically the kind of thing that I find myself listening to, but I suppose Lykke Li’s overt popiness is matched equally by her penchant for exploring all sorts of different sounds and genres, and that’s cool I guess.

There are a lot of pop singers nowadays that seem to draw heavily from the soulful sounds of ’60s R&B, so I’m not exactly sure what jumped out at me about Stone Rollin’.  I guess the thing about Raphael Saadiq is the undeniable energy behind his songs.  I mean you don’t hear many modern R&B artists trying to infuse their music with the kind of raw garage rock swagger that you hear on tracks like “Heart Attack” and “Over You”.  And yet Saadiq shows himself equally able to put new delightful spins on the tried and true soul ballad formula as well.

When this album initially came out, my immediate reaction was “Whoah, this is weird, therefore I’m not gonna even give it a shot.”  I guess it’s pretty sad that I’m at a point in my life where I consciously avoid art that’s challenging in any way, but thankfully I eventually decided to give Strange Mercy the shot it deserved.  Sure, it is weird and filled with all sorts of messy emotions, but it’s also full of beauty and grandeur, and somehow Annie Clark pulls off that uneasy balance in a way that few others could.

Of all the established artists that released albums this year, Wilco was not one of the ones I was expecting to blow me away, which I suppose accounts for the fact that I severely underestimated The Whole Love until much later in the year.  For really the first time since Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, you see Jeff Tweedy and co. successfully fusing their more experimental and abrasive tendencies with the classicist country rock of their last few albums.  In some ways I think you could even say that this is the album that Wilco have been building towards with this more consistent line-up.

So this is the album where TVOTR toned it down a bit and laid down some sensuous lovey-dovey songs.  It makes for an album that doesn’t have the urgency or timeliness of their last two releases, but that’s perfectly fine with me when these guys are perfectly adept at making lovely R&B-tinged ballads like the ones featured on Nine Types Of Light.  Plus there are still songs like “New Cannonball Run” and “Caffeinated Consciousness”, which capture how undeniably badass this band is still capable of sounding.

You may or may not have noticed, but I tend to gravitate more towards high-energy guitar based music than really anything else.  Wild Flag was easily my favorite guitar record for rocking this year away, which is a bit unexpected considering it came from a bunch of chicks in their late thirties.  But what can I say, these ladies have the chops and the unabashed energy to hang with any of their younger indie rock peers.  Here’s to hoping they’re just getting started with this infectious debut.

In the three and a half years I spent in San Francisco, Girls is probably the only SF band I can recall getting heavily into, so I suppose for that I’ll always associate Girls’ first album as well as Father, Son, Holy Ghost with that city.  It’s kind of incredible how much musical ground Girls has already covered considering they’ve only been around for a few years now.  Father, Son, Holy Ghost sees the band covering pretty much every genre that was remotely relevant during the ’60s and ’70s, and it’ll be fun to see what they continue to do with their distinctly retro style.

When I wrote my original review of Bon Iver’s sophomore album, I didn’t really have much to say about it other than the fact that it’s just a really beautiful album.  Six months later that’s still about all I can say about it, as it’s beauty just seemed to become more welcome and inviting as the months went by and the weather started to get colder.  It’s quite possible that this might be the most widely acclaimed album of the year, though I can’t be sure.  Either way it’s plenty deserving of it’s praise and I’m sure it’s something I’ll keep returning to in these early days of 2012.

And here’s another album that also caught my ear because of it’s profound beauty, albeit in a more traditional and rustic manner.  You could argue that Fleet Foxes is slowly just becoming a Robin Pecknold solo project, but it’s that personal quality that Pecknold infuses Helplessness Blues with that really resonated with me, and I can’t really complain about anything he’s doing here.  I suppose It’s a little weird that I fell so hard for this album, considering the first Fleet Foxes album never quite hooked me in the way it did for most people, but I’ve come to love both albums and hope these guys can just keep doing what they’re doing, ’cause it’s pretty great.

The Black Keys just barely nab a spot for continuing to evolve and move forward with their most ambitious album to date. I still think I need some more time to let it permeate in my brain and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been distracted by their ever increasing popularity. What I do know about El Camino is that it’s production and instrumentation is big, beautiful, and calls back to some of the best retro sounds of the 60s and 70s.

Watching bands rise to the mainstream always carries a hint of sadness for myself so I was hesitant about getting into Foster after they hit it big with the catchy “Pumped up Kicks”. A few songs steer towards a kind of pop that isn’t necessarily “My Thang” but for the most part there’s some very melodic material here. I only hope the mainstream attention and performances with Kenny G on SNL doesn’t get to their heads.

I feel like there was so much excitement for this record and then when it finally did get released all that just fizzled out. I don’t know what the critics consensus was but I haven’t seen it on any end-of-the-year lists. Whatever the matter I’m still of the opinion that this is some of the group’s best material in awhile. Though it seems clear that The Strokes will never again reach the levels of Is This It? it’s still interesting to see how they continue to tweak their trademark sound. Angles has a bit of an 80s vibe to it as the band delivers a sound that’s expansive and yet tighter than ever. The songs here are more complex than what we’ve heard in the past but still catchy, I’m glad they’re back.

As usual Radiohead succeeds at tapping into the unusual with the unpredictable genre mish mash that is The King of Limbs. Though tinkering around with laptops and tape loops seem to be more prevalent than ever I wouldn’t necessarily call this an electronic album, it’s just Radiohead. The songs are all distinctive in their own quirky ways, most notably the lead single “Lotus Flower” that was only made better with it’s music video that has become one of the weirdest memes I’ve ever seen. I still tend to gravitate towards the more guitar band based Radiohead on tracks like “Morning Mr. Magpie” and my favorite odd ball “Little By Little” but even those seem to inhabit their own little worlds.

Peter Bjorn and John have played with so many different sounds on their last couple of albums that it was a nice change of pace to see them go back to basics. I can’t imagine how they could of played most of the material on their last two albums live but now my mind can be put at ease with this very straightforward yet still very Peter Bjorn and John sounding rock album. This easily accessible collection of garage rockers goes down smooth with a mix of both punky and radio friendly tunes. “Second Chance” in particular is a standout for being the song that may have finally dethroned “Young Folks” as the group’s most successful and/or well known song. I’m always intrigued when these guys experiment with various genres and instruments but it’s nice to get an album like this every once in awhile too.

Here’s a surprise, a band I previously had absolutely no interest in releases an album I really like. No longer the poor man’s Jack White sounding band I previously dismissed them as. Cage the Elephant has evolved into more of Pixies/Punk inspired band on their second album and I welcome the change. Thank You Happy Birthday has a gritty garage rock feel with an exciting energy that can only come from a young band. “Aberdeen” is still my favorite song of 2011 and has not lost any of it’s impact even after multiple listenings. There’s just something about that particular song that I find very emotionally affecting and not just because of it’s melancholy music video featuring a sad claymation dragon. Cage has earned my respect let’s just see if they can hold on to it with whatever direction they go in next.

If there is one album on this list that I’d recommend as a must listen right at this moment it would be this one, which wouldn’t be an easy task. The King is Dead isn’t the most accessible album and The Decemberists aren’t the most exciting group but there’s so much passion here. The Decemberists have such a beautiful Indie Folk style that’s only been made better on their sixth album with some welcomed hints of bluegrass. There’s also accordions, banjos, harmonicas, cellos, all played to a tee by this talented group of multi-instrumentalists. Of course everyone has their role but it’s still frontman Colin Meloy with his quavering vocals and clever lyrical wordplay that draws the most attention. Guest musician Gillian Welch adds some well blended backing vocals on seven of the album’s ten tracks and R.E.M’s Peter Buck stops by for some pitch perfect guitar and mandolin performances, including the very R.E.M. sounding single “Down By the Water”. In terms of folk music this album throws in the hole folky kitchen sink but never loses any of it’s sincerity, I wish I could rate it higher.

Death Cab has simply established a winning formula. Their signature sound is damn near irresistible to any fan of alternative rock and they’re yet to show any signs of diminishing creativity. Codes and Keys doesn’t give us much that we didn’t already hear on Narrow Stairs, keyboards being the exception, but it’s still effortlessly cool with an almost calming mood to it. “You Are a Tourist” is an immediate Death Cab classic and the title track may be my favorite Death Cab ballad ever conceived. We should be very proud of our boys from Bellingham.

What I love about MMJ aside from the fact that they MF’N rock beyond all belief is how unpredictable they are. I’m still not sure what to make of Circuital. Stylistically it’s a little bit country, it’s a little bit rock and roll, and it’s a little bit space arena rock. James is still an amazingly unique rock figure but one should not overlook the amazingly proficient musicianship that continues to compliment his soaring vocals. MMJ sounds like no one else and continues to fearlessly explore new rock waters with each release. It’s funny that the albums I really like are usually the ones I have the least to say about I suppose the music just speaks for itself.

From the opening Shaman-like monologue by Denny Brewer I knew this would be an album that would stay with me. Each song is its own little story tied together by an eclectic collection of instruments and talented people. This was my introduction to Bright Eyes and right away I could see why so many before me have been drawn to the powerful songwriting and presence of Connor Oberst. Though all intellectual themes and messages aside this also happens to be a great rock record. The songs on The People’s Key range from somber and brooding to perfectly pleasing upbeat pop. It’s amazing how well this album gels together considering how much is really going on and hey, it taught me all about secret-lizard-people, thanks Bright Eyes and thank you 2011.

Honorable Mention
Yuck – Yuck
Metronomy – The English Riviera
Wilco – The Whole Love

It’s kind of silly to review an MMO, but I have put quite some time into Star Wars: The Old Republic, and I’d like to talk about it. For the record, I played in the two big beta weekends and have a level 35 bounty hunter on the live servers, which means I’ve completed the first act.

Probably the most important question in regard to SWTOR is what kind of game it actually turned out to be. The marketing positioned it as both the next big Bioware RPG and the next big MMORPG, leaving many confused what to expect. Would it be KOTOR 3? World of Warcraft with lightsabers? Star Wars: Galaxies with quality? If I had to define SWTOR with an equation, I’d write it: World of Warcraft + Bioware storytelling + A sprinkling of Star Wars atmosphere.

A lot of the way this game plays came from WoW. The combat is the same hotkey-based style that it used, although I’d say it generally feels more lively here than it did in Azeroth. Quests are basically the same too, you talk to quest givers, run out to kill/collect things, return, rinse and repeat. Talent trees are lengthy and probably daunting to new players, what with all the jargon and math. But on a base level, this is World of Warcraft in space.

What makes this game better than WoW, at least so far, is Bioware. I leveled two characters to 85 before I quit Cataclysm and I could only tell you the most simple outline of World of Warcraft‘s story. Because, except for cinematics and in-quest dialogue, I never paid attention to the content of quests. I could tell you everything that happened to my bounty hunter in SWTOR. The amount of voice acting in this game is unparalleled and it really pays off. Even though I’m doing basically the same things, it feels so much more meaningful when you have to hear people plead their case and can even yell back at them. The overarching class story is a great motivator too, much more than simply wanting to reach the level cap. And when I’m done with that, even the instances and PVP content has story content for me to enjoy. The conversation wheel is Bioware’s trademark, and it truly enhances this game.

But is this game Star Wars enough? This franchise means a lot to a lot of different people. Some people just like the original trilogy, some people like all the movies, some idiot kids only associate Star Wars with that cartoon. This game has to appeal to all of them. What SWTOR reminds me most of is KOTOR, in terms of atmosphere. It’s that classic fantasy storytelling set in space. Blasters sound like blasters, lightsabers do what they do, the Empire is basically run by Nazis and the Jedis are super strict drones. Every Star Wars trope is in here, even space combat is shoehorned in as a pretty, simple minigame. But, being set thousands of years before the movies, you won’t see any familiar characters, save from KOTOR holdovers. It makes sense for lore, it’s probably the only way a game like this could have ever been done, but it is weird being in a world of facsimiles of Star Wars characters.

My bounty hunter started on Hutta, the planet of Huts, looking to make a name for himself in the Great Hunt, essentials the Olympics for hired guns. I met a Hut just like Jabba, made an enemy like Boba Fett, took orders from a guy like Emperor Palpatine and even killed a guy like Qui-Gon Jinn (he tried to mind trick me, I was not having any of that). It was Star Wars and yet it wasn’t, it was a new story set in a new place with new people.

Of course, the reality of MMOs means that not everything can be as epic as the movies. I’ve spent a lot of time killing off random enemies of Imperial officers and delivering materials for anyone willing to pay. The minutiae of questing can slow your momentum and distract you from your story goals, especially if you’re on one of the less interesting planets. But I’d say most of the story is compelling enough to keep me playing and thinking about it when I’m not.

Story isn’t even the only great new feature this game brings to MMOs; let’s talk about the crew. In SWTOR, you are allowed to have a companion with you at all times. So, for example, my character always has Mako, the healer, with him. Having a permanent party member is huge, it means I basically have no downtime and I can even send her off to vendor useless items. It makes soloing content more fun and the way companions interact with the story makes them even more interesting. Every companion has a distinct personality and they will gain affection if they agree with your decisions. So, even though I’m Empire, my bounty hunter is a light side character because that’s what Mako likes, and I want her to like me. It’s very Bioware, but also pretty cool for an MMO.

Professions in World of Warcraft are supposed to be a way to make upgrades and money – what they really are is a boring grind. SWTOR totally alleviates that by making professions into “crew skills.” Essentially, at any time you can send your companion off on missions to level up your professions. They can craft gear and gather materials for you. It’s very handy. My character’s crew skills let him make armor and gather materials for that armor. While I’m out questing, I send my characters to get mats for me and make new armor when it’s available. They even keep working while I’m logged off. It’s a great system and makes something I never really enjoyed in WOW into a fantastic feature.

Everyone’s biggest complaint about SWTOR right now is the queues. I play on a fairly popular server, and I have had queues to log on lasting upwards of an hour, which is definitely not acceptable. But the game has only been out for a week, it’ll get better. In fact, over the past few days I haven’t really had a queuing problem, maybe they’ve already fixed it. Or maybe I’m just playing at the right times. Either way, it’s something to be aware of, but probably not something to keep you from playing the game.

Personally, I find the game’s Auction House UI really slow and lacking – that’s probably my chief complaint. It’s a pain to search, compare prices and sell a lot of stuff right now. The rest of the game’s UI is pretty good, and Bioware has said UI customization and mods are on the horizon.

Right now, at launch, I think SWTOR is a great game. I just hope the endgame is good and the game can continue to evolve like WOW has. It’s the best of the World of Warcraft tied to a story by my favorite gaming storytellers set in my favorite fictional universe. It’s sort of my dream game, which is another reason I’m glad I don’t have to review it. I’ve been waiting to visit the Old Republic for a long time, and now that I’m there, I won’t be leaving any time soon.

War Horse

There’s little Steven Spielberg hasn’t done in his long and varied career. He’s made movies about everything from aliens to dinosaurs to his many acclaimed projects centered around WWII, but it wasn’t until now that he finally decided to make a film about “The Great War”. Adapted from Michael Morpurgo’s 1982 children’s novel which also became in 2007 became a popular stage play, War Horse is the story of Young Albert Narracott (Jeremy Irvine) and his close relationship with the horse he helped raise Joey. Set against the gritty backdrop of a WWI ravaged Europe we watch as Joey finds himself on both sides of the war, his own struggles, and of course all the colorful characters he encounters along the way.

From a glance the whole concpet sounds a little sappy and it doesn’t help that Spielberg as gifted a filmmaker as he is has often been criticized over the years for being overly sentimental. Naturally War Horse has it’s moments where you’re forced to feel something but for the most part it’s a very sincerely made film that’s hard not to like at least a little. Spielberg gets a lot of flack for his overly emotional filmmaking but whereas some have always seen it as his crutch or just a gimmick he uses to pull at our heartstrings I’ve always felt it was simply his style and a style that he still delivers better than anyone else. I’m not saying that Spielberg doesn’t misfire with this approach from time to time but usually he knows what people want to see and feel, it’s simply how he chooses to take us out of our natural world and into a world of cinematic escapism. I never thought I could care or feel anything about a horse protagonist but Spielberg is a natural storyteller and still accomplishes this with one of the best working teams in hollywood including; cinematographer Janusz Kaminski, editor Michael Kahn, and of course composer John Williams to name a few.

War Horse isn’t your typical narrative being that it follows a silent protagonist merely trying to function in it’s environment rather than achieve any specific goal. Initially I felt this approach would have the effect of making the audiences feel unattached to the subject but the small relationship stories between Joey and the humans that makeup War Horse are surprisingly enjoyable. Perhaps my favorite portion of the film was the scenes that took place on the battlefield as I can’t really recall ever seeing a film about WWI that was this polished. Times like these almost made me wish I was just watching a film about people fighting in WWI, but I suppose this small taste of battle combined with the emotional story of a horse gave it a unique blend.

In the grand scheme of things War Horse isn’t one of Spielberg’s more memorable films and I’m not sure I agree with it being considered for awards season. Yet War Horse has heart and despite being a big budget hollywood film feels like a film that was still made with love and care and I think that tends to go far, Spielberg still has it.

The Artist

On the other end of the spectrum from Shame is the wonderfully light-hearted ode to good old-fashioned Hollywood filmmaking that is The Artist.  It was only about a month ago that Martin Scorsese released his own ode to the early days of cinema with Hugo, while French director Michel Hazanavicius takes his love for silent cinema a step further with a full-on black & white silent film.  However, I think Hazanavicius is slightly less interested in film history and more enthusiastic about the simple joys that exist in telling a classic love story with the kind of visually inventive  techniques that were encouraged before sound came into play.

Storywise, it’s a little hard not to draw parallels to Singin’ In The Rain, as The Artist also centers around Hollywood’s transition from the star-driven silent films of the 1920′s into the talkies of the ’30s.  The particular star it centers on is the fictional George Valentin, played with the utmost charm by Jean Darjudin.  Valentin finds his star-power quickly starting to dwindle in the wake of the talking pictures, while the young starlet Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo), a onetime romantic aquaintance of Valentin, is seen rising in popularity.

Both Darjudin and Bejo are pretty fantastic, and display the kind of charisma and comedic timing that you’d think would be hard for modern actors to pull off, but somehow they fit into this archaic style of acting quite effortlessly.  And on top of that, you get to see veteran Hollywood actors like John Goodman and James Cromwell have a lot of fun with their roles as well.  Also, a lot of the cinematography takes a page out of Citizen Kane, by often using some striking visual symbolism that helps to give the film a little bit of thematic depth without seeming too indulgent.

With it’s crowd-pleasing optimism and undeniable appeal to cinephiles, it’s easy to see why this could be an awards-season favorite.  Sure, it’s a film that’s often light as a feather, but sometimes feel-good movies like this are just what the doctor ordered.  Also, I’m a little skeptical about how much audiences will really go for such a quaint nostalgia piece, but if there was ever a movie that could rope modern audiences into seeing a silent black & white film, this’d be it.

Shame

I guess I’ll take this time to finally get a couple of reviews out of the way, but I’ll probably be brief since I’m still feeling the affects of post-Christmas laziness.  Shame is a film that I wasn’t really intending to see since its reviews were a bit mixed, and the film’s tone and subject matter weren’t exactly what I was looking for this holiday season.  Still, after sitting through director Steve McQueen’s second collaboration with the increasingly formidable Michael Fassbender, I felt a great amount of satisfaction from the way the film was able to get under my skin with it’s overwhelming sense of despair.

McQueen is often very simple in his technical approach, and the story itself relies on the same kind of intense simplicity.  Fassbender plays Brandon Sullivan, I New York man who is consumed by his sex addiction and seems to spend almost every moment of the film charming women, having sex, wankin’ off, or trying to hide his unruly sexual impulses.  Carey Mulligan plays Sullivan’s sister, who shows up at Brandon’s apartment, and decides to stay with him and thus disrupting his self-imposed lifestyle.

What makes the film worth seeing is undoubtedly Fassbender’s unflinching and occasionally terrifying performance of a man who by the end of the film seems to evoke nothing but scorn and pity, despite the fact that he spends much of the film getting laid.  I will say that the film’s NC-17 rating is probably rightfully earned due to the unwavering amount of sex and nudity in the film, but make no mistake about it, there’s nothing sexy about the way the film portrays its main character.  Also, Carey Mulligan shows she’s more than game for sparring opposite Fassbender, as her performance makes for quite a bit of a departure from the kind of good-natured characters she’s played recently.

The film is filled with a lot of noticeably long takes and a certain kind of detached feeling, which I think for the most part works in favor of a character whose motives are never easy to understand.  And despite the film’s artful nature, subtlety is never really something that the film goes for, which gives it the feeling of a film like Precious or Requiem For A Dream where you get this sense of the filmmaker trying to pound into you this message of hopelessness.  And for that, I can’t really wholeheartedly recommend the film since it’s probably bound to put you in a morose mood.  However, I still applaud the film for being able to pull off that kind of torrid earnestness with a subject as potentially laughable as sex addiction.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Bethesda is among the most ambitious developers in gaming. Time and time again, they try to deliver on the impossible: An open world, brimming with life and opportunity, that a player can interact with however they want. It’s been a few years since they brought their brand of entertainment to the Elder Scrolls universe, having spent the last five years in the desolate wasteland of Fallout. Now fantasy is back with Skyrim, the closest Bethesda has ever been to their objective.

Like the last Elder Scrolls game, Oblivion, you begin Skyrim imprisoned. You’re riding in a cart with fellow prisoners on your way to your execution. Sadly, there’s no Patrick Stewart to introduce you to the world, instead you get hilarious Nordic accents and a little Michael Hogan for good measure. When its your turn at the chopping block, a dragon rears its fire-breathing head and wrecks the place. You escape and you’re free… Really free.

The whole world of Skyrim is yours for the taking, and you are hardly obligated to follow the main story if you don’t want to. Yes, there could be a dragon apocalypse coming, but if you’d rather spend your time picking the pockets of beggars in the nearest city, by all means. Sure, the civil war between freedom-fighting racists and imperial fascists is going on all around you, but that doesn’t mean you have to join the fight. You can do whatever you want, and for me, that meant spelunking.

The sheer number of caves, dungeons and ruins to be explored in this game is staggering. So, when my Redguard archer went wandering after doing the first few story quests, it didn’t take long for me to go underground. Down there, I found an ancient Dwemer ruin, a city built buy long-extinct dwarves. There were falmer living there now, basically goblins, and I took it upon myself to masacre them, along with the old robots still guarding the place. I left the place burdened with trinkets and metals, so I headed to the nearest town and started smelting them. This became so engrossing that I decided I wanted to level my smithing skill all the way, and my journey into the game had truly begun – without any concern for dragons and political wars.

That’s what makes Skyrim so extraordinary, everyone’s experience will be unique. There’s so much flexibility to the game, and yet it’s all handled so well. Take character creation, for instance. In Oblivion, I labored over my choice of race, birth sign, class and a daunting list of skills and attributes. Here, you simply chose a race. Each has certain advantages in certain skills, as well as a unique power, but it’s nothing earth-shattering. Birth signs are now stones scattered around the world that can easily be turned on at your will. Classes are gone, as are attributes. Instead, the game simply rewards you for playing the way you want to play.

I started out thinking I wanted to use one-handed weapons and destruction magic, to take advantage of the game’s new dual wielding system. Instead, I quickly fell in love with sneaking around and killing foes with my bow and arrow. No big deal! Just by using those tactics, they got stronger. It’s a brilliant system, especially when you consider the way leveling up works. Each skill has an individual level. When you level enough skills up, your character levels up. Then, you get to chose to increase your health, magic or stamina – whatever works for you, as well as put a perk into whatever skill tree you want. So you can, for example, make arrows do more damage from stealth or make spells cheaper to cast. It’s a brilliant system, in that it rewards both players who want to min/max and those who want to try everything.

Skyrim is really good, but it’s not perfect. The combat system still isn’t that great, I felt that melee combat was always fairly imprecise and less entertaining than ranged – more than once I accidentally killed my companion with a single off-target swing. The game’s item system, with its signature over-encumbrance mechanic, takes a while to get used to for loot-aholics like myself. And the technical bugs, my goodness! Quests you can’t turn in, guests showing up dead to your wedding, dragons flying backwards; there’s some weird shit going down in this town. But it will be patched to perfection someday, Bethesda promises, and no bug was ever enough to stop me from playing.

Skyrim is simply one of the best games I’ve ever played. It’s kind of crazy that I’m writing that, since I never really cared for a Bethesda product before. I’ve always wanted to, but they were always too much RPG for me. Now they’ve finally succeeded at making the game that transcends its genre and can truly be called a masterpiece. I think I’m gonna go play some more right now.

Young Adult

Director Jason Reitman is kind of, sort of becoming an auteur. Through four films now, he’s told unique, character-focused stories full of wit and darkness. Young Adult‘s Mavis Gary (Charlize Theron) follows in the footsteps of Nick Naylor, Juno and Ryan Bingham as a character deeply set in her ways, forced to confront the one thing that could actually change her life. Like those characters, Mavis stands in juxtaposition to the world around her. But her arc is much darker and less sympathetic than you might expect.

Mavis is a marginally successful author of a young adult fiction series. She didn’t actually create the series, she just ghost writes the latest entries in it. As she starts work on her latest novel, she immediately begins procrastinating and opens her email. There she finds a message from her old boyfriend, Buddy Slade (Patrick Wilson) announcing the birth of his daughter. Mavis interprets this as a sign that he wants her to save him from his wife and newborn and run away together. So she leaves the big city and heads home.

Before she can get to Buddy, Mavis runs into another former classmate, Matt Freehauf (Patton Oswalt) at a bar. Matt is a fat geek who was badly beaten by a group of jocks who thought he was gay in high school. They may not have gotten along in high school, but now the have a mutual love of alcohol and a mutual hate of their hometown. What they do not agree upon is Mavis’ crazy plan to win back Buddy. Chaos ensues.

Much emphasis is put on Mavis’ daily life. We see her sloppy home, her daily rituals, her writing process. Every day begins with a swig of Diet Coke. Her writing is inspired by crappy teen TV shows and eavesdropping. When necessary, she can clean up too. Clothes shopping, hair pieces, makeup, manicures and pedicures are all utilized to turn her into a super model, to make her stand out in her town of limping Patton Oswalts and poorly-bearded Patrick Wilsons.

By the end of the movie, it’s explained why Mavis is the way she is, why her plan made sense to her. But that actually makes her a less likable character. The big speech at the end is actually hilarious, because it’s the opposite of what I wanted to hear. That’s what makes this movie great, I think. It plays with your expectations, to a degree. Diablo Cody is the writer, but this feels nothing like Juno. It’s much more sincere, and bleak.

But it’s not Up in the Air. I think of all the Jason Reitman movies, this one is the hardest to like. It simply lacks the charm his first three movies had. But this film’s rawness makes it good in its own right. The three leads all give terrific performances, making it all the more enjoyable. Reitman is one of my favorite directors right now because he keeps growing as a filmmaker. This is a worthy step forward.

It’s been awhile since we did a Classic Album Tuesday and what better time to chronicle something festive? The Beach Boys’ Christmas Album is hardly a classic but really there are only so many good rock albums about Christmas. Colin already did the best one A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector but in the grand scheme of Christmas rock albums I think a lot can be said about this release as well. For one the album actually features a handful of original compositions including the hit single “Little Saint Nick” so not only did The Beach Boys have a hit Christmas song, but an original hit Christmas song. Another item of note is that this album was recorded while the band was still popular and not in their dwindling twilight. How many times have you seen a former talented artist now old fogey reduced to doing an album of Christmas themed covers? Probably more than a few so it’s nice to listen to a group take a stab at it in their prime. I’m not denying that this album was most likely a quick cash-in concocted by the group’s record company but at least it’s a sincere effort.

A lot of artists can record Christmas songs and give us little that we haven’t already heard but naturally The Beach Boys were and are still known for a distinct style. The group’s complex vocal arrangements put a unique spin on such classics as “White Christmas” and “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and Brian Wilson’s beautiful multilayered production provides excellent backing. Of course it’s a delightful holiday treat to hear everyone’s favorite surf rock group sing the classics but I think it’s the group’s original seasonal compositions that make this album worth stuffing in your stocking. “Little Saint Nick” is undeniably catchy as is my favorite “Santa’s Beard” these certainly don’t sound like songs that have bee hashed out for a quick buck. I only wish these original compositions weren’t so few and weren’t so short which in turn gives the album a surprisingly brief runtime of about 27 minutes.

So if you’re feeling festive or need some nice holiday themed backing to your Christmas party this is one I’d highly recommend from one the 1960′s best. Which reminds me, you’re probably going to be seeing me post a great deal about The Beach Boys in the following year now that the surviving members have recently reunited to tour and record a new album, how’s that for a surprise holiday gift?

Favorite Tracks: “Little Saint Nick”, “The Man with All the Toys”, “Santa’s Beard”

It’s hard to put forth the time or effort on the blog when we have the holidays at hand but here’s something I always enjoy talking about and hey it’s relevant. So the Golden Globe nominations came out recently which means we are just one step closer to getting a good idea of who will be the main contenders this Oscar season. It definitely seems a little harder to pin down then last year but that’s what makes it exciting, who knows what could happen! We definitely have a few frontrunners but there’s still a great deal of ifs and maybes in most of the categories.

Already it sounds like Michel Hazanavicius’ silent romance film The Artist is the film to beat in the Best Picture category. Though I haven’t seen it yet I eagerly await it’s release here in Seattle (December 23rd at the Harvard Exit) the general consensus seems to be that it’s nothing short of a fantastic heartfelt tribute to cinema. Other bets that are starting to shape up as future Oscar contenders are Golden Globe nominees The Help, Hugo, The Descendants, and Moneyball. I’ve seen all four of these films now and I believe they’re all justified nominations by whoever runs the Golden Globes, I’ll assume the Mole People. War Horse was also selected for the best picture drama category so I’m just going to have to continue to assume it’s good until I can actually see it when it opens around Christmas. The Ides of March is a bit of surprise seeing that it was in and out of theaters without much talk. I remember hearing it was good but not if it was Oscar good, maybe the Golden Globes threw this is in to rattle some cages? In the Best Picture Comedy/Musical category I’m going to go ahead and assume only The Artist and Midnight in Paris will advance to the Oscar’s Best Picture category but it’s hard to say, I didn’t see My Week with Marilyn so I’m not sure if it’s a movie that’s all around good or mostly just good because of it’s strong performances.

With any awards ceremony we have the snubs with perhaps the most notable being The Tree of Life which could still resurface around Oscar time. I was also surprised to see no presence by Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. I mean that’s supposed to be a good one right? I thought this was supposed to be Gary Oldman’s year but we’ll just have to wait and see which Politcal-esque thriller the Oscars ends up selecting, Ides of March or Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy if either. There’s been a lot of buzz around Stephen Daldry’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close but I believe it missed the Golden Globes cutoff so it’s definitely a film that could resurface during the Oscars. I would of liked to see Drive get some recognition beyond it’s one supporting actor nom for Albert Brooks, it is a bit of a dark horse but it would certainly make any awards show that much cooler by having it included.

The acting categories seem to a bit of tossup right now with the one exception of Christopher Plummer in the supporting actor category for his role in Beginners. I hear he’s great and it’s always nice to see a Hollywood veteran finally get the gold, not to mention it’s a weak field this year. Probably the next best bet in an acting category is Viola Davis for The Help. Earlier this year I thought Glenn Close would be a shoe in for Best Actress for dressing as a man in Albert Nobbs but the reviews haven’t been to kind to that film so that takes a big hit to her chances. In the supporting actress category I’d again go with The Help for Octavia Spencer but she actually has some competition from Shailene Woodley in The Descendants and maybe Berenice Bejo for The Artist. I found it amusing that Jessica Chastain was nominated for The Help because not only has her name popped up in almost every award ceremony in this category but it hasn’t always been for the same movie. She’s got a chance to be nominated for supporting actress for The Tree of Life, Take Shelter, or The Help, she wont win any of them but she is slowly but surely becoming a force to be reckoned with in Hollywood.

Strangely enough one of the hardest categories this year is Best Actor, I have no idea. A lot of people seemed to enjoy Leonard DiCaprio’s portrayal of J. Edgar but not so much the film itself so it’s hard to say. I’m sure Jean Dujardin is good in The Artist but could a modern actor really win in a role without dialogue? Michael Fassbender may have a good chance but I haven’t seen Shame yet so it’s only a guess based on what I’ve heard here and there. I’m still wondering about Gary Oldman but it sounds like his performance may be too subtle for any award fare and not being nominated at the Globes does not help his Oscar campaign. Really there isn’t a clear frontrunner but that excites me, this is really shaping up to be an unpredictable awards season and I can’t wait to see more of these movies.

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations

Assassin’s Creed II ended on a bizarre, disarming note that I felt was brave for a modern, big budget game. Our hero, Desmond, is using a machine called the Animus to relive the life of his ancestor, Ezio Auditore da Firenze. After hours of building Ezio up, suffering his losses and enjoying his achievements, the game flipped everything on itself: Ezio was irrelevant, Desmond is the only person who matters and this story is a whole lot crazier than its conspiracy theory roots suggested. “What the fuck,” indeed. I couldn’t have been more excited, what a finish! Where would Ubisoft take the franchise next? There was so much potential. Now it’s two years and two sequels later and I’m kind of worried about the future of the franchise.

As far as AAA action games go, the Assassin’s Creed story is pretty cool, sort of like a time-traveling Inception. But the problem is the developers have focused all their effort on the dream instead of the reality – giving us an entire Ezio trilogy, even though his role is the meta plot was essentially over in the first game. Brotherhood has this problem, but addressed it by explaining that Ezio was now just further training for Desmond and giving plenty of time to build the personalities of the modern day assassins. Revelations, is actually really lacking in the revelations department, especially because the entire story takes place within the Animus.

It seems after the ending of Brotherhood, Desmond’s mind is rightfully screwed up. We’ve been told the Animus can have that effect on people. So we get to watch him try to put his mind back together… From within his mind. Don’t really worry about it, because you’ll quickly be taken into Ezio’s world and never really given a reason to come back out. So the Ezio story better be pretty damn important, right? Well, no. He’s looking for something Altair (the protagonist of the first game, so long ago) left behind and it brings him to Constantinople. Then the game turns into Brotherhood in Istanbul: Ezio must recruit new assassins, reclaim the city from the templars and find the big secret at the end. Except the big secret at the end isn’t that exciting, because, well, Ezio shouldn’t have starred in three games. But here we are.

For the most part, Revelations plays just like the last game. That is to say, it’s still one of the best stealth action games on the market. It remains awesome to drop down out of nowhere and stab a fool in the throat. It remains frustrating to simply want to run around on the roof tops but instead be forced to deal with annoying, highly suspicious guards. All the city building elements return, you can still buy new gear that is ultimately made redundant by unlocks and there’s almost always more than one way to accomplish your objective. This many games in, the forumla isn’t going to be drastically changed. But it has been tweaked a little.

Early on, Ezio shows off some of his new gear: parachutes, the hook blade and custom bombs. Parachutes add a fun element to traversal and seem tailor-made for the people who liked flying in Assassin’s Creed II. The hook blade speeds up climbing and allows Ezio to slide around on zip lines, plus it adds a little more interaction to free running. That’s nice, since at this point, holding right trigger, A and up was getting kind of tired. I’ve never found bombs particularly useful, but the bomb crafting component is kind of neat and at the very least a solid source of income.

But not everything new is good: now when you take over a district, templars can try to take it back. If that happens, you are punished by having to play a tower defense minigame. No gameplay mechanic that is introduced as a punishment can be that fun. It’s a fairly barebones take on the genre and not particularly fun or challenging. I get that they were trying to give the game a grander scale and a better sense of the push and pull nature of this war, but this aspect of the game became something I dreaded on focused on avoiding. Unfortunately, it can be triggered any time you draw attention to yourself by doing things like investing in small businesses or killing people, so the minigame was kind of difficult to avoid. At least it can be permanently shut down by installing a maximum level assassin in the den.

Outside of Constantinople, you will get the occasional chance to play through critical moments in Altair’s past. They are brief, easy missions that remind us that hey, this guy was pretty cool, wish we could’ve spent a little more time with him. Also, if you’re feeling feisty, you can step back and go into a different part of Desmond’s brain. Here, you play weird first person platforming sections while Desmond talks about his life, starting with growing up in a weird assassin hippie commune. It’s odd and just challenging and interesting enough to be worthwhile.

Multiplayer is back and the same as ever. The you hunt someone while someone else hunts you game mode is the most fun to play, if that sort of thing sounds entertaining to you. I didn’t really play much of the last game’s multiplayer, but I heard that community dried up pretty fast, so if this is something you want to get in on, you should probably get in now. It’s not really for me, but I think it’s kind of cool and I like that it’s a multiplayer mode that is actually, tangentially, related to the story.

By the end Revelations, you’ll have seen the highlight of Altair’s life, most of Ezio’s life and heard Desmond’s life’s story. That’s everybody, right? We don’t have to keep going backwards, do we? At this point, I have no doubt that there will be another one of these games out around this time next year; I just hope it’s a true sequel. Assassin’s Creed has stalled out and needs to change things up or it might just wake up dead.

You could basically say we’ve begun winter by now, despite the fact that the winter solstice isn’t for another two weeks.  Regardless, it’s cold, it’s dark, and if it weren’t for Christmas, it’d be altogether depressing, and much of the music I listen to around this time of year reflects that.  So as a counterpoint to the Top Ten Summer Songs I did last May, I’m presenting you with my top ten favorite winter songs.  The most obvious criteria is not only that they feature winter as a prominent theme, but also that they’re songs that aren’t associated in any way with Christmas.

Honestly, I’m not that big a fan of this song.  But the other song that I was considering for the number ten spot was Vampire Weekend’s “Horchata”, and I didn’t want to turn this into more of an indie-rock lovefest than it already is.  Still, it’s Simon & Garfunkel, it’s got winter in the title, and it’s certainly not terrible.  So there you go.

This song is pretty cool just because it depicts one of the great childhood winter pastimes, especially if you live in a place like the Northwest.  It’s the pastime of quietly waiting for a snowstorm, constantly looking out the window, listening to the weatherman, and then finally watching with wide-eyed wonderment as the snowflakes come trickling down.

Of course leave it to Death Cab to make a joyous occasion like the New Year’s celebration sound like such a bummer.  But I guess that’s one way of looking at the birth of a new year, as just another opportunity for the same old shit to repeat itself.  Still, you’ve got to give credit to Death Cab for bashing the song out with a kind of liberated energy despite it’s downbeat message.

And then on the other end of the spectrum, you’ve got The Walkmen spouting the message that the New Year presents you with the opportunity to start anew and to proclaim “It’s gonna be a good year!”, as Walkmen singer Hamilton Leithauser does with an undeniable conviction.  Of course, with songs like “Blizzard Of ’96″ and “While I Shovel The Snow”, The Walkmen are a very “winter-y” band with lots of possibilities for a list like this, but for me it’s hard for any Walkmen song to compete with “In The New Year”.

Much like The Walkmen, Elliott Smith is another artist whose music seems pretty well suited for those colder months.  Of course, the amazing thing about “Angel In The Snow” is the fact that it wasn’t even released until the collection of outtakes New Moon came out in the wake of Smith’s untimely death.  And then of course there’s that sequence from Up In The Air, which gives the song an even greater resonance as a quintessential winter song.

With their their modest but nonetheless comforting sound, The National have been one of my go-to bands during the last two winters.  ”Apartment Story” for me is one of the quintessential National songs, as it’s a “grower” in the best possible sense.  It starts out simply, talking about how the colder months cause us to “stay inside and wait for the winter to leave”, before building to a rousing chorus of hope and optimism.

Fleet Foxes may have used Peter Breughal’s painting The Netherlandish Proverbs as the cover of their debut album, but for me the lush sound of “White Winter Hymnal” evokes another Bruegal painting, Hunters In The Snow.  Yeah that’s right, I just dropped some art school knowledge on y’all.  Deal with it.

This is a song that seems not only to evoke those New York winters that Dylan encountered in the early ’60s, but also the unrelenting cold of his early years growing up in northern Minnesota.  Also, I have a very distinct memory of listening to this song every morning in December of 2004, when I’d have to walk to the bus stop each day at seven in the morning.  So for that reason, a cold chill seems to comes over me every time I hear “Girl From The North Country”.

This song almost borders on being a Christmas song, since I know there are some Christmas stations that play “River” in their rotation around this time of year, plus there’s that intro.  But I think the song is less about Christmas, and more about the memories that this time of year evokes, even when you’re stuck in the warm and sunny climate of Southern California that the Canadian Mitchell seems to be growing tired of in “River”.

I couldn’t really think of any distinct personal favorite for this list, so I just decided to go with an old favorite.  I actually have no problem with winter, but some people seem to kind of hate it, and The Mama’s And The Papa’s appear to be those kind of people.  Their vision of winter takes on the feel of an Apocalyptic Road Movie, as this cross country treck towards California seems to be the only thing that will save them from the depressing monotony of winter.  Seriously, it’s not that bad guys, just curl up by the fire and enjoy yourself some hot chocolate.

The Black Keys – El Camino

The new Black Keys’ album is out and honestly I am not as excited about it as I thought I would be. Maybe it has something do with the fact that I’m a little burned out on The Black Keys or maybe it just doesn’t resonate with me as much as the stellar Brothers. Most people thus far seem to be hailing El Camino as another triumph on par with Brothers but I feel less enthusiastic. I enjoy it sure and in many ways it’s the most ambitious Black Keys record ever but it just doesn’t feel as sincere as past records.

In just a few years The Black Keys have risen from indie blues rock duo to a mainstream, grammy award winning, rock group and for the most part I welcome that. With that newfound success The Black Keys have complimented their stylings with a bigger and bolder sound. Changes have resulted in the band taking more time in the studio and in producer Brian “Danger Mouse” Burton more or less becoming the third member of the band producing and co-writing every song on the album, I suppose changes come in threes. The Black Keys’ bare bones approach to blues/rock is no more and in way that’s necessary but also a little sad.

It’s hard to describe, I do like this album but for whatever reason it doesn’t strike a chord with me. I love all the vintage sounds and retro techniques but aside from a handful of songs I don’t have that urge to listen to it again and again like I did with Brothers or going way back The Big Come Up. That being said there are still some songs here that I really enjoy. “Lonely Boy” is an excellent rock single as is “Dead and Gone” and I’m digging the bluesy female backup vocals. “Nova Baby” is easily my favorite track as it really doesn’t sound like anything the Keys have ever done before, pure pop bliss. Maybe my problem was that I wanted something unreasonably different, more indie pop oriented like Nova Baby and not so much big grandiose rock. So it’s probably a combination of desiring something more simple and also being a little burned out on the group I can’t seem to get away from.

I’m always a stickler for ratings, out of the 15 or so albums I’ve reviewed this year I think I only gave three albums 4 or more stars, so I’m sorry to put El Camino in that majority of 3 to 3 1/2 reviews but for now I agree with that. Could that rating change someday? Maybe, could I completely change my mind about this album someday? Maybe, all I know is that at this point in time it feels like an all too familiar rock record instead of something new and amazing. I’m glad to see The Keys have entered new pop/rock territory and with that being said I hope they continue to experiment because I’ll always be there to check it out no matter how burned out.

Favorite Tracks: “Dead and Gone”, “Lonely Boy”, “Nova Baby”

Hugo

As a longtime fan of Martin Scorsese’s films, I really couldn’t help but feel anything other than utter bewilderment after seeing the first trailer for his latest film, Hugo.  I was just thinking, “Ok.  So has Martin Scorsese gone off the deep end?  This just looks like some silly little 3D kids movie devoid of any reason for me to care about it whatsoever”.  But alas it turned out I was terribly mistaken, since unbeknownst to me the film was deeply rooted in film history, and surprisingly is among the more personal films in Scorsese’s canon.

Based on Brian Selznick’s novel, The Invention of Hugo Caberet, the film centers around a young orphan boy (Asa Butterfield), who lives in a Paris railway station, and spends all of his time mending and operating the clocks in the station.  Hugo happens to stumble upon a grumpy old man (Ben Kingsley) who runs a magic shop in the station, and eventually Hugo becomes friends with the old man’s goddaughter, Isabelle (Chloe Moretz).  The two of them then slowly uncover the fact that the reclusive old man, George Melies, was in fact the man that us cinephiles now know as one of the fathers of cinema.  Then from there, we see Melies struggling with his own past and learning to embrace his earlier work, almost all of which appears to have been lost.

It’s kind of amazing to me that Scorsese has never really made a film that dealt explicitly with the history of film, and it’s really quite wonderful the way he presents the films of George Melies and the stories behind them with such care and wonderment.  I’m not sure how much modern audiences, or kids especially would get out of the cinematic history lesson that is really at the heart of the film, but for me the emotional quality of  how we see Melies grapple with his past glories seemed pretty universal.  And I think Scorsese does a pretty good job of making the film have this kind of childlike wonderment, which I think would make the film palettable for all ages.

I will say that the first half of the film didn’t have me quite as hooked in as I was in the latter half, when Melies’ story becomes more prominent.  I think this mainly stems from some of the scenes just feeling a bit clunky, and it might of been the writing, or possibly the acting, as Scorsese does rely quite a bit on the child actors to carry the film, which is not an easy thing to pull off.  Still, even when a scene or two fell a bit flat, there was still this overarching sense of whimsy and fascination in not only movies, but also in all kinds of magic and fantastical machinery that carries the film.

Since the theater I went to was only showing Hugo in 3-D, I suppose I should comment on it, and I can’t really say I had any problem with it.  Scorsese is not a filmmaker that I would have ever imagined doing an effects-laden 3-D film like this, but the critical consensus seems to be that Melies himself probably would have been a supporter of 3-D films like this, and I would have to agree with that.  And whether 3-D is in fact a passing fad or not, I think Hugo will hold up as a charming and heartfelt ode to cinema, regardless of what dimension it’s in.

It’s an exciting time to be a Black Keys fan as this Akron, Ohio duo is as hot as ever. Coming off their most successful and arguably best album The Black Keys have hit the mainstream, but it didn’t happen overnight. Dan Auerbach (guitar/vocals) and Patrick Carney (drums) have together made seven albums under the Keys moniker and it has been a long way to the top. The group’s new album El Camino produced by Danger Mouse looks to be another album much in the vein of the catchy blues-rock explosion Brothers but we’ll just have to wait and see. Until then I figured I’d revisit all the Key’s past albums. Now I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a little boring listening to so much bare bones blues/rock but it was an experience nonetheless.

The Big Come Up (2002)

The Big Come Up is your standard rock/blues debut but with a few twists and tweaks to the genre to make it stand out. The Big Come Up diversifies with it’s raw modern take on the blues, including various eclectic covers of traditional songs, and hey, even a Beatles number thrown into the mix. Though the duo’s bare bones almost primal approach to old blues numbers is always intriguing it’s their original compositions that make this worth listening to. Early on were treated to the undeniably catchy “I’ll Be Your Man” which is also the theme to the HBO series Hung. Songs like “I’ll Be Your Man” showcase the duo’s strength in carrying a melodic rock song in what’s more or less the most basic package it could be delivered in.

Even on their first album vocalist/guitarist Dan Auerbach displays some early hints of great melodic ability not only as a vocalist, but also as a melodic guitarist. Auerbach’s guitar in “Countdown” is as bright and memorable as any vocal line could be and were treated to that style time and time again. “The Breaks” is another favorite with it’s whining bends accompanied by a nifty shuffle from Patrick Carney. The drum work from Carney is for the most part fairly basic but sufficient. Rather than showing off with big fills and intricate parts Carney keeps it very simple as to better compliment Auerbach’s guitar. The Big Come Up is everything you could want in a genre often overlooked today and stands as an excellent introduction to this group.

Favorite Tracks: “The Breaks”, “Countdown”, “I”ll Be Your Man”

Thickfreakness (2003)

Whereas songs on The Big Come Up tended to go along at a fairly moderate bluesy pace Thickfreakness kicks it up a notch. The songs here are faster, more intense, and more energetic especially on drummer Patrick Carney’s part. What I wouldn’t give to have a song like “Set You Free” in Rock Band with that George of the Jungle-like drum part. It’s catchy songs like “Set You Free” that helped propel The Black Keys and this album to a somewhat larger audience.

According to Wikipedia Thickfreakness was recorded in 14 hours in Patrick Carney’s basement on an early 1980s 8-track recorder and that only makes me like it more. I suppose there is kind of a rushed manic feel to Thickfreakness and the feeling of two guys just running on pure adrenaline only makes this album rock that much more. The songs aren’t quite as intriguing as the tracks on The Big Come Up which probably makes it my least favorite Keys record, but there’s plenty to like in retro songs like “Hard Row” and the a cover of The Sonic’s “Have Love Will Travel”.

Favorite Tracks: “Hard Row”, “”If You See Me”, “Set You Free”

Rubber Factory (2004)

Named after the very fact that it was recorded in a rubber factory in the duo’s hometown of Akron, Ohio the Keys’ third album is big and echoey with plenty of sludgy guitar rock to satisfy. The songs aren’t necessarily the group’s strongest but it brims with distorted intensity. Early on there wasn’t much that drew me into the album with the exception of the excellent radio friendly “10 A.M Automatic” that has a great music video directed by David Cross by the way. Though by about the fourth or fifth song I started to develop an appreciation for the “grooves” forged on this album and now I enjoy it.

This is also about the time where Black Keys’ songs started to appear in countless commercials. To this day if you need a song to accompany a commercial about trucks this is your go to group and the heaviness of Rubber Factory has all ya need.

Favorite Tracks: “10 A.M Automatic”, “All Hands Against His Own”, “Girl is On My Mind”

Magic Potion (2006)

At this point I feel like I’m reviewing the same album for the third time in a row. Don’t get me wrong Thickfreakness, Rubber Factory, and Magic Potion are all good albums but they all sound more or less the same. I don’t blame the guys, there’s really only so much you can do with guitar and drums so it’s amazing they could keep it interesting after one record let alone this many. The thing that separates Magic Potion in my mind is that it’s the album that has “Your Touch” which I still consider the group’s defining song. I first heard the song on an episode of Eastbound and Down and ever since I’ve been drawn to the raw energy of that song and of this band.

For the most Magic Potion is the same ol’ Keys but with even better production, and for the first time all original songs. That’s really all there is too it man.

Favorite Tracks: “Strange Desire”, “Your Touch”, “You’re the One”

Attack & Release (2008)

Even though “Your Touch” was the song that got me into The Black Keys this was the first Keys’ album I listened to. Kind of strange, “Man I really like this song so now I’m gonna go out and buy the album it’s not on.” I think it had to do with the fact that this was the newest Keys album so I went from there. Attack & Release was an odd introduction to the duo as it’s more or less their departure from the standard two piece blues rock setup. Of course you’re always going to have a couple basic blues songs like”I Got Mine” one of the band’s most popular songs for some reason, but then you have the songs that are a little harder to categorize. What could of changed for the group? Aside from maybe the desire to experiment maybe it has something to with Danger Mouse coming on board as producer.

“Strange Times” is a perfect example of the Keys mixing up their sound into this eerie mish mash of piano, bass, echoey backup vocals, and various sound effects. You have all sorts of stuff thrown in this album from keyboards to a few drum machines, to more guitar effects, but it’s still kept in moderation when compared to the Keys’ next album. This album is where we really get to see the duo’s prowess for songwriting and is a must listen for anyone interested in this band, it’s a real trip but it’s worth it.

Favorite Tracks: “Psychotic Girl”, “Remember When (Side A)”, “Strange Times”

Brothers (2010)

Brothers was a the natural progression for The Black Keys if they wanted to avoid becoming stale or predictable and it couldn’t of come at a better time. Brothers has not only become The Keys most heralded work but garnered everything from grammy nominations to many TV appearances including an appearance on The Colbert Report where The Black Keys argued with Vampire Weeked over who was the bigger sellout regarding their songs in commercials. Breaking away from the standard guitar/drum arrangement and adding in things like organ and bass on every song not only makes this the Keys most layered record but also their most thoroughly diverse and entertaining.

Blues rock is still intact on Brothers but in some case has been set aside for dabbling with R/B and soul (“The Only One”, “Never Gonna Give You Up”) and a more conventional rock sound (“Everlasting Light”, “Howlin’ For You) though that last one definitely has it’s bluesy roots. What’s great about Brothers is it has given us an album that’s more accessible to newcomers of the band and at the same time treats the older fans with something they may have never expected, it’s like getting a surprise gift on Administrative Professional’s Day.

I wouldn’t be surprised if most people now said this was their favorite KeysEl Camino will be a joy if it continues the trend of a bigger Keys, and based off the single I think it will be

Favorite Tracks:“Everlasting Light”, “Howlin’ For You”, “The Only One”

Manhunt (2003)

Time to get back into writing posts, been a little busy with finals but I’m ready now and I got a few things up my sleeve, i’ll start with this one I wrote awhile back. I always liked the idea of a segment reviewing older games good or bad that have at some time peaked my interest. Seeing that I’m always pushing to make it a recurring thing I decided to revisit a game that always intrigued me but never gave much of chance back in the day. The game is Rockstar’s Manhunt and it’s certainly an odd one. I have memories of being so excited for this game to come out and then when it did my brother and I pooled our money together and convinced one of my parents to buy it, not that they were ever restrictive of what I played. To me it looked like Grand Theft Auto (I guess there was only three back then) if it was a murderous horror movie and for some reason that got me excited, but not in a creepy way. When I finally did play it I had very mixed feelings. Here I was expecting something like a scary, action packed sandbox game and what I got was a difficult slow paced stealth game built around levels. I probably played it for no more than a few days before giving up on it entirely and never even beat the first level, but times have changed.

I started playing this again around Halloween and was quickly reminded of why I originally gave this up. This game does try your patience early on and it’s still my opinion that the beginning of the game is one of the most difficult parts. All you want to do is just leap out and start hacking people up, but that’s not what it’s all about. Manhunt is all about strategy, how you are going to accomplish your kill and how you’re going to avoid being noticed. It’s tough to get into if your a fairly impatient person like myself, but if you can you’ll be able to work into a rhythm and start to understand and appreciate the appeal of a good stealth game.

The game follows James Earl Cash a prisoner on death row ready to be executed. On his way to the procedure that will end his life Cash is suddenly kidnapped by a group of henchman employed by an exploitation filmmaker named Lionel Starkweather (voiced by Brian Cox). Cash is transported to the gang infested Carcer City where through the direction of Starkweather through an ear piece must execute gang members so that it can be filmed to make f’ed up entertainment. Levels are called “Scenes” and after you beat a handful Starkweather’s men pick you up and take you to another part of Carcer only to begin the madness once again.

Based in the GTA universe and using what appears to be the same engine, Manhunt is basically GTA if it was about being a serial killer. The major differences between the two games is one: this is not a sandbox game (though the levels are huge) and two: this game heavily relies on stealth. Kills are performed by hiding, often in the shadows where you cannot be seen and then sneaking up gang members with various weapons including; plastic bags, shards of glass, knives, baseball bats, wire, machetes, and more. Being detected always makes situations more difficult so it really helps to utilize your environment in this game, mostly you use the radar that shows where enemies are located and whether or not they can see you. It may sound a little disappointing but I have to say the style of gameplay grows on you and eventually it becomes more and more enjoyable when new missions are given and new weapons are included. Of course later on there are guns which turn the game into a standard shoot em up but even that is just about as fun as combat in GTA.

What really made me get through Manhunt was the atmosphere. The music and sound effects are hella creepy and there’s some very scary sequences. This atmosphere combined with the style of gameplay gives it a kind of late 70s early 80s horror movie vibe that I couldn’t get enough off, sigh if I only I had finished the game. This game certainly pissed me off something royal from time to time with it’s difficulty. The beginning is a little tricky but near the end of the game it’s just madness with what seems like endless gang members. I gave up with only about two or three scenes left… But that doesn’t mean I won’t pick it up again.

This game can be just as annoying regarding all the predictable missions you’ll get. Naturally there’s a mission where you have to protect someone, another where you have to save victims without being seen, blah, blah and in the latter stages of the game it just gets all muddied up as a tired shooter game. So it’s definitely an oddity but I got to give it to the game, it’s unique. The style and graphics still hold up and it’s worth playing if you’re a fan of GTA Check-ch-check-check-check-ch-check it out.

Los Campesinos! – Hello Sadness

I was a little hesitant to listen to Hello Sadness, the fourth/third album from Los Campesinos. I am someone who really enjoyed Hold on Now, Youngster… and We are Beautiful, We are Doomed, but found Romance is Boring to be disappointing. If this album was another disappointment, it would be hard for me to be optimistic about Los Campesinos’ future. But, on the other hand, it’s been a while since I listened to something by these folks. It turns out I missed them. And Hello Sadness, ironically, is enough to give me hope.

If the title didn’t tip you off, it’s probably safe to say that this collection of songs wasn’t inspired by good times. No, the imagery here is dark, the themes miserable – but with that signature Campesinos sardonic wit. It’s all a far cry from the jittery excitement of the first couple albums, but it’s exactly the direction the band had to go in; you can’t sustain something like that. As members have come and gone, the band has pushed lead singer Gareth more into the foreground, and this album is more personal and confident for it. The guy’s pretty good at this.

The rest of the band is still great, of course. There’s plenty to love here for fans of guitars, female backup vocals and more guitars. Yeah, the band’s a little less expansive then it used to be, and you can hear it on this record. However, this is still unmistakably Los Campesinos; the songs still build to amazing highs from humble lows. They’re still a delight to listen to. Or maybe I should say, they’re a delight to listen to again.

Favorite Tracks: “By Your Hand,” “Every Defeat is a Divorce (Three Lions),” “The Black Bird, The Dark Slope”

The Descendants

I can’t really think of many directors who could possibly get me more excited for one of their releases than Alexander Payne.  Maybe it’s a bit strange to get excited for a guy who’s made a career for himself by directing low-key, character-driven drama/comedies, but the guy’s style really works for me.  Then on top of that, it’s been seven years since he released his last film Sideways, a gap in which Terrence Malick has released not one, but two films.  So after such a long absence, it’s a small wonder seeing how his latest film The Descendants provides us with another small, human story, starring the always dependable George Clooney.

Clooney stars as Matt King, a Hawaiian land baron who’s wife has been in a coma caused by a boating accident.  Through some fairly expository voice-over that takes up the early moments of the film, we learn that Matt is unqualified to take care of his daughters without his wife around.  Matt then is given the news that his wife won’t be waking out of her coma, and Matt decides to go around the islands of Hawaii making peace with his wife’s family members by telling them of her unpleasant fate.  Matt gets another blow to his fragile state of mind when his daughter Alex reveals that his wife had been cheating with him.  Then from there, Matt sets out with his daughters to make peace with his wife’s inevitable passing, while also hoping to track down the man that his wife cheated on him with.

Oddly enough, the script was adapted from Kaui Hart Hemmings’ novel by Payne along with Jim Rash and Nat Faxon, two guys that seem to show up quite often as bit players in comedy films or TV series.  I guess this is strange to me not only because these guys aren’t seasoned screenwriters, but also because the film often shies away from comedy and instead is more interested in the emotions that family members are faced with when confronted with death.  Yet despite this more somber tone, Payne is still willing to take on this subject matter with a lighter touch, often mixing in a few laughs to go along with all the grief and heartbreak that the film encompasses.

I remember seeing Alexander Payne in a recent interview saying that he was attracted most to The Descendants because he had never seen Hawaii portrayed in a film before.  At first I thought this couldn’t be true, but the more I thought of it, I agreed that Hawaii hadn’t really ever been the setting for a film that captured the islands in any sort of revelatory manner.  The Descendants sees Payne breezily capturing Hawaii with a surehanded amount of authenticity, giving us a Hawaii that’s less of a tropical paradise, and more of just another place where people live and die and complicate each other’s lives.

As for the performances, Clooney is really what guides the film, and though he doesn’t really show us any disarming new shades of his persona as an actor, there’s still a surprising amount of vulnarability that he displays.  The rest of the cast seems to be full of nothing but surprises, as performers like Judy Greer and Matthew Lillard get the chance to take on the kind of emotional material that you probably wouldn’t expect from them, while Shaillene Woodley is another stand out as Clooney’s troubled daughter.

I guess I was probably expecting a more comedically satisfying film from the man who brought us Election and Sideways, but honestly I can’t really complain when The Descendants covers such a wide range of emotions in such a mature and honest manner.  I’m just hoping I won’t have to wait another seven years to hear from a writer/director whose brand of modestly-budgetted indie dramadies seem to be becoming rarer and rarer these days.

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds – Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds

Here I am living in a post-Oasis world now with two albums that are kind of like Oasis but still not Oasis. The first release was from Liam Gallagher’s new band Beady Eye (basically Oasis minus Noel) which sucked. Now we have Noel’s solo venture which although much better is still nothing compared to his work with the group that put him on the map. Noel’s new album (recorded primarily by himself) is produced marvelously with some pleasing sounds and moments, but the songs are fairly forgettable. His songwriting seemed in as good as form as ever on the last Oasis album, so maybe he really does need Liam to make it all work?

Most of these songs sound more like Oasis b-sides than anything else which is fine just not particularly exciting. The songs are lush, big, and drenched in reverb with some really beautiful instrumentation but it never amounts to anything notable. There are no big hooks or catchy chorus lines it’s all just a rambling collection of very average progressions. If you were to strip these songs down they wouldn’t even be worth talking about, but Noel’s lucky to have a talented producer like Dave Sardy.

I’d comment on individual tracks if I could separate them in my mind,,”The Death of You and Me” is the only song I can ever clearly remember and it’s nice enough. Looking past the so-so compositions Noel is definitely gifted at creating a mood. Not to get all mushy but he really does put genuine emotion into his songwriting and performance, more so than Liam with Beady Eyes and it shows. Now that this has been released I’m just counting down to the big Oasis reunion. I’m positive that it’ll happen someday, they may hate each other but they are brothers. The only question is how long could it take for a reunion to happen? I for one can wait, give them time to cool off and come back with some better music than what they’ve given us on these two post-Oasis albums.

Favorite Tracks: “The Death of You and Me”, “(I Wanna Live in a Dream in My) Record Machine”

Immortals

Last year I went and saw Clash of Titans and liked it which probably made me one of five people who actually liked it. I suppose I have a genuine love for Greek Mythology so I get excited simply seeing it attempted on screen, or so I thought. In my original review of Clash I stated that I’d enjoy seeing a different character attempted on screen. My suggestions were either Bellophron or the story of Theseus and look now, it’s a little over a year and what we do have? A movie about Theseus… And it sucks. Why did someone like me who so closely follows reviews go see a panned movie? Once again I have a genuine love for the genre, plus Jon and I made a vow that we’d go see it… No matter what!

Going in I wasn’t very familiar with the story of Theseus aside from him defeating the Minotaur in the labyrinth so I can’t really vouch for how closely this follows the actual myth, though I’ll assume not very. Even reading up on Wikipedia I can see some glaring errors just in how the film handled it’s villain Hyperion (Mickey Rourke). Hyperion is portrayed in the film as a mortal king when in the myths he was a Titan, which means he in no way resembles his mythological counterpart. I could probably find holes like that ’till the hydra comes home but I’ll try and concentrate only on what is presented on screen and not any outside information.

After the god’s have failed to answer his prayers King Hyperion of Crete has declared war on Greece. Though in order to cement his success Hyperion needs to find a powerful weapon called the Epirus Bow. Once in possession of the bow Hyperion will be able to use it’s power to unleash the seal of the Titans and release them from Tartarus releasing utter chaos. Along his rampage Hyperion kidnaps the virgin oracle Phaedra (Frieda Pinto) to aid him, though I’m not sure what he’s trying to use her for. We learn she can see brief glimpses of the future but I’m not sure how it is exactly supposed to help. So she can like look further into the movie to a place they haven’t been yet to help them find something? It’s difficult to wrap the mind around not only because it’s so complicated but because it’s so incredibly stupid. Wrapped up in all this nonsense is our hero Theseus (Henry Cavill) a peasant and demi-god who swears vengeance on Hyperion after his village is destroyed and his mother killed. Theseus is a brave and gifted warrior who has been extensively trained by an old man (John Hurt) who is secretly Zeus (Luke Evans). So eventually Theseus saves Phaedra and teams up with her and Stephen Dorf in an attempt to seize the Epirus bow and secure the safety of Greece.

The plot sounds easy enough but is handled in a very sloppy manner. Characters we don’t know well, specifically the god’s jump in and out of the film for reasons that are never clear. Though what really tried my patience was the gods actions and their exact motivations. Zeus wants Theseus to defeat Hyperion in order to save Greece yet he refuses to physically fight Hyperion’s army, okay fine he is a god. But he will fight if Hyperion releases the Titans who have the potential to throw everything into peril if they escape Tartarus? Hmm, then wouldn’t it be more logical to simply kill Hyperion than risk him unleashing something a million times worse? So the gods can only interfere when the Titans are released but why is that exactly? A clear explanation is never given of the god’s role in this world and I was just plain confused. Sure they drew this from greek myth, which kind of predate good story structure, so it’s not entirely their fault but it’s the 21st century now and I can’t buy plot holes just because someone was too lazy to come up with some answers. Though if there’s one thing that really pisses me off it’s that they got rid of the freakin’ labyrinth and the freaking ‘Minotaur! The two cool things about Theseus have now been reduced to a single scene where Theseus fights some guy in a bull costume in some small room. Later the event is interpreted by the peasants as a man who fought a minotaur but why couldn’t it just be a minotaur to start with? Like it’s that hard to buy that a minotaur exists when you have gods flying around everywhere.

On the positive side this movie looks stunning. Like Roger Ebert said, “It’s the best looking bad movie I’ve ever seen” and that sounds about right. Tarsem has already proven himself to be a great visionary when it comes to treating the screen like a canvas, if only he knew how to tell a proper story. The effects are as well marvelous and the gory fights are all worth praise. Wrapping it up this movie looks great but is not good so it kind of evens out to a so-so mish mash, maybe you should rent it but don’t rush out to see it in theaters.

Almost totally forgot to do this. Wah-oh. I went through a pretty big Who phase back in the day and definitely consider myself a Who-er on the Who/Zeppelin debate. Not that I ever thought that debate was intelligent. This was fun considering I haven’t really visited my who collection in quite a while.

10. The Real Me
I didn’t really know about Quadrophenia until pretty late into my Who career. Just remember Listening to The Real Me with Colin after he bought it and I was all about the horns. It’s always a treat when you think you know everything about a band, and then BAM, here’s some more awesome stuff.

9. Subsitute
I have a real soft spot for older Who stuff. I feel like Pete Townsend saying, “Hey, let’s try to write hella poppy shit so we can get famous, then blow everyone’s mind.” Not only did he accomplish that, but wrote some really catchy songs along the way.

8. My Wife
Another thing I was ALL about back then was non-lead singers singing lead. Also I love that scene from the Kids are Alright when he’s shooting those records. That was bad ass. And those trombones! Also bad ass.

7. Amazing Journey
Amazing Journey is the song I most associate with Tommy for some reason. I think it’s because it embodies the whole “concept” or “opera” feel. It’s the first time on the album that I really feel like I’m listening to a story.

6. Can’t Explain
Just another one of those poppy classics. I always used to wonder if Keith Moon HATED these songs. He was basically required keep it relatively simple, but you can definitely here his angst and aggression when listening to those early songs. He some how was able to convey that attitude but still keeping it cool for the sound they were going for.

5. Pinball Wizard
Of course, I always have a soft spot for songs the Defenestrators played. No matter what tempo Max started us at…it was not fast enough. Actually listening to it now, it’s kind of embarrassing how fast we played it. Oh well.

4. Won’t Get Fooled Again
This was originally around 6ish on my list. And then I listened to it again and was like, “Aw hell nah.” Something I like to think the kids say when they watch A New Hope. Then they go back to watching the new episode of Clone Wars.

3. The Kids Are Alright
By far one of the coolest openings to a song in my humble opinion. I’m sucker for nice sounding pop harmony. So catchy. So damn catchy. But he’s gotta man up and tell all these asshole friends of his to stop dancing with his woman. He’s gonna go out of his mind! If you ask me that sounds dangerous.

2. Behind Blue Eyes (Limp Bizkit version)
Syke. They don’t even get to the part that rocks. I’d love to see a sweet rap metal version of that part. Wouldn’t that rock? Can you tell I’m running out of things to talk about? Anyways, I always really liked this song just from just the dynamic point of view. So soft, then just a massive Moon fill, and then my favorite part of Who’s Next.

1. Christmas
I feel like this might be controversial, but this really is my favorite Who song. I used to listen to all of Tommy just to hear this song. Sometimes I’d feel like listening to Tommy, so I’d start the album, listen to a few songs, then skip to Christmas and listen to it like eight times in a row. I love when songs don’t have intros. It’s just right into the song with one of my favorite melodies in rock.

I know this is completely coincidental, but this week actually turned out to be a pretty good one to do Whovember, since it marked the release of the Quadrophenia Deluxe Edition reissue, so that’s something.  Anyways, The Who are probably my favorite band of all time, so doing a list like this certainly wasn’t easy considering how deep The Who’s discography is in terms of quality.  So I kind of just tried not to over think it too much.

10. The Song Is Over
Who’s Next is such an all out powerhouse of an album that it’s easy to take for granted some of the less well-known songs.  At least that’s how “The Song Is Over” was for me, since I didn’t really start to feel a real affinity for it until I was listening to Who’s Next for that CAT I did earlier this year.  I’m not sure if the phrase “The Song Is Over” is supposed to be any sort of metaphor for the end of the ’60s, but that’s kind of the vibe I get from the song, whether it is or isn’t.

9. We’re Not Gonna Take It
I felt like I should represent Tommy in one form or another, and what better way to do it than with the album’s triumphant finale?  The song seems to be a blatant kiss-off to this spiritual togetherness that seemed to bring people together at the tail end of the ’60s, and obviously The Who weren’t a band that were gonna take any of that.  Yet the song still manages to end Tommy on an optimistic note with that great sing along that slowly fades into silence.

8. Pictures Of Lily
You can see that from the start Pete Townsend was always interested in telling stories in his songs, which often resulted in these strange little odysseys that focused on frustrated teenage youths such as “Substitute” and “I’m A Boy”.  ”Pictures Of Lily” takes on the tried and true subject of teenage masturbation, but from listening to the song’s sweet and innocent nature you’d never know.

7. Sea And Sand
For me, Quadrophenia‘s kind of like The Dark Knight of rock albums.  It’s long and messy and features a few too many subplots, but I’ll damned if each listen to it doesn’t leave me thoroughly captivated.  ”Sea And Sand” is a pretty good example of the album’s emotionally charged nature, often going from heartfelt to lound and angry in a matter of seconds without missing a beat.

6. The Kids Are Alright
The Who were certainly known for their loud and raucous nature in their early days, but you can see in a song like this that Pete Townshend has always had a softer side to his songwriting.  Yet even though the song does delve into more poppy teritory, you still have to admire the way The Who could just let Townshend ring out the same chord repeatedly while Keith Moon just goes nuts on the drums and somehow it’s really damn compelling.

5. I Can See For Miles
The story goes that Pete Townshend was so discouraged by the modest success of the single “I Can See For Miles” that he turned to making the rock opera Tommy, because he didn’t think he could ever make a better Who single than “I Can See For Miles”.  I can kind of see where he was coming from since there aren’t many songs that represent the powerful nature of The Who’s sound so well.  I mean just listen to all those different guitar parts, it’s almost like a symphony of wailing six-strings that don’t seem to have any intention of letting up.

4. I Can’t Explain
This really is just kind of a perfect pop record.  From that first spikey guitar chord, you can’t help but be hooked in, and then when Moon’s stuttering drum pattern comes in it’s hard to imagine things getting any better.  And then somehow they do!  Even in this early single you see Townshend’s uncanny ability to see things through the eyes of teenage weirdos and misfits, and I just can’t think of a song that gives you more bang for your buck in a mere 2 minutes.

3. So Sad About Us
So yeah, I really like the jangly pop songs of The Who’s mid-to-late ’60s period, as the band displayed an uncanny ability for soaring melodies and surprisingly affecting vocal harmonies.  I guess it’s just nice to hear a band that could rock the fuck out while still sounding as hopelessly romantic as they do on “So Sad About Us”.  It’s just too bad John can’t help but feel sick to his stomach every time he hears this song.

2. Baba O’Riley
So I guess this is like the “Over The Hills And Far Away” of Who songs.  I, like Sean and John, also happen to be pretty captivated by that intro.  I mean when you hear that beautiful synth line juxtaposed against those simple but powerful piano chords, well that’s just some magical shit.  Also there’s that sweet Irish jig at the end, which isn’t something you hear in most Who songs, or any for that matter.

1. A Quick One, While He’s Away (Live Version)
If I could define what made The Who a great band, it’d come down to two things: Pete Townshend’s incredible creative vision as a songwriter, and the band’s explosive energy as a live band.  So “A Quick One, While He’s Away” pretty much sums up both of those, as it’s this charming little story (sometimes reffered to as “the mini opera”) that’s made up of these smaller little songs that make up this grander thing.  I’m fine with the studio version, but this song really turned into something spectacular when the band played it live, and I can’t really decide on a definitive version of the song, as the Live At Leeds version is amazing, but I also have a soft spot for the version from The Rolling Stones’ Rock N’ Roll Circus.  Either way it’s a song I love from a band that’s created a lot of songs I love, and will no doubt continue to love for as long as I’m listening to music.

Oh, and John Entwistle is the greatest bass player ever.  Forgot to mention that.

It seems like Zeptember was just the other day, but here we are, in the midst of another theme week. I don’t understand the Led Zeppelin/Who rivalry, or why battle lines where drawn there, but having done this for both bands, I think Zeppelin wins. Narrowly, because while they have more songs I feel strongly about, The Who put out a lot, and a mean a lot, of songs I really like. Plus, you’ve got to admit, they’re the cooler band.

10. Happy Jack
See, I told you they were cool. What can I say, I like how unabashedly upbeat a song this is. Those kids just can’t keep Jack down. This song also builds to a satisfying crescendo, which has got to count for something. There are other songs I could have chosen the perhaps rock a lot more, but nothing has the unique charm of “Happy Jack.”

9. Pinball Wizard
Ever since I was a young boy, I liked this song. Back in the day, I was all about Tommy, it was probably my favorite album from The Who. This is my favorite song off of that album, and only partly because its slightly related to video games. Mostly it’s the guitar. And the weirdness of a deaf, dumb and blind kid being good at pinball. That’s some magic.

8. My Generation
This is kind of the signature Who song, and with good reason. It rocks. Although I never understood the stutter. What’s up with that? I heard it had to do with drugs or something. Whatever. Also, do they still perform this? It’s gotta be weird when they sing “hope I die before I get old” at this point.

7. Magic Bus
The Bo Diddley Beat is a pretty cool thing, anyone who’s ever heard the Sam Adams commercial song knows that. “Magic Bus” is a great example of that, one of the jammier songs in the Who catalogue. Plus, I appreciate the dedication of riding a bus every day to see the girl you love, and going as far as to actually buy the bus. Love, man.

6. The Seeker
What is he looking for? I never paid that much attention, since this is another song that had me focused on the guitar. There’s a lot going on that front. Also, I like it when I really like a song that the band itself seems not that about, as the Wikipedia article suggests Pete Townshend’s not the biggest fan.

5. I Can See for Miles
An oddly heavy song, “I Can See for Miles” is said to have inspired, slightly, “Helter Skelter.” But you know what’s really inspiring. Those harmonies. If only we could tap into that kind of beauty in Rock Band 3. And then that dopey part at the end. The hell is that? It’s funny.

4. I Can’t Explain
Hey! Overlap! Allegedly Jimmy Page played the rhythm guitar on this song. And it’s vaguely Kinks-esque. So, in conclusion, this song is the sum total of rock and roll. Explaining further would betray the purpose of the song.

3. Won’t Get Fooled Again
Yeah! Another song that is now inextricably linked to Rock Band and bad one liners. Ugh! That always happens to the best songs. As we watch the Occupy Wall Street movement try to orchestrate revolution, it’s easy to think of this song. Especially it’s most cynical message: “meet the new boss / same as the old boss.”

2. Who Are You
In my foolish youth, I thought this song was only as good as that first part. Now I know better. Now I know each and every part of “Who Are You” is a special treat meant to be savored and enjoyed. A strange tale about waking up in a bar, that’s apparently basded on a true story. Plus, he says “fuck” and apparently they played that on the radio all the time back in the day. Sure, it’s not Tropic Thunder, but that’s still pretty great. Remember that part on Louie? Hilarious!

1. Baba O’Riley
That’s right, my top three is the CSI trilogy. I can’t help it, they chose the right songs. Look, there are a lot of songs on this list that have the amazing quality of getting me excited to hear them after just the first few seconds. But only “Baba O’Riley” builds that excitement for like 45 seconds, making the pay off oh so satisfying. Sure, the song has Bug’s Life taint on it, move on. It’s like the best song.

I was a late bloomer when it came to listening to The Who. I didn’t become truly interested in the band until high school but when it hit me it hit me hard and now I’m doing this list. I’d heard most of Who’s Next but my first copy, which was burned from somewhere was always messed up so I was always too frustrated to finish it. To this day whenever I hear the songs “This Song is Over” and “Getting in Tune” I just keep waiting for the tracks to start skipping. So my education of The Who primarily came from two other places. The first was the 1979 rockumentary The Kids Are Alright and the second was the massive Who box set I got for christmas The Who: 30 Years of Maximum R&B. No doubt an unorthodox introduction to the band but it gave me a great deal of respect for the group’s entire body of work. From that box set I heard dozens of Who b-sides and rarities that most people probably aren’t familiar with, so I like to think I have fairly good knowledge of the group’s music library, let’s begin.

10. Pinball Wizard
Any song that The Defenestrators have ever covered automatically has a place in my heart. I was always amazed when playing this song how much it accomplishes in just barely three minutes. You have that almost heroic intro followed by all out rock with such prowess and finesse.

9. Success Story
I wanted to have at least one John Entwistle song represented and this one just edges out My Wife for my favorite Entwistle number. It’s your standard Who rocker with Roger and John singing about the path to becoming a rockstar. The attitude is fun, cheeky, and I loved it’s inclusion in the scene in Kids Are Alright when John goes out to shoot his golden records.

8. The Seeker
I think this and “PInball Wizard” more or less cement Pete Townshend as the best or at least most unique rhythm guitar player in rock. Don’t get me wrong he can solo when he needs to, but the way he chugs along and bangs out chords is so expressive. “The Seeker” acts as a nice transition from the slightly more pop oriented Who of the late 60s to the hard rock of the early 70s, at least that’s the vibe I always get and I like it.

7. Eminence Front
It’s funny, Roger Daltrey often refers to this song as the only song off of it’s Hard that’s any good and he’s probably right. This song is the kind of slick that embodies 80s cool, like Don Johnson cool. Listening to it I can imagine cruising through the city late at night or maybe just playing San Andreas. But the real question is why hasn’t this song been used as the theme to a stupid cop show yet?

6. Long Live Rock
A lot of my love for The Who can be traced to the first time I saw The Kids Are Alright and if I recall correctly this song closed the film. Rock messages don’t get much simpler or better than a line like “Long Live Rock” and rock this song does. Pete takes the verse and Roger comes in screeching on the choruses to give an extra boost of pep. There’s not much to it, simply The Who doing what they do best.

5. Blue Red and Grey
I didn’t realize how much I apparently liked Pete Townshend’s singing voice until I made this list, but seeing that he came in four times must mean he has some sort of magnetic pull towards my brain. It doesn’t get much sweeter than a song like “Blue, Red, and Grey” featuring Pete on ukulele and accompanied by a warm brass section. The presentation is gentle and beautifully optimistic with the repeating lyric “I like every minute of the day.” This is one of The Who’s most underrated slow songs on an album (1975′s The Who By Numbers) that I’ve always felt was equally underrated.

4. Zoot Suit
Don’t feel bad if you don’t know this one it does require some explanation. Technically this was recorded by The Who while they were still known as The High Numbers. Maybe that’s controversial but this is still the same Who. I mean they only had that name for like a month and it’s all the same members and everything. I also think it’s important to recognize The Who’s “Mod Phase” as an important part of the group’s musical history. It was from this era that a great deal of the inspiration for Quadrophenia came.

3. Odorono
Such a pleasing melody and tuneful guitar part, I like to think this song could have been a more popular track had it not been about deodorant, but I guess that’s what The Who Sell Out was all about. I love the quirky concept behind that album and this my favorite of many offbeat gems from that record. Not only is it catchy but it’s a funny little song as well.

2. Baba O’Riley
I still don’t really understand how Pete Townshend managed to create such an awesome synth intro or whatever that is exactly. What I do know about that intro is that it is the greatest sound I have ever heard. That weird synth thing alone would nab it a spot on this list even if the song was only thirty seconds long, but wait there’s more! Roger Daltrey delivers some of his most passionate vocals as the backing instruments just build and build until it reaches that uproarious ending.

1. The Real Me
I don’t think I have a favorite Who song really, but I have no problem putting this one at the front of the pack because it seems to embody everything that’s awesome about The Who. Rhythmically it has to be my favorite Who performance, definitely one of the most energetic. Keith’s drum fills are fuckin’ insane! It’s like he’s been possessed by some kind of drum playing demon, and that bass part moves up and down the neck at such break neck pace, it’s masterful! Of course Roger is in fine form as he howls along and Pete energetically bangs out chords. It’s a song that’s surprisingly catchy considering how loose and jam based the instrumentation is. When it all comes together with those horns on the chorus? That’s like rock and roll ecstasy plain and simple… Though what exactly that means I can’t explain.

Honorabe Mention
Bargain
My Wife
Join Together

Considering how much fun we had with our Zeppelin themed “Zeptember” week we here at Mildly Pleased have decided to do another rock iinfused, pun-inspired, theme week with “Whovember”. We all love The Who here at the blog at least to some extent, so it’ll be exciting to see why that is. In the same style as “Zeptember” we’ll countdown our personal favorite songs throughout the week.

For the sake of consistency we’ll follow the same order as our last theme week.

- Tuesday: John’s Top Ten Who Songs
- Wednesday: Sean’s Top Ten Who Songs
- Thursday: Colin’s Top Ten Who Songs
- Friday: Nancy’s Top Ten Who Songs
- Saturday: Kevin’s Top Ten Who Songs

Hopefully this will all join together and we’ll be posting up a storm anyway, anyhow, and anywhere, if that makes any sense.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

Do you still like Call of Duty? I don’t mean the WWII shooters that started the franchise, I mean the multiplayer-focused more modern ones that have become as akin to November as the Saw film series was to Halloween. Every year, since 2007, we’ve gotten the latest entry in the series, and it hasn’t really evolved. It hasn’t needed to. Last year’s Black Ops is the best selling game ever. For better or for worse, the Call of Duty franchise is the dominant one for the medium, and the Modern Warfare games define it.

Picking up where Modern Warfare 2, the campaign basically explodes at you non-stop for 5 hours. Everything was as you left it: Price, Soap and Nikolai are hunting Makarov, the evil Russian who forced the USA and Russia into war. Soap is still really badly injured, Price is still really pissed, Makarov still has a really distinct, evil voice. As is always the case, you’ll play as a few soldiers all over the world, getting to see the fight from our disavowed heroes’ POV as well as visit the front as Americans and good Russians.

Modern Warfare campaigns were never very long, but I was done with this one in four and a half hours. Two sittings. That’s not a lot of time. But, when you consider that Infinity Ward basically imploded during this game’s development, it’s obvious that something had to give. Most every level feels short, but the story is full of pretty crazy moments that culminates in a very finite conclusion. It’s hard to imagine them calling a game Modern Ware 4, since Infinity Ward is such a different company now, so it’s nice to get a clean break.

In comparing Modern Warfare 3‘s campaign to Battlefield 3‘s, it’s a little difficult to qualify why Call of Duty is better. I guess in part it’s because this game is so over-the-top. While Battlefield 3 made a big show of knocking down a building, in Modern Warfare 3, the Eiffel Tower will get totally unnecessarily toppled right in front of you. While it does have its fair share of turret sequences, they’re generally more entertaining simply because more craziness is going on. Gunfights are just as clearly linear, but that’s really not the issue with either game.

There are plenty of people who probably never even played the Modern Warfare campaigns. For them, these games live and die by their multiplayer. And, once again, not much has changed. Gone is everything that Black Ops did, this one is basically identical to Modern Warfare 2. The most meaningful evolution is the way streaks work. Now called pointstreaks, you’ll earn credit for objective now, instead of just kills. You get to choose a “strike package,” which alters what kind of streaks you can get. The classic style is the assault package. With the support package, your streak continues even when you die, but as a result, your perks are more defensive. The specialist package has to do with consecutive kills and rewards you with perks. It’s a great new system that helps lesser players, like myself.

In a great move, the zombies mode is gone and Spec Ops is back. Spec Ops was probably the best part of Modern Warfare 2, giving players fun two-player missions to complete together. It’s just as fun this time around, although keeping it limited to two players was a mistake. This stuff is really good, let me play it with all my friends! The more the merrier, as they say. They, being my cold-blooded killer, Call of Duty-playing friends.

So do you still like Call of Duty? There’s two ways you can answer and either is fine. If you like ‘em, good on you, here’s some more of that. If you don’t, if you’ve been fatigued by the series lack of progress bigger than the occasional baby step, well, at least this presents you an opportunity to put an end to the story that started five years ago. If you even care.

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception

One of the seemingly endless stream of “threes” coming to gaming the last few months, Uncharted 3 had the odds stacked against it. After all, while the first game in the series was commendable, it wasn’t especially remarkable. So when that second game came out and basically defined the cinematic gaming experience, it raised expectations considerably higher for the third part of the trilogy. After all, how do you top one of the greatest games of the current generation?

You don’t. You just give us a lot more of it. If the first game was Romancing the Stone and the second was Raiders of the Lost Ark, this is Last Crusade. It’s a bit more of a family affair, focusing on the relationship between Drake and Sully, something I imagine a lot of fans have been waiting for. Drake’s Deception digs deep into both of their pasts, while also digging up so more Sir Francis Drake and TE Lawrence history too.

Experiencing the story is the real joy of these games, so I won’t say too much. Everyone’s back. The gang is once again looking for a long lost city. Some bad people are coincidentally also looking for this long lost city. The quest takes Drake all around the globe and too a variety of locales. At this point, I think Naughty Dog is simply unmatched in their ability to craft environments, as we’ve not experienced basically every form of the outdoors through these games.

Probably the most poignant moment of the last game came at the end, when Lazarevic pointed out just how many people Drake killed over the course of the game. Of course, Nate just kind of brushed that off, because, damn, that’s some shit. I don’t know how you answer that. Similarly, this game asks the question why Drake and Sully go on these quests, since they’re often so dangerous and rarely pay off for them. It’s another great question and its handled a lot better this time around. In fact, I think the story as a whole is better this time, simply because it gave me the maximum opportunity to spend time with characters I already love.

Gameplay wise, not much has changed. Shooting feels a little more magnetic, I think the aim assist has been made a little more generous. The game is still the best on the market when it comes to throwing grenades, and the motion sensitivity of it is disabled by default now. Hand-to-hand combat is a bigger component this time around, and it’s definitely learned a little from Arkham Asylum, feeling more reactionary while still maintaining its button-mashing roots.

The multiplayer suite is great, as anyone who went to Subway in the last month already knows. The coop missions provide fun little “What If” stories and it’s just great to play this kind of game with other people. The competitive modes are solid, though I’m not sure they’re the kind of thing I’ll be returning to, even a few weeks from now.

The set pieces do their best to step up from what Uncharted 2 did. Naughty Dog clearly spent a long time developing wave technology, because the levels that take place at sea are pretty extraordinary and possibly even sea sickness-inducing. Similarly, a sequence in the desert is pretty amazing, especially because it takes place entirely in gameplay. There’s plenty more that I’d love to spoil for you, but I probably shouldn’t. Just know that this game really steps it up.

But it’s not really enough just to be iterative. Uncharted 3 does some really amazing things, but I expected it to do that. Because my mind was already blown by the last game, it could not be blown again by this game doing similar things. I know that sounds stupid, but when your game is this good, those intangible feelings become more pronounced.

Uncharted 3 will forever live in Uncharted 2‘s shadow. Maybe two years wasn’t long enough for another revolution. The next time, if there is a next time, hopefully they can change the world again. If not, well, this is still an amazing, otherwise unparalleled experience that makes me happy to own a PS3. That’s not bad.

Battlefield 3

I was definitely on board with the Battlefield franchise as soon as I saw the first game, 1942. It was the first time I ever played a conquest-style game like that before and it really impressed me. I’ve tried to stick with the series over the years, but I was hesitant to get involved in Battlefield 2, as it seemed like a departure from what I originally liked about the series. The Bad Company series kept the franchise relevant, but it had changed and adapted to the post-Modern Warfare world. I thought classic Battlefield was gone. And yet, Battlefield 3 is here, despite there being so many more games in the series than three.

On Xbox 360, Battlefield 3 ships on two discs. Disc One is the multiplayer, so you can tell that’s where this game’s loyalties lie. But I rented it, and the game requires an online pass, so I guess everything but the campaign is technically auxiliary to the experience. That’s not true, we all know it’s not true. However, since I wasn’t going to pay extra, it’s only the singeplayer you’re going to hear about. And it’s not really good. At all.

Campaigns are pretty new to the Battlefield franchise. I enjoyed the Bad Company stories because they were campy and fun, which sadly is not the direction Battlefield 3 took. What we have here is a clear attempt to riff on the Call of Duty formula, specifically last year’s Black Ops. Like that game, this story is framed around the interrogation of Sgt. Blackburn, a marine who has been everywhere and done everything, but is stupidly being treated as a traitor. As he recounts his story, you play mainly through his exploits, although a couple missions will put you in the shoes of ancillary characters through a slim globetrotting adventure. The characters and the story aren’t that interesting and it all feels like a knock off.

Also like Call of Duty, Battlefield 3 is a linear game. Extremely linear. Like the developers don’t really trust you to play the game linear. You walk down narrow paths, shooting the guys along the way. That’s if you’re lucky. It seems like half the time, they stick you on turrets and so all you can do it point and shoot while the game works itself out. This is a game that has playable jets, ones you can freely fly and fight in, in the multiplayer. In the campaign’s one flying mission, you’re forced to sit in the backseat and watch as the AI drives the fighter. Sure, you get to fire missiles, but it basically turns what could be a thrilling experience into a glorified quicktime event.

All that said, at least that air combat segment is thrilling, at first. This is one of the most beautiful games I’ve ever seen. Technically speaking, that is. On the Xbox 360, you have to actually install the textures to your hard drive, I think an unprecedented move, but end result is a gorgeous game. When I walked up onto the deck of that aircraft carrier and took off, my pulse was pounding. If you saw that lengthy trailer of the game’s first mission, you know it looks great, even on consoles. I’m sure it would look better on PC.

It sounds great too. So often in games, your guns don’t sound as terrifying as they really are. Here they do. Remember that seen in Heat, the gunfight after the failed heist? The guns sound that good. And of course there are plenty of explosions to keep you busy as well. The set pieces just don’t live up to the game’s great sound and looks. Playing it isn’t as fun as you would think watching someone else play it.

But what’s most off about the game is that it doesn’t feel like Battlefield. These games are supposed to be crazy. Jets flying into tanks, walls exploding everywhere, unmitigated chaos, that’s what I’m looking for. So I’ll probably buy this game on the PC, head online and never look back.

I was hoping we could start Whovember this week but I didn’t want to spring it on everyone without any announcement so it can wait another week, but beware you have no been warned! Anyways, Colin an I had a good run reviewing nine debut albums in a row and although this is again a debut album it’s merely coincidental. I saw my opportunity to pay tribute to the cult kings of underground novelty pop and so here I am, presenting the 1986 debut album from Brooklyn duo They Might Be Giants. Comprised of vocalist/guitarist John Flansburgh and vocalist/multi instrumentalist (mostly accordion!) John Linnell, They Might Be Giants have had a prolific career producing a clever brand of offbeat pop and this is where it all began. Well actually the duo had recorded quite a bit of material before their actual first album. In the early 80s they created a service “Dial-A-Song” where you could dial a number to hear a song. Sounds bizarre but somehow it caught on and people started calling all these numbers to hear these novelty songs. This lead to They Might Be Giants recording at least 500 different songs before they were offered a record deal, wow, and this is their first record.

They Might Be Giants is a difficult band to pin down regarding any kind of genre or subgenre. It’s unfair to call them a novelty even though they have recorded a lot of silly songs, but they definitely legitimate songwriters and have written some great pop rock songs. The tying theme behind all these varying numbers is the lyrical wordplay and unusual subjects the pair often sing about. Look at some of these titles; “Youth Culture Killed My Dog”, “Absolutely Bill’s Mood”, “Chess Piece Face” sometimes I have no idea what these guys are talking about but I enjoy the ride. The record is probably best known for They Might Be Giants first breakout single “Don’t Let’s Start.”

There’s a magnificent blend of different and diverse instruments on this album and both members blend their sounds together well. John Flansburgh’s guitar work has a funky rhythmic flair brimming with energy and John Linnell wows with his aptitude for a whole splendor of instruments with everything from saxophone, to keyboard, to his trademark accordion. Though both members share lead vocal duties Linnell has always seemed to have the most success with producing the band’s hits propelled by his quirky charismatic singing voice.

Growing up in the 90s I’ve always had a soft spot for They Might Be Giants, most notably when their songs “Particle Man” and “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” were featured on Tiny Toon Adventures. As a matter of fact their album Apollo 18 is one of their first cds I can clearly remember listening to. With that being said I suppose it’s not that surprising that the pair started recording educational children’s music for a little while in the mid 2000s, though I’m glad they’re back to their old ways now. This band really is the definition of “cult band” as they’ve somehow been successful but are still only known by a select few. All I know is that I like this album and I’m proud to be a part of that cult.

Fun Fact: Last week’s CAT artist was Husker Du. Did you know that The Daily Show theme song “Dog on Fire” was written by Husker Du guitarist Bob Mould but was re-recorded by They Might Be Giants after Jon Stewart joined the show? It’s all connected man!

Favorite Tracks: “Don’t Let’s Start”, “Hide Away Folk Family”, “She’s an Angel”

Coldplay – Mylo Xyloto

When they were on The Colbert Report a little while ago, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin was asked about comparing his band to Radiohead. His reply? “They’re more talented musically, but we’re more handsome.” And that’s it, really. Radiohead has gone on to put out albums that challenge the music industry, genres and even their fans. Coldplay made one Radiohead-esque album and then blew up to be one of the biggest bands in the world. And, in a year with new releases from bands like Radiohead and My Morning Jacket that require a little effort to get into, it’s nice to have something as easy as a new Coldplay album.

I know a lot of people really don’t like Chris Martin, but I appreciate the guy’s earnestness. When I read stuff like the album is inspired by old school American graffiti, the White Rose movement and The Wire, I pay it much mind. Similarly, I don’t spend much time paying attention to his lyrics about love and happiness and whatever. Let the man have his fun. He’s the headman of one of the biggest bands in the world. You should know the vibe Coldplay is going for already, don’t worry about the specifics.

The thing that stands out on Mylo Xyloto is the beats. I feel like the band really kicked up the bass and drums this time around, I mean, just listen to a song like “Paradise.” That shit is deep. Coldplay has definitely taken some inspiration from popular R&B music, I mean they even got Rihanna to sing on a song. Which is perhaps not the direction I expected them to go in, after all I thought Jay-Z’s appearance on the last album more weird than cool, but I’ll allow it. This is a band that sells out stadiums, and that’s the kind of music that does the same.

In the end, the musicianship is as tight as ever, the songs as catchy. No, there’s absolutely no obvious breakouts this time, no “Fix You.” This is more a consistently solid, but never amazing, album. And yes, Coldplay does continue to get farther away from the Parachutes/Rush of Blood sound that made them great in the first place. But it’s easy to get most of this album stuck in your head. I like easy.

Favorite Tracks: “Hurts Like Heaven,” “Charlie Brown,” “Major Minus”

Batman: Arkham City

After a summer of Marvel, I’ve recently descended into the depths of DC. And it would be hard not to, with all the new material they’ve been putting out lately. As part of the New 52 initiative, every single DC comic has been relaunched in the past month or so, which, you’ve got to admit, is a bold move. There was the Batman: Year One animated film starring Bryan Cranston – I thought it was OK. DC Universe Online, an MMO that launched earlier this year, just went free to play. And at the center of it all, for gamers like me, that is, there’s Arkham City, the sequel to the surprisingly great 2009 release Arkham Asylum. So needless to say I’ve started watching the Justice League cartoon that I never really paid attention to and spending a lot of time thinking about the DC Universe. Was Arkham City a worthy lightning rod for my DC fascination, or is it a disappointing sequel to the game that proved super hero games need not be disappointing?

To start with Arkham City‘s story is to start with it’s weakest part, but let’s do that anyway. Frankly, the setup of this game is hard to buy. That’s compounded by the decision to leave much of the story outside of the actual game, relying on gamers to buy a comic book to fill in the massive gap between the last game and this one. Basically, it seems, the people of Gotham decided to wall of part of the town and stick all of the city’s criminals and crazies in it. Moreover, they’ve elected the inept Warden Quincy Sharp as the mayor and he’s put Hugo Strange in charge of the new “Arkham City.” Bruce Wayne, being of sound mind, is totally opposed to this, which gets him kidnapped by Strange’s goons and thrown in the city. So Wayne escapes and suits up and decides it’s time for Batman to figure out what’s up with Arkham City. It’s a dumb justification for the game’s most prominent new feature: an open world.

While Arkham Asylum felt more like a Metroid game, giving you a clearly set world dripping with atmosphere for you to explore and re-explore, Arkham City gives you this crime filled city section to dominate. Pretty quickly I picked up an upgrade that let me use Batman’s ability cape glide with his grappling hook, allowing me to essentially fly all over the city, dropping in on random criminals whenever they took my fancy. Beyond territorial packs of goons, the game is littered with Riddler trophies to collect, hundreds more than the last game. And there are side missions too, which are the only way to interact with some of the rogue’s gallery, such as Bane and Zsasz. The open world is fun enough, but where the game really shines is indoors, during the story missions.

Batman spends the bulk of the story chasing down important villains such as the Penguin and Mr. Freeze. These guys are all holding out inside of buildings, don’t expect to chase them down on the street. Once you’re inside a location, the game feels a lot more like Arkham Asylum. You are the predator, trapped in a room full of thugs waiting to be taken out. The stealth gameplay is a fun as ever, with plenty of gadgets to help you take down bad guys just like The Bat would. But, of course, sometimes you get spotted and have to actually fight a group of dudes. Fortunately, the last game’s terrific melee combat system is back and more fun than ever. The simple, counter-based combo combat is a lot of fun and makes taking on groups of enemies a blast.

When you’re done with the story, you can choose to keep working in the city or start a New Game Plus, which significantly amps up the difficulty. Upgrades and collectibles are consistent between both campaigns, which is appreciated. Challenge maps make a return as well, with plenty of the predator and combat variety to keep you entertained as long as you care.

It’s worth mentioning that the game comes with a code to download additional Catwoman content. The DLC adds four Catwoman missions that give some context to her appearances in the story, as well as adding some new challenge maps and filling the world with additional, Catwoman-only Riddler trophies to collect. Playing as Catwoman is fairly different from Batman, she even has her own upgrades to unlock, but honestly I’m not convinced it’s necessary. Batman is much more fun to play as and it just sucks that if you don’t have the code, you’d have to pay money to unlock part of the game’s story. With the absolute mess that was Arkham City‘s preorder bonuses, it’s worth noting that all the other DLC skin packs can only be used in New Game Plus and the challenge modes.

Arkham City is not the revelation that the last game was. Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill lead a great voice cast, but the story is just OK, really only picking up at the end. Giving up the first game’s great condensed setting for an open world was a risky move, but it ultimately paid off, as flying around town is immensely satisfying. What worked last time around works here and that’s basically what I’m looking for in a sequel.

Wild Flag – Wild Flag

Olympia’s Sleater-Kinney had always been a band that I liked, but kind of had a hard time really getting into.  I guess I just always found myself hoping they had more songs like One Beat’s “Oh!”, which is considerably more, well fun, than their more overtly political and feminist material.  So it’s nice that an album like Wild Flag’s debut exists, since it basically sounds like that song spread out over 40 minutes of hooky guitar-driven girl rock.

Now the reason I bring up Sleater-Kinney is pretty obvious, since Wild Flag is made up of Sleater-Kinney’s guitarist/singer (and Portlandia co-star) Carrie Brownstein and drummer Janet Weiss, as well as members of the bands Helium and The Minders.  So yeah, Wild Flag is more or a less an “indie supergroup”, but unlike something like Monsters Of Folk, the band’s sound is a bit more cohesive.  This is probably due to the fact that Brownstein obviously serves as the band’s guiding force, as her blistering guitar and vocals are really what drive the band’s sound.  Still, keyboardist Rebecca Cole adds a nice texture that wasn’t there in Sleater-Kinney, while Janet Weiss’s thunderous drumming proves once again that she can pretty much make any band sound huge.

For the most part the songs exude a more poppy approach to punk rock, often wavering between jaunty singalongs and more foreboding material.  And since they are after all a supergroup, Wild Flag does occasionaly delve into classic rock histrionics on the somewhat psychedelic “Glass Tambourine” and the sprawling “Race Horse”.  But for the most part, this is just a refreshingly energetic little rock album in a year that maybe could’ve used a few more albums like this.

Favorite Tracks: “Romance”, “Electric Band”, “Racehorse”

Wilco – The Whole Love

It seems like it’s been ages since I did that Wilco Retrospecticus, doesn’t it?  Well despite the fact that this album’s been out for a while, I don’t feel like I have a ton to say about it since I don’t really find Wilco to be the funnest band to write about.  Still, The Whole Love does mark a noteable point in Wilco’s career, as it sees the band coming full circle in more ways than one.

The Whole Love marks the first release on Wilco’s own label, dBpm, which kind of just seems like a logical step in Wilco’s career considering their well-known disputes with record labels.  So with this new sense of freedom, does that mean that Wilco have vied to go in the more radical and experimental direction that marked their earlier music?  Well for the most part, yeah.  The Whole Love features quite a bit of the more unpredictable moments that made albums like Being There and Summerteeth so enjoyable.

And though there is a considerable amount of sonic noodling on The Whole Love, at the same time Wilco often seems like it’s still in that same breezy comfort zone that it was in on Sky Blue Sky and Wilco (The Album). For the most part that totally works in the album’s favor, as the more upbeat songs like “I Might” and “Standing” are among the most infectious songs the band has done in a while.  And even some of ballads have that great Americana-inspired quality that captures a lot of that old Wilco magic.  So who knows, maybe the band will continue to pursue their more eclectic roots, but for now it’s just nice to hear a veteran band challenging themselves while still sounding comfortable in their own skin.

Favorite Tracks: “I Might”, “Dawned On Me”, “The Whole Love”

I know it was like two weeks ago but I just realized I never wrote about Zombcon 2011. I was waiting for Paul to post pictures on Facebook but seeing as he is still yet to do so I might as well write about it before I forget anymore details. For those who aren’t familiar with Zombcon I’ll fill ya in. Zombcon is Seattle’s premier Zombie convention held every October since…. You know I’m not sure, for all I know last year was the first one ever. This year the convention was moved from the Seattle Science Center Convention Hall to the SeaTac Hilton. Although I preferred the previous setting and last year’s setup (guests, events, layout) Zombcon 2011 was still a great opportunity to meet some of my favorite B-movie horror stars.

Just like last year we arrived at the supposed location and were immediately thrown off by the lack of advertising and people. “This is the place right?” seems to start off every Zombcon adventure, I guess that’s probably the case for most horror conventions, it really only attracts a cult niche. The big draw this year was makeup effects legend/actor Tom Savini (Dawn of the Dead, Friday the 13th) yet looking back that was probably my least memorable encounter. Other features included a Walking Dead panel, although I never did find it, Silly zombie defense panels, and other things that clearly did not leave on impact on me because I can’t remember them.

The event seemed a little smaller this year but well attended. Of course there was all sorts of booths with cool merchandise or “merch” as they call it. There was a room with video games hooked up with stuff like Dead Island and of course a line of celebrity guest booths awkwardly positioned against some windows, which made taking pictures difficult due to the glare. Paul and I started out by doing a few rounds around all the merchandise booths, trying to build up the courage to go talk to our first guest. Though it’s not so much as building up courage as trying to think of something interesting to say, I mean these guys are probably asked the same questions over and over again then again they are being paid to be here

We approached Tom Savini first but unfortunately couldn’t think of anythingto say. We did the normal “I’m a big fan, blah, blah, I like this movie, blah, blah” so it was kind of lame but he seemed nice enough. He was a little more quiet than I’d anticipated and it’s always a little easier when the guests acutally make an effort to be interested. Take Bruce Campbell from last year, he took the time to actually ask each and every fan about themselves and start up a discussion. Don’t get me wrong it’s awesome to meet Tom Savini, I just wish he’d try a little harder to talk to his fans.

Second I went to go approach b-movie tough guy Sid Haig, best known today for his performance as Captain Spaulding in House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects. Even though I hate those movies I’ve enjoyed other Haig roles and always thought he seemed pretty cool. He’s always had this giant badass kind of image but I guess things have changed a little over time. Now in his seventies, the once towering Haig seemed kinda frail and kept coughing and hacking, he was nice just kind of gross. I tried talking to him about Galaxy of Terror (a movie I reviewed for Shocktober) but I don’t think he remembered it very well, it was neat but like Savini, another case of awkwardness with no attempt on the guest’s part to ease the situation.

Fortunately Paul and I started to move into a more comfortable rhythm after went to go meet David Emgee aka “Flyboy” one of the stars of the iconic 1978 film Dawn of the Dead. Paul took the reigns and asked David about a story he heard where he was hired to work on the film after meeting George A. Romero at a restaurant he was working at. This launched him into a whole story about how he got involved with the film and really it was a treat. Sure you can read about that kind of stuff on the web, but hearing a first hand account? That’s priceless, and it’s that kind of personal care and human touch that draws me to meeting my b-movie heroes.

Next we moved to a section reserved for several of the stars of Day of the Dead and after this I felt like we’d pretty much met just about everyone who was in this movie. First up was Jarlath Conroy who played Bill the amusing wisecracking Irishman. We asked him about the small speaking role he had as the Undertaker in the Coen Brother’s True Grit, so he gave us a little backstory on that. When it came to taking a picture of us with Jarlath we needed to find someone to do so and who else stepped in but Anthony Dileo who played Miguel in the film. How hilarious is that? Paul mentioned that now whenever he watches Day of the Dead he’ll have to keep reminding himself that “That guy in this movie took a picture of us.” That was just too perfect. Of course I had to meet Anthony Dileo afterwards and I had a warm conversation about his role in the film.

Time started to wind down, but I felt I couldn’t leave until I had met horror character actor Bill Moseley. Moseley like Sid Haig is another one of those guys that’s been in about a million horror b-movies, mostly bad ones, but is best known today for his roles as Chop Top In Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and Otis B. Driftwood, one the main characters in House of 1000 Corpses, and The Devil’s Rejects. Though I really don’t like Rob Zombie’s films I’ve always enjoyed the enthusiasm Moseley has brought to his characters. TCM2 although a disappointing sequel, was a lot of fun to watch because of Chop Top he’s just a funny guy. Thankfully he’s a really nice and funny guy in real life and almost seems a little too normal. I saw that he had a still of him as a monster solider in Army of Darkness so I asked him about it. He talked about how he auditioned by performing Lewis Caroll’s “The Jabberwocky” despite the fact that he only ended up with like one line. I got my autographed Chop Top photo, a picture with him and I was a happy camper.

Really the convention wasn’t quite the same caliber as last year. Although it’s hard to top Bruce Campbell, Malcolm McDowell, and George A. Romero, who basically invented the modern zombie. That all aside I love hearing the stories of how some of my favorite horror movies were made and all the celeb swag is too much fun to collect, I’m already looking forward to next year.

I’m just gonna guess that we’re not doing Whovember for another week or two, so I’ll just go ahead and return to our year-by-year CAT’s for at least this week.  I pretty much knew I had to do a Husker Du album for 1985 since they managed to put out two unbelievable albums that year with New Day Rising and Flip Your Wig.  Really I could’ve gone with either album, but since Flip Your Wig doesn’t usually get quite as much attention I’m going with that one, as you probably already figured out.

So the story of Husker Du is one that is pretty similar to that of their Minnesota brethren, The Replacements.  The Huskers started off as an earsplitting hardcore punk band, but with 1984′s Zen Arcade, they started to incorporate melody more and more into their loud, fast, and uncompromising sound.  New Day Rising saw songwriters Grant Hart and Bob Mould delving even deeper into more melodic songs, and Flip Your Wig sees the band sounding even more like a pop group while still maintaining that punk rock edge.

It’s almost kind of shocking to hear how ahead of their time Husker Du sound on this album.  With their signature brand of ragged vocals and fuzz-drenched guitars enveloping these pop songs, they completely sound like the kinds of alternative rock bands that would come to dominate the early to mid-’90s.  Songs like “Makes No Sense At All” and “Flexible Flyer” have that great hazy guitar sound, and for the first time you can actually understand most of the lyrics on the album. So in many ways Flip Your Wig is probably the most accessable album in the Husker’s discography.  Of course, this interest in more accessable material simply wasn’t enough to lift Husker Du out of indie rock’s underground despite signing to a major label after Flip Your Wig.  Instead, the music world would have to wait a few more years for three dudes from Aberdeen to finally bring this kind of music onto the national stage.

Favorite Tracks: “Makes No Sense At All”, “Divide And Conquer”, “Flexible Flyer”

Horror fans may romanticize the mid 70s or early 80s with such classics as; The Exorcist, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Dawn of the Dead, Nightmare on Elm Street, but that doesn’t mean the 70s and 80s didn’t have it’s fair share of bad films. For every good horror movie there has ALWAYS been about ten bad ones at any given time. There may have been a great horror film released last year but these things take time, you have to wait and reflect on these films in the passing years.

As I just mentioned, many horror fans looks back quite fondly at the 70s and 80s, but that’s because they tend to only remember the good movies. People romanticize the past because they often choose to only remember the good things, really today is just as good as back then. If there ever truly was a golden age of horror it was probably the 30s (just as it was for most of cinema) and that was great while it lasted but times and trends change, things go in and out of style, and thus the genre is ever evolving.

Let’s take a look at genre today, I mean what’s really eating away at the fans? One of the most common complaints I see is a stronger focus on gore over other aspects. I don’t think anyone would argue that movies today are pretty bloody, but why is that? I’d say it has something to do with audiences becoming more desensitized to violence, and thus gory movies have become more commercially viable. People are used to gore now so it’s become common in many horror movies, but in a way hasn’t it always been? Herschell Gordon Lewis has been making blood soaked films since the 60s and don’t get me started with the kind of visceral imagery that Lucio Fulci put to film in the decade after that. So really gory movies aren’t anything new, people are just less shocked by them as they should be. So now you see filmmakers trying to push what we’ve already seen in the disgusting department to new levels. That may be good for some, but I’ll bet you a plump christmas goose that’s not the main reason most moviegoers go to horror movies. Plain and simple people want to be scared and I don’t think they care how it happens, as long as it’s done well.

Seeing that your typical horror fan is fairly open to anything they’ll see these hashed out gory movies, I mean there are only so many horror movies released in theaters each year. So this doesn’t mean that audiences aren’t open to different kinds of horror movies. Take for example Paranormal Activity; it’s low budget, not gory, not flashy, and yet it was a huge success that’s launched a popular franchise. On top of all this it even beat Saw VI on it’s own opening weekend. This shows that audiences aren’t simply drawn to the gore in the genre but to the act of being surprised and excited.

I’ve seen many of great horror movies come out of the 2000s. Just look at all the crazy shit Japan has cooked up since then? If you ask me some of the best foreign horror movies I’ve ever seen came out of the last ten years. Films like; The Host from South Korea, Rec from Spain, Shaun of the Dead from the UK, Let the Right One In from Sweden… and the list goes on. Of course there’s always been a thriving indie scene for any genre as well and that’s no exception within horror. There’s some great stuff out of there you just got to look for it, be brave, be experimental, that’s what it’s all about. I love horror movies but I refuse to live in the past when there’s so much I could be missing out on. I’m not sure why I wrote this post, I suppose I’m just annoyed by people online always complaining about \how bad modern entertainment has become, and so I decided to apply it to horror movies. Always look ahead monster movie fans, you might be surprised with what you’ll find.

Rather then end Shocktober or “Shlocktober” on a grim note with my disgust of Rob Zombie’s Halloween, I decided I’d end the countdown with a movie that personifies what Shlocktober is all about. So many times I’ve used the phrase “So bad it’s good” and this is one of the best of those kind I’ve seen in years.

“Why did the Eagles and Vultures Attacked?” Yes you heard me “Attack-ed”. This is the very phrase that adorned dozens of flyers handed out by Vietnamese born director James Nguyen at Sundance 2009 and that pretty much sums it all up. Some films are rushed, some struggle with a low budget, and some filmmakers are just incompetent, James Nguyen is three for three in that department. How someone with such little understanding of plotting, characters, and film in general even MADE A FILM boggles the mind. On one hand you have to respect someone for going up to the plate to take a swin, so maybe Nguyen just got hit in the head by a pitch, his mind certainly seems to operate that way.

I think it’s a good indicator that a film will be bad when there is a typo in the opening credits. “Supporting Casts” is what appears bold as day as it’s played over boring driving footage to a song that loops every thirty seconds… Snd the movie hasn’t even started yet. When it does we are introduced to a young software salesman Rod (Alan Bagh) who is almost the caliber of actor as Ray Horton from our videos from high school. Rod lives the sweet life in Silicon valley and things only get sweeter when he reconnects with Nathalie (Whitney Moore) an old classmate and aspiring fashion model who does shoots at what looks like a one hour photo place. But just as their romance takes off so does a swarm of killer hawks and eagles that begin to explode all over the city.

Instead of continuing with a plot summary here’s a list of some of the mistakes, errors, and other oddities present in Birdemic.

• All of the killer birds in the film fly in place like hummingbirds. This is most likely done to save money on CGI, but the filmmaker’s explantation is “Global warming has caused them to be mutant, toxic, and flammable. That’s why, when they take a kamikaze drive, they explode, and when they drop bird fluid on some of the cast, they get burned.” Though I don’t really see how that answers the question.
• Characters are never seen reloading their weapons after firing off endless rounds. I should probably as well mention that a popular weapon for most of the characters is coat hangers.
• Doves fight off eagles in the film despite the fact that eagles (and remember they are radioactive) are predators to doves.
• Sometimes we see people driving around in the background not reacting to the bird attack. I’m sure these people weren’t supposed to be in the film.
• A great deal of dialogue is inaudible and the room tone is never consistent.
• If I recall correctly it was supposed to be December and yet there is a scene at a harvest festival.
• When Rod is watching stock footage on the TV we can clearly see the Getty Images watermark emblazoned over it, showing that the makers were probably too cheap to actually buy the footage.
• Constantly, characters who we’ve never seen arbitrarily appear to complain about global warming. The film An Inconvienent Truth is mentioned numerous times.

You could go on to a fill a book with all this insanity, Im just speechless. From a technical standpoint this film is no better than some family’s home movies. There’s nothing to speak of visually and I can’t recall seeing a film with so many sound errors. The room tone in this film is always off, either being far too loud or silent and the dialogue is a garbled mess. It’s not like these would be difficult problems to fix either. Did Nguyen really see no problems with any of this footage?

Birdemic is one of those films that isn’t as much a film as it is a series of embarrassing mistakes. Fortunately what this all adds up to is one of the funniest bad movies I’ve seen in a long time, you wanna laugh? Watch Birdemic it will make your night, and with that I thank you for reading this year’s Shocktober series it was one strange trip but it’s done, happy haunting.

And here’s one last video to bug Sean with it’s improper formatting!

More and more I find myself respecting the efforts of independent filmmaker Brad Anderson (The Machinist, Transsiberian) one of the few indie filmmakers today trying to put the story back in horror story. Anderson isn’t about big scares as much he’s about establishing atmosphere and characters we care about. Although most critics weren’t crazy about it I thought Vanishing on 7th Street was a great Twilight Zone-esque tale of twists and turns, this is basically what I wish M. Night Shyamalan still was.

The premise is that of a millions of people that suddenly vanish when a wave darkness hits Detroit. The days begin to grow shorter and the nights longer as darkness starts to engulf people leaving only their clothes behind. The only way to fight it is to make sure you’re near a light source at all times, glow sticks, flashlights, all that stuff, and it leads for a very exciting experience. Hayden “My new powers can save you” Christensen stars alongside a small cast along with Thandie Newton, John Lequizamo, and Jacob Latimore, and the name of the game is survival. Simply put this is a well written piece with a spooky premise that constantly keeps you on the edge of your seat, I liked it.

Of course this had to be here now that the series has become a Halloween tradition. I reviewed this just a few days ago so I wont say much more but it’s a great spook house movie that must be seen in theaters. This is probably the scariest movie on this top five and must be seen by anyone who considers themself a fan of ghost stories.

: Another one that’s tricky to pin down due to it’s independent release, but I just couldn’t do this list without the wackiest horror comedy of the year. Tyler Labine and Alan Tudyk are a fantastic comic pairing in this satire on the “Killbilly” genre. So often we see movies where teens are chased down by gap toothed gold ‘ol boys, so it’s a great twist to see it the other way around.

Tucker and Dale are two peaceful bumpkins on vacation at their newly acquired fixer upper cabin when they cross paths with a group of preppy and inconsiderate college students. Believing Tucker and Dale to be a threat after supposedly kidnapping one of their own (a girl who they actually saved), the college kids wage a very gory war against Tucker and Dale. This results in a bizarre collection of mishaps in which each college kid accidentally gets killed by their own incompetence. It’s an absurd premise but it’s got great some gore and even greater laughs.

It took awhile to see the light of day here in the States but now that it’s here I highly recommend everyone watch Norway’s answer to Cloverfield. Hmm, I think I actually like this better than Cloverfield. The characters are great and the mythology is just so rich and endlessly intriguing, we definitely get a nice little troll education here and there. It’s got laughs and scares and consistently keeps a fun quick pace. It’s movies like this that keep the handheld camera sub-genre alive and flourishing. I don’t know what else to say but it’s the best movie bout trolls I’ve ever seen, though I guess that isn’t saying much.

P.S. It’s on Netflix RIGHT NOW! See it while you still can.

Not only was this my favorite horror movie of 2011 but also my favorite sci-fi, action, and comedy film. Attack the Block is a high adrenaline genre smorgasbord with more laughs and excitement than anything you saw last summer. The debut film from writer/director Joe Cornish I haven’t enjoyed a British comedy like this since the last Simon Pegg/Edgar Wright collaboration. So it’s not much of a surprise to find out that Edgar Wright was one of the film’s producers and Nick Frost is one of the very colorful cast members.

When an army of giant gorilla-like aliens invade South London it’s up to a gang of rambunctious young hoodlums to defend their block. That premise alone sold me and from then on out I couldn’t get enough of this sharp and surprisingly smart alien massacre movie. The dialogue, all though coated in a thick London accent is full of gems. My favorite line is probably when one of the kids only has one text left to send and says, “I’ve got one text left, this is too much madness to explain in one text!” I also like how the kids call the aliens “Big Gorilla Wolf Motherfuckers.” You wouldn’t think you could sympathize for a bunch of rude street toughs but somehow you start to develop a soft spot. I only pray this is never remade, check it out!

Honorable Mention
Insidious – The Guys behind Saw make their best movies since… Actually this is better than any of the Saw movies. It’s just a gold old haunted house movie that was a joy to watch.

Never have I wanted to walk out of a theater more than when I saw this soulless piece of schlock. Ninety unbearable minutes of unbelievably unsavory characters taking part and being subjected to grisly, meaningless, violence. Some may argue that “Making it hard to watch only makes it more effective.” but to that I respond “You are retarded.” Yes horror movies are supposed to be sadistic they are “Horror” movies after all, but they should also mean something. You should care and feel about what’s going on, relate with someone in the movie and overall it should be entertaining and hopefully even innovative. None of these are traits which Halloween possesses.

The approach here was to start with the origin story of Michael Myers which of course as we all know by now is always a terrible idea. Remember the Phantom Menace? All this does is ruin the mystique of the character, plus what more do we need to know about Michael? We already saw a prepubescent Michael slash up his sister in the original flick do we really need 15 more minutes of that in a “re-imagining?” Surprisingly Halloween is actually a case where humanizing the antagonist weakens his presence. Knowing that Michael was from a broken home and picked on by bullies just makes me feel bad for him, I’m supposed to fear him remember? He was scarier when his sudden bloodlust came out of nowhere because it was so unexpected. What we don’t understand, that’s what we fear the most.

After about 15 or 20 minutes of origin story, we are then subjected to a painfully dull rehash of the original film. Laurie has to babysit on Halloween, blah, blah, teens having sex get murdered, blah, blah, he’s dead, he’s not dead, and I don’t give a shit. Like I haven’t already seen all this done better about a hundred times before. The only reason any of this even exists is is to pad out the running time. I mean you couldn’t just have a twenty minute origin movie now could you? Which brings us to the fact that this movie “Should not have been made!” Though with Rob Zombie’s involvement or not, this movie was going to be made no matter what.

Could this movie had been remade any better? Well seeing that about 80% of horror movie remakes are beyond unwatchable, probably not. What almost depresses me the most is how John Carpenter doesn’t give a shit about the legacies of his own movies. It’s like all he does these days is collect paychecks and piss off his fans. Not that it’s really any of his control with the studios and everything, it’s just the fact that it doesn’t bother him. I mean you’ll be hard pressed to find a Carpenter fan that likes or approves of any of these Carpenter remakes so stop making them!

Really it’s that damned Hollywood machine that deserves the most blame. It seems cliched to talk about how much Hollywood cares about money over artistic vision, but as far as I can tell that seems to the be the case in a nut shell. Sadly we are to forever be surrounded by terrible remakes of these classics. Though it’s up to both you and I to try and ignore them and look to other venues for our freaky fix.

After Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was such an unmitigated disaster, how could people want a third one? How could they want another Michael Bay Transformers movie so badly that they turned Dark of the Moon into one of the highest grossing films of all time? Who are these people? To answer that question, I sat down with my brother and dad last night and watched this self-inflicted wound all the way through.

Dark of the Moon opens with a big spaceship crashing on the moon. When CG John F Kennedy hears about this, he orchestrates the space race with the secret intention of beating the Russians to this alien technology. They get up there and Neil Armstrong looks around the ship and then they come back and the space race ends. Immediately the film shifts to present day, where we stare at the butt of this film’s supermodel girlfriend for Shia LaBeouf. After Michael Bay has his lust temporarily sedated, we catch up with Shia. Since the last movie, he’s graduated from college and is looking for work. He wants to be someone important, but being a recent college grad, he doesn’t have that many opportunities available to him. We learn that he met his girlfriend after getting a medal from CG Barack Obama at the White House, even though it’s established she works at a car showroom. What’s worse, Shia’s parents show up in a Sarah Palin-style tour bus. God, I hate these people.

So Shia goes on to act like a whiny bitch with his beautiful girlfriend and rich parents for a while. Meanwhile, that Tad Hamilton guy is in Chernobyl with the Autobots for some reason. They find some thing and then get attacked by Soundwave, who, if you remember, was a fucking boombox in the show. Now he’s a fancy car surrounded by gigantic metal tentacles, you probably remember those from the trailer. Optimus is pissed about something and so he goes to the moon and brings back Sentinel Prime, who was hidden on that spaceship up there the whole time. Sentinel Prime has some of the key components of the Space Bridge, the teleporting technology to go instantly between Cybertron and Earth. Also, Sentinel Prime is played by Leonard Nimoy, who played Galvatron in the real Transformers movie. I don’t think Michael Bay knows this, however, since he instead just makes every Spock reference possible. Sentinel Prime actually says “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” at one part. The gall of this man.

I guess Michael Bay liked Burn After Reading, because we learn that Frances McDormand is now in charge of the Autobots side of the U.S. government and John Malkovich is the weirdo who hires Shia. Malkovich acts like a hardass boss during the interview, but then quickly becomes a joke before disappearing entirely. He doesn’t really even matter, because Shia’s time at his new job is spent getting into homoerotic situations with Ken Jeong, who as it turns out worked for NASA during Apollo 11. Laserbeak, Soundwave’s cassette tape who is now simply a bird robot, kills Ken Jeong, so now Shia’s on the case. But he’s too late: Sentinel Prime betrays Optimus and joins with Megatron to summon the limitless army of Decepticons on Cybertron to Earth. Shia learns that his supermodel girlfriend’s boss secretly has been helping the Decepticons the whole time and she gets kidnapped. The Decepticons take over Chicago for some reason, and the U.S. government gives into their demand to exile the Autobots. They all get on another spaceship and then that ship gets blown up by Starscream (I think, it’s hard to tell).

With all the Autobots seemingly dead, Shia joins up with Tyrese Gibson and his old military buddies to head to Chicago. But when they get there, they give up because they didn’t think this through. Then, out of nowhere, the Autobots show up. They weren’t on the spaceship at all! Shia asks why and Optimus basically says no reason. Then there’s an action sequence for at least an hour. They spend forever trying to get to a certain building, even though they actually make it there to save the supermodel within minutes. They save her and leave and then realize they need to go there again. And it takes forever. Optimus flies around and gets stuck in hanging wires like an idiot. Some Autobot who’s like an old British scientist, complete with weird robot Einstein hair, gets killed and we’re supposed to be sad. Megatron basically sits there helplessly for the whole movie. Dudes parachute in and kill random, unnamed Decepticons. Sentinel Prime just stands on a building monologuing like an evil Spock. Eventually he fights Optimus. He’s about to win, but the supermodel manipulates Megatron into actually doing something, so he backstabs Sentinel. Then Optimus kills Megatron like a bitch. He does a brief monologue and boom, movie over.

It probably shouldn’t, but it still bothers me how far from the source material we’ve come. All the Autobots are douchebags, especially Optimus Prime. They’re just jerks to everybody. And you can’t even tell who the Decepticons are, I thought Soundwave died three times because I couldn’t tell him from the others. The humans are all horrible people, especially Shia LaBeouf, who spends the whole fucking movie whining and screaming. I hate him so much. The supermodel is worse than Megan Fox, she’s just meat put on display for us, often standing in sexy poses during the most dangerous situations. At least John Tuturro and Alan Tudyk (as his European manservent) seem like they’re having fun with their parts. But most everything that was wrong with the last movie is wrong with this one: the story is hard to follow and stupid, the characters are terrible and it’s way too damn long – longer than Revenger of the Fallen. The CG generally looks nice and it’s easier to follow now, especially because so much is in slow motion, but I still don’t really care.

But what about my brother and dad? They liked X-men Origins: Wolverine after all. They wanted to see this movie. I had to wait for them to start it. About halfway through the experience, my dad turned to me and asked why I wanted to see it. I told him it was to write about how bad it is. He accepted that answer. As soon as the credits started, they were up and out of there. My brother seemed excited about some parts of it, but when it was over he was quick to call it a bad movie. He just liked seeing fancy cars, I reckon. Later, my dad took me aside to talk about how bad the movie was. He even mentioned it to my other brother on the phone.

It’s just a shame, Michael Bay could have made a much more action-packed, bizarre movie if he stuck to the source material. He could have set it during the 1980s and the ridiculousness of it, things like the main villain turning into a gun that someone else had to fire, would be greater than anything in his film series. Instead, he created a successful franchise without a soul. A terrible machine that transforms hope and love into sorrow and loathing. And I hear we’re in for like two more of them.

It seems like every year there’s one racing game that captures my interest. Last year, it was the totally thrilling Split/Second. This year, somehow, it’s the latest Driver game. The Driver franchise has never been one that I cared about, save for when I heard Driv3r was starring Michael Madsen, Mickey Rourke and Ving Rhames. Even then, I didn’t really care about it, I was just confused. Why would you want Michael Madsen to star in a driving video game with a terrible title? But, by combining basic cable buddy cop antics with Quantum Leap, Driver: San Francisco demanded not just my attention, but a good chunk of my time too.

You play as Detective John Tanner, a cop who is obviously cool because he drives a Dodge Challenger modelled after the one in the movie Vanishing Point. Tanner, along with his partner Tobias Jones respond to a call that Jericho, the guy they put away in Driv3r is trying to escape prison by hijacking his prison transport truck. But Jericho gets the drop on Tanner, ramming into his car. Tanner awakens hours earlier, now with the power to leave his body and take over any driver on the road. Just like Quantum Leap, passengers don’t know that they’re drivers have been possessed, providing much of the game’s humor as Tanner tries to blend in. With his new powers, Tanner has to get to the bottom of Jericho’s evil plans and bring him in before he can get away for good.

It’s probably worth noting that Tanner, Jones and Jericho sound nothing like Madsen, Rhames and Rourke and I had no problem not knowing the plot of previous Driver games. The game makes it clear enough early on: Jericho’s bad, Tanner’s good, go play. The game’s written like a cheesy cop show and it works pretty well. It has a lot of fun with the weirdness of interacting with passengers and generally the game has a pretty light tone.

Being able to switch from car-to-car really changes the way you play a racing game. Having trouble catching up with a car you’re chasing? Just switch into an oncoming truck and smash into them. Need to be in a bunch of places at once? No problem, just pick the nearest cars to those locations. Need to find out information about a hired assassin? Just posses her driver. There’s a reasonable variety to the game, but its the innate fun of this mechanic that makes playing through Driver: San Francisco enjoyable.

This is an open world game, in the vein of Burnout Paradise. You’ve got more and more of San Francisco to drive around as the game’s story progresses and plenty of diversions if you don’t feel like spending time with Tanner and Jones. There are side missions that tell more amusing stories, like the dumb kids who end up getting involved in the street racing circuit or an angry agent who destroys the signs for the gig of a rival band. More substantially, there are tons of challenges and stunts to be completed around the city. These are simple activities, like “keep your car at 100 mph for 30 seconds” or “drift for 50 feet” but they reward you with precious income. You can use your earnings to buy cars to spawn or upgrades for yourself, like an enhanced boost ability or ramming.

There’s also mulitplayer, for what it’s worth.

Driver: San Francisco would not be much if it was a straight driving game. The driving mechanics of the game are solid, but not especially fun. The game looks all right, but it certainly doesn’t stand out. But the supernatural aspect of the game makes it unique and compelling. If I’m only going to play one racing game this year (and it looks like that will be the case) I’m glad it’s this one.

Remakes, yuck! They’ve really taken over Hollywood in the past decade and from the looks of it are here to stay. But do remakes really make enough money to justify there being so many? I guess some do okay but it’s my opinion that many underperform due to a general lack of interest. Surely they don’t make them for fans of the original films because those are the exact people that don’t want them made. What it comes down to is a lack of imagination in the industry and good old American laziness, and this film is a definite example of the latter.

The original Wicker Man released in 1973 was a classic British thriller directed by Robin Hardy, written by veteran playwright/ screenwriter Anthony Shaffer (Sleuth, Frenzy), and starring Edward Woodward as the film’s protagonist Sgt. Howie and Christopher Lee as the primary antagonist Lord Summerisle. It was a chilling film about a British policeman drawn to the island of Summerisle after receiving an anonymous letter. The case is that of a missing girl named Rowan Morrison that for whatever reason the people of Summerisle refuse to acknowledge. Delving deep into the mysterious Pagan rituals of the islanders, Sgt. Howie’s investigation eventually takes a a very dark turn, leading to one of the most disturbing endings to a horror film I can recall. Neil Labute’s Wicker Man released in 2006 is a sloppy and meaningless mess that only seems exists to make a quick buck and ensure that Nic Cage can get a check and pay off his tax woes.

For the most part Labute’s Wicker Man is fairly similar to the original but with small arbitrary changes. Edward Woodward starred in the original so now the the main character’s name is Edward and the missing girl’s name is Rowan “Woodward”. The original film was set off the coast of Scotland but is now on island of the coast of Washington state, this was clearly made so that it could star an American actor. The major crop of the pagans in the original was apples but now it’s honey because Nicolas Cage is allergic to bees and the list goes on. Some of the changes seem to exist merely so the film isn’t an exact copy and yet they still manage to ruin all the meaning and symbolism of the original. One scene in particular is the “bug-in-a-desk” allegory from the original. In the original there’s a child who keeps a bug in her desk tied around a small object and no matter what the bug will always move in the same direction further tangling itself until it can’t move. This could be seen as similar to Sgt. Howie descending further in the same direction only further cementing his tragic fate. The remake has a scene with a bird in the desk because “We wanted to see how long it could live in there.” This doesn’t mean the same thing at all and is incredibly stupid.

Another aspect that made the original so intriguing was the fact that although the pagans were the antagonists you could kind of understand where they were coming from. Both Howie a devout Christian and the Pagans were firmly following their own beliefs. The pagans weren’t necessarily evil, but these new people just seem evil and Nicolas Cage isn’t religious so that dynamic is gone. This leads to the ending having none of the same impact in the remake. SPOILER AHEAD (go to the next paragraph if you don’t want this ruined) The original ended marvelously with Howie being tricked into a wild goose chase so that a Christian could be sacrificed to the wicker man, so they trap him inside and burn him alive. There the Pagans all smile and join in song as Howie recites bible passages and slowly burns, but now that’s all changed. This time it just seems like they kill him because they’re bad guys and they drone on and on about bees and shit and Nicolas Cage just screams. So it has none of the same religious impact or even scare factor and then it ends with “For Johnny Ramone” weird huh?

The original is a classic and one of the best horror/mystery films of it’s time, I’d recommend it to anyone, but this? This is just a quick cash in with little to no artistic integrity. So let me send it off with this weird montage that seems like it would make more sense in context but really doesn’t.

It’s movies like that this that remind of us why we even still have movie theaters. The feeling of a group of people all coming together to share the same thrills and chills is one that will never be toppled by the internet or any streaming service. These are the same reasons that Paranormal Activity has been so successful and the latest is no exception with it’s spooky haunted house antics. It’s not that these movies are great horror stories as much as they’re just great at creating an atmosphere and scary scenarios. It’s all about the big “Boo!” moments that make these movies much in akin to haunted house rides or roller coasters. I was hesitant about them making this into a franchise but now I love it because the’ve all been immensely entertaining experiences and a perfect addition to the Halloween season.

Explaining the plot is a little tricky if you haven’t seen the others considering how closely connected they are. All I’ll say is that this one is a prequel set in 1988 that basically explains the other two. It primarily focuses on Kristi and Katie (sisters and characters from Paranormal Activity 1 and 2) and Kristi’s eerie relationship with an “imaginary” friend. Naturally their stepdad (who makes wedding videos) is like “This ain’t right.” and sets up cameras around the house, and the next thing you know this shit gets paranormal. PA3 continues the trend that less is more but still kicks it up just enough to make the skin crawl.

It’s a nice change of pace to see a horror franchise that’s still delivering quality material in it’s third installment. The story is still fresh and is yet to take it too far off the deep end, as a matter of fact this installment faired fairly well with the critics even though the last one was somewhat mixed. I don’t know if bringing in indie directors Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost (Catfish) made any difference but this one definitely has the most depth out of the three. I enjoyed and sympathized for all the characters and really cared about what was going on and of course the handheld camera style always gives it that nice sense of realism. Which reminds me of how much I now love handicam or “found footage” movies, I know a lot of people hate these and think it’s a fad, but I can’t get enough of it.

For those of you who may be wondering about the future of this series I think it’s safe to say that this will not be the last one. In a way that’s probably not good as they’re probably going to run out of ways to keep this going at some point, but for now I’m for it. The second installment ended with a lot of loose ends and this one really didn’t answer any of them so at least one more would be nice to wrap everything up. Whatever happens I consider myself a strong supporter of this series and will definitely be in line buying a ticket when Paranormal Activity 4 opens or P4ranormal Activity or whatever they’ll call it.

Fuck that shit.

Back when I was but a lad we had a computer in the basement that had House of the Dead on it. Of course the combination of shooting things and zombies instantly won me over and it quickly became my all-time favorite on-rails shooter game. Then this dick you may of heard of named Uwe Boll decided to shit on this beloved arcade franchise by making the worst video game movie I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that an arcade shooter game probably isn’t the best basis for a film and yet Uwe Boll went forward with this nightmarish rave-centric shlockfest that somehow has an even less structured storyline then the game. As a matter of fact this film doesn’t seem to be about anything it’s just a bunch of Matrix wannabe bullshit that simultaneously embarrasses both the action and horror genre.

The setup follows a group of teens who head over to an island for a rave only to discover it’s been taken over by zombies. The film is over-narrated by some bland guy who thinks he’s hot shit, I don’t remember his name, I can’t remember any of the character’s names. No one in this movie has any defining characteristics and they only exist so that the film can have a hefty body count. I can barely keep anyone straight except for this one captain played by Jurgen Prochnow named “Captain Kirk” which is supposed to be funny but it’s not at all. Who are these people and what’s going on? Where’s the house? I guess they do find a house eventually but it’s not important enough to the story to justify that title. Maybe something like “Island of the Dead” or “Rave of the Dead” would of made more sense.

If this film wasn’t called “House of the Dead” I never would of drawn a connection between this and the game series, that’s how much it deviates. The only thing even remotely connecting the movie and game is that the movie uses very quick clips from the game in-between transitions which makes absolutely no sense at all. Not even the action in this film reminds me of the game, how hard is it to get that part right it’s god damn shooter?!? This is just a bunch of karate and slow-mo shit, it’s clearly trying to capitalize off of the success of the Matrix except with none of the same style. Who made this movie a fucking twelve year old? THIS IS A TRAVESTY! HOW CAN THIS BE SO BAD!!!

On top of it all it doesn’t seem to be about anything, there’s an island with monsters but why? I guess it’s because of this bad guy they run into named Castillo? Many years ago Castillo injected himself with an “immortality serum” that for some reason exists and so he created the first zombie. Though I have no idea what he’s trying to accomplish, he’s just a bad guy cause this movie needed one. All copies of this his film should be burned right now and Uwe Boll should be put to death. I’m offended not only as a horror fan but as a movie fan and as a rational human being.

I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I know a lot of people were sucked into the world of Feist by “1234,” but I actually didn’t get The Reminder until well after those commercials were relevant. The song that did it for me was “I Feel It All,” which I still maintain is her best song and a pretty great music video. Then I got into Broken Social Scene and realized I liked Feist even more. Alas, a new Feist album seemed to be ever looming on the horizon, never within reach. Well, Metals finally showed up this month and while it’s not as revolutionary as I might have hoped, it’s certainly not something to be missed.

Probably the most important thing you need to know about Metals is that you will never hear any song from it in an iPod commercial. Firstly, because they don’t make iPod commercials anymore and Apple doesn’t really double dip anyway. Secondly, because this album is entirely devoid of poppy hits-in-waiting. Metals is a soft album. So soft, if we didn’t have microphones, you’d probably have to be standing right in front of Feist just to hear her voice. And come on, we all know you’d be pretty embarrassed in that situation.

Thanks to iTunes, a lot of people are wondering if the album is a dying idea. Metals serves as a reminder for why the album is a great concept. If Feist had just come out with a single, no matter what track she chose, it would lose in comparison to “1234.” Instead, she got put out a whole bunch of songs, still lose in comparison to “1234″ and keep me and people like me quite happy.

Favorite Tracks: “The Bad in Each Other,” “The Circle Married the Line,” “Bittersweet Melodies”

Baroque pop is a silly term. Moving on, the first St. Vincent album I heard was Actor, her second record. I really liked the first song, “The Strangers,” but the rest of it didn’t really stick with me. Why that is is probably worth investigation and analysis, but I have not the time nor the desire to really dig into Actor once more. I can tell you I have a strong memory associated with it riding a train in Paris, but that’s neither here nor there. I’ve just used “nor” two sentences in a row, so you can tell I’ve got a lot of positive things to say about Strange Mercy, St. Vincent’s third album.

It all starts with a song called “Chloe in the Afternoon,” a jarring, distorted number that seems to be about bondage or some other deviant activity with horse-hair whips and heels. Then we move on to “Cruel,” a surprisingly jaunty tune about well, I think you can guess. It’s these juxtapositions that serve as Strange Mercy‘s greatest strength, songs are equally likely to feature a chunky-as-hell guitar as they are a beautiful, ripped-from-a-musical string section. St. Vincent is doing something, perhaps not unheard of, but certainly distinct.

This isn’t an easy album, in that if you listen to the lyrics, it sounds like St. Vincent is going through a bit of an existential crisis. But damnit, even without listening to the lyrics, this would be an album worth hearing. There’s a complexity to it that makes it feel like I’m actually being treated like an adult by my music. And as we push forward in these depressing times, maybe it’s good to be reminded that there’s more to music than the escapism of shuffling along to “Party Rock Anthem.”

Favorite Tracks: “Cruel,” “Northern Lights,” “Year of the Tiger”

I’ve been listening to Within and Without by Washed Out for the past few months and it’s probably one of my favorites of the year. That means I should probably write something about it. So, here I am, writing about music again. It feels… uncomfortable. Not just because I haven’t done it in a while, but because Washed Out’s genre, chillwave, is one that is designed not to inspire. It’s the minimalistic music of the recession-era, or at least that’s what Wikipedia tells me.

Wikipedia tells me some other perplexing things. It tells me chillwave music is meant to be danced to, but frankly the idea of a chillwave dance is ghastly. It also tells me Panda Bear is basically the father of the genre and he has a new album out this year too, called Tomboy. But, while I recognize the similarities between Panda Bear and Washed Out and fully understand how people could called Washed Out derivative, it’s Within and Without that really stuck with me this year, not Tomboy.

As I think music like this probably should, Within and Without has a very clean sound to it. Most every song starts simple and builds up. That’s a really generic sentence, but I’m leaving it in. At times I was reminded of Animal Collective or Beach House as I listened to these carefully arranged electronic sounds overcome me. And while certainly a few tracks stood out to me, I really feel the album is best taken as a whole. It’s super pleasant to listen to, one of my favorites for driving or working. That’s all I want out of music, most of the time. Something pleasant to keep me company in the world.

Favorite Tracks: “Eyes Be Closed,” “Before,” “A Dedication”

I saw this film when it was still new to home video (sure sounds weird to say that now) and even back then I thought it was one of the dumbest things I’d ever seen, though I was 13 and you know how cynical teenagers can be. But no seriously this has to be the worst installment of The Friday the 13th series, true I’ve probably only seen about four of them but as we all know space is always a last ditch attempt for a dying franchise. As if Jason wasn’t already hard enough to kill in earlier entries this time he becomes a cyborg half way into the movie after a medical station like rebuilds him? I try not to think about it because it gives me brain damage, but let’s see what if anything I can still recall.

So Jason (Kane Hodder) is captured by the U.S. Government in 2008 and after several failed attempts to kill him they decide to cryogenically freeze him in the distant year of 2010. 445 years later on the new planet Earth 2, a group of students and their android friend take a field trip to Jason’s research facility and find Jason frozen along with Rowan LaFontaine (Lexa Doig) a government scientist, so the students decide to take back both of them to their spaceship. Of course as we all know coming into any kind of contact with Jason means certain death and that’s basically what happens, it’s new packaging but still the same old shit inside.

There’s a few new elements to this installment like androids, some kind of alternate reality simulator that takes Jason back to Crystal Lake, and robo-Jason but really it’s another desperate attempt to reignite a dying franchise. I think you can already predict that it ends with Jason being sucked into the space but what does it matter? They’re just gonna keep making these so why should I care about anything that happens in these movies? As a matter of fact they did another installment just two years later with Freddy vs. Jason. I get why other horror franchises like Nightmare on Elm Street have had a lot of sequels. Nightmare has lots of possibilities with the dream world and a charismatic villain, but what does Friday the 13th have? It’s just another mute moron killing machine with literally no personality or interesting characteristics and what, there’s like 12 of them? Whatever, fuck this shit this is pissing me off!

I should probably post some pic or video or something but whatever I’m too pissed off.

Moneyball was an interesting experience for me. When I first heard they were turning the hit book into a movie, I was halfway through a book entitled The Book. That book is a straight up text book read, and although it’s extremely well written and interesting, it is definitely not an easy read. There are no stories, no background, no people or characters, just numbers. Pages and pages of charts and tables, while educational, can lull you to sleep.

That is always the false impression I’d gathered from people talking about Moneyball. So when the rumors of a movie came out, I didn’t think it was going to work, but I was still very excited. Because, you know, baseball.

When started the book, I was amazed. Not that it was the greatest thing I’ve ever read, but it wasn’t a textbook! There were characters! Michael Lewis does a great job setting the scene of Billy’s past, the draft room, the video room, it’s all clear in my mind. There are, of course, more number heavy sections, like when he’s explaining fielding metrics and the different statistic companies that arose independently. But all these gory details could easily be eliminated for the big screen without taking away from the book, and it worked well.

The only real problems I had with the movie were when sometimes it was a little too obvious that they were cramming ideas from the book into made-up scenes from the movie. The most obvious part to me for instance, was the whole David Justice being old balls. In the book, it’s easier for Michael Lewis to just explain to the readers who David Justice is, and how his balls are old and slow. But without a narrator, they had to try to cram it in by having some bimbo TV reporter be like, “Hey, I heard you suck and are old as balls, is that true? How are you going to be able to play with such old balls?”

I’m paraphrasing obviously, but the way the TV reporter acted took me right out of it, because TV reporters are little pussies, and would never say something that direct and upfront. Maybe if they had an old crusty columnist, it would have worked better.

I wasn’t a huge fan of Brad Pitt in the role, even though he won me over more and more as the movie went on. I thought the movie as a whole kind of portrayed Beane as dumber than he really is, and I felt it made him seem like every idea was Jonah Hills, even though I thought Beane had been interested in Bill James before he met DePodesta, but I could be wrong.

Overall, I really liked the movie, and when it comes to baseball movies, it’s probably my favorite. It combines my interest with sabermetrics and my love of baseball, to something I think we all love, a good underdog story. Despite how I can’t stand the A’s and how boring they are and how they are, or the fact they are division rivals, it’s still a great movie and I’m glad it came together how it did.

A lot of the albums I’ve reviewed this month have been on the border between hard rock and heavy metal, this album is full on metal. Though I’m certainly no metal head I have respect for the musicianship that goes into the genre and will admit that it’s good for some good careless fun from time to time. What stands out about this album over other metal albums is it’s accessibility in crafting catchy tracks without losing any edge. Not to mention the legendary Bruce Dickinson debuted with the group on this album and man does he soar with those operatic-like metal vocals of his. I know Nancy is all about this album so I dedicate this one to him.

The third album from Maiden, Number of the Beast was a critical and commercial standout in 1982 but was just as well known at the time for all of the stories of apparent evil-like phenomena that occurred during the album’s recording. Though that’s what happen when you write about and worship the devil right? This theme of “evilness” is clearly apparent in Number of the Beast and is probably the reason I find myself reviewing this album during Shocktober. Tracks with names like; “Number of the Beast”, “Children of the Damned”, “Invaders”, “Hallowed Be Thy Name”? It just couldn’t be more perfect when paired with this spooky season.

Dickinson really wails on the vocals and the rest of the musicianship is tight but after listening to the album and watching it’s episode of Classic Albums (still on Youtube last time I checked) I have a lot of respect for bassist Steve Harris. Not only is Harris the main creative force behind the band but he actually manages to show off his chops despite playing alongside two talented metal guitarists. I feel like if you can hear the bass at all in metal it’s a plus but he’s got some great moments on this album.

After hearing an album like this I think you can understand why metal-heads head bang. There simply isn’t any other human reaction more suitable to go along with the music than bobbing up and down after hearing songs like “The Prisoner” or either of the album’s two biggest classics. “Number of the Beast” and “Run to the Hills”, man those are something I can only smile at the craziness of those two metal anthems. A couple of nights ago I was walking around campus with a foam rubber Thor hammer in my hand listening to “Number of the Beast” and I got to tell ya, it was a sensation that simply transcended awesomeness.

Favorite Tracks: “The Number of the Beast”, “The Prisoner”, “Run to the Hills”

I remember hearing about this movie when my mom and stepdad went to go see this in theaters in 1997. It started out promising enough but by at about the midpoint everyone in the theater was cheering for the snake to kill everybody and I think I see why. It’s not that the cast is that bad, quite the contrary, it’s a solid lineup including; Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Eric Stoltz, Owen Wilson, Jonathan Hyde, and Jon Voight, but there’s something that’s undeniably satisfying about watching all of these people get murdered by a big ass snake. Anaconda, unlike many of the other film’s I’ve reviewed recently is a fairly competent production it just all turned out really campy, but hey that doesn’t mean it can’t be entertaining.

A National Geographic film crew headed by director Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez) is heading out to the Amazon River to shoot a documentary about a long lost indian tribe that we never learn anything about. The film crew includes; Steve Cale (Eric Stoltz) a dashing anthropologist, a stereotypical black cameraman Danny (Ice Cube), a production manager Denise (Kari Wuhrer) who’s got a serious thing going with sound engineer Gary (Owen WIlson), Mateo (Vincent Castellanos) the ship’s captain, and Warren Westridge (Jonathan Hyde) who appears to be some sort of David Attenbourough-like documentary host. During a storm on the Amazon the crew encounters a mysterious Paraguay snake hunter Sarone (Jon Voight) who’s been stranded on the river. I don’t really know what people from Paraguay sound-like but Jon Voight sounds exactly like Mandy Patinkin from The Princess Bride and that’s awesome, he’s easily the best part of the movie with his eccentricities and burning desire for the hunt.

What the crew doesn’t learn until later is that all Sarone cares about is tracking down and killing a giant Green Anaconda that’s been terrorizing the area. Sarone then takes control of the crew after team leader Eric Stoltz is stung in the throat by a wasp and goes into a coma for the rest of the movie. So why is Eric Stoltz in this at all? He has about 15 minutes of screen time if that and then he’s out like a light, what’s the deal? At least the film is pretty quick to the point when it comes to the reveal of the Anaconda. We see it early on and all the time as it seems to hunt down and kill off the crew one at a time. It’s funny that the crew is supposed to be hunting the snake after Sarone takes over but it’s really the other way around. Though I don’t blame the fact these people have so much trouble hunting this anaconda cause the thing practically has superpowers. Every time it shows up it just seems to whip around at incredible speeds almost like it’s flying from one place to another, it’s insane.

Anaconda was made in that strange transition period from animatronics to full CGI so it’s a little odd. The animatronics are good enough but all the CGI is just so terrible they should of held back a little. We may see the snake a great deal, which is fun but at the same time it’s one of the film’s biggest downfalls. Take Jaws, clearly the inspiration for this knockoff, you practically never saw the monster and it was terrifying. The snake attacks in this film are just so ridiculous that you can’t take any of it seriously. Though that all aside this isn’t a terrible movie it’s just really dumb, though what do you expect it’s about a giant snake that kills people.

Here’s an awesome scene of the anaconda killing Jon Voight.

Oh how the mighty had fallen with Tobe Hooper’s (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist) adaptation of this little Stephen King short story. Though Hooper’s career had been on the decline throughout most of the 80s this seemed to be the final nail in the coffin for his career in mainstream cinema. The film was The Mangler, originally a short story published in Stephen King’s 1978 collection Night Shift. I’ve read and enjoyed Night Shift for many years but I’ve never understood why all the movies that have been adapted from stories in Night Shift have been so disappointing. Sometimes They Come Back (1991) was considered underwhelming, Graveyard Shift adapted for the screen in 1990 eliminated the scariest part of the story, “The Ledge” and “Quitters Inc.” got crammed into the so-so 1985 anthology film Cat’s Eye, Trucks became the campy King directed Maximum Overdrive, Lawnmower Man became well you know, but that’s okay the story wasn’t very good either, and Children of the Corn (although notable) has never been anything special. Is this book cursed when it comes to being adapted for the big screen? I mean take King’s 1982 short story collection Different Seasons. Three of the four stories have become films and you know what they were? Apt Pupil (mildly enjoyable), Stand By Me (awesome) and The Shawshank Redemption (also awesome). What’s wrong with Night Shift? And why did The Mangler have to get made?

To start The Mangler is far from one of King’s best short stories. He’s a very gifted writer but even he has been guilty of going too far every once in awhile. By that I mean off the deep end from creepiness into plain silliness, and I always thought this story was a little odd. The premise is that there is an industrial laundry folding machine in a factory that is possessed by a demon. That’s right, a laundry machine… Sure it’s a cool setting and we’ve probably all had that moment where we imagine an intimidating inanimate object coming to life, but it’s far from one of King’s moreclever works. Though at least when King did it, it was just a short story, this is an entire movie that’s as dull as Dilbert and never seems to end.

A very hard to understand Ted Levine stars as Officer John Hunton, a surly detective investigating an accident at a laundry service owned by the eccentric Bill Gartley (Robert Englund) who has like weird crutch legs. When a dark aura surrounding the factory starts to get to Hunton he soon turns to his hippie brother-in-law who is like “It must be a demon.” There really isn’t any reason to ever believe this but Hunton does and they spend the rest of the movie trying to to exorcise the machine while uncovering it’s dark past. it’s all very dumb and very dull with the only highlight being Robert Englund giving an entertaining performance as the eccentric old Gartley. I’ve always felt kind of bad for Robert Englund, sure he’s made a name for himself playing Freddy Krueger and for starring in other notable horror roles but he’s actually a pretty good actor. He’s classically trained and yet he’s been stuck to doing mostly subpar horror movies his whole life, oh well just a thought.

Maybe The Mangler could of worked as a short 40 something minute TV special, maybe, unfortunately we got this pointless shlocky thriller just trying to capitalize off of King’s name. I didn’t like this movie it made me feel.. unclean.

Countless sequels to popular franchises seems to be a staple of the horror genre, not a good one, but whacha gonna do? It’s wedged in there and it always will be. So what franchises come to mind? Well there’s Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre to name a few, and then there’s others like Leprechaun. What separates Leprechaun from these other films? Maybe it’s the fact that not even the first installment of this franchise is good. I just recently watched this tragedy of a film and was stunned to learn there are now six installments of this series. Seriously? What is the appeal of this film? I don’t know! I guess They are probably cheap, no one’s gonna care if they are bad or good, and Warwick Davis is a nice guy so he’ll probably take the paycheck most days of the week I mean there’s only so many roles for dwarf actors. I suppose most Leprechaun fans (if that’s a real thing) come back for Warwick. It’s by no means a well written character but he clearly has fun playing this limerick spewing little shit. Maybe they just want to see how far they can take it? I mean he’s been to Vegas, space, and the hood (twice!) Though enough of me trying to grasp this madness I’m just here to talk about the first one.

The film opens with a man who’s returned to his wife claiming to have caught a leprechaun. Naturally she doesn’t believe him (as any rational person should) but he says he got one and he’s locked him up in a suitcase. So the woman opens it, the Leprechaun gets out, the Leprechaun kills the woman and the man locks him up again. Honestly I think you could of cut out this whole scene and no one would care, it goes on far too long and is not in anyway exciting. Ten years later we are introduced to J.D. Redding (John Sanderford) and his daughter Torry (Jennifer Aniston, everyone has to start somewhere) as they’re moving to some crappy farmhouse to the summer. Torry complains about going to some crappy place in “New Mexico” to which her father corrects her by saying “It’s North Dakota.” Now I get it she’s supposed to be snooty, she doesn’t know about anything about the rest of the country but come on, those places are nowhere near each other. It’s with lines like this that we begin to prepare for an endless series of jokes in the script that also misfire spectacularly.

On the farm we are introduced to some painters, including Torry’s strapping young love interest Nathan (Ken Olandt), his wisecracking kid brother Alex (Robert Gorman) and their mentally challenged friend Ozzie (Mark Holton from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure). Maybe it’s just me but I find the inclusion of this kid and his retarded friend to be very strange for a horror movie. The two seem to share a kind Of Mice and Men relationship and often make me forget I’m watching a horror movie. Combined with the cartoonish premise Leprechaun feels more like a Disney Channel original movie (with some blood and occasional profanity) than anything else.

So how does the Leprechaun come into play with these characters? Well the retarded guy finds the chest the Leprechaun was sealed in and releases him. Upon his release the Leprechaun is relentless in the search for his gold which somehow the retarded guy has already found following a rainbow. So it’s a search for gold complete with terrible Lucky Charms jokes! This sounds like it could be hilarious but most of the kills are surprisingly bland and nothing really funny or interesting happens, it’s just a big unlucky failure pile. Son that note I’ll see ya again tomorrow, if I haven’t already blown my brains out after digesting this travesty.

Few film’s legacies have so greatly benefitted from the fact that the film itself was bad. The fact that Troll 2 is so memorably bad probably has done more for the film than if it was even just okay. In recent years Troll 2 has given other crappy classics a run for their money as the best worst movie. There’s even a documentary about Troll 2 called “Best Worst Movie” but more on that later. Like many of the best worst classics Troll 2 finds that perfect balance between awkwardness and incompetence, complete with camp, cheese and all the stuff that your worst nightmares are made of. It is a film that is in fact such a calamity that it actually becomes something so delightfully absurd that you simply cannot look away. If someone made a shortlist of the bad movies you needed to see before you die this is a film that may now even be number one, it’s really something you have to see to believe.

The Waits family is going on vacation, and what better place to stay then in the remote rural town of Nilbog (which is Goblin spelled backwards, nice!) Though the town seems peaceful enough, the young Joshua (Michael Stephenson) is contacted by his dead grandfather and warned that the inhabitants of the town are goblins. Wait a minute goblins? I thought this movie was called “Troll 2″, well I’ll get to that in just a minute. So Nilbog is full of Goblins masquerading as people so that they can turn humans into human/plant hybrids and eat them. Why these goblins can’t just eat regular vegetation I have no idea. Oh yeah and the daughter (Connie McFarland) of the family’s boyfriend also comes to Nilbog, gotta have some random characters to kill off right? So the Goblins try to get the family to eat vegetables which will turn them into vegetables, but Joshua retaliates in various ways including a scene where he even pisses on a bunch of food. “You can’t piss on hospitality!” says Michael Waits (George Hardy) the father of the family. Joshua continually tries to warn his family of the townspeople’s intentions but all hell breaks loose in Nilbog. Anymore and I would be spoiling the magic for anyone who hasn’t seen the film.

Strangely enough the film was marketed as “Troll 2″ as an attempt to market it as a sequel to the 1986 film Troll. I suppose sequels make more money? The film is clearly supposed to be about goblins which was the original title. The film was also made by an all Italian crew but somehow ended up with an unknown american cast, filming took place in Utah and the rest is history.

It’s amazing what kind of cult following this film has attracted over the years and this has all excellently been captured in the entertaining documentary Best Worst Movie released last year and directed by the original film’s young star Michael Stephenson. The film chronicles the lives of the stars since the films was released (most notably George Hardy) and also gives us a peek into the bizarre fandom this mess has created. I’d recommend it for anyone who likes quirky documentaries, here’s the trailer right below.

Just when you thought nothing could top killer rabbits we have yes, Killer slugs. Yeah you heard me KILLER SLUGS or at least stupid people that accidentally kill themselves in the presence of killer slugs. I don’t know what’s supposed to be scary about painfully slow gastropods but I guess there’s only so many animals to choose from. Directed by Juan Piquer Simon (the same mastermind behind The Pod People) Slugs, or as the opening title card calls it “Slugs: The Movie” is about a rural town that becomes prey to a strain of toxic slugs. So it’s up to health worker Mike Brady (yeah that’s his name) to solve the crisis and put an end to all the slimy madness.

It all begins with perhaps the lamest opening to a horror movie I’ve ever seen. So there’s this guy fishing out on a lake bickering with his girlfriend and then suddenly he gets pulled in, fade to black. So what? He got pulled into the lake by a slug? Do slugs swim? And can they really pull down an entire person? This is one movie where I’m not surprised when people ignore the one guy who says “It’s slugs! The slugs are killing people!” I mean it doesn’t make any sense. This leads to one of my favorite moments between Mike Brady and the town sherif, the exchange goes a little bit like this.

Mike: So Sherif what do you think?

Sherif: I don’t know wild dogs maybe? Raccoons driven out of the hills by the cold?

Mike: I don’t buy that, something that big would of done a lot more damage to the inside of the house.

Sherif: what’s your bright idea Mr. health inspector?

Mike: Rats maybe?

Sherif: Rats? You willing to go on record with that?

Seriously? You think that guys explanation of rats is stupid? Yeah killer raccoons makes way more sense (though that does sound like a much better movie.) It’s the little things that seem to invoke a subtle kind of retardation. This movie has so much unintentionally bad dialogue that it’s no more a bad horror movie than it’s a great comedy. So unless you’re scared of being chased by piles of what looks like dog shit you’ll probably find this film hilarious.

The kills are great and for the most part cleverly done. Though it seems strange that everyone who dies in this movie seems to be more responsible for their own deaths than any of the slugs. People in this movie react in such irrational ways and the thinking process is just plain nonsensical. Though I guess the slugs in this film are tricky, I mean no one ever finds any slugs at the seen of the crime. It’s as if the slugs are outwitting everyone by slinking off before the authorities arrive and that’s awesome. One last note before I go, for a movie about slugs there sure are a lot of explosions.

So here’s a montage of all the best scenes. The editing is kind of annoying but it’s all there.

Man, this post required a lot of listening time.  As you’ve probably gathered, in response to Sean’s post last week of his favorite short songs, these are my favorite songs that push the 10-minute mark.  My criteria was basically that they all be rock songs, and I decided finally to include live songs, but they had to be the definitive version of the song, so sorry live version of “Freebird”.  I could’ve done the inverse of Sean’s writing style by writing multiple paragraphs for each song, but does anyone really want that?  I don’t.

When Neil Young gets together with Crazy Horse, these kind of long hazy jams just tend to happen.  It’s kind of cool how Young melds this sweet little love song with his murky guitar antics, which I’m usually game for.  Man, it’s been a while since I’ve listened to Neil Young.

Speaking of artists I haven’t listened to in a while, here’s San Francisco’s premier band of jam-centric hippies.  This song is interesting because it’s sort of this half-live/half-studio production, complemented by this jazzy percussion breakdown in the middle.  Plus, it’s got maybe the greatest use of kazoo in any rock song ever.

I know Sean’s a big fan of this song, so I figured I’d give it some love.  At over 25 minutes, and dozens of changes in tempo and mood, this song is really quite a journey.  It’s so damn complex and layered that I’m not even sure how one would go about writing a song like this, but really it’s all about the “Boy We Can Do Much More Together” section.  That part is pretty sweet.

I was fairly predisposed to not including lenghty instrumentals on this list, but “Maggot Brain” is different.  This is the sound of Eddie Hazel playing an electric guitar with about as much heartwrenching emotion as I’ve ever heard in a guitar solo.  Supposedly George Clinton told Hazel to play the solo as if his mama had just died, and I hate to say it, but there’s definitely a mournful quality to his playing.

I tried to keep meddlies off this list, but I think “Funeral For A Friend” is such an integral build-up to “Love Lies Bleeding” that it’s hard to separate the two.  This is probably one of my favorite Elton John songs, and it’s a pretty brilliant example of the man’s ear for melody, all punched up with a synthy arena rock sound.

This song was supposedly written about former Pink Floyd frontman Syd Barrett, which I guess isn’t that surprising since it seems like half of Pink Floyd’s songs are about Syd Barrett.  When I hear this song it reminds me of another man that seemed to be bordering on insanity, my 8th grade science teacher, Mr. Dodge.  He used to always play this song in his class, and as far as I can remember, that was my first exposure to this wonderful 13 minute prog-rock odyssey.

I can’t really say I’ve ever been that into Sigur Ros, but something about this song really does it for me.  And like much of Sigur Ros’s best material, it’s hard to exactly put into words what exactly is so great about it.  It’s just a really fucking beautiful song that sounds otherworldly, and that’s about all I can say.

Even though this is a live version, it’s nonetheless the definitive version of “Whipping Post”.  I mean the At Fillmore East version was featured on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs, not an easy feat for something so epic.   I remember mine and Nancy’s short-lived band Jack Be Quick covered this song live once, and we were exhausted after playing it for about 5 minutes.  Somehow the Allman’s are able to keep it up for 20, and all of those minutes are about as intense as blues rock jamming gets.

As you’ve probably noticed, most of these songs rely on lengthy jam sections, but not this one.  ”Desolation Row” is pretty much wall-to-wall lyrics, and Dylan uses basically all of the song’s 11 minutes to paint this very detailed picture of all these different characters and bizarre events that are unfolding.  It’s just an unbelievable document of Dylan’s incredible peak of creativity in the mid-sixties, and personally it’s up there as one of my favorite Dylan song.

I’m not sure how many hours I’ve spent listening to “Marquee Moon”, but it’s got to be quite a few.  Television came out of that late ’70s New York punk scene where solos and jamming seemed to be blasphemous, so naturally Television’s first album has this 10-minute opus as it’s center piece.  Of course this isn’t just your typical blues-based classic rock solo, this is a song that incorporates jazz scales and complex key changes.  Basically the punch line is that you can accomplish a lot in ten minutes, and this song manages to sound unlike any other guitar jam I’ve ever heard.

What a shame that I have to phone in this film considering I already phoned it in once on this blog a few October’s back. That;s too bad because this is one of th more notable bad movies of the 80s, often mentioned around the likes of Troll 2, but I only saw it once about eight years ago and I just can’t bring myself to watching it again. What I can tell you is that if you’re ever looking for a good episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 to watch check out this one. Though aside from that my memory is fuzzy. All I can really recall is bunch of shitty puppets that bring people’s fantasies to life and then attack them and by attack them I mean you get to watch people being humped to death by stuffed animals. This is another one of the many Gremlins knockoffs of the 80s but somehow one of the most notorious, very lame, they even call them gruesome gremlins in the trailer!

The trailer makes this movie look about as good as I remember.

First of all awesome title! But that wasn’t even the original name of this schlocky Roger Corman produced flick. The original title of this movie was “Killbots” which is even more awesome! But actually that title is kind of misleading. I don’t think anyone would guess this is a film about killer robots after hearing the title “Chopping Mall”. Not to mention the fact that these killer robots don’t actually chop anyone up, they use lasers. So not only is the title misleading but it really doesn’t have anything to do with the movie, but hey it’s still awesome.

In Chopping Mall, “The Protectors” as they’re called have been invented to replace mall security, providing for a safer mall experience. So after hours they are programmed to pursue anyone without a mall pass and use a series of built-in gadgets to ensure their success. These gadgets include sleeping darts, a taser gun, and lasers that can slice through any kind of debris. Wait a minute, killer lasers? Why would a robot that’s supposed to be nonviolent have killer lasers? Hmm, well I’m sure that wont come back to bite anyone in the ass.

Our main cast is a group of horny teens that work at the mall and plan to throw a party the mall closes. There’s the naive but good hearted chick, the macho guy, the slut, the nerd, all the usual stereotypes and I’ll be damned if I can remember any of their names. So for whatever reason the teens get trapped in the mall and the robots go rouge and start killing them. Really I can’t stress that “whatever reason” enough because I don’t know why they became evil.

What I loved about my experience watching Chopping Mall is that it’s quick to the point. They don’t pussy foot around trying to make this a serious or even competent story they just get right to what we want to see, teens being killed by robots. It’s purposefully over-the-top and when there’s so many b-movies that attempt to actually be good movies, it’s refreshing to see one that’s comfortable with being a b-movie. There’s some great kills and bizarre moments (finding automatic rifle’s in a store in the mall) it’s pure cheese and sometimes you just got a craving for some cheese.

Here someone put together a collection of all the death scenes, skim through it if you dare.

Recently I was paging through a copy of Horrorhound magazine when I came upon an article about all the best horror themed metal albums of 1981. How someone came up with such a strangely specific article I don’t know, but even though I don’t consider myself a metal fan I decided it might be fun to check one of them out just for kicks. The list included; Heavy Metal the Soundtrack, the second Iron Maiden album, some album by a band called Venom, two Ozzy-less Sabbath albums and then Ozzy’s debut solo album and followup record. Though the decision really wasn’t that difficult when “Crazy Train” is one of the tracks on one of those seven albums. So I went for Blizzard of Ozz, the debut solo album from that guy from The Osbournes.

I’ve had fun (to some extent) getting into Black Sabbath this year but haven’t really felt the need to expand my metal music knowledge since then. Of course Ozzy is a big part of why I like Black Sabbath but could I really enjoy the Prince of Darkness without his minions? Surprisingly, Ozzy does alright without his brooding Sabbath rhythm section and talented axe man, of course he is now paired up with an even more talented axe man. Randy Rhoads, who I’m sure most rock and roll fans have at least heard of was probably one of the most talented hard rock guitarists of his time. Even though his recording career only spanned roughly six years before his untimely death at 25, he made his mark as one of the most technically proficient shred heads ever. Though Rhoads also played in the original lineup of Quiet Riot he is perhaps best known as the reason Ozzy even had a solo career early on. So together with the Prince of Darkness and bassist Bob Daisley, the three penned a solid album’s worth of hard rock gems.

Songs on Blizzard naturally depict gothic imagery with tunes like “Suicide Solution”, “No Bone Movies” and of course “Mr. Crowley”. So it’s quite appropriate for the season and still very in tune with what Ozzy did in Sabbath. Though Ozzy has never considered himself much of a songwriter I think he really shines here with the kind of melodies not often seen in the same genre that gave us some of the shittiest bands ever. Ozzy has always been a self-proclaimed Beatles nut which has definitely seemed to bring forth the melody man in him, and he shows this off in songs like the hit “Crazy Train” and the surprisingly pleasant ballad “Goodbye to Romance”.

This album isn’t perfect, I don’t know who thought synthesizers were a good idea in metal music, but it’s competently produced, entertaining, and well executed. So guess I did enjoy my brief journey into the Prince of Darkness’ little world but I think I’ll head back now, it’s too scary in there.

Favorite Tracks: “Crazy Train”, “Goodbye to Romance”, “Revelation (Mother Earth)”

I’ve seen my fair share of bad horror movies but too often I find that some of the most irritating are the foreign horror films. I’m talking about the kind of films that are quickly and poorly hobbled together, sloppily dubbed and then shipped out to the US market. The kind of films where you wonder if anyone really had a firm grasp of any language when making it. Though perhaps the more puzzling query is “What is The Pod People supposed to be about?”

First of all The Pod People is not about Pod People and I have no idea why his film is called The Pod People. The actual title of this Spanish sci-fi flick is Los Neuvos Extraterrestres or The New Extraterrestrials. Originally planned as a horrific alien thriller the success of E.T. drove the producers to also make it the story of an innocent boy and his friendly alien pal. Filled with pointless subplots, inane dialogue, and far too many pointless scenery cutaways, watching this film is worse than any kind of probe.

The film opens with the credits superimposed over footage of what appears to be some homemade alien monster movie. Though for whatever reason this footage of men fighting aliens in the woods is in fact from another movie called Galaxy Invader. How this happened I have no idea as not only is it completely irrelevant but the footage is so bad. After this we are introduced to a trio of egg poachers out in the woods looking for nightingale eggs, which I guess must be worth some money to someone. One of the poachers then wanders off after supposedly seeing something in the sky and soon stumbles upon an eerie cave. Inside the cave is a collection of large eggs, the man smashes one open and discovers a gross fetus. So without even considering that these eggs may be worth something, Mr. Dumbest Egg Poacher in the world starts to smash all the eggs which awakens an unseen monster that kills him.

The other two poachers continue to meander through what looks like the foggiest woods on Earth while each following scene seems to go back and forth between day and night. I seem to recall one guy even says “Don’t take all night!” when it’s clearly day. Moving away from these poachers we are introduced to a young boy living nearby in a house in the woods who is awoken by some mysterious lightning outside. The boy named Tommy also appears to collect animals as a hobby and lives with his mom and douchebag uncle. Tommy also sounds like he’s voiced by an adult Italian woman but hey why not? So we get a couple more shots of the poachers again and then the next thing you know were in some kind of recording studio.

Here we have Rick, a hot recording artist busy in the studio working on some song singing “Hear the Engines Roll, Now!” Though it sounds more like “Idiot Control Now!” This segment of the film was well covered in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Before we have any idea what this scene has to do with anything were back to the woods again following two characters that are taking the film nowhere.

Skipping ahead Rick (who’s a complete douchebag) and his studio friends travel out to go camping in the woods, Oh, now I see why they’re in this movie. It’s at this point in the film that I could swear some of the characters voices are constantly changing from the dubbing process but I don’t know, there’s definitely something going on there. Back to Tommy and we see that he’s discovered the mysterious egg cave and found one egg left behind. Tommy also discovers the dead body of one of the poachers and runs from the cave in terror, though I don’t believe he ever tells anyone about the dead body.

Tommy goes home and starts to care for the egg until it hatches into some kind of miniature Alf-like alien that the kid names “Trumpy”, here is where the E.T. element enters the film. Then in a SINGLE CUTAWAY the alien grows to the size of a dwarf in a costume and shows the kid his stupid magic powers. Skipping ahead again Rick and his stupid friends get ridiculed by the mother alien and make their way to Tommy’s house. This is where the rest of the film basically becomes your typical monster/slasher B-movie. As I’m growing weary of plot synopsis I believe it ended with Trumpy’s mom and a lot of others being killed and then some more footage from Galaxy Invader. What this all results in is a movie that’s part monster movie part kids movie and all terrible!

Trumpy and friends!

Some might say the selection of Basket Case was a a misstep on my part. Most of the film’s I’ve selected for “Shocktober” or “Shlocktober” have bee universally panned, but this one not as much as I thought. Sure I found it on many web columnists’ and blogger’s “Top Ten Worst Horror Movies Lists” but I was shocked when I found that the usually dependable rating site/my filmgoing bible Rotten Tomatoes gave this film a 79%. Sure it’s only out of 19 reviews but still, does this film belong here? It all depends on what I use to declare a movie as bad and though this is probably the best movie I’ve seen for this series that’s not saying much.

Considering this film is so low budget there’s a lot to appreciate in Basket Case. It’s a quirky and somewhat interesting story with a few nice laughs but at the same time I can’t get over the film’s monster. I think it helps to know your boundaries in independent filmmaking, know what will look good and what won’t and this film doesn’t seem to recognize that. Director Frank Henenlotter (a self proclaimed exploitation filmmaker) claims this movie is a dark comedy but still I wonder. Is Henenlotter just saying that because it turned out so ridiculous? Because if this is supposed to be a comedy it’s a tad off balance.

Basket Case is the story of Duane Bradley a seemingly nice if not naive young man who arrives in New York City with a large basket. What’s in the basket? Why it’s his parasitic twin that he shares a telepathic link with of course. Duane has arrived in the big city to get revenge on the all the doctors who separated him and his still living twin Belial when they were children. Well really it’s Belial who gets the revenge, despite the fact that he’s just a big hunk of mangled flesh. Complications arise when Duane starts to get a taste of life without Belial, going out on dates and what not, this of course leads to many new corpses.

“So he has a parasitic twin in a basket? That sounds terrible!” Well yes, the Beliali puppet (which on one occasion is stop motion) is one of the dumbest monsters I’ve ever seen. How can something without legs or even certain organs for that matter overpower and kill people, or do anything for that matter? It just looks so bad, what the hell is that thing? Duane describes it as looking like “a squashed octopus” that takes a little imagination but it’s a start.

Maybe this is a dark comedy but if it is I think it missed some opportunities. The idea that I’m supposed to take any of the non humorous moments as serious is a stretch. This is some kind of weird shlocky mish mash of horror and comedy that has it’s high and low points, not too bad but nothing I ever wanna see again.

And below we have pic of Belial in all his glory.

Were taking a trip back to Roger Corman’s film school with this one. Known as the King of B-movies, Roger Corman has directed and produced countless B-movies (good and bad) on shoestring budgets for many years and has also trained some of Hollywood’s best along the way. Everyone from Francis Ford Coppola to Martin Scorsese started out working for Corman and today’s film is no exception as features the talents of who else but Jame Cameron. Yes, James Cameron worked on Galaxy of Terror as both a production designer and second unit director, but even with all his technical prowess not even he could save this film forever lost in space.

Cameron’s clearly done his part here as the film looks great with some cheesy but amusing effects, the problem here is the story or lack thereof. I think it’s pretty clear that this film is just a ripoff of Ridley Scott’s Alien and while they did a good job of putting together some atmospheric sets they should of put more of that effort into crafting an interesting and unique story, ya know something that doesn’t suck. The cast is made up of all sorts of cult b-movie stars including; Sid Haig, Robert Englund in a rare non villain role, and Taaffe O’Connell in her career defining role as a technical officer who gets raped by a giant space worm. Additional cast includes Edward Albert (son of Eddie Albert from Green Acres) and Ray Walston (My Favorite Martian, Fast Times at Ridgemont High). All these actors and a few more makeup the members of a spaceship crew who “accidentally” crash land on the gritty planet Morganthus.

What kind of shit goes down on Morganthus? Mostly a bunch of wandering around to moody synth music. This I don’t mind too much, it does build suspense but it always seems to fizzle out when the film tries to show off it’s underwhelming alien antagonists. The poster shows some kind of Skeleton-faced dragon thing but I don’t recall anything like that in the film. I thought I might of once but for the most part you never really get a very good look at any of the alien puppets. The only ones we do get a good look at are these shitty little worm puppets that make really stupid cartoon noises. Oh yeah and some of the aliens can shape shift into various things like people and um glass, hmm. These aliens are far from the worst I’ve seen in a b-movie but when everything else looks so good it really takes me out of the movie.

So crew members get picked off one by one until we finally discover (Spoiler) that Ray Walston is this guy called “The Master” with a glowing red head and that this planet (specifically this one magic pyramid on the planet) is a training ground to test and control fear, which is totally stupid. So Edward Albert (sporting a very Burt Reynolds mustache) shoots him with lasers but then he becomes “The Master”? Wow this is so dumb, they couldn’t of just made it a straightforward sci-fi with a competent plot?

Another thing I have to address before finishing up is the “Alien Worm Rape Scene” which is perhaps the most controversial part of this movie. It’s basically exactly what it sounds like but I don’t see what makes it so taboo. I’ve definitely seen much worse on camera, in a sick twisted kind of way the scene is even humorous, has mankind just become more desensitized? As silly as all this is, it’s still probably one of the better films I saw for this list. It’s definitely (at least in my mind) one of the more forgettable Corman produced flicks but it still has a sliver of worth. This is the kind of movie you watch with all your friends at 2:00am, crack jokes, sit back, and have really dumb fun.

And here we have the memorable death of Sid Haig’s character, awesome?

A film that Roger Ebert once memorably called “A vile bag of garbage” there’s nothing funny about the sadistic exploitative pile that is I Spit on Your Grave. Showing rape is always a controversial move in any kind of film but I think it can be justified if done with artistic integrity, this on the other hand is just sick. I think you can tell I’m offended considering that I’m acting Sto (intentional typo) serious right now. This film has divided horror fans for years but to anyone who actually likes this film all I can say is “You are fucked up.”

I Spit on You Grave is probably the most infamous of the nasty “revenge/rape” sub-genre that somehow materialized out of the late 70s, mostly because of this film. In this case it’s a young woman named Jennifer (Camille Keaton, the grand-niece of Buster Keaton) who travels out to a cabin in the woods to work on her novel but instead gets humiliated and raped by a gang of blue collar bozos. I don’t know what Director/Writer (yeah right) Meir Zarchi (who was later married to his rape star Keaton, eww) was trying to accomplish, but if this is supposed to be some artistic statement then it’s been long lost in a sea of senseless violence. This may as well be a porno with all the sex scenes but it’s even lower on the food chain considering how cruel and disgusting a film it is. Even when the main character gets her murderous revenge on the men it’s in such a demeaning way, engaging in sex with them again to get her grizzly vengeance.

I have trouble putting it into words so I recommend you just check this link to this old Roger Ebert review, he sums up this sadistic shlock just right.
Ebert’s Review

And you can believe this film has already been remade! See you next time for hopefully a more uplifting review.

I’ve learned a many a useless fact from watching all these bad movies but one that never fails to amaze me is whenever I discover a new horror sub-genre. For instance, the film in question is apparently categorized under the quite appropriate sub-genre of “Melt Movies” which is exactly what it sounds like. Can you think of many movies where human bodies melt into a big goopy mess? Me neither, but apparently there’s enough to have a genre and along with the 1987 film Street Trash this is one of the more notable films of that slimy variety.

The film begins with Steve West (Alex Reber), an astronaut on a deep space mission who upon his return is severely affected by radiation and slowly begins to turn into a murderous mass of oozing flesh. Why does Steve start murdering people? That’s a good question and yet it’s never explained. Steve wakes up in the hospital to find himself horribly deformed and all melty but instead of handling the situation like any normal person would he decides he’s gonna go on a killing spree. The idea that audiences are supposed to accept this is absolutely insane. Doesn’t Steve wanna know if he can get better with ya know, skin grafts or something? Doesn’t he care about his own well being? Apparently not, because being ugly makes him mad and being mad makes Steve want to kill!

This whole “melting murdering man” thing also begs the question “How can someone who’s literally falling apart overpower anyone?” This guy just got out of the hospital and he’s strangling people, scaring kids, and terrorizing the elderly? Why and How? I DON’T KNOW it doesn’t make sense! And this spree of sorts is in the first seven minutes! But what’s almost the most infuriating is we really don’t know anything about Steve. We don’t know what he’s feeling, we don’t know his pain, we don’t know anything, so why should we care?

Even though The Incredible Melting Man is a logical nightmare there is one diamond in the rough in Rick Baker. Yes Rick Baker, the seven time Oscar winning makeup effects artist famous for such classics as Star Wars and An American Werewolf in London doing the makeup for the Steve “The Melting Man” West. It’s a phenomenal job too, so much so that I eventually found myself skipping through all the boring government/scientist people shit to all the scenes where we really get to see Steve sweatin’ off his skin, M’FN killer!

Though as amazing as the effects are they can’t alone save this movie. When you get down to it The Incredibly Melting Man is a real bore with stale characters and a mess of a story, yes a real sticky, messy, failure pile that no one should ever have to deal with, EVER!

Skip ahead to about the 5:20 mark if you wanna see the Melting Man’s first scene, followed by the greatest reaction to a monster ever captured on film.

My progression from 16 bit games to 64 or whatever Playstation may of been was a slow progression. It wasn’t until 1998 when I even saw an actual playstation. One of my sister’s friends had let us borrow it for who knows what reason and left two games, Final Fantasy VII and Resident Evil 2. I had a blast playing FFVII but the other one I just couldn’t. Going from years of playing Sega Genesis to playing RE2? Not only was it a leap in virtually every aspect of gaming I could think of, but it was also the most terrifying game I’d ever seen. A few years later my family actually bought a Playstation, so I got to revisit RE2 but could never play it for more than about fifteen minutes. The game was such an attack on the senses with it’s grisly images and atmospheric soundtrack, those games didn’t lie when that opening text would come up, “This game contains scenes of explicit violence and gore.” Yes those are the things that nightmares are made of and I’ve been a fan ever since.

Resident Evil (1996)

I suppose I did play the second game first but as I previously stated I never could build up the nerves to get very far in my younger years. So I may of got this game later but probably beat it before RE2. So this is where it all started, but instead of simply telling you what it’s all about how about I show you with this “awesome” uncut video that opened the original game?

I swear that video just gets more and more awesome as time goes by. So once the STARS team enters the mansion you take control of either Jill or Chris investigating a mystery that continually gets more and more ridiculous. If you choose Jill you’ll get a gun, ammo and occasional help from Barry Burton who kind of looks like Cliff from Cheers, but if you play as Chris all you’ll start with is a knife because men are tough! Throughout the game you encounter both injured and brutally murdered members of the previous stars team, solve puzzles, and fight everything from zombies to giant sharks, spiders, mutants, and of course dogs. It’s chilling, it’s atmospheric, and a pitch perfect start to one of the gaming industries most enduring horror franchises.

Resident Evil 2 (1998)

Here we go, this is the shit. I have so many memories of trying to build up the courage to play through this and then eventually beating the shit out of it (by which I mean completing the game.) This game basically does what any good sequel does, it improves on previous downfalls and kicks up the excitement, suspense, and overall gameplay. The game is no longer set in a creepy mansion but the dark underbelly of Raccoon City. This time around you control Leon S. Kennedy (clearly modeled after the then very popular Leonardo DiCaprio) and Claire Redfield, looking for her brother Chris (from the first game) for some reason.

Most of the game is set inside the Raccoon City Police department where you then head into the sewers to some underground research facility, trying to escape from all the darn zombie madness. The main antagonist of the game is William Birkin a scientist for the Umbrella company (the guys that created the zombie virus) who has now created the G-virus which he has injected into himself in an attempt to protect his life’s work from special agents. This means Birkin is the majority of your boss battles as you fight him in all of his grotesque and increasingly complex stages throughout the game.

This may be one of the only games where I almost enjoy the cutscenes more than the actual game. Sure it’s cheesy as hell but the gore is great and the scares are inventive and effective. This may not be the best in the franchise in terms of fluid gameplay but many RE fans consider it the best just for it’s atmosphere. This is easily one of the best playstation games ever made and of course one of the best zombie games.

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis (1999)

Just when I thought the series couldn’t get any creepier Capcom hit back hard with Resident Evil 3: Nemesis. For the most part it’s fairly similar to RE2 with one big, nasty, exception and his name is Nemesis. Who is Nemesis? In my opinion he’s the most terrifying boss in any game ever. What makes him so scary? Well not only is he huge, hideous, and practically invincible but you’re practically running from him for the entire game. He can easily kill you in one hit at almost any given time and yet he also gets a rocket launcher, why not?

The game takes place simultaneously during the events of RE2 but this time you play as fan favorite Jill Valentine. Where the second games takes place under Raccoon City this one pits you right in the shit and I gotta tell ya, there’s nothing more satisfying then killing zombies in the big city. So why is RE2 better? Because as much I like the idea of Nemesis you just can’t play this game comfortably. There’s something a little disappointing about constantly running from such a difficult enemy and it kind of gives the game a disjointed rhythm.

Another new feature of RE3 is “Live Selection Mode” where the player must select between two possible actions that flash on the screen. Whatever you choose will affect what happens in the game and how it will all end, and of course it usually appears in high pressure moments, I like this feature. So it’s a little harder and Nemesis may annoy me a little but it’s still a great zombie game and a must play for survival horror fans.

Just to give you an idea of what Nemesis is like here’s a clip of a guy playing and actually beating Nemesis in his first encounter. Whatever, that’s not how you really play the game, it’s all about the chase!

Resident Evil Code: Veronica (2000)

Ah, one of the first games I owned for the Dreamcast, so many memories. The graphics were stylin’, the gameplay a little smoother, and the scares as good as ever. Though with the exception of 3D backgrounds apposed to pre-rendered ones this was essentially the same game we’d seen in the last two installments. I feel like it had more weapons (including dual wield pistols) but really it was just typical Resident Evil. For whatever reason I’ve never beat this one, probably do to the amount of new and stronger enemies (not mention it’s hella long) but I’ve gotten a lot farther in recent years so it’s only a matter of time.

In REC:V you take control of Claire Redfield (from RE2) who is looking for her brother Chris AGAIN (Why is he always missing?) and is arrested in her search at an Umbrella research facility. So she’s taken to and imprisoned on Rockfort Island a contaminated island controlled by an arrogant commander named Alfred Ashford. I’d go on but I feel like since I’ve never gotten far enough to know what it’s all about then what’s the point?

So I can take the difficulty, I mean the last one was kind of hard but I do have one big beef with Code: Veronica it ruined the story! Not that the story to Resident Evil was ever that good but the cutscenes to this game are just over the top. The characters are more cartoonish then ever and the fact that they brought back the seemingly normal Wesker (a S.T.A.R.S member who double crossed you in the first game) and made him some kind of inhuman karate master? What the hell is going on here? This is basically the game that marked the series’ departure from just cops killing zombies to stupid conspiracies and ridiculous characters obsessed with world domination. But hey, even with all that it’s enjoyable and really showed off the capabilities of the Dreamcast.

Resident Evil (2002)

It had only been about six years since the firs game when Capcom decided to join the remake bandwagon in a move that no one really cared about. I don’t mind when games get remade so whatever, of course I’d give it a whirl and there are some nice features in the remake but also some annoying new details. So the story is the same, characters, enemies the same (mostly), blah, blah, probably the first big difference is the look of the game. These graphics blow my mind even to this day, I even remember thinking back then that graphics couldn’t possibly ever get better than this. It had a very creepy photorealistic feel to it and is probably still one of the best looking games that was ever made for the Gamecube.

I also enjoy that the remake toned down some of the cheese factor in the cutscenes, it’s just too bad that corniness would return in later games. So it’s basically the look of the newer RE games with most of the feel of the old ones. One problem I have it that the zombies in this game are too hard too kill! Think about the recent RE games and how you just mow down enemies and then imagine if each and every zombie in itself was a big struggle. All the zombies in this game not only take way too many shots to take down but then you have to find gas and fire to burn the body so that they won’t come back as a super zombies. Sometimes I’d just try and avoid the zombies altogether seeing as how little ammo you get. I suppose in a way this is the epitome of survival horror, but it was a little too hard for my comfort zone back then and I haven’t played it since.
My brother tells me that you get used to it after awhile and that in the end it’s a respectable re-imagining. I suppose it needed to be different in some ways I just wish they weren’t aspects that drew attention to the fact that I suck.

Resident Evil Zero (2002)

Though released in the same year as the RE remake RE0 is completely different game. It wasn’t just a quick cash out game either, it was in development for a longtime. Why I remember reading about in 2000 when it was being developed for the N64, there were screenshots and everything. Though you know how complicated things can get in the gaming world so it was saved for the Gamecube which was a smart move. Go and look up some pictures of this game for the N64 and then some compare it to the Gamecube and I think you’ll find there’s really no contest. REO looked amazing on Gamecube and in addition it was a lot of fun.

If you don’t already know or haven’t already guessed, RE0 is a prequel to the first game. Remember how in the first game your team was only sent in to the zombie mansion because the first team disappeared? Now you get to play as Rebecca Chambers, one of the members of the first team. You encounter Rebecca a handful of times in RE1 but this game is set a few hours before until it eventually intertwines. Along with Rebecca you’re partnered with Billy a hot tempered escaped convict that you get to switch off with. This leads to one of the new features of RE0 “Partner Zapping” where you can switch off between the two characters even if they are not together, it’s a unique feature but naturally I longed for it to just be two player. So that has it’s ups and downs but what really annoys me is the fact that they got rid of item boxes in this game. I guess they figured two characters worth of inventory space was enough but constantly I find myself dropping things only to go back and pick them up later.

Eventually this partner zapping stuff just got to me and I couldn’t keep playing it. It was just too annoying to go back and forth, back and forth and I never finished the game. It’s definitely more accessible than the remake but it’s still a little too unusual to be considered anything more than just average.

Resident Evil 4 (2005)

Though the series continued to keep fans mildly content with a new game every few years the franchise hadn’t been doing much to attract any new fans and was even in danger of growing stale with it’s predictable gameplay. So RE4 was the game that wasn’t just a breath of fresh air for RE fans but for all fans of horror themed games. It had good controls, great graphics, solid gameplay, and great scares with the series new threat “Las Plagas”.

Leon from RE2 returns as a special agent for the U.S. government on a mission to rescue the president’s daughter. Leon’s search eventually leads him a European village that appears to be somewhere in Spain and is infected with a some kind of virus called “Plagas”. This makes the enemies faster, smarter, and sometimes when you shoot them in the head big squiggly wigglies pop out. It turns out this all some scheme concocted by Osmund Saddler leader of the cult Los Illuminados. I guess they’re going to infect the president’s daughter and like send her back and infect people? Actually it’s probably one of the more basic RE storylines, but that doesn’t stop it from being cheesy. I’ve learned to deal with the fact that this series has now moved on from zombies and gotten pretty silly with ridiculous characters and plot-lines, this is probably because the gameplay is just so good it’s like who cares?

RE4 only vaguely resembles the same kind of gameplay featured in the original games opting for more action but it still has the same eerie atmosphere and for that it’s may be the most entertaining game in the franchise yet.

Resident Evil 5 (2009)

I’ve been kind of in and out of video games these days, though a sure fire way to draw me in will always be nostalgia. This game had that nostalgic effect on me in two ways; 1. It seemed like it had been an eternity since I’d played a new RE and 2. It had been awhile since I’d played a good multiplayer game. Growing up with a younger brother I very rarely played one player games “back in the day”, we were always looking for solid two player games cause ya know, sharing is caring. So it was a rare treat for me and Paul to join forces once again and play through a whole game together, a Resident Evil game at that. In an age where online gameplay reigns supreme it’s a nice change of pace to actually play with someone who is in the same room as you.

I reviewed this awhile back on the blog so I’ll be brief. So you play as Chris Redfield and his partner Sheva Alomar and they gotta go to Africa cause everyone is infected with a virus yadda, yadda Wesker shows up and is stupider than ever with his plot to destroy mankind and show off his Matrix powers. Aside from that this game has some exhilarating two player gameplay (the only way to play it as far as I’m concerned), slick graphics, good blah, blah, it’s awesome!

Seeing as I’m crapping out at the end here as I usually do on long posts, let me just say this has been one of my favorite game franchises and even though I am a very casual gamer these days I’ll probably always keep on eye on this scary little series.

Thirty-four years ago there was a man with a dream. A man who just wanted to tell a story about a bed, a bed that eats people. Tragically director George Barry simply flew too close to the sun for the film Death Bed the Bed That Eats was lost for many years. Eventually the film was rediscovered in the early 2000s and released on dvd in 2003. Since then it has achieved cult status thanks to word of mouth from fans and from a classic bit by comedian Patton Oswalt, this is some serious shit.

What can one really imagine after hearing a title like “Death Bed”? First of all you’ll probably think, “There’s no way in hell that’s actually a movie.” Once this barrier has been broken down you’d probably assume it’s just a really bad monster/slasher kind of movie, but then you’d only be half right. Death Bed is no more a movie than an avant garde experiment. It’s kind of like the ultimate bad student art film in that it tries to be deep with perhaps the worst premise ever conceived by man. Death Bed is closer to being a documentary than your typical b-horror movie which lets it inhabit this bizarre mid-ground between two genres.

The film details the narrated history of the death bed through the use of out of sequence events from different points in time. We see it kill people in the past and present while learning of it’s unspeakable evil from a man trapped behind a painting in the same room as the bed? Yes this man or ghost or whatever tells the story of the death bed and all it’s victims (including himself) in some sort of extra dimensional limbo but can also communicate to individuals when the bed sleeps… Yeah that’s right when the bed sleeps. What we learn from this man is that the death bed was once a demon, but wait the demon was also once a tree. So the tree demon became a wind demon and then fell in love with a woman he blew past. The demon then became a human demon and made a bed. The demon-man made love to the woman on the bed but she died which then made the demon-man’s eyes bleed onto the bed and it became possessed, did you get all that?

So being that a bed is an immobile antagonist all the scenes must depict events that have taken place near, around, or in the bed. I assume the heavy narration is due to the low budget as most of the actual dialogue is clearly dubbed but they needed something to make the film at least semi-comprehensible. So the only entertainment value in this film comes from the death bed’s kills. How does one get killed by a death bed? Well you see the death bed secretes a kind of stomach acid that sucks people down inside and then digests them. This has some great comic value as various people die and are injured in an overly comedic fashion, including a man who has his hand’s turned into skeleton hands.

This is another film that could of been a great comedy but instead took itself far too serious. If you want to see a good “bed death”, you should probably check out Nightmare on Elm Street because this one will really put you to sleep.

Skip ahead to about the 3:50 mark to see one of the death bed’s finest moments.

Just something I was thinking about. I’ll be brief, because these songs sure are… Less than 90 seconds to be exact.

You’ve got to admit, this song moves.

This is what it would be like if the Stone Roses were more like Simon and Garfunkel. I wanted to include a Bob Dylan song, but I couldn’t find a YouTube of the one I was looking for, so… substitution.

An auspicious start to what is probably their best album.

What a way to end an album. Demon heads!

This is the first time in my life I wished “Fell in Love with a Girl” was shorter.

Sorry about posting Tommy spoilers. It’s not even Whovember yet.

Hurr durr herp derp Coldplay.

This song is featured in both The Life Aquatic and one of the Futurama movies.

The original hidden track? I very much doubt it. But it’s fun to wildly speculate.

In conclusion, 90 seconds was a pretty arbitrary limit that stopped me from listing many great songs that are shorter than two minutes. I guess the lesson here is you don’t have to spend a lot of time to make something great.

Ever since Hitchcock’s The Birds there’s been no shortage of killer animal movies just about every year. This fascination with creepy critters seemed to culminate in the 70s when these films were a dime a dozen. You had films like; Frogs, Kingdom of the Spiders, Grizzly, Squirm, Day of the Animals, Empire of the Ants, Dracula’s Dog that came out like clockwork, but Night of the Lepus, there was something special about that one. Sure most of these films were stupid, but at least the animals featured in most of them had some potential to be deadly. Ants, spiders, bears, hell even some frogs can secrete toxins, but rabbits? Cute, cuddly, innocent, little rabbits? The fact that anyone thought an audience would be afraid of rabbits boggles the mind but really you can’t believe it till you see it.

So the setup is that thousands of rabbits have invaded a southwestern town after all their natural predators (coyotes) were somehow eliminated. So this rancher (Rory Calhoun) wants a very seventies looking Deforest “Bones” Kelley playing a college president to find a way to thin the rabbit population along with two other researchers (Stuart Whitman and Janet Leigh.) So they experiment with a test rabbit, a little girl falls in love with it, the rabbit escapes and the next thing you know there’s giant killer rabbits I guess. What’s a surprise about all this is the first half of the film actually seems pretty competent. This film follows a ridiculous premise yes, but the acting is good and the campiness is kept to a minimum. Then you have the reveal of the giant rabbits and all hope is lost.

It’s the fact that this film takes itself so seriously that hampers it the most. This solemn tone works okay in the first half but by the time the giant rabbits show up it’s embarrassing. Maybe it could have passed it the rabbits were even remotely scary but they’re just regular rabbits that only look big due to some not so impressive camera techniques. The rabbits rarely seem to interact with the other actors on screen, rather we only see them constantly running towards the camera in slow motion. So from their reveal to their fateful demise (they eventually get electrocuted on some train tracks) this is a total suck fest, oh yes and of course it ends on an ambiguous note. “Some of them survived?” ugh, that’s all folks.

Here’s a rabbit attack clip, it’s a little fuzzy but it’s there in all it’s glory.

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if they turned the movie version of The Road into a video game? It might be a little like Resistance 3. Except with way more aliens. Taking place some time after Resistance 2 (it’s hard to tell how much, since I never played the first two games) the world of this game is pretty bleak. Before WWII could start, a strange infection spread from a meteor, infecting people and turning them into alien monsters called chimera. So, when the aliens invaded with their futuristic technology, they simply could not be beaten. There’s numbers kept growing while humanity died off. Now the aliens are freezing the planet so that more of them can move in via wormhole. The few people that are left have a cure for the chimera virus, but there are so few of them. And the world is dying.

Pretty bleak, eh? Sure, it’s not The Road but that’s pretty dour for a video game, if you ask me. Maybe more like The Walking Dead or The Mist. And it gets worse. You play as Joseph Capelli, the guy who apparently mercy killed the hero from the first two games. As a result, he was dishonorably discharged and is hated the world over. He carved out a little life in a small town with his wife and child, but even that is taken away when a scientist comes to town, with the chimera in hot pursuit. Joseph’s family is forced to flee and Joseph has to leave them to accompany the scientist to New York, a certainly futile pursuit at stopping the chimera invasion. Along the way they’ll have to avoid massive chimera and bands of humans, because, as we all know about apocalyptic futures, the real enemy is always man.

A lot of Resistance 3 feels like it was designed in 2005. Joseph is very talkative in cinematics, clearly an opinionated dude. But during gameplay, he’s totally silent. Which is weird because people are always talking to him. They even ask questions, and Joseph doesn’t say a word. This problem is compounded in coop, when Joseph has a constant companion named John who no one ever acknowledges. What did John do that the whole world would give him the cold shoulder? Look Insomniac, you have a good story with quality characters. Don’t turn them off during gameplay! That’s supposed to be the best part!

Combat is a bit of a throwback too. The game uses health packs instead of regenerating health, which frankly felt weird for the first few minutes of combat, then stopped being a concern. Unlike most modern games, the guns are also perfectly fine when fired from the hip, which, once again, I’m fine with. It really helps that the game has a great variety of weapons and encourages you to use all of them. You get a bunch of guns, all of which you can hold at the same time, which level up by usage. So, for example, if you use that shotgun enough, its bullets turn into incendiary rounds. This gets really crazy with the alien guns, weapons that suck enemies into black holes and or cause them to puff up and explode. Insomniac has always had a knack for designing great weapons, and that’s probably the best part of this game.

Resistance 3‘s multiplayer suite is a step down from what Resistance 2 offered. Gone are the RPG-inspired 8 player coop missions that were, as far as I could tell, the best part of the last game. Instead there’s a very standard collection of modes that I’m sure you can already guess. The game also supports Move and 3D, which you probably guessed, since it was the game they used to market the PlayStation TV.

Resistance 3 looks great and has a story that’s pretty compelling, by first person shooter standards or otherwise. The impressive gun variety and pseudo-throwback gameplay really help it to stand out in a world of infinite Call of Duty clones. You have to admit, in a year where it seems that every single game has “3″ in the title, it’s nice that this game is fairly self-contained as well. I might not have played the first two games in the series, but that didn’t stop me from having a great time with Resistance 3.

While we all wait with bated breath for Nancy’s Moneyball review, I figured I might as well right something about the other movie everybody’s probably already seen by now. In 50/50, Adam, the proxy for screenwriter Will Reiser, finds out he has cancer in his back. He’s only 27 years old and seemingly quite healthy, so that’s a bit of a surprise. But so is this movie, which manages to find plenty of humor in what seems like entirely depressing material. Or perhaps the bigger surprise is that a movie that features Seth Rogen in a key supporting role can find a way to bring real tenderness and truth.

Adam’s a pretty sympathetic dude. He’s not getting any from his girlfriend, but he’s OK with that. He seems to be the one guy at the public radio station he works at that really takes the job seriously, spending hours working on a report on a volcano while Seth Rogen just busts out a story about the best burgers in Seattle. And then he’s got cancer on top of that. There’s not too much to this story, it simply follows Adam and the important people in his life as he deals with his disease. As we’ve all seen in Breaking Bad and other cancer stories, the disease affects more than just the person it inflicts. And so it is that we have to watch Adam’s girlfriend Rachael (Bryce Dallas Howard) struggle with the disease and his mom, Anjelica Huston, desperately try to become a bigger part of Adam’s life. Most significantly, Adam starts spending time with fresh-faced psychologist Katie (Anna Kendrick, playing the same part she seems to always play).

I referenced Breaking Bad because 50/50 does a few things that seemed very reminiscent of that show. When Adam gets the prognosis, the scene plays out very similarly to that part of the Breaking Bad pilot. Not that there’s really anything wrong with that, I just really like Breaking Bad and I’ll take any opportunity I can to write about it.

It’s inescapable that 50/50 is based on the real-life experiences of Will Reiser and Seth Rogen. I don’t know for certain what parts of this story are based on reality and what are invented, but I could guess. Seth Rogen, I’m guessing, is just playing himself, which is to say he is playing the same stoner slacker character he usually does. The movie has some scenes that were pretty raw. Some of them were done for the comedy, and they delivered hearty laughs that this year has been missing. Others are more emotional, and they’re surprisingly affecting. Particularly, a scene in the hospital had me choked up. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is really good here, perhaps good enough to warrant awards attention, if you care about that sort of thing.

But its probably the comedy that I’ll remember about 50/50. The scene trying to use cancer as a pick-up line. A great turn by Philip Baker Hall. That greyhound named Skeletor. There’s a lot to love. This is a pretty special movie.

Shadows of the Damned is an embarrassing game. It is a collaboration of two of the greatest game developers Japan has to offer, Suda51 (No More Heroes) and Shinji Mikami (Resident Evil). Despite that, or perhaps as a result of that, a significant proportion of Shadows of the Damned is dick jokes. Not really clever ones either. Stuff like your bone-shooting gun being called “the Boner.” That weapon gets upgraded twice. Its upgraded names? The Hot Boner and the Big Boner. Yeah, Shadows of the Damned isn’t exactly a title that makes you proud of how far gaming has come. But, if you’re willing to laugh at that kind of stupidity, you’ll find Shadows of the Damned a pretty entertaining ride.

The awesomely-named douchebag demon hunter Garcia Hotspur comes home one day to find his girlfriend Paula murdered/kidnapped by the creepy Lord of Demons, Flemming. Garcia follows Flemming into the underworld, hoping to save Paula. Along with him is his floating skull companion, Johnson (hur hur), who can transform into a torch, guns and even a motorcycle. It’s a weird game. Some aspects of the underworld are actually pretty disturbing, like the twisted backstories of each boss, which you get to read from giant storybooks. The game is helped out a lot by its strong voice cast, Garcia and Johnson actually do have some rapport. There not really likable, but that’s kind of beside the point. It’s not quite grindhouse, but it has those kinds of sensibilities.

Mechanically, Shadows of the Damned is akin to a quicker Resident Evil 4. Shooting feels pretty much the same, with the familiar over-the-shoulder lazer sight aiming in full effect. Johnson can turn into three guns, modeled after a pistol, a shotgun and a machine gun. They are each upgraded several times over the course of the story and can be further upgraded using in-game currency. The controls feel tight and faster than even Resident Evil 5. Add in some solid enemy variety and a few interesting boss fights and you got yourself some solid gameplay.

Shadows of the Damend really comes down to whether you like the way it’s written or not. If you can get into its world, characters and dialogue, it could rank among your favorite games of the year. For me, I found the overly-indulgent stupidity distracting. In one turret sequence, Garcia kept yelling “Taste my Big Boner.” You see, the Johnson had turned into the Big Boner, a massive gun, and Garcia was holding it at hip level, shooting demons. I get it, neither of the guys developing this had a track record of great storytelling, but come on. You can’t make the same dick jokes over and over for a whole game and expect me to laugh.

Okay here it is, I swear this is my final post about Alice Cooper. After this I don’t know why I’d ever need to write about him again. Frankly I don’t even want to write this post right now but I’ve always thought “Hey it would be fun to review this album around halloween huh?” I mean it is his best so it’s as good as way as any to end my string of posts on the King of Shock Rock. Billion Dollar Babies may have been the groups biggest commercial success but this is the album with the best tunes and the best feel for frightening subject matter.

After two failed albums this is the release that brought the group into the mainstream. A great deal of this is attributed to both the improved songwriting from the band (most notably guitarist/keyboardist Michael Bruce) and producer Bob Ezrin (Kiss, Pink Floyd) who would from here on become an integral part of the band’s sound. The Alice Cooper fan favorite “I’m Eighteen” was the breakout single of the album but alongside it were many tracks that were of equal quality. Songs like “Long Way to Go” and “Is It My Body?” are quick, no nonsense rockers that pack a punch both melodically and instrumentally while songs like “Black Juju” and “Ballad of Dwight Frye” (obvious nod to the horror actor) reveal more of the group’s dark experimental side. Love it to Death also holds a special place in my heart for containing my favorite Alice Cooper song “Caught in a Dream” a catchy Bruce penned rocker that opens the album and has made it onto many of my rock playlists, it’s like the classic that never was.

I hear Poon guitarist/vocalist Lesley Quartermaine was greatly inspired by this album while recording his last E.P. I caught up with him for a quick comment. Lesley said: “Man when that album came out everyone was all like freakin’ out ’cause they thought Alice was sticking his schlong out on the cover… I don’t remember anything else about that album.” In addition it was included on Rolling Stone Magazine’s 500 Greatest Albums list awhile back so if you’re looking for something good to listen to this halloween season then you got to check it out it’s freaky fun.

Favorite Tracks: “Caught in a Dream”, “Hallowed Be My Name”, “Is It My Body?”

The story behind this horrendous horror flick starts in 1966 when theater actor/fertilizer salesman Harold P. Warren made a bet with future oscar winning screenwriter Stirling Silliphant that he could make a successful independent horror movie. So he assembled a crew and cast of people and with little to no film experience made what’s probably one of the worst films ever to be seen by man. I’ll admit that the first twenty minutes are pretty funny but after awhile I found myself slowly slipping into a state of severe depression as the film got more and more out of hand.

Two years ago on this blog I picked this film as my number one least favorite horror film of all time. Since then I’ve probably seen a few films worse but this is still one helluva suckfest. Out of all the film’s I watched for this series this is maybe the worse in regards to the film’s technical aspects. The image quality is scratchy at best and the additional audio recording all seems to be a beat off. Its just hilarious how the score seems to hit all the wrong cues, they couldn’t of messed up any harder if they tried.

Briefly recapping the plot Manos: The Hands of Fate is about a a family of three (Harold P. Warren is the father) that take a road trip through Texas but end up becoming the victims of a Polygamous Pagan cult. The first cult member we are introduced to is Torgo (John Reynolds) a satyr-like servant of “The Master” who takes care of a house in the middle of nowhere. Torgo is easily my favorite character as he gets the most laughs for his many moments of creepy awkwardness while around the family. To play Torgo actor John Reynolds wore prosthetics to create the illusion of satyr legs. Unfortunately he wore them backwards while filming and caused permanent damage to his knees which led to an addiction to painkillers until his tragic suicide a month before the film’s premiere, damn that’s sad. Back to the movie it more or less descends into nonsense once we are introduced to the “Master” and his crazy cult and the family “Spolier Alert” eventually joins the cult as we are eventually left with the words “The End?” Yeah I’m serious, they just made all the right moves didn’t they? If you’re gonna check this one just check out the first 15 minutes, the rest is more or less the equivalent of going to hell.

Monster a-Go Go seems like one of those films where someone really wanted to make a quick buck by using the least amount of effort imaginable, including the overall lack of an idea. I’d imagine it was the monster craze of the 1960s that was responsible for even giving movies like this a chance. If you don’t know what I’m referring to I mean when things like Famous Monsters of Filmland Magazine and Aurora Models helped reignite interest in the monsters of the 1930s with the young baby boomer crowd. This resulted in monsters, monsters, everywhere! But with the strange exception that no one was making any GOOD monsters movies to capitalize on this renewed interest. Instead you had all these cheap ass, double feature drive-in disasters and this is one of them.

According to IMDb this movie is about “A space capsule crash-lands, and the astronaut aboard disappears. Is there a connection between the missing man and the monster roaming the area?” Hey, I’m still not sure. So the astronaut, Frank I believe his name was apparently transforms or is um, somehow replaced by an ugly thing that looks like Gene Siskel with a cup of acid thrown in his face. So the military tries to capture him, they eventually do capture him and then he escapes again. Oh yeah and were not shown any of this military involvement the narrator just tells us that’s what happened. Later we learn that the monster was just immitating Frank, but then were told it never even existed? What the hell is going on here!

Doing a little research (Wikipedia) I learned that the original filmmaker Bill Rebane ran out of money while making this film. So strangely enough Herschell Gordon Lewis (that gory horror director that Jason Bateman likes in Juno) finished the film so that he could have a second film to show with his own feature Moonshine Mountain in a double bill. To do this Lewis added extra scenes and some more dialogue that somehow only made the film worse and even more convoluted. This whole process took several years which is probably why half of the film’s cast disappears midway into the film.

In addition to a messy production, Monster A Go-Go has all the essential makings of a bad 60s horror movie; copious amounts of unnecessary narration, a terrible looking monster, and lots of pointless filler. How hard can it be to just make a good monster movie? Very hard in this case. I mean even in the worst monster movies there should be some camp value in looking at the goofy monster but you don’t even get that satisfaction. I can barely even remember seeing the monster more than once, the rest of the time you just hear the narrator describing what happened in a scene we never saw, I didn’t know you could make movies that way! His screen time is so ridiculously minimal it’s like they sat down and said, “Hey let’s make a monster movie without a monster.”But perhaps the greatest question of all… What the hell is a “Monster a Go-Go?”

Some movies are good, some are bad, and some are Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, if you can even consider that a movie. I mean the title sums it up just perfectly, this is a film where no one had any idea what they were doing. I.S.C.W.S.L.B.M.U.Z is a film that’s one part monster movie, one part musical, and all parts incredibly discomforting acid trip. This is a film where I imagine they took a few different “ideas” put them in a blender, drank them, vomited them up and then put them back in the blender. The confines of logic do not exist in this nightmarish experience and one can only be left with regret after seeing an abomination like this.

The premise is that of an evil gypsy that hypnotizes and turns people into zombies at some kind of carnival… I think. Interspersed with all of this are long sequences of painfully boring song-and-dance numbers that probably dominate more of the film’s running time then anything else. If the makers of this film set out to disturb and confuse moviegoers than they most definitely succeeded. Hmm, now I’m drawing a blank, suppose I did a good job of erasing this from mind already.

If you must witness this diarrhea nightmare I highly recommend you take the Mystery Science Theater 3000 route it will make it at least mildly tolerable, but whether the running time of this film was 82 minutes or 10 minutes, it would still feel like an eternity.

I’d post a picture or video but they’re all of such poor quality, so why even bother?

I’ve seen a lot of monsters but nothing quite matches the crappiness of this blob-like mess. Supposedly the makers of The Creeping Terror originally made a much better monster suit but it got stolen. So with little money to spend they assembled a creature so ridiculous that it’s now infamously known as the “Pile of Carpets” because that’s basically what it is. So what do you do when you have a monster movie with a terrible looking monster? Show it? How about non-stop? Hell yeah!

The premise is simple, a newlywed couple encounters a spaceship, a monster emerges, and therefore they must stop it! Though what’s really strange about all of this is that watching this movie is like watching some kind of educational instructional video. This is because it was a lot cheaper back in the day to film without sound so to make up for it the makers recorded a shitload of narration in post production. Now you’ve probably heard me complain about too much narration in past posts but this one takes the cake. Here we have scenes where characters are clearly talking but instead of being dubbed in, a narrator just takes care of all their dialogue. “Martin said to James blah blah, James thought it about for a minute.” it’s very unusual, almost like your listening to a book on tape but with images, and this is not a good read.

The narrator’s dialogue is so tiresome that I was almost ready to give up on this movie after a few minutes, but then the monster showed up, and man when he shows up does he show up. I can’t believe how bad this monster looks and that it actually manages to catch anyone is a miracle. They weren’t lying when they called this terror “Creeping” it’s so slow that the only way it can kill people is basically whenever someone is stupid enough to fall into it.

You can basically split this movie up into two parts; 1. Explaining why there’s a monster and what everyone thinks about it and 2. The never-ending monster attack. And the sounds this thing makes! “Urgh, bleh, Uhh!” it sounds like a guy throwing up and that’s just what this film is, a big ol’ pile of puke.

The Creeping Terror in action! Can you tell what’s going on here?

Best known as the iconic steel-toothed “Jaws” from the Bond films The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker Richard Kiel may be the most famous 7’2″ actor to ever grace the screen. An advantage that gave him countless roles as various thugs and monsters it will always be this particular film that will stand as his most infamous. The film is Eegah and it’s the harrowing tale of an eon old caveman that terrorizes teens in the California desert. It’s got a heartbreaking love story, suspense, action, even a little crooning, so it has something for everyone!

Our film begins when hip teen Roxy Miller (Marilyn Manning) is driving to a party through the California desert. Roxy stops by a gas station where were introduced to her fugly, geetar strummin’, sweetheart Tom (Arch Hall Jr. the director’s son.) Sadly Tom has to wait until his shift is over to go the party but he fondly passes the time by telling gas station customers about his swell girl Roxy “That’s my girl, her father is Robert I. Miller. You should see her swim, she lives up at the club!” I’m sure that customer was really impressed.

But we all know you shouldn’t drive through the desert at night because wuh oh! There’s giant cavemen living out there! Luckily or unluckily Roxy escapes from a caveman attack and hurries back to her sweetheart and father Robert I. Miller (Arch Hall Sr.) who writes “Adventure Books” whatever those are. So instead of reporting it to the police Richard I. Miller decides to head out the next day and look for the caveman because he writes adventure books. Heading out in his explorer gear (pith helmet included) Richard somehow stumbles upon the caveman and is knocked unconscious by being lightly pushed over into sand.

Meanwhile Tom serenades Roxy by a pool in a musical segment that would make the Everly Brothers vomit with rage. The song is called “Vicki” but I guess his girlfriend “ROXY” likes it anyway. After this painfully ear shattering ordeal Tom and Roxy go to find their father in the desert in Tom’s dune buggy. Though Tom is apparently “all about” this dune buggy as they spend about two to three minutes joyriding to 60s guitar music. This is where I first notice how much dialogue and sound in general must of been recorded much later because the additional sound rarely synchs up well and never matches the same room tone.

So time flies, they worry about the whereabouts of Richard, Tom sings another song about “Vitamins” and “Galleries” or something and then boom! Roxy is attacked by the caveman and taken back to his cave. This is where we really get to know Eegah the forever grumbling and bumbling giant who actually has a heart. Here we are as well reunited with a Richard. Dead bodies surround the walls of the cave which Richard has learned are Eegah’s relatives. How he knows this I have no idea as Eegah really can’t say anything but “Eegah!” Richard also says “Eegah” is his name cause that’s all he can say, kind of like a Pokemon. Oh yeah and Eegah has survived for centuries by drinking sulfur water. Wow, Richard sure learned a lot while being held captive by a caveman who doesn’t speak english.

Seeing how much time I’ve spent on the plot let me try and wrap this up. Basically it’s your typical “Teens terrorized by a monster” movie with lots of running, yelling, and pointless filler. Characters are incredibly stupid, they faint constantly, and never seem to have anything important or interesting to say. Eegah has it’s funny moments but the filler scenes just make me cringe. Fortunately there’s a very funny Mystery Science Theater 3000 that makes this film remotely watchable, check it and you’ll have a gay old time.

How appropriate that in midst of “Shocktober” a show like this premieres on television? The latest from Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk the creators of Nip/Tuck and ugh Glee have returned to FX with their latest off the wall series American Horror Story. Did I say off the wall? What I meant to say is that when it comes to shows like this there are no walls. I have mixed feelings about this A.D.D Amityville Horror-like series but if there’s one thing I know for sure I’ve never seen a show like this.

The premise is your average haunted house scenario; a family already with some tension brewing under the surface looking for a fresh start blah blah, haunted house. Connie Brtton of Friday Night Lights fame stars as Vivien Harmon a former concert cellist still trying to get over a tragic miscarriage and her husband’s unfaithfulness. AS Vivien’s cheating husband Ben you have The Practice’s Dylan McDermott, a psychiatrist who also sleepwalks. Along with their daughter Violet (Taissa Farmiga) the three purchase a moody house in Los Angeles with a dark past. By dark past I mean murder, murder, and some more murder which they are all told about by a series of unusual locals, the most notable being Jessica Lange as Constance an intrusive and almost sinister-like neighbor of the family.

What follows is typical fright fest fare with mysterious sounds, sights, and hallucinations but there’s nothing typical about the way this show is presented. AHS for one has some of the most erratic quick paced editing I’ve ever seen. I assume the effect here is to give the viewer a an unnerving and disjointed experience, a gimmick I like and don’t like it. Frenetic editing in scenes that are intended to be all out crazy are a thrill. You’ll most likely just be sitting there scratching your head and asking yourself “What the hell did I just see?” That’s fun, but in moderation in normal conversation scenes it’s just simply annoying. In a way you could say this show is trying too hard not just visually but also with pacing. I get the feeling that they don’t want anyone to ever be bored so they keep loading us up with crazy images and crazy sounds. What the crew behind AHS don’t seem to realize is that sometimes viewers need more of the slower moments to create a balance, that way it will strengthen the intensity of the more intense moments.

Story wise everything is simple enough though I can definitely see this as a show that has the potential to get needlessly complicated. The fact that Dylan McDermott sleepwalks and sees things could get a little out of hand but for now it’s fine. For the most part I enjoyed the story and the characters who are all ably performed by a talented cast. Connie Britton is perhaps the standout but one can’t deny that Jessica Lange is successful when it comes to dealing out the heebie jeebies. I liked the large assortment of oddballs and nutjobs that the family encountered and look forward to what other weirdos will show up.

If the folks behind AHS really want ensure the success of this show I’d recommend they slow things down a little, though I doubt that will happen. It’s hard to see how a haunted house show will continually stay fresh or plausible. Already I’m wondering “Why don’t they just live somewhere else this place is insane!” But if they keep things under control it could work. I don’t know how much longer I’ll keep with this show considering how annoyed I am by the overuse of flashy visuals, that’s either one of those I’m going to get used to or not get used to. American Horror Story is a somewhat fun addition to FX’ already diverse lineup and though I didn’t love it I liked that it was different and I’ll probably check it out at least a few more times.

Another crappy classic I reviewed many full moons ago, let’s revisit the heart pounding thriller that is The Beast of Yucca Flats. This frightful Tor Johnson vehicle stars Tor as famous soviet scientist (yeah right) Joseph Javorsky who has just arrived in Yucca Flats, Nevada only to be ambushed by KGB assassins. Fleeing into the desert Javorsky accidentally wanders on to a nuclear test site, don’t you hate it when that happens? This results in Javorsky turning into a mad atomic beast who seems to have a lot of trouble breathing and walking while terrorizing people near and around the desert.

This low budget and infamously terrible Coleman Francis flick even manages to top Ed Wood from time to time with plot holes as big as the grand canyon. Filmed without sound the film makes heavy use of narration. The only thing is that the narrator never tells us anything we can’t already figure out. The film is so mind numbingly simple yet still contains some huge errors. For instance our protagonists which are two cops set out after the beast with virtually no leads. They don’t know what it looks like (leading to a hilarious scene where they shoot a civilian with a rifle from a plane) they don’t know where they are going and how do they even know it’s a “Beast”? No one has any evidence in the film that the killer is not human they just automatically assume it’s a monster. I never seen characters that were so willing to believe in monsters based on absolutely nothing.

Francis was well known for his less than stellar productions of the 50s and 60s but this one tops the cake. Really it was more or less an excuse to put the intimidating Tor Johnson into the role of a monster to make a few bucks, but Tor really doesn’t do much of anything here. He was severely overweight and could barely move, it’s like watching a dying sloth. A much more accurate title for this movie would of been “Revenge of the Slow Fat Guy with Breathing Problems.”

Gaze your eyes at the most terrifying monster of all time!

Every single day, everyone at Mildly Pleased uses an Apple product. Personally, I spend most of my day with Apple products, between all the work I do on my iMac and all the procrastinating I do with my iPhone. Steve Jobs has been the face of Apple for so long it’s easy to think of him as the man responsible for all that they’ve accomplished. That would be forgetting all the hard work that plenty of others put into each product they’ve launched, but it shows how prolific an individual he was.

I first took notice of Apple when Mac OS X came out. Before that, they were just the weird alternative computers that I saw in schools and the occasional household. But Mac OS X struck me for its UI. After years of looking at bland, grey desktops, Apple Aqua theme was amazing. It was so colorful and clean. That was enough to get me interested in Macs, and I started altering my Windows machine to emulate the Macintosh interface. Windows XP was a big step forward for Microsoft and a revolutionary OS in its own right, but we’ve had two versions of Windows since then. Apple is still iterating on OS X.

I never liked portable CD players. I tended to buy ones with skipping problems, or maybe I was just an irresponsible portable CD player owner. By junior high, most of the music I was listening to was on my computer, thanks to the magic of ripping CDs and the brief revolution of Napster. I was too lazy to burn CDs most of the time, so music was not that big a part of my life. Worse, I was stuck using the clunky Windows Media Player or the so-flexible-it-was-intimidating WinAmp for my musical needs. Then, and I clearly remember this day in 2003, Apple finally released iTunes for Windows. Obviously this was the logical, money-making move, but I thought it an extraordinary gift. What benevolence from them, to give me access to this amazing musical store and resource-hogging application! iTunes has been my only media player since. I bought my first song, “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” in March of 2004 using a Pepsi bottle cap. I haven’t bought a CD, aside from a souvenir in Japan, since. I got an iPod, a used third generation model, for Christmas. At the time, it was the coolest thing I owned, even though people were walking around with the cool color-screened fourth generation ones already. That iPod I have replaced three times, but it is still used by the family.

It was my birthday and a schoolday when my family gifted me my first Mac. A PowerBook G4, a real beauty. They gave it to me in the morning and I barely got to use it before I had to leave to go miss the bus. I waited all day for the chance to go home and play with my laptop again. At the time, I already had my own computer, a PC my dad had helped me build that was superior to my PowerBook in every way, from a technical standpoint. But instantly my Mac became my default machine. I used it every day up until my birthday in 2008, when I got my second Mac, the iMac I am writing this post on. That PowerBook has been used well beyond reason, but I can’t let it go. If it were a PC, I’m sure I’d have disposed of it long ago.

My first iPhone, now Nancy’s phone, was the most amazing thing. Imagine, a device that could deliver to me all the world’s information. That could connect me with anyone I was looking for. “There’s an app for that” might sound a little contrived to us now, but if you think of it, it’s pretty extraordinary. I walk around with technology today that would have seemed outlandish by science fiction standards just a few years ago. Time and time again, Apple has amazed me with the products they put out. I balked at the iPad, but like it or not, it’s changing the face of computers. I wouldn’t have predicted that, but Steve Jobs did.

That’s the insight and leadership the world will be missing today. Because you simply cannot deny his track record. After starting Pixar and returning to Apple, Steve Jobs led the company to Mac OS X, the iPod, iTunes, iPhone and the iPad. He turned dreams into reality. He was one of the most involved and beloved CEOs of all time. And he’ll be missed.

I don’t know how this film became the poster child for all bad movies but it certainly is a doozy. Ed Wood’s grand opus of sci-fi shlock has has somehow become a cult phenomenon in the last thirty years and is now considered required viewing for any fan of the strange or absurd. Who is to say what makes this film the grand campy classic that it is? Is it the cheap special effects? Is it the corny performances? Is it all of the above? Yes and more because this may possibly be the best worst movie ever made.

Let’s start with that tile “Plan 9 from Outer Space” great sci-fi title though I would of been just as amused with Wood’s original title “Grave Robbers from Outer Space”. The premise isn’t actually that bad but it’s handled with such incompetence, possibly due to the low budget or hasty production or maybe the fact that campy was all Ed Wood knew. So the humans are developing Solaranite (a sun-powered bomb) and in an effort to stop them aliens have decided to resurrect the dead because as well all know nuclear weapons are no match for zombies. This is the best plan a race of space traveling aliens could come up with? Not to mention this plan only creates about three zombies, yeah real threatening.

Aside from it’s convoluted plot Plan 9 is also infamous as Bela Lugosi’s last film, though I would hardly call silently wandering around a graveyard a performance. Of course star power can boost any low budget flick but Ed probably included Bela even more so as a tribute to his fallen friend. Other Wood notables include Tor Johnson and Vampira, they may not do much but they sure look cool doing it. What I love about Plan 9 is that it isn’t as much a series of scenes progressing the story as it is a collection of many upon many mistakes. It has the worst continuity I’ve ever seen, bad performances, the worst sci-fi effects, people knocking over cardboard tomb stones, actors reading from the script and the list goes on! Who would of ever thought that this would become a hit so many years after it’s release? What does future hold for this film? As TV psychic Criswell memorably said in his opening introduction to the film “Future events such as these will affect you in the future.”

I do whatever I can to get into the Halloween spirit every October and that usually includes my own soundtrack. Mostly it comprises of horror movie soundtracks but I usually throw in a few rock bands that I believe embody the spooky spirit of the season and for some reason Black Sabbath has always felt like one of those bands. First I think it has to be that name “Black Sabbath” I feel like I’ve heard several different stories regarding the name but the most common/popular story seems to be that the band named themselves after the 1963 horror film of the same name starring Boris Karloff. Second has to be that iconic dark and sludgy sound that made Sabbath the now proclaimed “Kings of Heavy Metal”. This can partly be attributed to Tony Iommi’s low brooding guitar sound of course it’s miraculous that he became a guitar player at all considering he lost the tips of his middle and ring finger in an industrial accident, that’s some Saw shit right there.

Picking which Sabbath album to do isn’t much of chore when you have a record like Paranoid, Sabbath’s second album. Just look at the names of these songs; “War Pigs”, “Iron Man”, “Electric Funeral”, “Hand of Doom” this is some dark shit but man does it sound great. This is the kind of sound that any pot smoking, aspiring garage band of the day would of killed to have but there was only one Sabbath. Iommi’s riffs were some of the best of the early 70s and more people probably would of noticed if it hadn’t been for Jimi “M’FN” Page taking the hard rock spotlight in those days (that guy’s the shit.) Bill Ward and Geezer Butler are a classic hard rock rhythm section and Ozzy had a voice that just didn’t sound quite like anyone else. Not to mention this is a band that really knows how to play off each other, resulting in some gnarly headbangers. One of my favorite elements of Sabbath’s sound is how every song is built. There is almost always that slow droning part in the beginning that overtime launches into a faster rockin’ part, but it never goes on too long. Every song on this album is exactly as long as it needs to be and every note is perfectly in place.

The songs are some of the group’s best with the iconic “Iron Man” leading the pack as the group’s most defining tune. “War Pigs” is eight minutes of pure sludge rock bliss and “Paranoid”? It’s god damn Paranoid, it’s awesome! I can’t believe the group actually wrote that song in about 25 minutes after they were told the album needed a single, wow. “Planet Caravan” is great insight into the softer side of the group but it’s the heavy rockers that make this album memorable. If you’ve never heard it I highly recommend it. You don’t have to like heavy metal (I don’t consider myself a fan) but it’s rock and roll at it’s best and everybody likes to rock, especially when it’s “Rocktober!”

Favorite Tracks: “Hand of Doom”, “Paranoid”, “War Pigs”

“Those who hunt by night will tell you that wildest and most vicious of all animals is the tiny shrew.” I don’t think you could ask for a better introduction to one of the best films about giant, poisonous, rodents ever made.Thorne Sherman (James Best) and first mate Griswold (Judge Henry Depree) have sailed to a remote island to deliver supplies to a small research team. What kind of research team? There’s a drunk guy, a swedish woman who believes shrews are “The most horrible animal on the face of the earth” and this scientist that plans to eliminate world hunger by shrinking people. Yeah, he’s gonna make people smaller so they don’t have to eat as much, flawless logic.

With the report of an incoming hurricane Sherman is advised to stay on the island but we doesn’t know is that the island is also inhabited by somewhere between 200-300 giant shrews that weigh between 50-100lbs! I don’t know if somebody went out and counted or weighed them all, they just know. Somehow these shrews were accidentally created by the German professor’s experiments. I mean that makes perfect sense, he’s trying to shrink stuff so he ends up with giant shrews, I’m sold.

The bulk of the action (or lack thereof) in The Killer Shrews is expository dialogue about the science of the shrews. Did you know that killer shrews are “More poisonous than snakes” and that their appetite is so great that if you trapped two of them together one would eat the other? If that’s so then why are there 300 Killer shrews on the island? There’s only like five people and they’re pretty hard to get to so why so many shrews? And for a movie about shrews there sure are a lot of cast members that have trouble saying “shrew”. Both the German scientist and Swedish woman always sound like they’re saying “shoes”, “Watch out for the shoes!”

How does this film address it’s own gaping plot holes? Why with more plot holes of course. I mean who really wanted to write a second draft of The Killer Shrews? It’s either that or they felt like they’d immediately struck gold and didn’t feel the need to “polish” the story. One scene that comes to mind is when the swedish woman threatens our hero with a gun because he wants to go out in the woods with the shrews. If you’re so concerned about his well being than why are you pointing a gun at him? Oh and I’ve almost forgotten the crowning achievement of the whole film, the “giant shrews.” They’re dogs, clearly dogs dressed up in ridiculous costumes. They act like dogs, they perform like dogs and they’re hardly scary they’re actually kind of funny.

But you know what? This film was a joy to watch, parts of it anyway. So if you’re really drunk, or really bored, or really stupid, maybe you’ll enjoy watching these ravenous shoes.

This scene right here actually scared me. Look for the seamless blending between puppet and dog.

Have you ever seen a movie where you had no recollection of seeing it right after watching it? That’s what happened to me after watching The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy an incredibly dry b-movie from Mexico. I wasn’t lying when I said some of these were going to be shorter than others which means today is one of those lazy days.

The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy aka The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot aka La mom azteca el robot humano is about a scientist that builds a robot to steal an Aztec treasure from a tomb guarded by an ancient mummy. I know, that sounds awesome right? WRONG! This film is so, so boring and I made the mistake of watching it a year ago, so I’m sorry to say… I’ve practically forgotten everything. So why even review it? Well I couldn’t find a film quickly enough to replace it. Some of these I watch far in advance so later they can sometimes become painful, blurred memories.

The few things I can recall is the annoying amount of flashbacks detailing the Aztec’s rituals, annoying narration/poor additional audio recording and the fact the mummy in this film looks SO BAD. So I’m gonna call it here but don’t worry I got a good one tomorrow.

Here’s a fear-tastic trailer of today’s film!

Have I outgrown the Red Hot Chili Peppers, or have they just failed to outgrow themselves?  That’s really the question I keep asking myself when I listen to this album, and it’s probably a little bit of both.  I really just haven’t gotten much joy out of listening to the latest release from the Chili Peppers, which sucks since you know, they’ve usually been the kind of band that you could always rely on for a good time.

Of course the biggest difference between I’m With You and the last three RHCP albums is that it doesn’t feature the melodic guitar work and soaring back-up vocals of John Frusciante.  In his place is…some guy, I’m not gonna go to the trouble of looking up his name, but the point is that he’s not John Frusciante.  Sure, he’s got the chops to hang with such accomplished musicians as Flea and Chad Smith, but he just doesn’t have any of the heart and soul that Frusciante had.  Then again, maybe this album would’ve been just as middling had Frusciante stayed with the band, since the album features a lot of the same mid-tempo jam-like material that the Chili Peppers were throwing down when he was in the band.

Still, one thing about I’m With You is that it does features some of those moments where the Chili’s just bust into some anthemic chorus, like on “Brendan’s Death Song” or “The Adventures Of Rain Dance Maggie”.  Those moments are nice, and remind you of why these guys have stayed popular for so long, but there’s just way too many tired punk-funk jams which aren’t being done any favors by Anthony Keidis’s reliably ridiculous lyrics.

Unlike most music snobs, I have a special place in my heart for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, since they were really the only band I can remember liking from elementary school all the way up until high school.  But sorry guys, maybe it’s about time you hang up the tube socks and call it a day.

Favorite Tracks: “Monarchy Of Roses”, “Brendan’s Death Song”, “The Adventures Of Rain Dance Maggie”

Sorry to interrupt Shlocktober at such an early state, but there’s a couple of posts I need to get out of the way.

So far this year, there’ve been quite a few releases from bands that I’ve really liked in the past, but it seems like most of them have been at least a little disappointing.  So it’s nice that SF band Girls has put out a darker and weirder, but nonetheless satisfying follow-up to their 2009 debut, one of my favorite albums of that year.

In this day and age, nostalgia can get you pretty far just as long as you know how to milk it in all the right ways.  Girls is a great example of this, as their music is pretty firmly entrenched in the poppy sounds of the sixties and seventies.  However, this time around they don’t just limit themselves to the sunshine surf rock of their first album, although that sound is certainly apparent in the bouncy optimism of “Honey Bunny”.  But on Father, Son, Holy Ghost, there’s a surprisingly grandiose quality to the Sabbath-like riffage on “Die”, or “Vomit”, which kind of reminds me of Pink Floyd’s more arena-bound material.

Really, there is no one defining sound on Father, Son, Holy Ghost, and though I guess that kind of inconsistency might be off-putting to some, I think that’s what makes it a really fun album.  Plus through all the different mood swings you’ve got the always welcome presence of singer/songwriter Chrisopher Owens.  He’s really one of the most endearing indie frontmen I can think of, since his voice has this very soft and vulnerable sound to it and he never seems afraid to bear his soul, which makes it that much easier to get caught up in the joy as well as the sorrow of Girls’ music.

Favorite Tracks: “Honey Bunny”, “Saying I Love You”, “Love Like A River”

Here it is in all it’s glory the sci-fi triumph of the silver screen Robot Monster! If you’ve ever read my past Shocktober entries then you may of remember that I reviewed this a year or two ago, but let’s recap anyways. Robot Monster was one of many in the “Atomic Shit” as I like to call it, craze of the 1950s. Ya know movies about giant insects, radiation, alien invaders and whatever. It was a golden age for b-movies and from it we got some of the greatest, some of the worst, and some of the most memorable “so bad they are good” flicks like Robot Monster.

Written and directed by Phil Tucker who was only in his early 20s at the time, Robot Monster was shot on a minuscule budget in an outstandingly quick four day session. Even with the results I think that shows some great initiative and effort. I like to think that at least every film ever made at least deserves a half star just for the fact that it was finished, but enough of that, let’s get down to the shit.

The brilliant premise follows the evil alien “Ro-Man”, who I guess is also a robot, and his one man invasion of Earth. We pick up the story after Ro-Man has apparently killed all but eight people with his death ray. These eight people have somehow become immune to Ro-Man’s death ray and have therefore decided to fight back, even if it takes all the mighty stupidity they have at their disposal.

So that’s fine and dandy but I do have a few queries. First off, why is the supposed “Robot Monster” a guy in a gorilla costume with a space helmet? What is he the lost member of the Banana Splits? He’s supposed to be some fearless, emotionless, destroyer yet he’s a complete joke, not to mention how easily distracted he is by women. So you’re telling me this guy destroyed everyone else on Earth? Everyone in this movie is a complete moron yet they are all that’s left?

Adding to the already immense shit foundation this film is built on, the dialogue is juvenile and laughable in the saddest way and the flow of the film is always flat. On the other hand R.M has gained somewhat of a cult following for appearing on Mystery Science Theater 3000, so at least it has that going for it. I hope this didn’t annoy or sadden you too much cause we still got 30 days left.

I can’t believe it’s already that time of year again! Naturally part of me is excited but also a little overwhelmed at all the posts I’ll have to write to keep up with all 31 days of “Shocktober”. For those unfamiliar with this theme I’ll be reviewing 31 horror movies in 31 days, although this year has a special twist. This year I’ll be reviewing 31 bad horror movies, so in a way you could say it’s more like “Shlocktober”. I’ll still be doing a few other posts non-related to the bad movie theme but for the most part it’ll be 31 posts of me bitching and whining about putting myself through some real horror. I’ll be starting from the 50s (hard to find stuff as bad before this period) to modern day and review whatever crappy horror movies I’ve seen. The reviews will vary in length to long analysis’ to very short (possibly one sentence) summaries. So grab your pumpkin pail and put your masks on it’s time to celebrate Shocktober!

So last summer I was reading about all the Bond themes when I discovered that who else but the Alice Cooper Band recorded their own Bond song once. The year was 1973 and knowing that Man with the Golden Gun would be the next Bond film Cooper and his boys recorded a song called “Man with the Golden Gun” with the hope that they could get the attention of Bond producers. However the song never really took off as a single and the Bond producers instead opted a song written by Bond composer John Barry and sung by Scottish singer Lulu. So for fun I thought I’d compare both versions in videos I found that have each song set to the opening credits.

First I present the song by Lulu that the producers went with.

And now the version by the Alice Cooper Band.

Going with Lulu was probably the safe decision (whatever safe is supposed to mean) but I like Cooper’s version. Though seeing as I am a Cooper fan I suppose I’m somewhat biased. What do you think?

I don’t think there was ever really a moment where I thought this album would be any good. Just look at that cover it’s horrible! But I’m a big fan of Alice’s 1975 concept album Welcome to My Nightmare and when I heard he’d be reuniting with the original Alice Cooper Band and producer/composer Bob Ezrin (basically Alice Cooper’s George Martin) l I had to at least give it a little taste. I mean it’s getting close to October right? And what better way to bring in the Halloween season than with a review of the latest from the king of shock rock?

Usually when I review something as “bad and good” I like to call it a mixed bag. So just picture a bag of halloween candy, some of it will contain delicious fun sized candy bars but some of it will also contain candy that has razors wedged inside. Welcome 2 My Nightmare (Bad title by the way) is more like two or three good pieces of candy and then about a dozen razors.

What I didn’t discover until after downloading the album is that the Alice Cooper Band only plays on three songs. Damn it! I’ve been fucking duped! I thought this was going to be a full on reunion! It’s always been my opinion that the Alice Cooper Band is what made Alice Cooper even worth listening to, I mean it was those guys that wrote the music. Don’t get me wrong, Alice is a spectacular showman but he really isn’t much of a musician.

On to the album in question, W.2.M.N. opens with the song “I Am Made of You” a song that Alice has described as an “epic masterpiece” but I have a much more appropriate word for it “bad”. I can’t believe I’m actually listening to Alice Cooper sing a song using Auto-Tune. That kills it, I don’t even care to talk about the rest of the song. From here we move into more familiar territory with some pop rock on the song “Caffeine” a passable track. Afterwards we get one of those tracks that mostly exists to progress the concept (which is someone’s nightmare by the way) called “The Nightmare Returns”, mostly Alice and piano, it’s okay. I’d like to keep going on describing each track seeing that they there all so different, but let’s skip ahead to a song that I actually like. “I’ll Bite Your Face Off” features the Alice Cooper Band and actually sounds like it could of been one of the band’s hit songs from the 70s, it’s easily the best thing on this album.

Probably the worst thing on this album is a song that features Ke$ha. Do you ever wish you could “un-hear” a song? I sure did after this. I should of stayed clear of this album just for that. Another bizarre song is a semi-electronic song called “Disco Bloodbath Boogie Fever” because disco of course as relevant as ever. I probably should of checked out the featured personnel on this album before listening; Ke$ha, Rob Zombie, John 5, Kip Winger? That’s basically everyone I hate.

What pains me so much is I do hear some good melodies and ideas buried under all of Ezrin’s over extravagant production. Don’t you hate it when older artists use a bunch of effects and shit to cover up the fact that they can’t sing anymore? Look at someone like Neil Young, he doesn’t hide behind anything and he’s just as good as ever. So for any Cooper fan curious about this album I suggest you just keep to the original Welcome to My Nightmare, that album was shockingly awesome.

Stumbling upon this was kind of happy accident for me. There I was just browsing through the comedy section of my itunes library and wondering “I wonder when the next Patton Oswalt album comes out?” So I looked it up on the web and without any prior knowledge discovered it had come out that same day, don’t you love it when stuff like that happens? Of course I was ecstatic as Patton Oswalt is my favorite standup comedian, though the origin of that is quite unusual. I missed my chance to see him at Sasquatch (this was before I was a fan) to go see OK Go and after hearing about it from Sean and Colin I felt the only way I could make up for it was by checking out one of his albums. Since then I’ve bought or downloaded all of Patton’s comedy albums and seen most of his specials and I gotta tell ya, it’s my kind of humor. It’s like it combines the intellectual humor I like from comics like David Cross and then the fat/lazy guy humor I like from comedians like Jim Gaffigan, so it’s the best of both worlds. Though I’m younger and I don’t think I’m quite the caliber of nerd that Patton is I can still find his humor highly relatable and easily accessible, this album is no exception.

Recorded at the Moore Theater in Seattle (wish I could’ve been there) Patton returns to tell more cynical misadventures from his every day life. A strong recurring theme this time seems to be sweatpants, including many jokes where Patton is wearing sweatpants with a t-shirt that’s the same color. This subject leads to an album highlight about a fat guy buying ham, a joke I had heard much about before this album came out. As a matter of fact many of this album’s best jokes are about fat guys, just the way Patton describes them. How Patton will describe a guy as “tragic avalanche fat” and then talk about that same guy eating a hamburger, “It’s like he took three bites and then reassembled it whole it in his mouth. I solved the puzzle!” I can’t get enough of his fat guy voices.

But Patton has always been well known for his edgy topical side as well, discussing politics or whatever is current. My favorite one here is about gay marriage and how Patton decides to make fun of some people’s blind devotion to the bible. “Just because you like something in a book doesn’t mean you can have the thing you like in the book happen in real life! That’s what crazy people want! I can’t go to the white house with a bunch of Green Lantern comics and go I WANT A GREEN LANTERN RING!” He’s always been great at tearing down issues to their most simplistic form and here he kills it.

Though perhaps my favorite moment in the entire show is a very brief bit where Patton talks about how he “Jock Rocks” his life by constantly singing to himself. He does a few examples but my favorite by far is when Patton sings “Jerking off to internet porn in my office when I should teach my daughter to read!” There’s so many great moments and though I’m not sure I enjoyed it as much as his last album My Weakness is Strong and of course nothing will ever beat Werewolves and Lollipops it’s another fine addition to an already stellar comedic career

A.M. (1995)

I guess Wilco basically evolved out of the band Uncle Tupelo, whom I really know nothing about.  Anyway, most of the members of Wilco had been a part of Uncle Tupelo, and A.M. was kind of seen as sort of a continuation of the alt-country sound of this former band.

A.M. kind of tends to get a bad wrap, since it really doesn’t show much of the potential for artistic growth that you see on all of the subsequent Wilco releases.  Still, I think you see plenty of promise in Jeff Tweedy’s songwriting, which has always been at the backbone of Wilco, despite all the different band members that have come and gone throughout the years.  A.M. is pleasant enough, but none of the songs really stand out as being anything more than decent country-infused Stones-esque rock.

Favorite Tracks: “I Must Be High”, “Box Full Of Letters”, “I Thought I Held You”

Being There (1996)

Now here’s where this band really started to get interesting.  Like any double album, it’s certainly not perfect, but the sprawling quality of Being There shows the band really starting to hit their stride.  Much of it I think had to do with Tweedy’s growing confidence as a songwriter, but another part of the equation would have to do with multi-instrumentalist Jay Bennett, who joined the band on this album.

There really is a disparate nature of the songwriting here, as the upbeat numbers on the album are pretty damn upbeat, as songs like “I Got You (At the End of The Century)” and “Outta Sight (Outta Mind)” have an almost sing-a-long quality to them.  But on the other hand, the slower songs are increasingly dark and introspective.  All the while, you also see the band looking towards new kinds of sonic textures to go along with their signature Americana-infused aesthetic.

Favorite Tracks: “Outta Sight (Outta Mind)”, “Red-Eyed And Blue”, “Was I In Your Dreams”

Summerteeth (1999)

Pretty much from that first riff you can tell that Wilco aren’t really doing that same old alt-country stuff that they were doing on their first two album.  This is an album that uses that classic rock mentality, but infuses it with an interest in sonic noodling as well as a pallette for bigger and bolder sounds.  On top of that, you’ve got the tuneful Tweedy and the more experimental Bennett really coming together as a true songwriting team to be reckoned with.

It’s a shame that Summerteeth kind of has to live in the shadow of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, since it really shares some of the best qualities of that album, all while featuring some of Wilco’s most affecting songs.  Though it’s not a terribly long album, it still has that sprawling quality that was seen on Being There, as the songs vary from sweepingly orchestral (“A Shot In The Arm”) to infectiously rockin’ (“I’m Always In Love”).  Also, you get some of Tweedy’s darkest lyrical moments, such as “Via Chicago”, which begins with the memorable line “I dreamed of killing you again last night/And it felt alright to me”.  But most of all you see a small-time band knocking on ambition’s door, with no intent of holding back.

Favorite Tracks: “I Can’t Stand It”, “A Shot In The Arm”, “ELT”

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (2002)

There aren’t many albums from the last decade that I would give five stars to, but I really have no problem admitting that Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is pretty much a masterpiece.  From start to finish there really isn’t a bad track, and some of this stems from Tweedy and Bennett’s masterful songwriting, while some of it also stems from their ability to infuse the songs with a playful unconventionality.  Either way, I think the clashing of Tweedy and Bennett’s talent as well as personalities is what drives the album, and you can see that by this time the two weren’t very fond of each other in the documentary I Am Trying To Break Your Heart.

At the time of the album’s release, much was made of the fact that Wilco’s record label refused to release Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, and the band was forced to release it independently on the internet.  But as time has gone by, the album’s quality really speaks for itself despite how much of an impact it had on the way albums would be released in the coming years.  Yet the weird thing about YHF for me is how muted of a musical impact it’s had since being released.  I like to think that most “five star” albums were ones that really changed the direction of music and influenced a lot of other artists, but Yankee Hotel Foxtrot isn’t really like that.  It really just stands as the work of a band reaching for something bold and ambitious, and pulling it off brilliantly.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Favorite Tracks: “Jesus, Etc.”, “Heavy Metal Drummer”, “Pot Kettle Black”

A Ghost Is Born (2005)

As you can probably tell, I’m a big fan of what Jay Bennett brought to Wilco, so I’m not nearly as huge of a fan of the albums Wilco released without the late Mr. Bennett.  A Ghost Is Born was the first album without Bennett, and I think it’s pretty uneven in comparison to an album as bizarely cohesive as Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.

In place of Jay Bennett’s lush atmospheric noodling, you had the addition of guitarist Nels Cline, whose guitar work often leads the band towards more jam-like territory.  It’s a little surprising how well this works on a song like the ten-minute “Spiders (Kidsmoke)”, but at other times the guitar interludes seem just kind of tiring.  There are also still some nice piano ballads featured throughout the album, like “Hell Is Chrome” or “Hummingbird” while there are certainly some experimental moments like “Less Than You Think” that are just frustrating, as the song last 15 minutes, 12 of which are basically just white noise.  So you get the idea that Wilco wasn’t really sure where exactly to take the sound they had laid down in their last few albums, and making a slightly difficult album was the path they chose.

Favorite Tracks: “Spiders (Kidsmake)”, “Hummingbird”, “Handshake Drugs”

Sky Blue Sky (2007)

Here’s where Wilco started to get a bit more mellow, not that they haven’t always maintained a pretty unassuming quality to their music.  But on Sky Blue Sky, you really don’t get the sense that the band is trying to use the studio in a really innovative way anymore.  And that’s OK, since Sky Blue Sky relies more on a “live band” mentality, with the songs focusing more on the dynamic that exists between the band as they bash out these songs.

Again, you’ve got Tweedy’s strong songwriting at the backbone of the band, while Nels Cline seems to find a way of making his guitar a little more suited to the band’s softer side, as he displays on the sprawling guitar solo of “Impossible Germany”.  I’m sure there are some people that detest the acrobatic nature of Cline’s guitar playing since it is more showy than your average indie rock guitar playing.  But I think for the most part it adds a nice texture when some of these songs could come off as “just another laid back Wilco song”.

Favorite Tracks: “Either Way”, “Impossible Germany”, “Shake It Off”

Wilco (The Album) (2009)

Though I have no problem admitting that there isn’t really anything groundbreaking about Wilco (The Album), I still have kind of a soft spot for it.  Maybe it’s because it was the first Wilco album I got into after hearing Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, but at the same time I think it is in a way “a return to form”, as much as I detest that phrase.

I guess the aspect I like about this album is that for the first time in a while it sounds like these guys are genuinely having fun.  Songs like the album’s title(ish) track or “You Never Know” return the band to the Being There or Summerteeth days, when the band would rip into some country-infused rock boogie.  Then of course you’ve got some nice ballads that show Jeff Tweedy’s always reliable introspective side, including the Feist duet “You And I”.  Most of all, Wilco (The Album) sounds like a veteran band getting comfortable with themselves and their place in the world of rock music.  I guess we’ll see if they keep doing this same kind of thing on The Whole Love.

Favorite Tracks: “Wilco (The Song)”, “You And I”, “I’ll Fight”

 Adapted from Jame’s Sallis’s 2005 crime novel of the same name Drive was originally planned to be a big budget action flick staring Hugh Jackman, thank god that never happened. Several years later Ryan Gosling became attached to the project and sought out Danish filmmaker Nicolas Winding Refn to direct. I’d seen Refn’s last two film’s Bronson and Valhalla Rising and when it was announced he would be taking on the project I knew Drive was a film that had to be seen. For those who aren’t familiar with Refn’s work I can definitely tell you that he’s one to watch. Debuting in the mid 90s with the Pusher crime/thriller trilogy, Refn has already made his mark with some excellent moody films well complimented by inventive cinematography, chilling electronic scores, and subtle yet spectacular performances from his actors. Drive is all those things and maybe more as Refn’s mainstream debut, though there’s nothing mainstream about the contents of this dramatic thriller.

Drive is simple enough on the surface, Ryan Gosling plays a no-named stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver for heists. He has little to look forward to in his life but driving until he meets and falls for his neighbor Irene (Carey Mulligan) living with her son while her husband Standard (Oscar Isaac) finishes up a prison sentence. Upon Standard’s release he’s introduced to the Driver and rather than feeling threatened he befriends the solemn wheelman. Way over his head in gang related debt, the Driver agrees to help Standard in a heist. Meanwhile the Driver has made dealings organized by his friend and co-worker at a garage Shannon (Bryan Cranston) to race for Bernie Rose (Albert Brooks) a shady film producer surrounded by equally shady individuals such as Jewish gangster Nino (Ron Perlman). The heist eventually goes down but takes a dark turn when Standard is shot dead. Soon after the Driver discovers that Nino was somehow involved with the heist and sends men after the Driver to get the money. It gets a bit messy here there with the story, but with this film it’s more about the ride than the little details.

In any other hands Drive could have been a very ordinary action thriller, but with Refn it’s become a very unusual, extraordinary experience. The 80s synth cues are all pitch perfect as Goslin cruises through the dark neo noir-like setting of late night L.A. The violence and action sequences make your skin crawl and keep you teetering on the edge of your seat. The performances are subtle but impressive with Albert Brooks giving my favorite performance. Known in the past for his cynical yet comical L.A. comedian persona this is an Albert Brooks we’ve never seen before. Gosling plays it simple much in the way Steve McQueen or Clint Eastwood would handle a tough guy role. Gosling spends most of his time giving off intense looks that say more than any words could. Carey Mulligan as one of the premier young actresses today brings a lot to character that may seem underwritten but really has a lot brewing under the surface.

The bottom line is that Drive is a brooding and refreshingly unconventional thriller from a group of very talented people. Gosling has more or less proven himself as one the most interesting leading men working today and director Nicolas Winding Refn has shown that he can still keep his artistic integrity with a widely released film, it’s an exciting time for the movies.

P.S. If you liked this movie you have to check out Refn’s film Bronson (currently on Netflix Instant Watch) it’s really something.

There’s always been more to the Gears of War franchise lurking under the surface. Sure, the games themselves seemed like mindless macho brosturbation, there were the artsy trailers. There was the fact that the world seemed to have so much lore, but we only saw a little of it. After all, you play as simple COGs in the massive gears of war. Gears of War 3 finally takes the story where it has always yearned to go, making it one of the most satisfying campaigns of the year. Couple that with one of the most complete multiplayer suites and you’re in for quite a time.

Times are bad in the Gears universe. The war between humans and locust took a turn when the last city, Jacinto, was sunk, flooding the locust. The remnants of humanity managed to take brief salvation on an island, but their hopes for peace were dashed when the lambent, locust mutated by the planet’s mysterious fuel imulsion, attacked. With no military or government left, our heroes are now adrift on a helicopter carrier, just trying to survive. So, to recap: the world’s dying, there’s a three-way war going on, humanity is fucked.

And it’s taking a toll on our heroes. Marcus is haunted by regret and remorse about his past. Dom, who has lost his children and wife to this lengthy war, is in a fragile mental state. Cole is going through a mid-life crisis, realizing his days as a professional athlete really are gone. Baird’s still kind of a dick. Anya’s on the team now too and just about everyone from the first two games is back to some extent, as are a few newcomers. Most importantly, we’ve got Jace, played by Friday Night Light’s Michael B. Jordan and Sam, played by Uncharted 2‘s Claudia Black.

Gears of War 3 has a substantial campaign that’s a real delight to play through. I give a lot of credit sci fi author Karen Traviss, who was able to turn down the bro-isms and find the depth in the characters. My only complaint about the campaign is that it felt a little to padded out with needless sequences. A few too many times I had to go get fuel or go flip a set number of switches, which hurt the games pacing. Notably, there’s a lengthy detour with a character played by Ice T that is awesome, but adds literally nothing to the story but time. But in the end, the game is fun and I can’t really complain about getting to play more of it.

The shooting in Gears of War 3 is simply the best of any third person shooter. Everything feels just right. There’s enough of a variety in the campaign enemies to keep you interested and keep your tactics from getting stale. I found hardcore to be the best difficulty for me, it was challenging but never truly frustrating. I played with AI allies, and I imagine it’s even more fun with three real human coop partners. That’s right, the game is up to four player coop. I told you, this game has all the multiplayer you could want.

Horde mode, Gears of War 2‘s biggest contribution to gaming, returns with new tower defense mechanics. You can build and upgrade barriers to keep your team safe against the waves of AI enemies. There’s another, new coop mode too: beast mode. It’s like reverse horde mode, ala Left 4 Dead. You play as locust beasts, from the lowly tickers all the way up to berserkers, and try to kill a group of AI humans. Beast mode is a neat addition and surprisingly fun to play, give it a shot.

All the versus modes are back, with the addition of a new casual option. This means I can play without just getting mercilessly shotgunned in the back, but I fear I’ll get kicked out of casual eventually. In the meantime, I’m having a lot of fun. There are plenty of characters and weapon skins to be unlocked, although there’s also an absurdly expensive collections of skins you could just buy too. But don’t do that. It’s almost as bad as horse armor.

Hands down, Gears of War 3 is the best game in this already stellar franchise. The story is easier to follow, more emotional and gives closure to most (read: not all) of the plot threads. The multiplayer is just about everything I could ask for. Get some friends together and have some fun. If nothing else, enjoy playing the only game in which Ice T rides off into the sunset giving you the finger.

It could be easy to forget that the first Crysis was more than just a tool for benchmarking your PC’s power, it was an interesting FPS that combined Far Cry with aliens and super suits. While I enjoyed the original, it was another computer game that I lost interest in and never finished. But I did enjoy it enough to give Crysis 2 a shot when it was made cheaply available to me. And I was happy to find a perfectly competent, pretty game waiting for me. Wait, isn’t that exactly what I said the first game was more than? Oh bother.

Crysis 2 opens with a bang. You’re Alcatraz, a member of a team of soldiers on a submarine heading to New York City. Because there’s a war going on between the military, a PMC and aliens. The game doesn’t do that great a job setting the stage, or really explaining much at all. But your sub sinks and you’re miraculously saved by Prophet, the squad leader from the original game. He gives Alcatraz the super suit and tasks you with reuniting with his scientist buddy. Things escalate from there.

The entire game takes place in New York City and I really enjoyed the urban setting. It was a great change of pace from the tropical setting of the first game, although the environment doesn’t substantially change like it did last time. The skyscrapers look great and make quite a spectacle when they come tumbling down. The city streets do make the game much more linear, basically taking you from combat arena to combat arena. You do have options for each battle, which the game makes a point of explicitly telling you, which is a bit weird. You pop up your binoculars and are told “here is a good place to snipe” and “here is a good place to sneak around.” It’s a bit weird, but I guess you don’t have to use the binocs if it really bothers you.

There’s a lot of politics and side switching going on in Crysis 2, and after a while I just started ignoring it. The game never really made me care about what side I was fighting for and I didn’t really worry about who lived and who died. What I did like about the story was the absolutely brutal beating Alcatraz takes. In most games, the main characters get beaten and shot without showing any wear and tear in the cinematics. In this game, it often takes Alcatraz a while to just get back up after a heavy hit. People look at you like you shouldn’t be alive. It’s made explicitly clear that without the suit, you would be dead a hundred times over. That’s great.

The suit is a bit streamlined compared to Crysis 1 as well. Instead of having a speed or power mode, you automatically use suit power to sprint and jump farther. That just leaves you with stealth and armor, the most useful powers from the first game. Armor lets you take more damage, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Stealth lets you go all Predator and sneak around, so long as you don’t run out of power. Both can be upgraded using organic tissue gathered from dead aliens. I found stealth became a little too powerful with upgrades, and I was able to bypass battles if I wanted. But the suit powers elevate the games otherwise standard gameplay. The gun selection is not that interesting, although the ability to customize weapon scopes and add-ons returns. And there are a few alien weapons, although they’re not that exciting. The shooting is exactly as tight as you would expect it to be.

Crysis 2 also includes a more robust multiplayer mode, as it is a first person shooter and therefore must vie for Call of Duty‘s thrown. While the suits do make things a little different, I just didn’t care about playing this game online. But I guess if you think you’re really good at the game it could be a fun way to destroy your ego.

Ultimately, Crysis 2 kept me entertained through its campaign. It plays absolutely fine. It looks great, although perhaps not groundbreaking. I played it on PC, but the console version is probably fine. This is totally acceptable entertainment, and suitable for a long weekend. More importantly, if all the games coming out these next few months have captured your attention, it’s totally fine to put this one on the back burner for a while.

10. Rock and Roll
This song wonderfully represents those that call the genre by the same name home.  The beats, fading of sounds and lyrics all bring me back to a time when music was about enjoying life.  Not today’s garbage that swears and complains about the man holding us down.

9. Stairway to Heaven
Great song, just have heard it way too many times.  Having this song so high up on the list has done enough damage, I will refrain from analyzing it any further.

8. Immigrant Song
Whenever listening to this song I am thinking about Jack Black singing it in “School of Rock,” not sure why because I have heard it in many different settings other than a C movie.  Right when the needle hits the vinyl, I am hooked in.  No stalling or building up just goes straight to full throttle.  Also, has to be one of the coolest chorus’ in a song.

7. All My Love
Not the usual love song, but, the lyrics do indicate some sort of emotion from whoever is the lead singer in this band.  The noises make the song for me; in fact, an instrumental version of this song would probably put it up a few more spots on the list.

6. Misty Mountain Hop
“Packing my bags for the misty mountains where the spirits fly.”  Sounds awesome, count me in!  I have found a new song to listen to when headed up skiing.

5. Ramble On
The starting really reminds me of “Life Less Ordinary,” by Carbon Leaf.  Compared to other Zeppelin songs, this one seems a little mellower, which provides a nice break when only listening to Zeppelin for a week.  Ramble on…

4. D’yer Mak’er
Not much to say other than it works for me.

3. Kashmir
Remember that scene in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” when Kashmir is played in the guy’s car?  This song has its own class regarding how to start a song: slow, gradual, hard, Kashmir.  I just love those first 30 seconds and can listen it over and over and over.

2. Fool in the Rain
The rediscovery of “Fool in the Rain,” I would describe as the best outcome from Zeptember.  For those that do not know, I keep a running list on my phone of songs I like that I hear when out and about.  I try to include lyrics, but, mostly it just has words to describe the song, making it difficult to find the name later on.  “Fool in the Rain” has been on the list for a while, and it was nice to stumble upon it Wednesday night.  It doesn’t sound like a Zeppelin song to me, but, it certainly is my favorite.

1. LZ 129 Hindenburg (Luftschiff Zeppelin #129)
This beauty was a true Zeppelin, and had the name way before the band ripped it off.  Born on March 4^th, 1936, this 800 foot dirigible could take 150 people across the Atlantic at a cruising speed around 90 mph.  She was like nothing else ever built, and remains one of the largest things that ever flew.  Although hydrogen gas is the lightest element on the periodic table, it’s really explosive.  Filling an 800 foot long balloon with explosive gas proved to be a bad idea.  The craft blew up in a spectacular 37 seconds a little over a year after it made its first flight.  Maybe someday these luxury liners of the sky will return, just make sure they are filled with helium.

Honestly I was never THAT into Zeppelin. I had a little phase in junior high like every kid that likes rock and roll does, but it mostly consisted of my playing my burnt Zeppelin live album that “the Paine” gave me over and over and over and over again. In those few months, I was ALL about Led Zeppelin. I remember this one specific instance where we were taking my brother to the airport at like eight in the morning and I stuck that CD in the car stereo and everybody was like, “Do we have to listen to this?” I was just really confused why no one wanted to rock. It rocks!

My Zeppelin collection is pretty sparse, consisting now of only I, III and IV, so these are just the top 10 that I’ve enjoyed listening back to over the last week.

10. I Can’t Quit On You Baby
One thing that really came back to me listening to all these songs again was just how much I miss jamming. More specifically how I miss just playing the drums. This song just grooves like I could never groove. By the time I was done playing this song we’d be be playing 260 BPM. Plant’s lyrical rhythms also really add to that as well. Each line is delivered just a little bit later, and that latency just has you sitting on the edge of your seat.

9. Rock & Roll
I’m not going to try to pick obscure songs to be cool, so this is just one of the great songs that I loved growing up. Since I’ve been doing a lot of research on recording and how to become a better engineer etc., one of the things I noticed about these recordings is that a lot of the songs are spaced very openly. You can tell it’s just drums/bass/guitar/ vocals. Except this one. Just a wall of rock.

8. Communication Breakdown
I have a soft spot for the ones we performed obviously. This is one that I was always just exhausted after. My right leg would just be burning by the end of the song because of the constant kick drum, not to mention it was the end of the set usually, so I was just going as nuts as I could possibly go. John Bonham must have calves the size of my waist.

7. Four Sticks
I don’t even know what John Bonham’s doing here. Like I sit down and listen to it over and over again. I’m pretty sure it’s more than just him playing percussion, but then I tell myself it’s John Bonham, stop trying to figure out what he’s doing. It’s impossible. Just listen.

6. Black Dog
I never struggled more playing the drums than whenever “the Paine” broke out into a jam with this song. I couldn’t wrap my head around how Bonham played that slow, subdivided groove to a riff with so many notes. Maybe he couldn’t figure out how to play a faster groove so he just played a “fuckin’ money beat”. Maybe he was being teased from another band who had “label interest.” Who knows.

5. Misty Mountain Hop
So Plant saw a bunch of hippies in a park, he didn’t know what time it was, so he stayed a while. Then it got dark. So some homeless guys told him to get in a line. This line was for tea and fun. Then the homeless people told Plant to go in to a deep self-examination. Then he warns people that if they go in the streets, they better open their eyes. Or they might be hit by a car or something. This song is weird. But it rocks.

4. Out on the Tiles
I love unison bass/guitar riffs. Especially when they span odd measures. This is also an example of something Bonham does that I could never do no matter how much I practiced. I had to buy a double bass pedal to be able to play triplets. Bonham just gets drunk and plays them all day long. Maybe I should have been drinking.

3. Immigrant Song
This song was always really disappointing to me, because of how much I didn’t really enjoy III that much. I started listening to it and was like, “Yeah this rocks!” But only to be disappointed by the next 40 minutes and 33 seconds of my life. I’ve grown to appreciate the album more, but I still am a little disappointed every time I hear it.

2. Good Times Bad Times
Dun Dun. Dun Dun. Dun Dun. Dun Dun. Is there really anything else to say. This is really the epitome of Zeppelin. Rockin’ guitar solo, sweet bass fills, in your face and technically intricate drums, and Plant being, well, Plant. One thing I love about this song is the harmonies on the verses. I wish they did more of that.

1. Stairway to Heaven
You know what? Fuck it. I’m putting it as my number one because it is. One of my proudest memories of the Defenestrators is how we practiced the shit out of this song for what seemed like months. I loved playing the keyboard flute, and I loved even more coming in with that simple, yet powerful, tom fill (biggest regret is missing that cue, but I couldn’t hear anything! I swear!) It’s a shame it’s so over played, but at the same time that just reiterates how great of a song it really is.

I can’t wait for “Who knows?” tomorrow!

Good news everyone, I’ve finally got the webcomics aspect of the site mostly working! This took a while, since I basically had to learn PHP and all sorts of fun backend stuff that most real websites just hire out to professionals. If you didn’t already know, the main reason we moved from Da Morgue Dot Org to here is because John and I wanted to get started on this webcomic. And now we have. Now I just have to keep inking and coloring these babies. For the rest of my life…

As a bonus, the image you see here is one of two deleted scenes from our inaugural strip. What do you think? Pretty cool, eh? We made that. Now you could make that, I don’t know, your iPhone wallpaper.

From as long as I’ve been rockin’ I’ve always loved Led Zeppelin, but for some reason I’ve never thought of them as one of my all-time favorite musical artists.  I guess the thing that always kept me from truly embracing them was that they always had this God-like status, and you never really got a sense that their music was very personal.  But then again, when you look at their incredible body of work, thinking of them as gods doesn’t really seem like the most ridiculous thing in the world.  Anyways, lets get started.

10. Bring It On Home
If you want to get to the heart of Led Zeppelin’s sound, you’ve got to start with the blues.  This song starts as a nice little cover of Willie Dixon’s “Bring It On Home” until Jimmy Page’s subdued strumming gives way to a piercing guitar riff and then it just turns in to all out rock warfare.  And that’s pretty much the Zeppelin manifesto in a nut shell: taking the blues and making it huge.

9. Out Of The Tiles
There aren’t too many rockin’ songs on Led Zeppelin III, and that’s kind of what makes it great.  But on “Out Of The Tiles” they really just go for broke, sounding like a chugging locomotive of rock that’s just on the brink of careening off the tracks.  Sorry, I promise not to make any more bad “rock” analogies.

8. Going To California
I felt like I needed to throw in one of Zeppelin’s folkier numbers, just because it’s kind of hard not to love it when these guys would sit down with their acoustic instruments and lay down some softer jams. It’s just a really nice little song about meditating on the roads less traveled, and it’s a nice break from all the heavy hitters featured on Led Zeppelin IV.

7. What Is And What Should Never Be
Robert Plant has never been a great lyricist, and he definitely shows it on this song with lyrics like “You will be mine by taking our time” and “Baby baby baby baby”.  But it doesn’t even matter when you’ve got such a great jazzy groove supported by John Paul Jones’ lingering bass lines.  And then when Bonham comes in, laying his delicious toms all over Page’s power chords, it’s welcome to Rock City: Population You.  Wait, dammit.

6. You’re Time Is Gonna Come
When you think of Led Zeppelin, they’re not the kind of band that you expect to just burst in to three part harmonies.  Then again, I guess the swelling chorus of “You’re Time Is Gonna Come” is more like a sing-a-long as Sean pointed out, and a pretty mean-spirited one at that.  Most of all though, the really remarkable thing about this song is it showed that even on their first album, Zeppelin could find ways of sounding huge and anthemic without the aid of an electric guitar.

5. Immigrant Song
The first memory I have of this song was that it was featured in some skate video I bought as a youngster.  One time I was watching it and my mom walked by and she was like, “Hey, that’s Led Zeppelin.  Good song.”  This was a little conflicting, since all I could ask myself was “How could my mom be into something that sounds so ridiculously badass?”.  But that’s the reality of Zeppelin, our parents grew up with them just as much as we did, and somehow that makes sense.

4. Ten Years Gone
When I first started thinking of the songs for this list, “Ten Years Gone” was not one that I thought had much hope of making the top ten.  But I’ve just been listening to it over and over again the last few days and I can’t seem to get my mind off of it.  It’s just got this great world-weary quality, as if it was written on the road at the end of a long tour from which there seemed to be no end.  There’s a whole host of different guitar sounds that Page uses on the track, and it’s a great example of the way he could use the instrument to convey a whole range of different colors and emotions.

3. Over The Hills And Far Away
So yeah, I really like this song, as do Sean and John.  Maybe we should have vetoed “Over The Hills And Far Away” instead of “Stairway”, since it might very well be the most irresistible song in Zeppelin’s discography.  It contains the loud and the quiet, the soft and the heavy, the introspective and the all-encompassing qualities that made up Zeppelin’s sound, and I’m glad I was able to take part in a half-way decent cover of it.

2. Ramble On
As you can probably tell, I really like it when Zeppelin songs start out all quiet and mysterious and then just bowls you over with some mindblowing guitar riff.  Well for me, “Ramble On”‘s pretty much the king of those kinds of Zeppelin songs, and they do it all while combining the classic bluesman mentality with Lord Of The Rings references.  Go figure.

1. Good Times Bad Times
I hate to reduce Led Zeppelin to one of those bands that peaked on the first song of their first album, but I can’t help it when the band sounded so damn explosive in this early state.  Really all of the band’s trademarks are there: Plant’s unmistakeable howls, Page’s monster riffs and blues-inflected licks, Jones’s wandering basslines, and John Bonham giving what is probably my favorite drum part in any song ever.  You put all these elements together and you’ve got one hell of a stone cold groove, as well as an impressive start to a ridiculously influential career.

Well, that was a lot of fun while it lasted.  Anyways, I’m just throwing this out there, but how would everybody feel about Whovember?  Just an idea.

I’m assuming we’re all sticking to the “Stairway to Heaven” is disqualified rule, even though no one has officially mentioned it. If that is indeed the case, then these are my ten favorite Led Zeppelin songs. It was damn near impossible to narrow it down to these ten, since I had around 50 songs that I thought were competitive. I had to make some deep cuts and these are the ones that survived, so try at least not to worry about the order they’re in.

10. All My Love
The song that inspired my recent foray back into Led Zeppelin, it’s kind of amazing just because it’s a slow, synth-driven song by Led Zeppelin. That seems weird, doesn’t it? But that’s kind of the reality of In Through the Out Door - songs that don’t quite seem like what Led Zeppelin would be doing. Unlike “Carouselambra,” the other great song from that album, “All My Love” is exactly the right length to stick with you and somehow also leave you wanting more.

9. Kashmir
Can a song survive on just one great guitar riff? Probably, but “Kashmir” is not that song. Because, even though the “Kashmir” riff is one of Led Zeppelin’s most well known, its not just the guitar that makes this great. It’s one of a handful of songs the band recorded with strings and horns, adding a suitably epic feel to the number. What I really love about it are the lyrics, an aspect of music I don’t spend much time thinking about. If I had seen “Kashmir” written before hearing it, I would have thought it was some quality poetry. Or a crappy poem. I’m not that great a judge of poetry.

8. Rock and Roll
Legend has it that while frustrated recording the tremendous “Four Sticks,” Led Zeppelin accidentally jammed their way into this diddy. Suitably titled, “Rock and Roll” draws from the history of the genre and amps it up, making the song among the most rocking I’ve ever heard. It also the first Led Zeppelin song I heard, or at least remember hearing. I remember listening to it on Colin’s portable CD player and remarking that I recognized it from a car commercial. That’s kind of a shitty association, but it got me to where I am today.

7. In My Time of Dying
I’ve always liked a good slide guitar, and its hard to get it better than Led Zeppelin’s version of “In My Time of Dying.” I wanted to include long songs on my list, since I really do love most of their long songs, even this one, which I believe is their longest. Early this year I heard the Bob Dylan version of this song, which is a totally different, more traditionally blues experience. Led Zeppelin takes the song and jams all over it until nothing’s left. It’s pretty amazing. And it ends with coughing and joking. They’re people too.

6. When the Levee Breaks
Yeah, that’s right, another blues cover. As John pointed out, the drums and harmonica do this song an amazing favor. The drums are gigantic, it’s no wonder bands like the Beastie Boys were drawn to sampling them. The reverb or whatever that’s applied to the harmonica makes it sound different from any other harmonica ever. Let’s not forget the guitar part, which is no slouch, with plenty of interesting effects piled on top of it as well. And in the middle of it all is Robert Plant, doing his thing as possibly the greatest lead singer in rock. It all comes together on “When the Levee Breaks.”

5. Good Times Bad Times
This is the first song on the first Led Zeppelin album and I like to keep that in mind when I hear it. I think if I had never heard the band before, if this was something entirely new, it would take me about a minute of “Good Times Bad Times”  to declare I will buy ever single album these guys put out. Since we’re paying tribute to the 31st anniversary of John Bonham’s death, I would be remiss not to point out that the man played the kick drum and hi hat with just one foot. Listen to the song again. I’m not a drummer, but that’s madness!

4. Over the Hills and Far Away
This is kind of like “Stairway to Heaven” if it was a little less ambitious and popular. Wow, that sounds much more negative than I meant it.  ”Over the Hills and Far Away” is one of those songs that makes the world a better place. How about that? It’s an emotional, beautiful song from the group that’s considered the inspiration for heavy metal and hard rock. It’s not just one of my favorite Led Zeppelin songs, it’s one of my favorite songs.

3. Babe I’m Gonna Leave You
Ah, time for a gentler little tune. Or is it? “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You” starts gently enough, with a delicate flurry of guitar and then some soft vocals. But at the halfway point, the song explodes. Drums and bass drive the song, the guitar gets heavier and the vocals become screams. This is another song that covers a shorter, simpler tune. In this case, it’s a Joan Baez song that simply sticks to guitar and vocals. That’s what makes Led Zeppelin so special. They make it a journey.

2. Ramble On
This is probably the Led Zeppelin that first comes to mind for me… And a lot of people. The Lord of the Rings references, stupefying guitar and amazing bass and drums all add up to something that no one else ever did or ever will do. I love how the acoustic guitar gives into the electric in this song, it’s another great example of the kind of journey a quality Led Zeppelin song can take you on.

1. Bron-Y-Aur Stomp
Led Zeppelin does country. I can’t really explain why I like this so much, or why it’s easily my most listened to track from the band. Certainly the guitar of Jimmy Page is partly responsible, from the craziness of the intro to the simpler verse, it’s undeniably great. Certainly John Bonham’s percussion is a partly responsible, featuring drums you can’t help but tap along with, as well as spoons and castanets. Certainly John Paul Jones’ bass is partly responsible, since he so beautifully accompanies, nay, matches, the skill on display from the previous two. Certainly Robert Plant’s vocals are partly responsible, since this is the most sing-a-long Led Zeppelin got this side of “Your Time is Gonna Come.” I guess they’re all responsible. And when you put them together, they can’t be beat.

I love to let the led out and I had a blast revisiting one of my favorite artists to make this list, so I hope you have your share of good times reading this post.

10. Boogie with Stu
Leave it to Led Zeppelin to take a completely typical blues progression and make it their own. John Bonham’s drums are repetitive yet infectious with that big echoey sound he was so well known for and guest pianist Ian Stewart wows with the same kind of honky tonk he often brought to Rolling Stones recordings. I also find it interesting that it’s one of the few recordings to feature Robert Plant on acoustic guitar while Jimmy plucks away on a mandolin, really makes ya wanna boogie!

9. Misty Mountain Hop
I think you’ll find more than a few of my picks contain some of Bonham’s biggest beats and this is no exception. Carried by a chunky rhythm and John Paul Jones’ effortlessly cool electric piano it moves along in it’s own unique and funky Zeppelin style. Naturally Plant impresses with his soaring shrieks and Lord of the Rings lyrics and Page… Well Page is Page, nuff said.

8. The Song Remains the Same
Somehow the first Zeppelin cd I owned was The Best of Zeppelin: Latter Days Vol. 2 and seeing that this marks the opening of that compilation it has a special place down in here (points to chest.) It was songs like this where I couldn’t even begin to wrap my mind around all the different ideas that must’ve been floating around in Page’s head. Here we have a song constantly changing tempo, different parts and instrumental breaks and propelled by an army of guitars all individually doing something unique and compelling. The band couldn’t be any tighter on a song that would be too complex for any non-prog rock band of the time, it’s really something.

7. Since I’ve Been Loving You
One of the most powerful blues recordings I can think of. All four members bring so much technical skill to the song but even more passion. Page delivers in my opinion one of his all-time best performances as he more or less solos through the whole seven minutes. Of course Plant delivers one of his iconic, possibly improvised vocal performances and I can’t get enough of it.

6. Bron-Y-Aur Stomp
Sometimes it’s the simple things in life that you cherish the most, at least that’s how I feel about Bonham’s bass drum. One of Bonham’s most basic percussion parts makes this song undeniably catchy. On the other side of the spectrum you have Page playing what sounds like a very intricate acoustic guitar part and Plant delivering a greatly executed melody, I just want to sing with them!

5. Trampled Under Foot
I remember when that horrible Finger Eleven song “Paralyzer” came out and I said “It’s just a ripoff of Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand.” Then I remember being reminded of Take Me Out’s similarity to Trampled Under Foot and then reading that Trampled Under Foot was inspired by a Robert Johnson song. All that aside I like to think it was the Zeppelin rendition that so firmly buried itself in the minds of others who just couldn’t help but rip it off cause well, it’s rock bliss. You can thank John Paul Jones for providing the funk with a clavinet performance that could make Stevie Wonder weep and the rest is pure Zeppelin… Finger Eleven really sucks though.

4. Immigrant Song
If the Norse gods ever come down from Valhalla to rock our world this will be their theme. With Plant’s catchy howls and lyrics about vikings this is an iconic Zeppelin tune built around one of their best riffs. It’s a song that marches along at a perfect rock pace and one of the songs that would best define the sheer power of the hammer of the gods.

3, Houses of the Holy
Maybe it says something about one’s affection for a song when they can say they’re hooked in the first three seconds. At least that’s how I’ve always felt about the riff that dominates the song “Houses of the Holy.” It’s so simple and yet so Zeppelin with the distinct sound of the guitar, bass, drums, and vocals. There’s not much to say, because there really isn’t much to it, it’s rock and roll pure and simple.

2. When the Levee Breaks
: I think it’s apparent at this point that a great Bonham beat is a sure fire way to hook me. In the way of “Bonham beats” this has to be one of his best and biggest. I think it’s Bonham’s strive for simple, raw, power over complexity that has made him my all-time favorite rock and roll drummer and this is one of my favorite Zeppelin tracks. In addition to this, “When the Levee Breaks” also contains some of the most badass harmonica that’s ever been captured, I mean it sounds like a god damn freight train! Page and Jones drone on with a western style guitar and bass and Plant brings the swagger, an excellent finale to possibly Zeppelin’s best album.

1. Over the Hills and Far Away
What can I say? It holds such a dear place in my heart after playing and recording it in The Defenestrators. It has that whimsical acoustic first half that eventually launches into a rocking great riff. I heard John Paul Jones interviewed on the radio once where he stated that this was his favorite Zeppelin song to play live and I can completely understand, it’s such a great example of the group’s ability to play off of each other. This maybe a Page driven song but it also highlights Zeppelin’s ability to work together as we all should as passengers of starship Earth.

It’s tough to dissect one of your favorite bands but I’m satisfied with my choices. The only song I felt bad about cutting is “Friends” one of my favorite examples of “Experimental Zeppelin”. If I had to name my favorite Zeppelin album I’d probably go for the surprising yet honest choice of Led Zeppelin III. It was the first Zeppelin cd I bought after their greatest hits and shows so many sides to the band. It has their acoustic side, their bluesy side, their rock side and everything in between, that’s the way I like my music.

So this is how I think this whole thing should work out:

• Tuesday: John’s Top Ten Led Zeppelin Songs
• Wednesday: Sean’s Top Ten
• Thursday: Mine
• Friday: Nancy’s
• Saturday: Who Knows!

Just two years since their last release and Brit-electro rockers Kasabaian are at it again, whatever “it” is supposed to be. In the past Kasabian has delivered plentiful portions of danceable and hard rock tunes but have seemed to mellow on Velociraptor. No, I don’t mean it’s an album of ballads or anything, it’s still rock music that moves at a moderate pace but there doesn’t seem to be much spark here. Past Kasabian songs like; “Club Foot”, “Processed Beats”, “Shoot the Runner”, even “Vlad the Impaler” from the last album all had an edge to them whether it was more hard rock or hip hop inspired. Songs on Velociraptor feel like they were crapped out too fast, I mean you can put as much lush production on a song as you want, but make sure you have a good song to start with.

Kasabian thus far have appeared to be one of those bands that the critics love to hate. It doesn’t help that Kasabian has always seemed to exude a certain arrogance, possibly rubbed off on them by repeated touring with Oasis. They think they’re hot shit but have never really had the material to back that reputation up. Despite what anyone says I think “Club Foot” is a classic but they haven’t had as much breakthrough success since then. I enjoyed the last three Kasabian albums because the songs usually had a little grit behind their polished pop appearances, this album is just too squeaky clean.

In the past I’ve been too easy on laziness when it comes to artists I like, so I’m taking a stand. Kasabian should always WAIT until they have the best songs before making an album. I don’t care if it takes four years, I think this album came out too fast. Some songs are okay, the title track for instance (even if it is a bit of a ripoff of The Vines “Get Free” and Shocking Blue’s “Love Buzz” famously covered by Nirvana). The track “Switchblade Smiles” is probably the closest to the kind of Kasabian song I want to hear, gotta have that edge! I still think Kasabian can turn it around but next time they should probably look before they leap.

Favorite Tracks: “Switchblade Smiles”, “Velociraptor”

This monstrosity is the Nintendo 3DS Slide Pad add-on. It’s probably the biggest news out of TGS, even though Nintendo announced it before the event and pictures were leaked out before that. If you’ve never seen a 3DS before and you’re wondering why it looks so bulky and lopsided, let me tell you what’s new. The Slide Pad add-on grips onto your 3DS, surrounding your previously sleek system’s lower half, adding new shoulder buttons and, notably, a second circle pad. Never mind that it laughs at symmetry and aesthetics, new buttons!

When I first saw this thing, I was flustered, but I took solace in knowing that its announcement was in conjunction with the new, 3DS-exclusive Monster Hunter game. That franchise is massive in Japan, it turned the PSP into a success over there. So I could understand Nintendo bending over backwards to secure what could become its new console’s biggest hit. But, when Nintendo showed the Slide Pad off at its pre-TGS show, it confirmed that the add-on will be used by multiple upcoming games. And the news just got worse from there.

Probably the most remarkably terrible thing about the Slide Pad is that it takes a battery. You’d think with something stupid like this, they could at least build additional battery power into the device, helping to overcome the 3DS’ most obvious flaw. But no, Nintendo expects me to find a freakin’ AAA battery for it. And I can’t use my sweet 3DS dock with this monstrosity either. Boo!

More importantly, the Slide Pad goes against the concept of the 3DS. It doesn’t need a second analogue stick because it has the touch screen. Every single DS game compensated for that, and that limitation made DS games unique and popular. With a second analogue stick, developers don’t necessarily need to use touch anymore. What does that leave us with? A less powerful PlayStation Vita with headache power.

But as someone who bought the 3DS after Nintendo dropped its price, I feel betrayed. When I bought the system, I knew battery power was an issue and I knew a new iteration of the system was inevitable. I accepted that. Now my handheld has to either become an abomination or incompatible with the future of its software lineup. Now when they come out with a new 3DS revision, which they haven’t announced but you know is coming, it will essentially be a relaunch of the system. As a consumer, I have never felt so completely fucked over by a company that I previously trusted. I can think of no other peripheral in gaming history that is as damning as the 3DS Slide Pad. So I’m pretty pissed. Nintendo’s going to have to come up with something pretty extraordinary to make this 3DS Ambassador come back home.

Child of Eden was clearly designed to be played with the Kinect. Since I don’t have one, I don’t know what I’m doing reviewing this game. When you factor in that I enjoyed, but didn’t necessarily love, Child of Eden‘s spiritual predecessor, Rez, I feel hardly qualified to talk about this game, nonetheless critique it. But here we are. And while I’ve always considered myself the type who backs away from a challenge, this one seems doable.

So it’s the future. Mankind has moved on out into deep space. The first person born in space, Lumi, had her consciousness transferred into the future Internet when she died. Now she’s come under attack by viruses or something and it’s up to you to save her. Even though she’s already dead. Information is important, damnit!

Of course the story doesn’t really matter that much, it’s merely an excuse for you to travel through some genuinely beautiful and trippy visuals. Like Rez, Child of Eden delivers a synesthetic experience that no other form of entertainment can match. It’s like a more beautiful, interactive Pink Floyd lazer light show. As important to the experience as the visuals is the music, which walks the thin line between techno and trance. Each song drives its level and you’ll have to attack with the rhythm of the music to get a high score.

Oh what’s that? You’d like to know how this game plays? Fair enough. It’s a sort of on-rails shooter. You can attack in two ways: a lock on attack and a rapid fire blast. Most enemies are best defeated with lock on, but every once in a while you’ll encounter an armored enemy who must be blasted down. More importantly, you’re rapid fire shots can take down incoming enemy fire. You also have bombs. Moving along…

Actually, I guess that’s enough. Child of Eden is a prettier, Kinect-enabled Rez. It’s five levels long, and each of those will take you about 10 minutes to beat. The game lengthens itself by demanding you repeat levels to unlock the next one, which would be more annoying if the game wasn’t so zen-like to begin with. My biggest complaint was the lack of checkpoints, when you die you’re booted all the way back to the main menu. That really sucked when I died toward the end of the last, and longest, level in the game. I get the feeling that with Kinect, Child of Eden could really be something. Playing it with just a controller, well, it was something.

My Bumbershoot odyssey began this year as I was jusr crossing the bridge into the emerald city and got a phone call. My step dad called and me and asked “Hey John, is it too late for your mom to come?” You see at this point I was going to Bumbershoot by myself but my mom had showed some interest earlier, so even though it meant turning around right before my early arrival I turned back and she joined me. This gave me a good opportunity to use a deal I had where I could bring a guest for half price of the original ticket, I’ll take it!

We finally made it to Bumbershoot at about 2:00 and spent the first half hour or so getting some grub and getting a feel for the festival. The first performance we caught was Head Like a Kite a semi electronic group featuring a vocalist jumping around and shouting and a drummer laying down the beats. They were basically the definition of okay, though I enjoyed this other guy in the panda suit on stage (he knew how to work an audience,) Afterwards we continued to wander until we found a fried candy stand. So many times I’d heard about fried candy but never seen it readily available, still full from lunch I decided I’d be back later but my mom got some fried pickles. Actually they weren’t half bad, just imagine a pretty good pickle in a fish n’ chips-like batter with tartar, sounds gross but America has spoken.

By 3:00 I was on my way to check out Big Boi in the Key Arena, my mom just ordering the pickles minutes before would wait outside and checkout some other group. So I walked into the Key Arena to the sound of a booming bass and lyrics being spit out faster than the Flash on laundry day. I’ve heard good things about Big Boi’s solo music but not being much of a hip hop fan I didn’t really know what was going on. Though after a few songs I actually started to get into it, Big Boi along with his co-vocalist, DJ, and drummer did a nice job of getting the audience pumped up always addressing us as “Yo Motherfucking Seattle!”. The house really got into it when ever he delved into Outkast’s back catalog to dust off an old hit. These included; “Ms, Jackson”, “I Like the Way You Move” and my favorite “B.O.B” I can’t believe a person can even speak that quickly.

Afterwards I caught up with my mom near some band named YACHT, kind of a B-52 sounding band, a cute sound I guess. At this point we made our way to the main outdoor stage where some guy, I wanna say Dennis? Was playing funk music, we watched for a few minutes until we decided to check out the beer garden. Inside the garden we both got some Chardonnay that aside from a hint of grape had a fairly disgusting flavor. Bored with the endless jamming of Dennis whatever we decided to wander encountering a delightful street juggler. I’ve always loved street magicians and jugglers so I had to check this out and even though he wasn’t the greatest juggler in the world he was a very finely tuned comedic showman. After this I checked soul singer Charles Bradley for a little bit, he was a great singer but I wasn’t really digging his tunes, whatever.

A few hours and a fried candy bar later we made our way to Key Arena to see Fitz and the Tantrums and then later Hall and Oates. I’d heard of Fitz awhile back and had actually heard the group’s album beforehand so I was well prepared for their R&B laced set. The performance was well polished but some of their songs are definitely better than others. Some of their songs just seem to derivative of preexisting soul songs, but overall it was entertaining, I definitely enjoyed their cover of The Raconteurs “Steady as She Goes” and of course the playing of their infectiously catchy hit song”Moneygrabber.”

About twenty minutes later the long awaited sunday headliners finally took the stage to a fairly full Key Arena. They opened with a slightly altered version of “Maneater” that excellently showcased Daryl Hall’s still marvelous vocal abilities. Oh yeah, Oates was okay too, damn he sure is short though. Most of the songs were enjoyable enough but too many contained cheesy jamming sections that really drew the show out longer than it needed to be. I’d looked online a few days earlier to find that they’ve been playing the same set list for awhile now, it definitely seemed over rehearsed, it’s gotta be fresh every time man! Though I was disappointed by the changes made to classics like “I Can’t Go for That” and “Rich Girl” now with a bluesy piano opening, I still enjoyed seeing these talented musicians show off their chops. “You Make My Dreams” was easily the highlight of the night being one of the few songs played exactly as we all know it and “Private Eyes” was a great closer, there’s something very satisfying about seeing that many people perform the clapping in the chorus.

Seeing that this review is already irrelevant and the fact that I lost interest two paragraphs in probably means I should wrap it up. So in conclusion not a great Bumbershoot but an interesting one. I can’t wait to see who will headline next year… Seals & Crofts? That would suck.

What a tragedy of almost Shakesperian caliber when a classic album segment has to be phoned in, especially to such a talented group. Colin is really the blog’s resident Smiths fan so my outlook comes from more of a casual observer. I listen to the Smiths every now and then though my knowledge of the group is limited. I first heard this album a few years ago and it’s still stuck with me today, at least anytime I’m in the moody for moody alt-dream pop.

There’s the first first question indeed, what genre would you categorize the Smiths as? With Morrissey’s unique tortured pop poet persona and Johnny Marr’s diverse guitar playing, they crafted a sound that stands alone from other bands of the time. It always amazes me when you can get a band from the 80s who haven’t become dated from the decade of drum machines and synths, these guys were just off doing their own thing. Even on their first album The Smiths leisurely seem to move to the beat of their own drum playing morose yet beautiful ballads with more uptempo pop songs.

Even after how ever many years I have trouble separating the individual tracks in my mind. I can usually remember “Reel Around the Fountain” and of course the American version of the album which includes the classic “This Charming Man” a track I’ve always had great affection for. Really I just enjoy the overall sound and how each track seems to effortlessly sway into the next creating a lush texture held together with great pop songs. Someday i’ll find my way into listening to more of The Smiths music when I’m ready and that’ll be a good day.

Favorite Tracks: “Reel Around the Fountain”, “Still Ill” “This Charming Man”

I was a little nervous going into The Witcher 2. The first game didn’t seem as fun to me as everyone else seemed to think it was and I never got that far into it. Like the Elder Scrolls and Fallout franchises, I just didn’t see what they saw in the game. But I could tell that it wasn’t bad and The Witcher 2 came out right when I graduated from college, so I took a leap of faith. I’m glad I did, because I can say, unequivocally, that this is the best game that is a sequel to a game I didn’t play that much of and is also based on a popular series of books I never read. And that’s something.

Geralt of Rivia, the witcher you heard so much about, begins Assassins of Kings locked in the dungeons. This isn’t uncommon for him, since witchers are humans that mutated themselves to become monster hunters. There is a lot of racial tension in this world, with plenty of humans taking a strong anti-elf and dwarf stance. Since Geralt isn’t quite human, he’s an outsider. But more importantly, he’s been accused to killing the king. The game catches you up a little bit and then Geralt is off on a quest to clear his name, one way or another.

The structure of The Witcher 2 is simple enough, each chapter you have a hub town where you can accept quests and explore. There’s plenty to do in this game, especially if you choose to replay it. At a certain point you’re forced to choose between two paths, and the entire game is different from that point. What I liked about that choice, and many of the choices Geralt makes, is that it wasn’t a clear good or evil decision. In this world, everyone’s a jerk and you can never be sure exactly who you should side with, since they might betray you as soon as they’re done using you. It makes the story a lot more engaging than I expected, especially since I came in with practically no lore knowledge.

This is a game that embraces newcomers, while dropping in enough to give returning fans a kick. When Geralt meets up with characters I assume were in the last game or the books, conversations never get too referential, just enough that even I can understand their relationship. I get that Triss is a love interest and Dandlion is a wannabe loverboy without having to have them explained to me. It’s good writing and that’s something I can appreciate.

Assassins of Kings takes a bit of time to learn to play, which isn’t helped by the game’s general lack of tutorials. The first sequence you’ll play through is somewhat demanding for new players, and the game doesn’t help you out. I found the controls a little floatier than I would have desired and lacking in basic functionality and customizability. I ended up playing most of the game with an Xbox controller, which seemed better in some aspects, such as the inclusion of a “loot all” button, something keyboard controls are missing.

This can be quite a difficult game, if you let it. To do well in battle, you’ll have to carefully plan ahead, setting traps and drinking potions to increase your combat ability. Swordplay is simplified to just heavy and quick attacks, forgoing the styles and timing mechanics from the last game. Leveling is a bit more straightforward too, and I made myself quite a beast, making most battles fairly simple by the end of the game. Then again, I played on normal. Maybe I should have adjusted the difficulty when things got too easy.

But I was never not enjoying The Witcher 2. This a great RPG that does everything you could ask of the genre. It engages you with the story, puts a premium on player choice and gives plenty of motivation to explore and quest. That’s about everything I’m looking for. In fact, I better start a new campaign pretty soon, I want to see more of the alternate path.

OK, so I guess I could keep the whole debut album trend going for at least one more week.  And since my summer basically comes to an end this week, I guess it’s kind of fitting that I do an R.E.M. album, since I spent much of the summer getting deeper into these pioneers of alternative rock.  Plus, I think they deserve a better CAT than Sean’s weak attempt.

I guess what makes Murmur such an arresting collection of songs is that it shows the band’s signature sound already fully-realized in a way that wasn’t quite like anything going on in the world of underground or mainstream music.  You’ve got Peter Buck’s jangly guitars, Michael Stipe’s somewhat unintelligable but nonetheless impassioned vocals, and then you’ve got the melodic basslines and soaring back-up vocals from Mike Mills.  These are really the core elements that have stayed at the backbone of R.E.M.’s sound for decades, and though they’ve certainly taken this sound in different directions, you can see on Murmur that they had already stumbled on to something special.

I guess I tend to look at R.E.M. as a band that were sort of a fusion of a lot of the best music that was happening in American rock’s underground from bands like The Feelies and The dB’s in the early ’80s.  However, I think R.E.M. was able to finally achieve mainstream success because for one they stayed together and developed their sound more than those bands, but also because there was undeniable respect for classic pop songwriting in their music.  You can see this in the Byrds-y jangle of songs like “Catapult” or “Sitting Still”, while you can also see R.E.M.’s interest in tender piano ballads, the likes of which would continue to be a big part of their repertoire for years to come.

Honestly, I always feel silly talking about an album that’s as heralded and influential as Murmur, but I guess that just speaks to the importance of the album.  And after going deeper into R.E.M.’s discography this summer, I can say that they’ve put out quite a lot of good music, but I don’t think think they’ve ever sounded better than on this debut.

Favorite Tracks: “Radio Free Europe”, “Moral Kiosk”, “Catapult”

It seems that I was in the minority when I came out in favor of Dragon Age II. The game suffered from a lack of scope, to be sure, but I had fun playing it. The first major DLC for the game was a weapon pack, which probably wasn’t the best strategic move for a game criticized for being a money-grab. Now another weapon pack is coming out, which seems like a really bad idea. But sandwiched between those two item collections came the Legacy DLC, an additional quest that added a bit to the main game’s lore and tried to address the chief complaints leveled against Dragon Age II.

Legacy immediately takes you two a new locale, as if Bioware was trying to apologize for not coming up with enough new settings. Hawke and company track down the dwarven cartel that has been trying to kill them and demand answers. What they get is violent resistance, and a new dungeon to explore; a dungeon that contains some dark secrets and an ancient evil. While it’s an admirable effort to make the game’s locations more diverse, an underground dungeon isn’t that much to look at, making the effort appreciated, but pretty much wasted.

The chief complaint against the combat in Dragon Age II was enemies appearing out of nowhere mid-fight, which as far as I could tell was not an issue in Legacy. The stakes of every battle seemed obvious from the get-go, with all enemies and traps clearly obvious. Legacy introduces a few new enemy types as well, some of whom return from Dragon Age Origins. My only real combat-related complaint is the final boss battle, which relies heavily on your three AI-controlled allies being able to not stand in the fire, a skill that many real life World of Warcraft players still don’t have. As a result, the final battle can either seem unfairly difficult or unusually tedious, depending on the difficulty you’re playing on.

All in all, while it’s not Lair of the Shadow Broker, I think this is a solid piece of DLC for a solid game. It won’t redeem it for anyone who didn’t like Dragon Age II to begin with, but those people probably wouldn’t be shopping for DLC anyway.

Released after the eponymous series’ first season, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers came crashing onto the Super NES at the height of the beat ‘em up genre. Unfortunately it does basically nothing to stand out in the world of brawlers, aside from represent the Power Rangers franchise. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, as a solid game with a hot property slapped on it is often all a kid is asking for when he chooses the game most deserving of his allowance money.

Power Rangers is seven stages long, although five of them are two parters. They play out in a straightforward manner, you’ll run around locations as varied as “park” and “weirdly spacious sewer” beating up putties until the boss shows himself. At that point, you’ll transform into your Ranger alter ego and go through another level of putty massacre. Finally, you’ll fight the boss, then be returned to the character select screen and do it all again. That is, except for the last two levels, which play out like a fighting game as you take on one giant enemy as the Megazord. After that, you’re treated to a cinematic of the gang going for a joyride (no seat belts) and then watching Zack dance at their favorite gym/juice bar.

The in-game model for the Power Rangers is an obvious pallet swap for each ranger, which is a bit disconcerting of the girls. At least for the Pink Ranger, whose uniform had a skirt on it in the show. Less of a problem for the Yellow Ranger, since she was a dude in the Japanese original. 90% of the game is spent defeating putties of various colors, which is not that exciting. The game mixes it up with a few weird robot enemies and the occasional platforming section, but there’s really not much to it. The boss fights are all pretty easy, and against foes that apparently were in the first season of the show, but were not recognizable to me. There’s no sign of Rita, Goldar or even that other guy. Well, Rita does show up after the credits, but you don’t get to fight her or anything. An image of her just shows up in the sky. Maybe that was meant as a hint for the sequel? “Hey kids, maybe we’ll make another game in which you can finally fight the people you care about!”

The biggest surprise for me, when I pulled this game out of the vault, was the weird code I got after the game’s credits. Apparently there actually is a two player mode in this game, but it’s just one-on-one zord vs. giant enemy fighting. It’s essentially the last two stages of the game, but with a human controlling the enemy. That last fight of the game, by the way, was the only time I died in the whole half an hour it took me to beat the game. That last boss has like twice as much health as the Megazord! What do you want me to do?

Anyway, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is a burning hot shot of nostalgia in its first few minutes, and then kind of boring for a while, and then a little bit difficult at the very end. As someone who remembers renting the title and being thoroughly entertained, I was pleased enough with it. But if you don’t have a place in your heart (buried deep down, I’m sure) where you still care about the Power Rangers, you probably would see this game the way it really is: mediocre.

We’ve featured some fairly innovative and cutting edge albums lately, this is not one of them, but I’ll go ahead and tell you that despite what ever preconceived notions you may have, this album is worth listening to. The debut solo album from the frontman of Generation X, Billy Idol’s self-titled debut is pure 80s pop goodness with a little bit of angst that’s rocking’ good fun. No it doesn’t have much credibility when it comes to depth or great songwriting but it’s light listening of the best kind.

Despite his image, Billy’s debut is closer to new wave or pop/rock than punk. It’s an album that’s all about big hooks, catchy choruses and fantastic guitar work by Bill’s longtime guitarist Steve Stevens. Billy may present himself as a punk but unlike most punks he can actually sing. Vocally Billy is more reminiscent of Mick Jagger than someone like Johnny Rotten, with kind of a charismatic swagger and “Do ya think I’m sexy? Roughness.” It opens with a bang with the three best songs on the album and never slows down. Some classics include “White Wedding” and “Hot in the City” as featured in Big though any of these songs were good enough to be singles. Got to give it to Billy, the man knows melody and has fun doing it.

I like to think of Billy Idol as like the Jason Statham of rock and roll. He acts like a tough guy (which is entertaining) and has some talent, but he’s not really respected for his craft. Billy Idol delivered a handful of hits back in the day but there’s not much more than what’s on the surface. Though perhaps I’m digging a little too deep, really shouldn’t the only requirement for a song to be good is for one to like how it sounds? So in that simplified sense I like this album and I like Billy Idol, with all the cheesy artists that came out of the 80s he’s one that’s still kind of cool.

Favorite Tracks: “Come On, Come On”, “Hot in the City”, “White Wedding”

Earlier I mentioned Weezer fans that had grown cynical and even I must admit to being one of those few from time to time. I feel like it used to be cool to like Weezer but now I often feel embarrassed to admit to liking them. Maybe it’s because they’ve gone somewhat cheesy or mainstream (collaborations with ‘Lil Wayne and All American Rejects don’t help), or maybe they’ve just been around too long. Anyway you look at it I don’t think there’s any denying that Weezer’s first two albums contain their best work and some of the best alternative rock of the 90s and that’s what made this night so special. In a way it was like cheap travel and probably somewhat nostalgic for some, I was kind of young back then so I can’t really speak of any nostalgia. I don’t have too much to say about the show but I’ll leave a few comments about what I liked and didn’t and everything in between

Opening Act: The Thermals

After waiting in line for a little over a half an hour the doors opened at about 7:10 and at 8:00 the show began. Going in I didn’t even know there was an opening act, at least I couldn’t find any info about it before the show. Despite being around for almost ten years I’d never heard of the The Thermals, suppose that’s why they were still an opening band. This Pop/Punk trio hailing from Portland gave an energetic performance that was fortunately quick to the point. They kind of reminded me of like an indie rock Green Day which was fun, though I will admit to spacing out in the middle of their set. Though they didn’t drag anything out and seemed fairly grateful to be there so I’ll give em a big sweaty thumbs up, good job.

Weezer: The Blue Album

FInally at around nine, Weezer took the stage to a crowd of anxious fans doing the Weezer hand logo and tore right into “My Name is Jonas”. Right away I was glad to see Patrick Wilson playing drums as I know he’s mostly switched to guitar these days and guess what? He played drums for every single song in both sets, awesome? The arrangements of the songs kept fairly close to the album but with a little less keyboard and no acoustic guitar (until “Butterfly” in the second set.) Rivers Cuomo kept to singing the numbers fairly straightforward, only occasionally pointing to the audience of making Brian Bell sing a part just cause. Though what was really strange was Rivers lack of communication with the audience. Usually he seems to be a pretty interactive and energetic performer but this night it was all business. Maybe he just didn’t feel like it, or maybe he did it for the older Weezer fans who hate what Weezer has become and just came to hear the music? Either way it wasn’t a big deal and highlights from the first half of the show were definitely “In the Garage” and “Holiday.”

Intermission

After finishing a solid rendition of The Blue Album, Weezer left the stage to let long time Weezer archivist/roadie/unofficial fifth member of the band Karl Koch do a slideshow about the early years of Weezer. Karl really made up for the lack of intimacy Rivers had shown towards the audience and gave everyone a few good chuckles. Some of the best parts of the slideshow were early reviews talking about how bad Weezer was, they’re good sports, I enjoyed this segment verily.

Weezer: Pinkerton

Ah, this is what I was really psyched for and I think Pinkerton may have actually overshadowed The Blue Album. Though it definitely doesn’t have the hits that Blue has, on stage it just rocked so hard. The riffs were crunchy the melodies and backup vocals tight and I felt very fortunate to see these songs that don’t see the light of day to often anymore. Really it was all great but my favorite moments were probably; “The Good Life” (My favorite Weezer song), “El Scorcho” and “Why Bother”. The only downer to this whole show was the lack of an encore. I guess twenty songs is a lot but for Weezer to leave the stage after “Butterfly only to come back and play “Blast Off” was very strange. For those who don’t know “Blast Off” was a Weezer rarity that was eventually included on River’s demo solo album and was actually played live for the first time at this show. I felt honored to be a part of that group but it does seem weird to go to a Weezer show without seeing “Island in the Sun” or “Hash Pipe”. This show really was the closest thing to actually traveling back in time.

In a lot of ways, EDF: Insect Armageddon is better than its surprise hit predecessor. The voice cast is better, the controls are significantly tighter and it finally adds the online multiplayer that the previous game so desperately needed. It seems like everything a fan could ask for. But the problem is the last Earth Defense Force game, 2017, came out at a time when you could get away with a being a laughably poor game, and those years of progress reflect harshly on this new, obvious cash grab.

Identifying what’s wrong with Insect Armageddon is as much about identifying what was right with 2017. That game came out in early 2007, before Halo 3, before Bioshock, before XBLA was a serious place to buy quality games. It gave us a new, ridiculous world, where the earth was being invaded by giant insects that also had space ships and robots. Where everyone spoke the dumbest lines with worse acting. Where entire skyscrapers fells after being shot by a machine gun a little. It was a gamer’s game, and it’s ridiculous level of camp matched its inexplicably fun gameplay to make it a cult classic. But when has making a sequel to a cult classic ever worked out?

Insect Armageddon introduces classes to the series, which can be leveled up given enough experience. This means you can play as a jet pack guy, a shield guy or even a turret guy. It also means you can’t access a lot of the weapons you pick up in the game, despite all the classes basically using the same weapon types. So instead of continually upgrading your arsenal, you’re forced to grind out levels as your class of choice. Each class can level up to level 8, I played as the turret guy for the entire campaign and finished just short of level 4. That’s right, over the course of the entire game, I only leveled up twice. A rarely got to try new weapons and didn’t unlock many of the meaningful upgrades to my class. A game like this, where the core gameplay is so repetitive, needs to reward players with constant progress. Insect Armageddon doesn’t do that fast enough. There aren’t even checkpoints, so if you die on a level, all that XP and any new weapons you picked up are just gone.

Dying wasn’t really a concern of mine on normal difficulty, however, since health pickups were plentiful and enemies not that dangerous. If you do fall in combat, you can be resurrected by one of your two AI buddies. They’re probably the funniest part of the game, since one of them is clearly based on Will Smith, he even says “welcome to earth” every once in a while. The rest of the games humor is a little more forced, as you listen to the lady who gives you orders bicker with the less-than-helpful intel guy. Beyond that there’s a weird homage to Captain Sully, and that’s about it for the speaking roles. There’s not really that much of a story, you start fighting giant ants and end fighting robotic giant ants, with a little variety in between.

You’ll spend most of your time in Insect Armageddon firing into hordes of giant insects. When they die, they instantly evaporate, denying you any joy in the results of your carnage. Every once in a while you’ll have to fight a bigger enemy by shooting it in its giant, glowing weak spot. This takes far too long, as enemies show no sign of weakening until they die. Often, I’d find myself just standing in place shooting my endless supply of rockets into my enemy’s space hole, waiting and waiting for it to finally explode. This is the first game in a long time that actually made my trigger finger sore.

Insect Armageddon makes a lot of improvements over 2017, but as everyone knows, unintentionally bad can be hilarious and fun, intentionally bad is no good for anyone. This game’s forced bad dialogue, decidedly poor gameplay variety and slow character progression made it a chore to play. Insect Armageddon simply is not bad enough or good enough to be a worthwhile experience.

Here’s a review of a game I wish I had played last year. Enslaved is the latest game from developer Ninja Theory, the team behind PS3-exclusive Heavenly Sword and the upcoming Devil May Cry reboot DmC. It is a game that does not break new ground, borrowing its action-adventure gameplay heavily from the likes of Uncharted, Prince of Persia and God of War, but wraps around that solid base a story that is simply one of the most engaging I have played in a while.

Much of what makes this game great is its Hollywood ties. Alex Garland (28 Days Later, Sunshine) wrote the story of Enslaved, based on the Chinese classic Journey to the West, the same novel that inspired Dragon Ball. In the distant future, the modern world is in ruins. The only remnants of our civilization are ancient mechs who still do what they where designed to do: kill humans. The few people that are left face the constant threat of abduction by slavers. As the game begins, Monkey, a muscular wild man and Trip, a brainy lady, manage to escape a slaver transport. Monkey is knocked out, so Trip puts a mind control headband on him, which wounds Monkey if he disobeys her and kills him if she dies. Trip enlists Monkey’s help in getting back to her home some 300 miles away.

Andy Serkis plays Monkey and I imagine he did a lot of mocap for this game as well, just like Heavenly Sword. We’re living in a post-L.A. Noire world, so I can’t say these are the best in-game performances I’ve seen, but they’re close. The interactions between Monkey and Trip are shockingly nuanced and make the story rather touching. It helps that the whole game is beautiful, set in a vibrant, largely desolate world that is so much more colorful than most games these days. There are plenty of cinematics that seamlessly integrate with the gameplay and overall the game feels a little bit like Avatar. Except you can play it.

The combat in Enslaved is your basic heavy attack/light attack fare, with counters, evades and simple combos to keep it interesting. Your only weapon is a staff (the legendary extending staff that Goku also had) which can shoot blasts of plasma that damage or stun enemy mechs too. But getting to enemies is far more interesting that actually destroying them in this game. You often don’t stand at chance at a distance, so you’ll have to maneuver around cover and rely on Trip to distract enemies while you close in on them. It’s simple, but it adds a nice puzzle element to the game. To mix it up further, there are turret sections, races on your hover disc (called your cloud) and plenty of platforming. Platforming in Enslaved is pretty worry-free, as the game straight up won’t let you jump to your death in almost all situations. Instead, you just jump along an obvious linear path, which discourages exploration, but adds to the game’s cinematic quality.

Enslaved was a delight to play and it’s haunting ending will probably make it stick with me for a long time. The poor game sold terribly, probably because it came out in the packed Q4 2010 without much marketing behind it. During these slow summer months, there hasn’t been a lot new to play, which I why I would encourage you to seek this one out. It’s got to be pretty cheap by now and it certainly is worth a look.

If you are reading this the apes have won… Or at least they’ve won over audiences with back to back weekends at the top of the box office and glowing reviews. It’s one of those things you can’t believe until you see it. “Really people like this movie? This?” and now that I’ve seen it I get it and I’m glad I went to it. Who would of thought you could breathe some fresh air into a franchise that as far as I’m concerned has been dead for over forty years? Sure it bears little resemblance to the series made famous by Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall, and let’s not forget the author of the original book Pierre Boulle, but Rise still embodies the original series’ spirit of rebelling against a over controlling society and it’s only about a million times better than that god awful Tim Burton/Mark Wahlberg fiasco.

Summed up it’s about scientist Will Rodman (James Franco) and his search for a cure for Alzheimers, which his dad Dick Solomon, I mean John Lithgow suffers from. The serum and later some kind of gas I guess is tested on apes, vastly increasing their intelligence, most notably in the case of a test subject’s offspring that Franco names Caesar (Andy Serkis.) After the collapse of the project we find Will raising and bonding with Caesar while advancing his research. Yada, yada, Caesar misbehaves, ends up in an ape rescue, and eventually leads the apes to rebel against society.

Rise is more or less one of those “man plays god with nature” morality tales that Michael Crichton might of dreamed up when working on projects like Jurassic Park or Congo. Though the scientific aspect is clearly rushed it keeps the rhythm of the film loose and still exciting. The filmmakers have found a delicate balance where the senses aren’t being too overloaded by mindless action or pointless scientific jargon. It’s pacing is light and fun but it still has something to say, so I suppose you could say it’s the thinking man’s summer blockbuster. Very appropriately it operates much in the same way as some of the disaster/sci-fi flicks of the 70s, like Soylent Green or Omega Man (both with Charlton Heston). Those being solid action flicks that still made an attempt to say something whether it was about nature or civil rights or whatever. So it’s refreshing to see a movie that although appearing to be made for no more than monetary gain actually has a story, something I haven’t received much of this summer.

I don’t know that it would of been possible to make this movie without it being a little silly so that’s something that didn’t bother me. Even the original is silly to some extent, so I’m not going to criticize this movie for being a little “out there.” One last thing before I wrap this up is that I must give praise to the motion capture work of the apes, it’s amazing how much they could carry the plot. In a way the apes are the real stars here and James Franco is just kind of like a prop. So if you haven’t already, I recommend you see the latest in this lengthy franchise, it’s a nice break from movies that just go “Boom, boom, bam!” guess that means it’s time to split.

It’s fitting that last week John did The Feelies’ Crazy Rhythms for a CAT, because whenever I listen to that album I almost always feel like listening to The dB’s debut as a sort of geeky double feature.  I guess these two albums just always remind me of each other because besides being released around the same time, they both embody this jittery brand of nerd-rock that I just find really irresistible.

The biggest difference between these bands has to do with the fact that The dB’s sound is much more indebted to the power-pop genre, while The Feelies’ sound was bent more towards kinetic noodling.  The dB’s certainly have their more avante-garde moments on Stands For Decibels with songs like “She’s Not Worried” and “Tearjerkin’”, which were written by singer/guitarist Chris Stamey.  However Pete Holsapple’s songs in particular, as well as the album as a whole displays a true knack for classic pop songwriting, which is matched wonderfully by the band’s willingness to bash the songs out with much gusto.

I guess it makes sense that The dB’s were fairly misunderstood in their time, as that seems to be the case for most of the great power pop bands, be it Big Star or The Defenestrators.  The early eighties were marked by the post-punk and hardcore bands that were thriving in music’s underground while new wave was thriving in the top 40, and The dB’s didn’t really fit into either of those movements though they certainly show faint traces of the latter.  But it does often seem like the bands that are most enjoyable to listen to in hindsight are the ones that kind of just did their own thing, and didn’t tie themselves to any particular trend.

Favorite Tracks: “Black And White”, “Big Brown Eyes”, “I’m In Love”

For me, this summer has pretty much been one big ball of barren blandness in terms of new music, there’s just hasn’t been a whole lot that I’ve latched on to.  So I was pleasantly surprised when I decided to venture a bit outside my usual indie rock fare, and check out the latest release from R&B virtuoso Raphael Saadiq, who appears to just now be really hitting his stride as an artist.  It’s one of those rare albums that’s firmly entrenched in the past, but still somehow manages to frequently transcend it’s obvious ’60s influences.

In a post-Amy Whinehouse world, neo-soul seems even more like a genre that doesn’t really have any right to have much relevance.  Well as a long-time producer of modern soul artists such as D’Angelo, Joss Stone, and John Legend, as well as a member of ’90s R&B group Toni! Toni! Tone!, I think Saadiq is just an old pro when it comes to R&B/Soul, and the dude just knows how to pull from all the right influences.  You can see obvious homages to Sly & The Family Stone (“Heart Attack”), Chuck Berry (“Radio”), early James Brown (“Day Dreams”), and a plethora of different ’60s sounds all over Stone Rollin’.  However, you always get a sense of Saadiq’s own personality in lieu of these familiar sounds, as he’s always willing to use plenty of unorthodox ways of reshaping the sounds of the past to fit his own funky vision.

Saadiq also seems willing to mix in non-R&B influences, such as the gritty garage rock of “Over You”, or the hip-hop infused “Good Man”.  Sometimes the album is brimming with a few too many different sounds, but either way it serves as a loving tribute to the music of the past, while making those sounds still feel fresh and vital today.  Basically Stone Rollin’ is a testament to the idea that you can still make exciting and enjoyable music without having to be young and innovative, or pandering to those damn kids with their dubstep and their Odd Futures.

Favorite Tracks: “Go To Hell”, “Over You”, “Day Dreams”

On Friday, Nintendo reduced the price of the 3DS portable console to $169.99 – making it a tempting purchase for anyone who was on the fence. I hadn’t bought a new Nintendo handheld since 2006 (my DS Lite) and when I learned about Walmart dropping the price early, I decided to pounce. You see, to compensate early adopters who felt cheated, Nintendo is giving out 20 free NES and GBA game downloads as part of the 3DS Ambassador program. Now I am a 3DS Ambassador as well. But is the system worth your money if you can’t become an Ambassador? Was it worth my money?

The design of the 3DS definitely reminds me of my DS Lite, it’s even about the same size. Nintendo added a circle pad above the D-pad, which is surprisingly comfortable to use – a real step up from the PSP’s one. The stylus storage area was moved to the back of the system, making it a bit of a chore to get your GameBoy pen out unlike the DS Lite, where you could slide it out of the side easily. The system is light, the buttons sufficiently comfortable and the look of the console is nice; I’m a fan.

The most notable feature of the console is the top screen, with its widescreen aspect ratio and 3D capability. The glasses-free 3D does definitely work and look really good in a game like Ocarina of Time 3D. I didn’t experience any eye fatigue using the console, although it did feel a little weird just looking at the screen correctly the first few times. Like 3D movies, the effect here is all about depth, not pop, which I think is probably the way to go. Not having to wear the glasses is really nice, although it leaves you very little room to move around. You have to hold the 3DS exactly right, or your eyes won’t be able to see the screen correctly. I didn’t think it was that big a deal, but it might be if you spend most of your time playing in bed or somewhere where you can’t sit comfortably. Overall, I think the 3D is really cool, but probably unnecessary. Playing games in 3D is not really that different from playing games in 2D. Which is why it’s nice you can turn the 3D off if you want. In fact, Nintendo encourages that for players under six.

The 3DS also has three cameras, which enables it to do some cool stuff. It has two cameras on the back, which you can use to take pictures in 3D and play neat ARG games. The system comes with cards that the camera will recognize and bring to life right before your eyes. It’s a really neat effect and, as Colin put it, it’s great that I can finally play games set in my room. The system also sports a gyroscope so you can move around in those ARG games and other games as well, although I think it’s silly to move a console around that you need to look at in a precise way.

The big downside of the 3DS is the battery life. Allegedly the system only lasts a few hours with all the features turned on. You can turn the 3D off, adjust the brightness, turn off WiFi, and turn on power saver mode to get more time out of the system, but that’s still not great. Personally, I always put my 3DS on the included dock when I’m not using it and I haven’t had it die on me yet. But this could definitely be a problem if you’re counting on your 3DS for a long flight or something else where you simply can’t charge it for a while. Ask yourself if it’s a deal breaker, because knowing Nintendo there probably will be a new, better 3DS coming down the pipeline next year.

I’m pretty impressed with my 3DS. It’s really fun to play with and a cool gadget to own. That said, there aren’t that many games for it yet, especially if upgraded N64 ports aren’t your thing. So while I really enjoy the 3DS, I think the wisest thing for anyone to do at this point is wait for that one game you really want and get the 3DS then. You never know what Nintendo has up their sleeve.

This week’s album was an interesting discovery for myself considering how I actually stumble on this fine little nugget of an album. I was watching Jonathan Demme’s 1986 film Something Wild a while back when I noticed this offbeat little band playing in the background of a scene between Jeff Daniels and Melanie Griffith. So just for a lark I looked the band up and what a surprise, they weren’t half bad. In fact their debut album was and still is lauded as one of the best albums of 1980 and why not? In an era dominated by new wave and other relatively gimmicky sub-genres it’s amazing to see there were bands that just inhabited their own little world. The Feelies are often considered to be “Post-Punk” but if you ask me this is a definite precursor to modern indie guitar rock.